The Fave Child?

Last night I was having a bit trouble to go back to sleep as my mind kept on jumping from one topic to another. One of the things I thought I'd write today was what I had heard during my trip to Indo. I heard one mommy said that no matter how much parents said that they loved their children the same way (or with the same amount of love), there was always a fave child. I suppose this only happens when there's more than one child in a family.

I was rather shocked to hear those words because of the honesty of it. Logically speaking I do understand why there can be a fave child, because a relationship between two people is dynamic and there are some people whom I get along with much better than others. There are some people who keep pushing my button even without their actually attempting to do so. And the dynamics between parents and children may be even more complex than other types of relationship due to obvious reasons. It may be easier to be fond of the child that is easy to deal with than a more challenging child. In other cases, some parents may favor a child of a certain gender because of their own expectations and society's pressure and that child may get special treatments because of that.


I myself have never felt that my parents favors me or my brother more than the other one, although I do know that when I was a baby/toddler I was much more challenging than my brother. I do remember when I was younger that I was jealous of my brother's musical talents, but other than that and one other case of jealousy*, I never really felt like any of us was the fave child. I feel that both of us have different strengths and weaknesses and our parents know them, too. However, I have heard extreme cases where a family favors one child more than the others and that fave child gets all kinds of special treatments. How about you and your family? If you have your own children now, do you love your children the same (you can answer this in your own heart)?




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* The other jealousy story: My brother has always been a homebody. Even during the time when he was dating his then-girlfriend (now wife), 99,9% of the time he came back home already at 9 pm. No kidding! Anyway, as someone who likes going out more than he did, sometimes my friends and I would go roam the cafes until rather late (though I'd always let my parents know if I was coming back home late) and because my parents knew all my friends and trusted them, they felt sure I was in good hands. They never got worried whenever I told them I'd go out with X and X and be back home late (I'd be carrying my own key with me).

Anyway, because my brother rarely came back home late, whenever he wasn't home after 9 pm, my parents would be worried about him. It was worse before the time when we had our own mobile phones, because they couldn't contact him whatsoever, but during the time when we had our own mobile phones, they'd call him and ask him where he was. Every now and then I got a bit ticked off whenever they got so worried about him like that, because whenever I came home late, they were never worried and they never called me to ask me where I was. They were just used to it, I guess.

35th Birthday

Today is my 35th birthday. When I woke up, I was greeted by the gorgeous pink sky outside as the sun was starting to rise (yeah, I woke up late because today was my free day LOL!!!). 


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Today I just want to be thankful for these things:

- For this breath that I still have. The gift of life. 

- My husband. When I was preparing to marry him, I thought that I was sure that he was the one for me. What I knew then deep down in my heart versus what I know now shows me that my choice was right - my faith in us back then was blind, but now I've seen the proofs and what I see is far more beautiful than what I could have known then. The longer I live with him, the surer I am that he is definitely the one for me and the more thankful I am to have him by my side. Just by being himself, he makes me feel like I'm the best version of myself. He helps me be the best version of myself. And it helps a lot to be accepted and loved just the way I am - even when I'm cranky, even when I make mistakes, even when I'm obsessed with some things, even when I'm having my PMS. 

Honey, marrying you is one of the BEST decisions ever in my entire life. Each day spent with you is a day full of fun, laughter, love, and tenderness. I just hope and pray that God will keep us hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart until death do us part - and I hope that He will give us plenty of time together still on earth because I want to grow old and I want to grow together with you. I cherish you and I still want you even after all these years.

- My parents. For letting me make my own mistakes, for trusting me to make my own decisions, for never nagging me to come visit, for never making me feel guilty for anything (either deliberately or not), for loving me without choking the life out of me, for letting me be my own person and letting me choose my own path.

- My mother-in-law. Thank you for accepting me into the family with such warmth and love, for teaching me things tenderly and patiently, for never criticizing me, for supporting me and for your constant appreciation. I couldn't have asked for a better mother-in-law.

