Happy Easter!

Just wanna say to everybody who's celebrating it:


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Yesterday at the daycare a priest visited us to talk to the kids about Jesus, His death, and His victory over death. The teacher had been teaching the kids some Easter songs and she'd also been reading about Jesus to the kids. It was funny when the priest started talking to the kids, some of them butted in 'coz they wanted to share what they knew he he he...Some of the workers there had decorated the gym hall to symbolize Jesus' journey - from the last supper to the cross to the tomb until He rose again.

After the priest said that she wouldn't give any of her children as a saviour over mankind's sins, one kid asked, "Then why did He do it?" The priest said, "Because God loves us so much."



Funny thing was that one kid said, "But I would give my own kids to save mankind" HE HE HE HE HE HE...

And then there was also a talk about heaven and one kid said that he would bring all his earthly stuff to heaven - as well as his pets (and then the other kids started talking about what they wanted to bring to heaven) HI HI HI HI...The priest of course explained that in heaven there would be no need for material things 'coz it'd be so much more beautiful than earth. It was endearing to see some of them getting really excited talking about Jesus and answering the priest' questions and asking her questions.

Anyhow, we're not doing anything much 'coz R2 has to be on-call again until Monday, but we'll still drop by at my in-laws' tomorrow as usual. We're just taking it easy before our Crete trip next weekend. WOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :-D

When Jesus Took Him Away

About a week ago I heard shocking news from my Mom. She told me via SMS that one of my brother's friends died. He was only 29 years old. The other day I called my Mom via Skype and got to talk to my brother, as well. He told me the story about his friend's illness and death.

He died because of some type of either lung or liver virus (it's not clear which is which). He was treated in a hospital for about two weeks. Twelve days in the hospital, he saw bright lights and Jesus. Jesus told him that He came to take him away.

He said to Jesus, "Lord, if I can bargain, I'd wish not to be taken away now, because I'm getting married next May."

Jesus told him that he could only get two more days before He came to take him away.

Two days later he saw Jesus again and I guess in the end he did go with Him. So he took his last breath exactly on the day that Jesus said He would.

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When I first heard the news, I felt a cold chill running down my spine when I thought about what would happen to his future wife. I bet they've already booked at least some things for the party. Finding a place to throw a wedding party isn't easy (esp. if the place is a favourite, then you have to book much earlier than the D-day). She must have been in a happy state before he got sick, thinking that next year they'd be husband and wife. But now all their dreams of life together is shattered. May God comfort her and guide her throughout this grief.

May God comfort his family, too.

My brother said that as sad as it was, at least Jesus was the one that took him. He's in a far better place now. :-)))

Rest in peace, Benny!
You're missed...

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Religion or Christ - What's the Difference?

The other day I downloaded a WONDERFUL PDF file from Our Daily Bread site and I'd love to share it with you. Click on this link to get the PDF file. Here below I give you some excerpts of it he he he he he...

Religion or Christ -
What's the Difference?

Excerpt:

Is there a distinction worth making? Or is it only a matter of terms? Should we be encouraged that one opinion poll found that 85 percent of Americans consider themselves somewhat or very religious? Should we take a second look in light of the fact that in Jesus' day He was HATED by conservative religionists?

One of the most common feelings among churchgoers is the disconnected sense of being with people who aren't being real.

How many religious scholars, ministers, and faithful followers withhold honor and encouragement from their wives, attention from their children, and love from their doctrinal enemies? Jesus knew what we often forget: What looks good may have a heart of evil.

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"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works [religious efforts and accomplishments], lest anyone should boast" Ephesians 2:8-9

Wavering Faith

The other day my very pregnant friend sent us an email. She is due to give birth sometime in the middle of December. The problem is that the gynecologist she trusted with all her heart had been summoned home since her family members got very sick. She said that she had been worried about who would help her out during her delivery, especially IF there were problems and she had to undergo a C-section. She said she felt guilty when she felt that her faith started wavering. But then she kept on praying and she decided to just believe, just believe in Him.

This reminds me about my wavering faith, too. Even though my mind knows the greatness of God, yet my fears can crumble my faith in Him. I am SO very weak, but I'm GLAD that He knows that I'm SO weak. He knows that, yet He still loves me the way I am.

I wonder why Jesus said these words:

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20)

Why "as small as a mustard seed"? If it's so easy to accomplish, then there would probably be many mountains moving around on earth as Christians tell them to move he he he he he...Just kidding he he he...

However, the Bible said that there were people with GREAT faith. I wonder how they could accomplish that. I wonder if they NEVER experience wavering faith at all. Is that possible? It seems highly unlikely, except if they can maintain a WONDERFUL personal relationship with God 24/7. Can we ever accomplish that without the help of the Holy Spirit?

Yeah, yeah, these are just my musings. I find that when I focus on my own fears, I start questioning God's actions and my heart becomes hardened. Fear is really a debilitating emotion. I've surrendered those fears to God and I hope He'll continue whispering His truths to me. I wanna hear His voice...

