Technology: Then and Now

In this modern age where kids start using computers at such a young age, it seems that my childhood was like a "caveman period" for the new generation of kids. The other day in Facebook someone posted somebody else's picture that made me laugh so much.

It was a picture of a cassette and a pencil next to it. Below it is written: Kids These Days Wouldn't Know The Link Between These Two Objects.

It took me a split second to realize what it meant, then I started laughing. I remember the first time I had ever bought my own cassette. It was a NKOTB (New Kids on The Block) cassette which my cousin and I played over and over again on the tape recorder. One time it was jammed and the roll of tape got entangled inside the tape recorder (see the pic below). I had to stop it and take it out manually and then roll it back neatly using the help of the pencil. However, the second time it happened, I had to actually open the case of the cassette and roll it into place by hand VERY VERY slowlyyyyy so that it wouldn't slip 'coz then I'd have to do it all over again...

glitter-graphics.com

Today I've also been talking to another hometown girl who's just married a Finnish guy and has just moved to Finland two months ago. They also met online, but I realized how different it was back then when I started getting to know Arttu and the time she spent online with him.

She told me that they spent a lot of time sending messages via Facebook because it was cheaper than sending SMSes. When I first got to know Arttu better in 2000, mobile phone providers had just started their SMS services. Back then I still had my 56 Kbps modem to connect to the internet (yeah, so very slow!), so for me it was much cheaper to send SMSes compared to being online all the time. These days in Indonesia there are so many internet providers with faster connections and cheaper prices, so it's natural that it's getting cheaper to connect with people via Facebook or Blackberries compared to sending SMSes.

Talking to the younger generation makes me feel like I came from a distant age and time ha ha ha ha...It doesn't necessarily mean I feel old, though, but it's such a huge contrast that happened in just a few years (I was still using the 56Kbps when I left Indo in 2007 and nowadays the internet connection can be as fast as 1Mbps or even faster than that - depending on what kind of services you subscribe to).

When I look back to my childhood, I remember so many wonderful traditional children's games that we had with my friends and neighbours. Kids these days don't know those wonderful games anymore 'coz they grow up with Wii and stuff like that. These are some of the wonderful games that we played in the olden days:

Congklak
Bola Bekel (explanation can be found in the middle of the page)
Hopscotch

There are also some running/jumping games, but I don't really remember the rules anymore nor could I find any info in English. All I knew was that we had so much fun!!! :-D

3BT: Random Days

1. Hubby picking up some dirt from my face tenderly.

2. After letting him choose which of the two slices he wanted, hubby let me eat the best slice of the blueberry pie that MIL made (the one that had the most blueberries on it). :-D

3. Being able to match our free days (R2 took a few days off 'coz he'd accumulated plenty of overtime) and being able to enjoy those days blissfully together. :-D

picture source: www.glitter-graphics.com

4. Playing hide-and-seek a little when I got back from my evening shift and I ran around the house when hubby tried to greet me and give me a hug. It was really EXHILARATING to to be chased HA HA HA HA HA...

5. The mug I ordered online for someone turned out to be perfect (this is the first time I had ever ordered a mug online). Now can't wait to give it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D

6. Banged my head accidentally to a kitchen cabinet and hubby rubbed the place where it hurt and blew my pain away. :-D (Yeah, I'm spoiled!!!)

7. Giggling uncontrollably while remembering this old incident: Hubby tried a nose clip that was advertised to help reduce snoring, but during the night he had a dream that he was eating something and he was chewing the nose clip that he probably took out in his sleep. He woke up after he felt something weird in his mouth and took it out. ROFL ROFL ROFL...

Moon Pictures...

R2 took a few days off to match my days off with his. We were planning to go to the cabin but 'coz the temperature has been so cold and the cabin is without electricity or heater or indoor toilet, it wouldn't be too nice to spend a night there 'coz R2 will have to burn firewood over and over again during our stay there (including during the night when we sleep), so we've been spending quality time at home.

Because I have work this weekend, we went to my MIL's place today already and over there I took a few pics. Here they are...temperature was around -27'C, photos taken at around 2 pm.