- Friends - old ones, new ones, online friends. I'd especially like to thank my blogger friends and new online friends here. Even though most of us have never met, but you've supported me and showed me your love and compassion and I'm very thankful for that. And all the friends I've met either online or in real life have taught me so many things and inspired me in many different ways.

- My boss and coworkers. Thankful that I'm accepted in the team without being treated differently, that I still have a job despite the tough economy. 

- My kind customers. I've talked to some people about this and they all confirmed that there are so many nice and kind customers here in this village and I'm thankful for that. When I first started work, I made so many mistakes, but none of them said anything harsh to me. They reminded me of my mistakes tenderly and over time they've forgiven my other mistakes and they have also shown appreciation towards me and I'm forever grateful for that. 

- Infertility. Infertility has taught me so many things that I wouldn't have learned otherwise and it has also allowed me to meet so many lovely ladies that I wouldn't have met otherwise. I'm thankful for the many lessons and the gift of new friends that infertility brings. 


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OK, now I've finished the list, so it's time to enjoy my mud cake topped with berries. :-D 

Bittersweet Tears

Before I share the post, I'd like to add a note first...this post below was posted in my IF blog, but I want to share this beautiful moment here. If anyone of you wonders why I keep writing about my IF journey and why infertility is still an important part of my life even though we've moved on and we've surrendered to life without kids, let me sum it up this way: it's like the opposite of parenting.

When you're a parent (and I'm talking about parents who're involved in their kids' lives), you're bound to think about your kids and their lives, their friends, etc. And your life's peppered with parenting thoughts and joy and problems in your kids' lives as well and their life events. Infertility is that way, too. It changes my life in ways that the arrival of kids change the life of parents. My life is peppered with infertility-related thoughts and I choose it that way. I want to learn whatever I can learn from infertility. I want to learn about my pain triggers and I want to embrace them and hug them and make them feel better. If I'm incapable of doing that, then I'll pray to God to help me heal. Mind you, this post for me isn't a sad one, but a happy one. So rejoice with me, will you? :-D

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The other day I think I had my first experience of crying with so much gratitude that my heart felt like it was going to burst mixed with some grief over the losses of a life as a non-mother. It was bittersweet. The tears didn't run too long, but it was cleansing. :-)


The triggers? 

The gratitude came from hearing positive feedback about myself from different people including from MIL. I was SO touched and thankful to be able to hear those words, but at the same time I realized how much more they meant to me because I'm not a mother. Only after I heard the words did I realize that I had actually been waiting for some confirmation that I was doing something right as a non-mom. Like I was secretly wishing that the universe would give me signs that what I was doing in the community was enough even if I could never become a mother.

The grief came much later that day while I was reading a manga series that dealt with cute little twins (a boy and a girl) that I had subscribed to (I had been reading it since ages ago and it's still not finished yet). Reading about their antics and how they grew not just in size but also in many different areas in life made me feel sad because I could never watch my own child(ren) grow. And that was when I remembered the positive feedback from all those people which counterbalanced my grief. It felt surreal. 

It was probably the first time when I cried tears of grief that didn't weigh upon my chest. Instead, the feeling of gratitude gave the grief some wings...After they held me in their embrace for a little while, off they flew, leaving me sighing contentedly.

Blast from the Past: How My Parents Met

Back in my parents' generation, most Chinese parents would be agitated when their daughters became "of age" (18 years old). The parents then would start trying to find "best matches" for their daughters. That was what happened with my mom's elder sisters. It's not like they were married off to strangers, mind you. If the daughters weren't interested, then they wouldn't force the marriage, but anyway, many young girls back then were already married by the time they reached 20 years of age. 

My parents were the exception. I think for dad the problem was that he was shy and he didn't come from a well-off family. After all, in a developing country where there were almost no social benefits available, the man's ability to provide for the family became an important thing, especially because back then most women became stay-at-home moms. So having "rich" parents would help a man become "more interesting" for prospective women so to speak.

