Here are some sneak peek into my mind these days:
"Am I really ready to find a part-time or full-time office job? I feel that I'm not confident enough with my Finnish. Sure I understand much more than last year, but am I ready to answer the phone, for example? Am I ready to serve customers in Finnish?
I feel that it's not too good for me if I keep on looking for training places instead of trying to find a real job. Sure if I do some training, I'll get some money from the government, but if I find a real job, I can get double the amount of money. But I'm scared...it's not good for my self-confidence if I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. Feeling useless in a working place is definitely not good. It's true that so far I have no problem working at the library since I don't deal with customers and I don't answer the phone at all, but what if I have to do that? Will I manage?
On the other hand, have I been closing down doors of opportunities, as well? Because I don't have a driver's license and if I want to get a real job that involves speaking English, I have to go to a place 40 km or 100 km away from here and for that I'll need a car and a driver's license. But it costs so much to have a driver's license (at least €2,000 and another €3,500 for a used car). What if I get pregnant after that? Then I'll quit my job and all that money is spent for what??? I can use that money to go back home to Indo a FEW times!!! Or is this just my excuse for not wanting to spend that money to learn how to drive because I'm actually SCARED?
ARRRGGGHHH!!! I'm getting nowhere here!!! Am I a loser if I decide to just keep on learning Finnish for a while instead of jumping into the working world? Am I too idealistic that I want to find a job that I LIKE so that I can do it with all my heart and soul, despite the fact that I know how HARD it is to find a job here, esp. now during this financial depression?"
Is it long enough? I guess it's not a sneak peek anymore he he he he...OK, now that all those thoughts are out, I can just let them roam in cyber space and I can just walk wherever my feet take me without trying to analyze myself too much. I'm telling you that my brain can drive me nuts sometimes he he he he...
In all honesty, I'd love to continue my studies in learning Finnish properly and get a degree for it if possible and then become a translator or something, but for that I think I have to go to the city since there's no such a school or university here that would allow me to do so. Hmmmhhh...if not, I have to start thinking of starting my own business!!!!!!
OK, I'd better stop thinking and just go to the kitchen to COOK he he he...
P.S. I'd like to thank Randy, Michelle Colebourn and Michelle Frost for having shared some awards with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH for your kind words!!! I TRULY appreciate it!!!