Image taken from www.heartlight.org

John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (NIV)

John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (NIV)

Letting Go Meme

Jackie has tagged me to do this meme. I have to write about three things that I can never let go of.

Here are my list:

1. My faith in God. I wasn't brought up the Christian way. My parents and us kids only got to know Jesus much later in life (even though we claimed to be Christians years and years back), but right now I can say that I need Him in my life and I want to build a good personal relationship with Him. I may falter every once in a while, but I can't be where I am right now without His help and grace and blessings. I just want to learn more and more to be the best that I can be in His eyes.

2. My family and friends, including my closest friends and my blogger friends. Now I feel that my life's SO complete. ;-D

3. Hope. I can't live without it. Hope is what keeps my dreams alive. Hope is what fuels my days. Hope is what keeps me striving to be better. Hope is what keeps the world turning around. I think the world needs more hope.

I'm not going to tag anyone else, but everyone who comes here is welcome to do this meme.

Grandma's Death

As I've told you earlier, when I was four we moved to live with my grandma (Mom's mom) in a house that my mother bought for her. We moved there to make sure that she wouldn't live alone during her old age. Just like my mother, she still sold food at the traditional market until she could barely walk anymore.

My grandma had a bad temper. She fought with the fruit sellers or vegetable seller and she wouldn't mind yelling harsh words. She loved boys more than girls, so naturally she loved her sons and grandsons more than the daughters and the granddaughters. It's just a well-known fact. There were some precious moments, though, when my parents had barely enough money to cover our expenses and to buy our basic necessities, my grandma would buy a big bottle of Sprite every now and then and gave a cup to my brother and I. That small cup of Sprite was really such a HUGE treat for us, so we would sip it bit by bit (just like drinking wine) since every drop was SO precious for us. We would only get that treat from grandma!

Grandma had also some health problems. I don't know the English name, but the Indonesian name is "asam urat". Basically if she had too many nuts and some other specific kinds of food, then her leg muscles would be stiff and she would have problems walking. If it got worse, then one foot would get swollen and it would make it harder for her to walk. I must say that looking back, she was one VERY TOUGH lady. Even when she had trouble walking, she wouldn't give up walking around with the help of a stool that had the right size to be used as a four-legged cane. She kept on doing her activities with the help of this stool.

I was never really close to my grandma, so I didn't really feel the loss when she passed away. She got really sick for a whole month before God took her away, if I remember correctly. She stayed home and my parents decided to hire a nurse to help take care of her since my mother couldn't juggle work, kids, and taking care of grandma during the night. We had to change nurse a few times since they couldn't handle grandma's temper.

Remember that my mom sells food in the market, meaning she cooks all the food herself and she has to get up at around 3 or 4 am to warm up some of the food or cook them and then she goes to the market at around 5.30 or 6 am and she'll go back home at around 10-11 am. By then she has to prepare lunch already for the family. Busy, busy, busy.

Back to grandma...Before being bed-ridden, she fell down on the bathroom floor a few times, so in the end my Mom told her not to lock the bathroom door whenever she had to go there. Back then we didn't have a seating toilet, so only God knows how she managed to pee or poo by squatting down. Her arms must've been pretty strong to hoist herself up again with the help of the stool.

Anyway, I was around 16 years old during my grandma's last month. She became so frail as she got bed-ridden. We had to move her every now and then since it would hurt her if she stayed in one place for a long time. She peed and pooed in bed with the help of a potty. Her intestines couldn't digest her food anymore, though she could still eat. She also experienced prolapse of the uterus.

I watched her body shrink so fast during that month that it scared me. I could see her rib cage and pelvis CLEARLY through her skin. Her cheeks became so sunken and there was no more body fat, just skin covering the bones. It was...now I can't find the word to describe it. It was just discomforting and I think in a way I was shocked since she used to be a very strong woman who would yell out to other people. A strong woman who still sold food even though her memory had started to fail her, and she was reduced to THAT frail bed-ridden figure who was unable to distinguish what was real and what was unreal?

She had flashes of dead people surrounding her every now and then. She said she saw her dead sisters, but she didn't even realize that they were dead. She went in and out of "reality". She truly believed she saw them. Since she was a Catholic, so a Pastor came over to pray for her and to give her the last sacrament. A few other Christian colleagues and relatives visited her to pray with her. At first she refused to say, "Jesus, forgive all of my mistakes." She would stop right then and there and wouldn't follow the words of those people who tried to pray with her. She said to Mom that she saw a road, but the road was dark and she didn't know which way to go. She kept on saying this over and over and over again.

I don't remember anymore who finally managed to make her say those words, but at last she said those words, "Jesus, forgive all of my mistakes." And you know what? A day after that, she called my Mom and said, "Now the road's bright. I can see it clearly." And my Mom said to her, "Go on and follow the road. Don't worry about us. All your kids have gotten married and they're all well. So just go and don't worry about anything else." And true enough...not long after that, she took her last breath. I think it happened a few days afterwards.