In my mom's case, she was just not interested in all the men that tried to pursue her (most of them were relatives or long-distant relatives) and back then my mom had an ambition. The ambition was to save enough money to buy grandma (her own mother) a house because at that time grandma was staying with my mom's elder sister and they kept on quarreling with each other. FYI, my mom's wish came true in the end. :-D


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Anyway, my parents met through a mutual friend. This woman became their "matchmaker" so to speak. Mom was 31 at that time whereas dad was 35. They dated for 6 months and then decided to get married 6 months from then. So they got married about a year after they first met. And I was born exactly 10 months to the date of their wedding day. That's why it's easy for me to remember their wedding day ha ha...

Mom told me that when she started dating dad, she warned her mother and her elders NOT to try to do some "research" on my dad's background. You see, back then if there was a prospective husband-to-be, apparently my mom's elders loved to do some research to find out where the guy lived (in Indo even until now it's normal for kids to stay with their parents until they marry - so if they're not married, it's normal for them to stay home forever if they want to), who the parents were, what the financial condition of the parents and the guy was, etc. 

And I suspect that this kind of "habit" was not just limited to my mom's elders, because when we were younger, we always heard from our parents that back in their days there was this slogan "Bibit Bebet Bobot". This slogan was used in order to find the best prospective spouse-to-be. Bibit means genes, but it can also include the family background (social strata). Bebet means the spouse-to-be's circle of friends (are his friends gangsters or what?), though it also sometimes includes where he lives because sometimes where you live shows how well-off you are. Bobot means the spouse-to-be's personality and social status (job, rank, intelligence). 

Back to my parents...my mom actually knew my dad's younger brother because they went to school together. One important aspect that mom said made her believe that my dad would be a suitable husband was that while they went on dates and they talked about stuff, she found out that they had similar principles, goals, and aspirations. She knew that dad would be someone who could walk together with her hand-in-hand through life's ups and downs. And those words have been etched in my mind ever since I was young. :-) Finding someone who can walk together hand-in-hand (not just literally but mentally) was also my goal in terms of finding a husband. :-) 


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I don't think that they started off with romance, though (not love at first sight or things like that). Considering their ages, it was more of a sensible option, I suppose, though I'm sure love and romance grew from there. One of my fave memories of them is hearing them laugh and giggle like crazy until it got hard to breathe and mom said that she was afraid of peeing in her pants - you know the kind of laughter that started and then subdued for a few seconds but then it started again and again and again (this happened a few times: sometimes behind closed door, sometimes while they were both watching TV). 

My parents had a double wedding parties in two different places. Back then the cost of a wedding isn't as crazy as these days, so my dad had a wedding party where he invited all his relatives and friends in one place and after that my mom had hers where he invited all her relatives and friends. That way each of them could have a wedding that they wanted in two different places and invited whomever they wanted to invite he he...Such a tiring day, wouldn't you say? I loved looking at their wedding albums, though. :-)

Back then (few hundred) guests brought gifts instead of money for the newlyweds, so you can imagine that on their wedding night, they spent the whole night opening all the gifts and reading all the cards ha ha ha ha ha...and because they received plenty of similar gifts (lots of clocks and kitchen sets), they saved some of them to give to other newlyweds later on so that they didn't have to buy anything else LOL!!! 

Oh, before I forgot...I think one other reason why they expedited their wedding was because my dad's brother had been in a relationship for a few years already by the time my parents met and he didn't want to get married before my dad got married. And due to the amount of guests invited per wedding, in Indo it's usually considered "bad" if two siblings get married the same year, because it means that the guests will have to shell out some money again to the same family the same year (it'll be sort of a burden for them 'coz after all, it's normal in Indo to get lots of wedding invitations every year, esp. if you know so many people and you have lots of relatives and friends). So my dad's younger bro got married a year after my parents got married. 

