Thursday, May 29, 2014

3BT: Random Days

1. Hubby said during one of our talks, "Why would anything go wrong when I have you?"

Bless him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D

He's not a traditional romantic guy, but he has his moments and I think because it's unpredictable when he can be this romantic, these moments get even more precious.

2. Seeing someone who clearly enjoys what he or she is doing (for example singing). I'm rooting for James Smith:

3. Sunbathing outside in the yard without being bothered by mosquitoes (it's 18'C outside and sunny YAY!).

4. Doing number 3 above while drinking cold blended fruit juice made of strawberries, cloudberries, grapes, bananas, and an apple (no additional sugar). Refreshing!

5. Been playing a lot of Wii Cardio Workout (boxing) and noticing the changes in my body. My upper arms look more toned than before! I'm going to continue!

6. Hubby has been trying the same Wii game and sometimes we play side-by-side he he he he...It's more fun that way! :-D 

7. Planting some pansies outside and then adding an additional sunflower in a pot because I found a cheap one ha ha ha...(photos will be uploaded later). Summer is here! :-D 

8. Staying away from Facebook has done me a world of good. These days I only check it out for brief moments during the day and I don't post as regularly anymore. Ah...bliss!

Monday, May 26, 2014

Reindeer Photos

Last Friday we went to Kelujärvi again and there I saw some reindeer. Unfortunately they were more scaredy than the ones I saw in the past, so I couldn't get a good close-up, but I managed to take some photos of them running away LOL!!!

Now here they were running away from me ha ha ha ha...

It was raining cats and dogs when we were driving back from there at around 9 pm. Just crazy rain. It rarely rains that way here, so whenever it happens, it feels a bit surreal he he...

Oh, before I forgot, here's also a photo of the blazing sunset I saw a few days ago. It was around 1 am and I was still up. I looked outside and just had to get out to take some pics. Breathtaking colours! 

Lots of buds have popped up and I've bought some pansies and planted them in the yard (different coloured ones). My sinus is acting up again, so I've been taking some allergy pills. Thank goodness this week is supposed to be a rather smooth return to work after my week holiday last week ha ha...Okay, I'm going to blog-hop later.


Saturday, May 24, 2014

First Summery Day

I've been busy this holiday week with spring cleaning, a car trip, and garden cleaning that I haven't had time/energy to blog or blog-hop. Last Monday was the first summery day here. The temperature was 21'C, so I decided to go on a bike ride because I also needed to buy some groceries. 

Here are some photos I took. The grass in the photos aren't green yet, but they are green now. :-) In less than just a week there are so many buds already showing up here and there and the green grass just makes it clearer that summer is here, though the nights can still be pretty cold. 

Sign of summer: sandals! :-D It felt nice to ride my bike without having to wear any jacket ha ha ha ha...Btw, those sandals are kiddies' size (that's why they're decorated - size 35). Cheaper than adult sandals LOL!!! :-D And yes, in the fourth picture you can still see some ice in the river, though it's melted away now. 

That day I also saw two ducks in the river, so here are two photos...In the second photo, the duck was staring at me LOL! :-D I love the track it leaves behind, don't you? :-D

I spent two days cleaning the windows and changing the curtains ha ha ha ha ha...also did more exercise, which was good, too, though I overdid it twice, so some days it was hard to get up and move (my legs were especially sore) LOL!!! I've taken more photos ever since Monday, but I'm going to share them later.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

The Introvert Cave

I've been taking sabbatical by going into my Introvert Cave. I desperately need it every now and then, because sometimes I feel like my cup is overflowing with too many thoughts, ideas, information that it just refuses to take anymore and before I reach the burnout point, I need to take a step back and just be. I believe that there's only so much a brain can take at a given point in time, there's only so much one can give at a period of time before the brain and the heart need to take some time off.

The Introvert Cave is one of my fave dwelling places. I can read things I'm interested in reading, but I can also stay away from things that I don't want to read (like visiting FB where inadvertently I'll be reading random thoughts and info about other people's lives randomly). Enough is enough. Self-care is important as well. I also listen to a lot of music during this time, as well as instrumental music.

During my Introvert Cave period, I always feel lighter. It's like taking a short break in nature without having to interact with other people too much. I think the benefit of staying in the Introvert Cave every now and then is like an excellent full-body massage - the difference is that the benefit is felt by the mind and soul instead of the body. But hey, if it's good for the mind and soul, wouldn't it also benefit the body? :-D

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm rambling here. I didn't exactly prepare this post, so I was just typing whatever came to my mind. :-D Ahem. Anyway, I saw this quote a while ago in FB.