I wasn't sad when she died. I felt that God had finally stopped her pains and given her the very comfort she needed most. I felt that she was freed from every suffering on earth. Upon reflecting all this, my Mom once said, "I never knew what a person experienced or saw during his or her last moments on earth. Now at least I know one version of it."

To my grandma, I'm glad now you're in a better place. :-)))) THANKS for having brought my Mom into this world. ;-D

P.S. Tomorrow I don't think I'll write due to the birthday party I mentioned in my earlier post, so see you later on Sunday or Monday! Have a BLESSED weekend, everybody, and stay healthy!!!! ;-D

Thank You, Lord, My Everything

Just received a VERY TOUCHING email from my brother. He told me the detailed story of my Dad's illness. When reading the story, I couldn't help crying, knowing now how they've been in THE BEST hands of all, God's.

My brother told me how many people had been helping them, how many people had been praying for them, the people who also supported them financially and emotionally. How my brother's girlfriend's parents brought food for them a few times a day. So many ANGELS.

I'm also amazed when realizing how rooted my brother is in Jesus (even though I'd always known he was close to Him). He's SO strong and wise now, not because he's THAT strong, but because of Jesus who's given him strength.

This post is dedicated to Jesus, My Lord, My Saviour, My EVERYTHING. My faith's still so raw...yet each day I'm learning how to be closer to Him. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for sending SO MANY angels to help and comfort my family and me. Your grace is TRULY always sufficient.

So let me sing this song for You...Here I Am to Worship..."Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that You're my God...You're altogether lovely...altogether worthy...altogether wonderful to me..."

Sharing Self-Loath

Written on April 12, 2007 - again I decided to post this from my other blogsite just in case someone out there is experiencing a similar situation.

Earlier today I had a talk with one of my closest friends (she'd have shared this herself if she had more time). She said she'd recently beginning to gradually win over the devil. She said that she'd been pushing herself to the limit, wanting to be better and better. Yep, naturally depression came barraging her mind. Her self-esteem took a beating. It got harder and harder to feel satisfied with herself and to accept her weaknesses. Whatever she did, she felt as though it hadn't been good enough since she grumbled while doing it. She began to start looking for excuses for herself. She felt SO tired of everything that she felt as if she had wanted to die.

However, slowly, she began to be reminded that those negative thoughts were the fruit of the devil's work. The devil wanted to ruin all the good things she'd been doing by infiltrating her own mind with negative thoughts.

And then someone reminded her that no matter how "trivial" or "unimportant" the things we did, they mattered to GOD! She said that for some time it was SO hard for her to see God's hands, but when reading Anita's email, she said that she was reminded again of what she said herself once to us all (Bandung Girl Triad), "If you can't see God's hands, trust His heart." She said she'd been trusting God's heart all the time, yet sometimes she still felt tired and upset. However, she said that we were all only humans, so we need not try to be more than that.

Oh yeah, she wanted to share these verses:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions NEVER fail. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.
Lamentations 3:22-35

Ahhhh...lately I've also experienced something similar. I'd been condemning myself about lots of things, mostly about cooking and making stupid mistakes. However, once I let go my "crazy" expectations, my burdens began to feel lighter. Besides, I was also reminded that God LOVES ME THE WAY I AM. Jesus came to earth because of the sinners (that's ME, the ever-imperfect!!!)

I began to think, "If God loves me the way I am, how come it's SO darn hard for me to love myself the way I am, zits and all?" In this ever-competitive world, you want to keep up with everything...you don't want to be left behind, you keep striving to be better and better...to have more and more things...to have more and more knowledge...to expand...to stretch...but what do they all mean if they can't make you love yourself?

It never really crossed my mind that the devil may be the one doing this (trapping us with self-loathing, self-condemning, destruction of self-esteem), but I knew that I had to learn to love myself over and over again so that I could love others more, as well. Without any love for myself, how can I give to others?

Now at least I can say this: I am nothing. But I am loved. I am SO LOVED. I am LOVED ABUNDANTLY. VASTLY. I am LOVED FOREVER. God loves me the way I am. Arttu loves me the way I am. My WHOLE family love me the way I am. My friends love me the way I am. And I love ME, even I'm nothing, even I'm nothing but me.

I LOVE quality time moments. I LOVE the late night chit-chat between me and my husband. We can really have GREAT fun together by giggling over nothing or we can just talk about our own thoughts. I LOVE the fact that my husband cares enough about what I think and feel that he keeps on asking me about how I feel every now and then (and he also reads my blog, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR THAT, SWEETHEART!!!). I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE because of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UR SIMPLY THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! MMMMWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...Ahem...

Back on track...

Today I have made a new friend. I never thought I could find a friend this fast in this foreign country, knowing that I'd been such a hermit back in Indo (lazy and reluctant in socializing). God, it felt GOOD to be able to talk "intelligently" with someone else other than Arttu. It felt GOOD to be able to joke with someone who understood. It felt REALLY GOOD to talk to someone who'd been in the same boat, who'd been there, done that before.

Today...is...REALLY...WONDERFUL, AMAZING, MAGICAL and I wanna THANK GOD for everything!!!!