OK, I got carried away and told you about their wedding, even though this post was supposed to be only about how they met HA HA HA HA HA HA...never mind then! :-D
 

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What's In A Name?

When my parents were younger (perhaps in their early twenties, I don't remember exactly anymore), they changed their names into Indonesian names officially. So in their original birth certificates, both of them had Chinese names. I know that Dad chose his own first name and surname because he had told us about it a few times and his siblings also used the same surname. Not sure who picked Mom's Indonesian names, though, but Mom has an Indonesian first name, middle name, and surname.

After I was born, my Dad registered my birth and told the official the name he and my Mom had chosen for me, but for some weird reason they didn't put my Dad's (Indo) surname in my birth certificate. The same thing happened to my brother. We're not the only victims, though, because I know so many of my schoolmates and also my brother's schoolmates who don't have any surnames. Our parents did give us middle names, so the middle names stayed in our birth certificate, but some of my schoolmates whose parents didn't give any middle names had only their first names written in their birth certificate.

A funny thing happened when I first applied for a passport back in 2000. In order to apply for a passport, we had to submit our parents' papers, including their birth certificates. When I received my passport, I realized that they had put my Dad's (Indo) surname. Probably because in many other countries, surname is such an important thing. 

I remember being called by Ms. (Dad's surname) at the airport in Singapore instead of being called Ms. Amel and I was surprised 'coz I had never used that surname before, so it sounded strange to me. FYI in Indo, normally they call people by their first names, though they'd add the word Mrs. or Mr. for older people or when you need to be polite. And in schools these days sometimes the single female teachers are called Ms. (First name) as well.

In Indonesia when a couple gets married, very rarely does anyone change their names officially so that they use their spouse's surname, although sometimes on some occasions the wife will be called as Mrs. X (for example) --- sometimes this happens when someone invites you to a wedding and on the envelope it'll be written: Mr. and Mrs. X.

Anyway, that's why when I moved to Finland with my residence permit, all my legal paperwork here has my Dad's surname on it, even though it's not written in my birth certificate. I did want to take R2's surname at some point, but it would be such a hassle 'coz then I'd have to change my bank card, ID card, passport, so I haven't done it (I know R2 doesn't mind, either).

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I once daydreamed about tracking my ancestors and being able to draw a huge family tree, though it would be very hard to do, because I'm not sure in the old days everything was recorded well enough in the registry office (case in point: my Mom's elder siblings don't know their exact birth dates 'coz my grandparents didn't register their births right away). Besides, my Dad's dad came to Indo from mainland China, whereas my Mom's dad came to Indo from Singapore (dunno if he originated from mainland China as well or if he was born there already), but both my grandmas were born in Indonesia already, though I have no idea about their own parents.

A few weeks ago I watched a TV show about Kim Cattrall's effort to track down her ancestors and it made me daydream of my own ancestors. Who were they? Where did they come from? I may not be able to find out anything about them, but at least I can daydream. :-D Maybe one of them was a sailor who loved adventures. Maybe another one was a kungfu master/mistress (after all, Mom's dad was a medicine man) ha ha ha hahhhhh...Maybe another one was a tofu maker hi hi...ahem...OK, enough daydreaming for now... 

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3BT: Random Days

1. Loving my bike's speedometer 'coz it encourages me to ride my bike even more (and faster if possible - sometimes when the road is icy or thickly covered in snow, it's impossible). Plus it's not expensive at all! 

2. Rain!!! It means the temperature is warm enough to melt the snow bit by bit.

3. The upcoming free dinner paid by the company. It'd be nice to finally be able to sit down with all my colleagues and just chit-chat and laugh and enjoy a nice meal together without having to think about work.



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4. Missing hubby whenever I have an evening shift ('coz we'll only meet at night).

5. Remembering a fond memory of hubby that just warms up my heart no matter how grey it is outside.

6. Hearing news that there'll be a slight raise of the hourly wage because the union had fought for this for all of us in my field of work. Thank you, union!