The Wrong Relationship

Yesterday one foreign customer complimented my beauty. He himself is an expat who has lived in Finland for 20 years. He said he had always been attracted to eyes like mine - he called them special. I thanked him for his compliment and this incident reminded me of my past.

Back in Indo, ever since I was young, I never felt especially beautiful. I never felt ugly, either, but I knew what people considered "beautiful" - those who have bigger eyes, not a girl like me (case in point: in many Asian countries, those people who have slanted eyes try to make their eyes look BIGGER when they put on make-up. If you still don't believe me, just try googling Japanese manga series and you'll see that the idealized female person there has big eyes instead of slanted Japanese eyes. Want more proof? Try googling double eyelid surgery in Korea. So many people there have been getting the surgery to make their eyes look bigger.)

Anyway, when I was 19 going on 20, I met this guy online who made me feel especially beautiful. I knew he was a bad boy, but he was the first one ever who made me feel that I "shone among the others" (so to speak). He also taught me how to be open and by being open to him and still being accepted as who I was, I was drawn to him. He was the total opposite of me.

I knew our relationship was doomed from the start, but I did one of the most cliched mistakes a girl could ever make. I thought I could be the one who turned the bad boy into a good boy. Yep. Silly little me. We broke up not long after we met in real life. I realized even more after we met that we were just too different and there was no way I could ever change him. After all, we can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, right?

There were times when I wished I could erase that part of my life, but now that I think about it...by making that mistake, I have learnt so much. First of all, I've learnt how to be open to people. Secondly, by having that short relationship, I learn how to set boundaries and thirdly I figured out what kind of qualities I was looking for in a guy.

When I had that brief relationship, I had been emailing with R2 as well, though we weren't too close yet. After I broke up with my first boyfriend and I got to know R2 even more and more, I realized that he was the one I was looking for all along. We're more in tune with each other and there are some similarities that make it easier for us to understand each other. R2 makes me feel safe because he's a steady person and he really tries his best to bridge the gap between us. Most of all, he's always brought up the best in me - and even more so in real life.

However, if I hadn't had the wrong relationship, I may have not been ready to be open with R2 and everything might have ended up differently. Because I could be open with R2 and I allowed myself to be vulnerable, he also felt more at ease to show me his vulnerability. That created so much closeness between us. And because at that time I knew already what type of qualities I looked for in a guy, I recognized them easily when R2 and I began to get to know each other better.

Anyway, back to the topic of beauty. Beauty is really tricky, don't you think? I think as time goes by, I've begun to appreciate more and more the individual beauty of people, including myself. While back in my past, I craved for other people's appreciation of my outer beauty, nowadays I hope I've learnt even better how to view people through God's eyes - that He's woven each one of us in a mother's womb...that each one of us is His beloved.

Blessed!

Lately I've been thinking about blessings and how sometimes when someone says "I'm blessed" in specific ways that we are deprived of, it may make us feel that they have earned the blessings and that we aren't doing something good enough to make us earn those blessings. And vice versa...

Today a light bulb flicked in my head and I created this using a pic I took a few years ago:

A Child's Innocent Embrace

The other day at work an old lady came to pay for her groceries, but she said to me that she didn't want the milk carton that she took 'coz she had taken the wrong one. Mind you that the milk section was at the back of the store, so I told her to just leave it at the cashier so that I could return it to the original place later on.

After serving a few more customers, there was nobody in line, so I took the milk carton and ran to the back of the store 'coz I didn't want the next customers to wait too long for me to get back. While running on the fourth aisle with the milk carton in my hand, I spotted a little girl in the middle. She was standing there in the middle of the aisle, halfway between me and where the rest of the milk was at the back of the store.

We locked our gaze at one point and we realized who it was we were looking at. She's this little girl who's been really friendly to me ever since we met at the store 1,5 years ago. Her parents are also very friendly and she has a little sister. At that time, her parents and little sister were near the milk section.

Anyway, when the little girl saw me, she smiled so widely and started RUNNING towards me with arms wide open...In my hurry, I couldn't break her heart. She probably thought that I was running towards her!!! (FYI: She did this once when they were at the store and she saw me from afar) So when we were close to each other, I stopped, knelt down, and gave her a hug.