Source: here

I was wondering why I couldn't choose number 1 AND 3. I know that it only works if the thing that you let define you makes you feel that you have a cause to work for. It wouldn't work if the thing that you let define you makes you feel like a victim, but I think it can work if the thing that you let define you makes you feel like a survivor and then you let it strengthen you.

Case in point: in the beginning, I felt like a victim of infertility and I was so angry in so many ways, but these days I feel like a survivor that enjoys sharing infertility links to many people in order to spread awareness. I think many people have survived this way through bad things: to find a cause or something that they feel can be of use to other people after they've experienced a tragedy.  

What do you think, readers? 

Friday, May 16, 2014

3BT: Random Days

1. This month I managed to save more money for our upcoming Indo/Singapore trip. YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!! Thankful to have a job still.

2. Next week I'll have my first batch of summer holiday (not going anywhere because need to save money for the Indo/Sgp trip and hubby has to work), but looking forward to recharging and doing some spring cleaning and reading. :-D Oh, and daydreaming about having this in Indo:

3. Hubby's patience, sense of humor, and good nature. I rarely see him in a bad mood (well, except when his computer does weird stuff but that's understandable because at work he's been battling with computers anyway) but he tolerates me so well when I'm in a bad mood. In fact, he often makes me laugh when I'm in a bad mood (don't ask me how, he just does!). How amazing is that?

4. Writing this fun piece for a writing challenge entitled: "If I was the woman next door..."

If I was the woman next door, I'd spend more time playing to my heart's content and sleeping. I would come and go as I please, knowing that when I come back home, someone will welcome me with open arms and heart. I would spend less money on clothing and make-up and just present myself au naturel, because I believe I look best that way. Oh, but I do like grooming myself to the best of my ability. That's for sure.

If I was the woman next door, I'd say no when I'm not in the mood to say yes and I would reject visitors without feeling bad about it. Baby shower? No, sorry, not interested. Laser party with my best friends? Bring it on!

If I was the woman next door, I wouldn't befriend anyone that I didn't feel like befriending, either. And I surely wouldn't even think that I'm not doing anything productive by doing nothing, because that's when I recharge and regroup after all the fun and rewarding activities I've done. Here I am doing nothing...auuummmm...recharge...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Whoops! Sorry, this whole recharging thing just made me kinda sleepy. Let me get back on track.

Where was I? Oh yeah...if I was the woman next door, I'd demand plenty of hugs and kisses and delicious food from my housemate. I'd also focus more on the present than the future or the past. What exciting thing that I can do right now? Is there anything worth doing at the moment? Sleeping perhaps? Or cuddling with my housemate? Eyeing the next door neighbour to check out what he's doing? Anyway, focusing on the present is far more urgent, because don't they say that the present is a gift? But well, maybe I get this all wrong, because after all, I'm just a cat. Meow.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Splat Cat

I've seen pictures of Splat Cat on the internet and since then I've been dying to try it out, but never really did it. Today I realized that it was sunny outside (around 9'C) and there's still some snow left in our yard (in the spots that get less sunshine), so I went out and made one.

Here are two pics of it. One from a regular angle and another one taken from down there. I tried taking one from above but didn't turn out too well (sorry, I'm too short LOL!). Decided to just use a stick as the tail. :-D

Friday, May 09, 2014

Approaching Mother's Day in Finland

I've written a tribute for a group of women like me, the ones that wanted to be mothers but for some reason couldn't and have now walked on the path of healing from childlessness after infertility. 

Here's my are not alone! I'm sending you lots of virtual HUGS through this letter (click to see a bigger resolution):

In this post I'd also like to address a certain misconception concerning childlessness after infertility. You see, even though we've moved on from TTC (trying to conceive) to life without children and we've enjoyed life as a family of two, that doesn't mean that the impact of infertility is gone altogether. Childlessness after infertility is a permanent state, not a temporary situation. It's a lifelong situation which also affects us even further away in our future. It doesn't stop at just the dream of being a mother. It's much much more than that. Childlessness after infertility is about rows and rows of buried dreams: dream of conceiving, feeling the child growing inside you, giving birth, breastfeeding, turning your husband into a father and your parents and in-laws into grandparents, the possibility of becoming a grandmother, the chance to have your own flesh-and-blood, the chance to be a major impact on someone's life that is your own flesh-and-blood, etc. 

I've read so many stories about how in the future when a friend's child gets married, a woman like me is reminded of her own loss and she needs to grieve all over again. It doesn't hurt as much anymore, but the pang is there. The grief doesn't stop just at the motherhood dream after your peers have stopped multiplying. The grief keeps on coming like waves, though the frequency and the power has lessened over time, but the only way to handle grief is to grieve. So don't wonder why even in the future we still need to grieve our losses over and over again.