7. They still had the lovely ice-cream at the store, so I bought a package yesterday (it's a special kind that only came in a certain batch and once the batch is gone, then there'll be no more).




8. Making kampanisut with MIL's recipe and it turned out just LOVELY!!! (I'd been craving for some lately - the day I baked it, I ate 3 right after they were done ha ha...)

9. Having a space to fume over something unpleasant I heard and feeling glad after having let it all out. :-D

10. Going back to normal after PMS and period mood wrecking out my balance.

11. The knowledge that my parents are proud of us, even though they have never said it verbally. And that they love us even though they don't actually say "I love you" verbally, either. This kind of knowledge is VERY precious and I cherish it with all my heart and soul.

3BT: Random Days

1. Getting the best bday present ever from hubby: A LOVE LETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or to be exact a love email he he...which I printed and reread. It made me cry today when I woke up and checked my mailbox he he...It was everything I could have hoped for in a love letter - and more! Oh, and it's in Finnish! :-D

2. A friend dropped by and brought a doughnut and a small candle and we had a nice chat over coffee and doughnuts. And she brought me a homemade gift and card as well! BLESS HER!!! What a perfect day!

3. A customer who had the initiative to take out somebody else's shopping cart that had been left inside the store to the place where it belonged.

4. Understanding and thoughtful parents and in-laws that don't ask or push us about giving them any grandkids once I explained to them our decision that two is a complete family and that we don't wish to try any treatment or anything else. They respect our decision fully.

5. Patient people that come along my way (including dear hubby).

6. People that don't take me to any unnecessary guilt trips about any topics at all (including parents, in-laws, and hubby).

7. My family have been enjoying their trip to Bali with SIL's family.

8. My Mom and Ken got sick "at the right time", so they were fine already before they were supposed to fly to Bali. That way they got to enjoy the trip fully.

9. Gorgeous pink sky.

3BT: Random Days

1. More pronounced autumn colours around me. Such as these:




2. Only a few days to go before our long holiday starts. YEEESSSSSS!!!!

3. A few customers wished me a nice trip and some of them told me that they'd miss me. :-D Bless them! They almost made me wet my eyes at work ha ha...

4. Getting positive feedback from an old lady.

5. A while ago, a different old lady held my hand after our encounter at the till. The deliberate gesture made my heart feel warm. :-D

6. Seeing the little girl's stunned expression when she realized that I was at the store at the time when she and her Dad and little sister came by. She couldn't speak at all for at least 30 seconds after I greeted her. :-D

7. Laughing so much with hubby the other night until we had tears in our eyes. It felt WONDERFUL to laugh like that.

8. Having parents and in-laws (yep, mostly the mothers) who don't try to bend me according to their will nor try to change our decisions. They respect our lives and our decisions and I can't be thankful enough for that.

9. Trying up a new recipe to make buns and adding my own topping out of whim and turned out they were the MOST delicious buns I had ever made in my entire life!!!

10. Eating the hot buns with such pleasure that I had to stop myself to eat more than one at a time ha ha...Note: I put the dough in sauna after we had sauna 'coz it used yeast and it rose so well. Next time I make something like that with yeast again, I should do it after our sauna eve. :-D

11. Listening to some customers joke with one another. :-D

August Rush

The other day I watched "August Rush" and one thing that really hit me was when Wizard (played by Robin Williams) asked Evan/August, "Close your eyes and tell me what you want to be when you grow up. It can be anything. What do you want to be?"

Evan/August answers, "Found."

Why did it hit me? Because the story is about an orphan boy whose mother and father didn't even know he existed. How could that be? I'm not going to spoil the story to you he he he...but anyhow, can you imagine his wish to be found by his own birth parents? He's always got this strong feeling that his own parents want him, thus he wants to be found by them.

This part hit me so much 'coz I've always known that I'm wanted by my parents. Even my Dad (a Chinese who usually wants boys as heir) had always wanted to have a girl as a first child. I just want to cherish that fact that I've always been wanted, 'coz not everybody is wanted that way.

