However, after that moment was gone, I realized that I was actually looking forward to ending this type of physical training. First of all, it doesn't really help me improve my Finnish. I mostly do my job alone and even if someone else works together with me, we can't possible talk much while working, 'coz sometimes she's working other rooms or she's cleaning the toilet while I put the sheets in the bedroom.
Secondly, December (and I guess January) would be such a hectic period (otherwise why would they recruit me only during those months, right?). They've told me during the interview that they wouldn't pay any overtime money (instead workers are allowed to take some days off later on).
If the job is mostly cleaning job again (which I believe it'd be) and I'd definitely be doing overtime, I'll be DEAD exhausted and it's not going to help us in getting myself pregnant. We've been trying for 15 months now and I'll be gone for a month in November, so if I'm going to "lose" two more months 'coz of doing this type of physical job, then I'll be damned!!! After all, we're not exactly in our 20's anymore. R2 is going to turn 39 already next year, so we have to try our best every month.
Thirdly, I've been toying with the idea of opening my own online business. I know that this means unpredictability, especially 'coz the global financial situation is so bad these days, but it'll give me the freedom to do many things (other than become my own boss). I don't know yet what kind of things I want to sell in my online store, but I still have time to think about it and do some research. I figured that before my business grows, I'll have plenty of time to read Finnish novels and add my vocabulary and sentence structures (with the hope that in the future I'll be able to write stories to sell in Finnish - I have to admit that the phone call from the magazine people gave me the encouragement to pursue this option).
So, yesterday I declined the job offer, although I did thank my boss for offering me the job. I felt a HUGE relief wash over me after I made that decision. :-))))
The thing is...I've realized that in this village, it's SO hard to find a job that suits me...the kind of job that I may enjoy (other than cleaning jobs). I'm getting tired of moving around from one training place to another without getting a job offer...or getting a job offer that doesn't suit me. Although I realize that I do learn many things from doing different types of training, but still...Call me an idealist if you want, but I don't want to work only for the money (not if I still have other options). I want to feel passionate about what I'm doing.
Anyway, it's hard to find a suitable job here 'coz naturally (understandably) business owners or bosses here don't really trust my abilities yet...I don't even know what kind of job would suit me here in this village (remember that there aren't any international companies here). It's just still so blurry. I applied for a job as a cashier a few months ago in a clothing store, but I never heard anything from them. I guess recruiting a Finnish person would definitely be more advantageous for them rather than recruiting me (plus they'd be wondering how well I can speak/understand Finnish).
Because of these disadvantages I started thinking about opening my own online business. I figured that opening an online store won't cost me as much money as opening a real store here where I have to rent a place etc. I know if I truly open my online business in the future, I'll have to deal with so much paperwork and I have to do my own tax report and that's going to be tough, but at least I'm doing it for MYSELF.
Anyway, it's pretty scary for me just to think of the possibility of opening my own online store, 'coz it's SO unpredictable, but it gives me some sort of freedom, you know? Well, we'll see how I fare in this country. :-D
