A friend of mine told me about her current problem in life. She met this woman at her son's school, but this woman clings to her like a magnet. She calls my friend over 15 times A DAY and sends her plenty of messages. She wants to be with my friend as much as possible, though she herself has a husband and a child. My friend becomes a bit spooked by this, so she tries to avoid her as much as she can BUT she can't help feeling that she's such a cruel person.
I told her that the woman had overstepped my friend's boundaries. I then asked if this woman's messages were important or urgent and my friend said no. I then said this, "If she's not in dire need for help and the message isn't all that important or urgent, then it's fine to ignore it or just reply later." After all, it costs money to reply to SMSes and if she sends my friend so many SMSes a day, then it's just crazy. Plus a housewife like my friend who also needs to take care of her parents' store as well as help take care of her sick father doesn't have time to answer every time that woman calls her.
In the beginning she did answer every one of her calls, though after a while she realized that it just wouldn't do, so she began to ignore her calls. It's kinda hard to make someone like this woman to understand that there are certain boundaries that she should know. Maybe she doesn't have any other friends and that's sad, but that doesn't mean she can bombard my friend like that. She even wants to spend a night at my friend's house, can you believe it? I mean, she's got her own house, her own husband, and her own child!!! And it's not as though my friend ASKED her to spend a night at her place...that woman just said to my friend that she wanted to do so!
Anyway...have you ever encountered someone like that - someone who oversteps your boundaries? What did you tell him/her then? Or did you just try to avoid that person as much as you can 'coz telling that person the truth would sound too cruel?
I remember when I first moved to Indo, I also overstepped my friends' boundaries by clinging onto them too much. At that time I didn't have friends here yet, so I bombarded my friends with emails - LONG, frequent emails and one of them had enough guts to tell me about it ('coz in a way it also made her feel guilty for not being able to reply to my many emails). It hurt me at that time, but it was the right thing to do and I TOTALLY appreciate her openness to me 'coz it made me realize I couldn't "put my eggs in one basket" so to speak. I needed to widen my sphere of friendship and blogging has helped me A LOT in that department. Without you all my blogging friends, I wouldn't have made it. So, CHEERS for you all, my beloved blogging friends! ;-D
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The past few days I've heard things that boil my blood and temper. I've heard how someone was mistreated. She made a decision to move her child to another school and someone else spread gossip about why she made that decision. The gossip tainted her reputation as someone who's unforgiving - the ABSOLUTE opposite of her temperament!!! She's one of the most forgiving and long-suffering people I've EVER known!
This person would be considered someone "too kind" - too soft-hearted to be aggressive when someone runs over her boundaries in life. I wanted to fight for her stepped-over boundaries, but I can't do that, can I? It's her life and she's the one who has to fight for it.
I just realized last night how important it is the ability to fight for our set-up boundaries in life and not to give in when people "demand" us to do something that we didn't really want to do simply 'coz we didn't want to hurt their feelings. It's not good if we let other people corner us with unnecessary guilt and outrageous demands, don't you think so?
I have this one question popping in my head the other day: Why does sometimes a pattern occurs in life? Is it because one's supposed develop more patience after one faces plenty of similar problems? Or is it because one's supposed to learn to BREAK the pattern?
I guess it all depends on the case and the "pattern", eh? Life, oh, life...
P.S. The other day I made a 2011 Calendar with "Images of Lapland":
This morning started off sunny AND foggy. It's an interesting mix. It was only 3'C when I woke up, but now it's risen up to 5'C in the shade (probably around 7'C in the sun).
I was going to write something else, but then another topic came into my mind. As you all know, Indonesia is a developing country, so there aren't any benefits for people and even the pension money is usually insufficient to have a decent "rest of life" for those who're retired. Thus Indo people have to learn to save as much money as possible during their productive years to prepare for their retirement OR start a business after they retire. Of course this doesn't apply to people who own companies or stores as they can delegate the tasks to other people or their own kids (as long as the companies/stores still run well).
What I don't get is how some parents depend on their kids like leeches. They don't get how hard it is for their kid to support their own families. Once you have a kid in Indo, then your expenses will be SO big, especially if you have more than one kid. Everything in Indo lately isn't cheap anymore, especially compared to the standard salary that people get. I don't wonder if lots more people in Indo (who have standard salaries) choose to have only one kid as the cost of everything is up to the roof these days. Education is SO expensive. I also don't wonder if lots more wives in Indo become full-time career Moms due to inflation, especially if they have more than one kid. Back in my days, the price to get proper education was still reasonable. But nowadays it's all about money, money, money.
One of my close friends married a guy who supports his parents. It IS noble to do that, but the parents don't even care about his growing expenses (now they've a 2-year-old son). They keep on complaining on getting less and less money and that the money he gives them isn't enough. I mean, give me a break. Other than the expensive cost of medicine, how much can two old people spend monthly? My friend's husband decided to quit his job last year due to some reasons (basically, his superior made his life a living hell in the workplace), so he went unemployed for a few months. At first he didn't tell his parents 'coz he didn't want them to worry. I think it's a bad move, don't you?
Finally he told his parents about this and then they blamed her (my friend) for not having talked about it with them before he made a decision. They said that since they hadn't talked about it with them beforehand, that meant that they didn't think of them at all (meaning they didn't care about whether he could still support their life or not by resigning from his job). Ain't that grand? Even after they knew that he was unemployed, they kept on asking for more money from him. He paid for their house rent already and their monthly expenses, but whenever he visited them and they needed other stuff, they'd ask for more from him and he would ALWAYS give the money to them!!!
Plus his elder sister keeps on wanting to "borrow" money from him and he ALWAYS gives it to her no matter how big the amount she asks, even though he knows FOR SURE that she won't be able to return the money. Isn't that crazy? It doesn't make any sense. I'm an eldest daughter and I would NEVER do such a thing to my younger brother. A big sister's supposed to HELP the younger brother if she can, not suck him dry like a leech.
Anyway, he's got a new job now, but he receives a smaller amount of salary. He doesn't tell this to his parents. So since they get less and less than they used to get, they keep on complaining to him. Every year during Lebaran holiday (the Muslim's victory day after a month's fasting), the parents want him to take them for a vacation and his sister asks for money from him. My friend has told her hubby to be honest with his family and to tell them that his salary now isn't as big as it used to be, but he wouldn't budge. My friend doesn't even get any grocery money anymore because he gives too much to his parents and sister.
I can't believe a guy who's already 39 years old can't set boundaries. I mean, I KNOW he's being a VERY GOOD son, but it wouldn't do any good to anybody in the end, would it? His own son keeps on growing and soon he'll be at school and it's going to cost SO MUCH. I don't get it. If his salary is SO huge so that he can afford giving the big bulk of it to his parents AND still have enough for his own family, then I won't wonder about all of this. But the fact is that he doesn't even have enough left for his own family.
My friend's chosen to be a stay-at-home mother since her own mother didn't take care of her when she was a kid. That's why she's determined to raise her own son herself. Now that the son's getting bigger, she's thinking of being a tutor and finding school kids to teach at home. I sure HOPE that'll work well for her, 'coz then she'll get some income to help out with the family expenses. I think that she's been using her own savings account to cover everything these days, but how long can it last? I wish her luck in finding students. :-))))
Anyhow, most of all, I don't get the parents. How can there be parents like that? Oh well...enough ranting. Time for me to go grocery shopping as there are discounted items at Lidl HI HI HI HI...
Have a SUNNY weekend, everybody!!! (both in and out)