I was a bit worried what her parents might think of me hugging her, but from the side of my eyes, I could see them turning around at us and laughing. Phew!!! She really made my day that day! :-D Before then, all we had ever exchanged were words and smiles and occasionally I gave them some candies he he...

Anyhow, here are some photos I took with my mobile camera (not such good quality), but anyway...


2nd pic: The sun peeping from behind the trees at around 2.30 pm yesterday. Felt marvelous to be able to see it again after such a long time!


3rd pic: The back of a hotel in Sodankylä.


4th pic: Very light pinkish sky.

3BT: Random Days

1. Hearing a female customer said, "Look! Your fave sweets are on sale!" to her hubby. And the hubby bought 12 packs of them. :-D What made me think it was beautiful was the fact that the wife was focused on what the hubby liked.

2. We've just booked a short trip to Vienna for our upcoming spring holiday (and after bargaining at work, I've finally gotten the permission to have the 6 days off).

3. Planning, browsing through the internet to find out what kind of fun things we can do there and daydreaming. WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

4. Seeing an icicle hanging from the roof - plus funny-shaped snow.


5. Watching the lazy snow falling slowly from inside our kitchen window...the world felt hush hush and so serene...

6. Have been craving for KFC chicken for a while now and finally today I had time and energy to make some. They came out VERY VERY delicious. Yum...

7. Finding out already what hubby needs (to be his March birthday gift) and ordering it already while there're still winter sales ('coz what needs is a winter sweater). Plus finding a good deal on the sweater! :-D

8. Stealing hubby's warmth under the blanket at nights by putting my cold feet on his warm thigh. Ah, to feel the warmth of his body at night is just pure bliss...

9. Indonesian ear cleaning tool is THE BEST!!!

Random Pics

I haven't been taking as many pics lately, but here are some pics I took near Christmas and New Year...

1st pic: A pink rose with glitters...


2nd pic: A table for three on Christmas Eve.


3rd pic: The snowflake covered with snowflakes ha ha...


4th pic: R2 had to work hard cleaning the snow from the yard...


5th pic: You should click the pic to see it in a bigger version. Notice the marks on the snow?


6th pic: Those are a hare's tracks. :-D


7th pic: Spending New Year's Eve at MIL's place. :-D


Hope you enjoyed the pics, folks!

When Tragedy Strikes

*cross-posted with my infertility blog*

The day after I received news about my Dad's death, I felt this urge to tell the whole world about it. One reason was probably 'coz it felt surreal to me. I mean, I didn't see his body and I wasn't there at the funeral home. I wasn't there at all to help out and my life here in Finland continued as if nothing had happened. I think telling the world (well, mostly through FB announcement) about it has helped me remember that my Dad no longer lives on earth.

Another reason was probably because my world will never be the same anymore and I want other people to know that. Funny thing was that if I compared my grief with my infertility grief, I accepted my Dad's death MUCH better than my infertility grief.

First of all, I had had time to prepare for my Dad's death and also opportunities to let him know how much I appreciated him. Secondly, his death was a natural one and he didn't have to suffer long. Thirdly, other people readily acknowledged his death and my grief and thus I got the kind of warm support that I needed.

glitter-graphics.com

When tragedy strikes, it feels like your universe is going on a different pace and rhythm. You notice that there are cracks and perhaps even holes all around you. Your whole world has changed. Perhaps you've even stopped living your life for a while though other people don't even realize that. Anyhow, the trouble with infertility is that it's an ambiguous loss that sparks off disenfranchise grief (click on the link to read what it means) and it took us by surprise (a hit below the belt so to speak). When I first realized that (gasp!) we could be infertile, I felt that my whole universe started cracking...and then with each month appeared one hole after another, each with different size and depth.

At that time around our journey, I also felt the urge to let the world know about the changes in our universe. It didn't help when I tried telling some people about the cracks and holes created by infertility 'coz they made me feel like I was delusional. In their eyes, those cracks and holes were invisible. And the "wrong" things they said felt like they were poking the holes (involuntarily making them bigger) or even ripping off the cracks, making me feel defensive or even angry. Or both.