Childlessness after infertility is like losing a real person that you love and miss so much, but the difference is that you have no sweet memories to hold on to that can comfort you, so with so many reminders all around you: pregnancy announcements, baby bumps, your friends' babies, baby showers, Mother's Day, Father's Day, your friends' children's graduation, your friends' children's engagement parties, etc. the only thing you can do is wonder what your child would be/look like if they were alive at that age and feel the built up longing you feel towards your own non existent child. And unlike losing a real person (or even a pet), many people don't even validate your grief because they think that your loss is not real (esp. in cases where one has never gotten pregnant). Again I must stress here that the pain we feel isn't as deep and agonizing like the way it was in the past, but we are humans with feelings and we still feel some pangs every now and then. 

However, I'd also love to add here that the impact of childlessness after infertility isn't all negative. Not at all. I have met so many wonderful and inspirational ladies in my journey that I wouldn't have met otherwise and I've definitely learnt so many more things about myself and so many lessons along the way. This is one of the lessons I've learnt among others: creating my own inner best friend. :-)

Anyway, if you're interested in reading about more misconception about people like us in our infertility journey as well as how much it can affect friendship, go here: 

I'd love to end this post by saying THANK YOU for all of you who have been sensitive and empathetic towards our journey. THANK YOU as well for all those people (mostly women) out there who have been very open with their infertility journey, because they help me make decisions in terms of our own infertility journey and be more realistic concerning my healing journey. THANK YOU for each one of you who are willing to open your heart and mind towards this world called infertility or childlessness after infertility.  

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Snow Bunnies!

It snowed for hours again last Saturday, though the temperature stayed around 5'C so the snow didn't pile up the way it was days before. On Sunday I was thinking of clearing up some bits of snow from the yard, but then decided to make a snowman instead. This time I ended up making a snow bunny he he he he he he...actually I made two versions of it. I decided to make use of the rest of the snow, considering this is probably the last time I can make a snowman this year. Imagine making a snowman in the beginning of May! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

It was much easier to make the snowball and mold it compared to when the temperature was 0'C or -1'C with no sun. It was around 4'C at that time and the sun was shining, so the snow got wet enough. When it was 0'C or -1'C without any sun, it was much harder work to make the snowball and mold it the way I wanted it to.

Anyway, while making the snow bunny, I had a feeling that someone was watching me, so I turned around a few times but couldn't see anyone. What a disturbing feeling! 

Here are some pics of my snow bunnies. The first one is a plain one and the second one is a spotted one (decorated by orange peels LOL!). Which one do you like best? I wanted to make the ears bigger and longer, but I was afraid they'd flop and fall down and end up ruining the ears altogether, so I stuck with these smaller ones. I also tried changing the mouth with the orange peels, but they kept on falling off, so I decided to use the same material for the mouth as the first version.

After I was done, I took some pictures and after that I wanted to show it off to R2. He said calmly, "Oh, I've seen it."

I asked back, "When?"

He replied, "While you were making it."

HUHHHH?!?!?!?! So he was the one who made me feel like someone was watching me! My instinct was right! Turned out he was having coffee in the kitchen at that time, so he had full access to my snowman making activity LOL LOL!!! No wonder!!!

P.S. I tagged my brother on the first bunny pic in FB and he wrote, "The bunny looks possessed!" ARRRGGGHHH!!! How dare he! I'm going to spank him when I get back to Indo later this year LOL!!! Just kidding! ;-P

Sunday, May 04, 2014

Cute Squirrel Strikes Back!

On May Day holiday, we went to visit MIL and I decided to bring my camera along just in case, because the last time we went there, I didn't have my camera and I saw a squirrel outside her yard. We got lucky again because indeed the squirrel came over ha ha ha ha's still partly in its winter coat (greyish), which will turn reddish in summer. 

Here are some photos that I took. It let me stand about a few metres away while it was busy munching food. As long as I stayed still in my spot near the door, it wouldn't run away he he he...

Now it's on alert mode...

Back to eating...

I just LOVE taking pics of it from different angles ha ha ha ha...Here are two pics of it on a swing. LOVE LOVE LOVE those cute paws!

Last photo...

And here's the video clip. I was going to publish this post last night, but the editing process for the video took SO long (had to stabilize it and make it brighter), so enjoy! If you hear a tingaling-aling sound in the video clip, it's the sound of particles of icy snow falling to the ground blown by the strong wind, making the squirrel alert and in the end it ran away.