To those of you who feel unwanted, I hope that out there in this big big world you'll find people who WANT you just the way you are.

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P.S. The movie is not a regular movie 'coz it incorporates lots of music in it, but it makes it different than other movies.

3BT: Random Days

1. Body lotion for dry skin. Very useful and essential for living in a cold place like Sodankylä.

2. Bought hubby and myself a pair of soft, cuddly heart-shaped pillows that change shape according to the pressure given to them (to hug on our separate reclining sofas) and when I asked him what that type of pillow was called (I wanted to know what they were called in Finnish), he immediately said "Amel" (meaning that was the name he'd given the pillow). My heart melted right away. :-D

3. Two days ago, hubby just booked a short trip to Budapest for us for our upcoming winter holiday. WHOOOPPPEEEE!!! Honeymoon (again)! :-D

4. Making hubby laugh by gazing at him tenderly while saying "I love you", then in a split second I push my face as fast as I can as close as I can to his face with my "scary" look (eyes wide open in a horror movie style). That really made him laugh so much last night that I had to keep doing it a few times - and still he kept on laughing so much every time I did it. *tee hee*

5. Hearing news that my parents are probably going to Bali together with my bro, his wife, and Ken (and maybe with my bro's wife's family too). Happy to hear that they can go on a holiday together!

6. Taking pictures of nature:

First pic: tracks on a frozen river.


Unheated buildings...


Look at the frozen windows!

First Trip Abroad

When I was still studying at the uni, I had many emailpals 'coz I wanted to improve my English. One of them became rather close to me 'coz we shared some similarities (he's a year older than me). He then had an idea to go abroad together with me, but 'coz he knew I couldn't afford going somewhere too far, he suggested Singapore.

While studying at the uni, I had started earning money by becoming a private English tutor. Back then I only had classes from morning until around 2 pm at the latest and on some days I only had one class, so I had plenty of time to teach after 2 pm. Through word of mouth, I got more and more students as time went by, so once I graduated, I had accumulated some money for travel. It wasn't much, but enough for a 6-day trip to Singapore.

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So this emailpal of mine first came to Bandung to visit me for the first time in 2000 and then we went to Singapore together. Prior to his coming to Indo, I naturally had told my parents about our wish to go to Singapore together. My Mom supported me fully, but my Dad was worried. Being a hard-headed person like me, I told my Mom that no matter what I was going to go with this emailpal of mine. So Mom (BLESS HER!!!) became the bridge between me and Dad. If I had to go talk to Dad on my own, we would have had a fight probably. Mom's the best bridge of all time between me and Dad.

For those of you westerners out there, you may wonder why it's this way, but I grew up in Asia where things are different. I lived with my parents until I moved to Finland at the age of 28 years old, so I knew my parents would also consider me as "green" when it came to my wish to go to Singapore at the age of 22 with an emailpal I had never met in real life. However, I was adamant 'coz I wanted to prove to them (and myself) that I could come back in one piece. Why? Because all my life I have been wanting to travel abroad when I have the money and opportunity and if my parents can't trust me enough to go abroad with a friend at that time, they would probably have a harder time letting me go somewhere farther on my own.

In order to appease Dad's worry at that time, I conveyed the problem to my emailpal and he understood it (he has plenty of Asian friends, so even though he's a foreigner, he understands the Asian world). He then had this idea on how he could help, so he wrote an email to my parents (in English) to introduce himself and explain why we wanted to go abroad together. He also stated that we would take good care of each other. After printing that letter out and giving it to Mom (who then gave it to Dad), we got Dad's full permission. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!! :-D I was SO thrilled!

And my closest friends also helped by telling Mom how nice my emailpal was after we spent time with him in Bandung before we went to Singapore together and of course he also dropped by our place a few times, so my Mom could meet him beforehand. I'm sorry to have to lie to my parents by telling them that we'd stay in different rooms, but I just couldn't afford staying in a different room, so we had to share a room to keep the cost low.