But at that time, I couldn't help feeling that I was really making such a big deal out of my cracks and holes 'coz if they are blind to them, there must be other invisible cracks and holes in other people's universes as well that I may have involuntarily poked and prodded and ripped off and that made me feel guilty for lashing out on them or for being defensive. That realization also made me feel guilty for all the past wrong things I may have said to them.

However, this thought in turn made me feel angrier and frustrated 'coz I felt that I had valid reasons to be grieving in the first place and I was denied the support that a grieving person needed. Thus the cycle of doom continued...Anger, jealousy, frustration, guilt, grief, sorrow, despair, self-hate, self-loathe, self-blame, doubt, depression...you name it...one by one tumbling one after another and sometimes many of them bursting out all at once and becoming a concoction from hell.

To be fair, there were some people who did acknowledge there were holes and cracks, but more often than not, the things they said made me feel like they were suggesting band-Aids to cover them up to "heal" my universe. After some time, I felt like giving up in "educating" the world about our universe and what it may entail. (FYI, every once in a while I still try to do this, but not with the same concoction from hell like before).

Side note: For those of you who want to know the list on what not to say to an infertile, here are some links:

What Not To Say to An Infertile
Infertility Etiquette

What helped the most was probably - after a long and twisted journey before coming to the decision so trust me, it wasn't easy to make a decision like this - surrendering ourselves to a future without kids (thanks to all the prayers - I specifically asked some friends to pray The Serenity Prayer for us - and the fact that God has answered those prayers by giving us both a united voice in terms of what to do or not do and in time we could let go of that particular dream).

Our universe will never be the same, but we've stopped focusing on the cracks and holes and focusing more on looking at each other and trying to find ways to make each other happy and spending time together. We try our best to cherish every moment 'coz nobody knows when death is coming to get us...what would be the sweetest ending for our story is if God chooses to take us from earth together at the same time. :-D

glitter-graphics.com

3BT: Random Days

1. My Dad's funeral home services, cremation and the scattering of the ashes went fine and there were so many people coming to pay respect.

2. Seeing some white hair on hubby's beard and head.

3. When I told hubby that the white hair must be a sign of wisdom, he rolled his eyes and that made me laugh. :-D

4. Receiving a thick hard-cover book on Sodankylä from a dear customer (the same pappa who's given me plants/flowers 4 times already). BLESS him, BLESS him, BLESS him!!!

glitter-graphics.com

5. Having a chance to give that pappa a box of chocolate the day before Christmas when the store was a little less busy.

6. Rereading some of my blog's old posts and being reminded of how far I've gone since then and how many wonderful people I've met through blogging.

7. Reminiscing on the many bittersweet memories that have shaped me since I moved to Finland. :-D

8. Can't help laughing so much every time I'm reminded of this scene in The Simpsons cartoon series:

Homer: Go get Lassie!
Bart: Who's Lassie?
Homer: Doh! I mean Lisa!

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL...

9. Hubby's sensitivity towards my mood and my needs. I wasn't feeling well the other day and he helped me coin my back and then spent time on the sofa (holding each other and talking) before I went to bed earlier than he did. He also spent so much time holding me and patting my back when I grieved my Dad's death.

10. Time and time again I can't help feeling grateful that hubby very rarely complains about anything at all. How nice it is not to hear complaints from someone who lives with you!

11. Still time and time again I feel blessed to have a hubby who doesn't get caught up in my mood easily, so every time I'm in a bad, cranky mood, he makes it easier for me to control myself. He is even creative enough to make me laugh when I'm that way.

12. For having a hubby who's never played rough on me, who's never belittled me, who's never told me what to do, who's never given me unsolicited advice.

13. Those people who just know the right things to say and who say them in times of need. BLESS them!

14. Buying MIL some flowers that I had never seen before and then hearing her say, "I've been wanting to get these myself when I saw the ad!" :-D

15. Reading a book while "doing my thing" in the toilet is a bliss. Plus the toilet is warm enough in winter.