But anyway, nothing bad happened. We enjoyed the trip and it was really fun. We almost had a scare when going back to Indo 'coz at Singapore airport, they asked for my emailpal's return ticket from Jakarta to his home country (so the itinerary was he stayed in Indo for a week, then we went to Singapore for 6 days, then he stayed in Indo again for another week). He said he didn't bring it. Finally the Singapore official let him go back to Indo, though they warned him that he might get into trouble in Jakarta airport.

At that time we didn't understand anything about it, so we just disregarded it. Turned out that when we were going out of Jakarta airport, the official wouldn't let him go unless he either could show that he had sufficient funds in his bank account (or credit card) or show that he had the return ticket, he wouldn't let him go out of the airport.

At that time he was still working part-time and studying at the same time, so he didn't have that much money nor enough limit in the credit card. Meanwhile, I had just graduated from university, so I also didn't have any credit card nor too much money in my bank account (in fact, I used up almost all of my 4-year savings that I got from tutoring kids for the whole trip, so I was broke when we got back from Singapore).

We were confused and anxious and worried at that time, but my friend finally decided to ransack through his backpack and ta-daaaa...he FOUND the return ticket!!! He didn't even realize that he had brought it all along! If he hadn't found it, I would have probably have to go back to Bandung alone to retrieve the ticket and go back to Jakarta. Phew!!! What a mess!!!

But all's well that ends well. That trip opened up more opportunities for me to go abroad on my own - such as when I first went to Finland for the first time in 2004. :-)))) I didn't even have to convince my parents anymore 'coz they knew I could take good care of myself he he he...

Bad News, Good News

Haven't been feeling too well. Not too bad, either...but just a little bit weird. Autumn is coming for sure and flu bugs are everywhere. I asked hubby to coin my back just now and it feels GREAT!!!

Update on my parents' health: Mom seems to be OK now, though she has to be careful with what she eats. Dad went to the lab again for a second check-up and this time my bro took him to an internist instead of a GP. The lab results were all fine (no more protein leaking in the urine, glucose level is OK, blood pressure is OK), BUT the internist said that his left lung's capacity has down gone down to 31% only and his right lung is swollen, so he's on medication and he's told NOT to get too tired.

The good thing is that he's NOT stressed about it. He even said to my family, "Look, all the other results are good, though." However, my bro and wife are worried that my Mom might worry too much about Dad and that might cause her blood pressure to peak again...so I still need your prayers for my parents, THANK YOU!!!

Another piece of bad news is that my camera's flash isn't functioning. When we go to Rovaniemi sometime soon, we're going to try to find a place where I can get it fixed. I browsed online and someone said that we only need to replace something, but it's better if the pros do it. So we'll see about that!

Photo taken from here

Now on some good news...my poster has arrived and I think next time I'll know better, 'coz a little bit of two of the pics are cut off, but other than that I'm pretty pleased about it. However, I think next time I should use Photoshop or something like that to maximize the color contrast - 'coz it's not printed as a photo, so it seems to me that the better the color contrast is, the better the end result would be. We're going to take it soon to my in-laws' place, so we'll see how my MIL likes it. ;-D

Today I got a VERY nice surprise. You see, the other day I was thinking of buying a pot of flowers from my workplace, but I restrained myself from doing so due to my shopping budget. Today when I worked at the cashier, a customer said, "I've got a surprise for you." I was scanning the pot of flowers (the type that I had wanted to buy for myself: Celosia Caracas) and then he said that it was for me, "for my good service" - that's what he said.

I was SO touched (still am)!!! It was really thoughtful of him to do that and said that ON purpose. I TRULY appreciate it. He really makes me feel encouraged to know that at least in his eyes, my service is good enough.

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3BT: July 30, 2010

1. Hubby running to welcome me from work today 'coz I had an evening shift, so we hadn't met at all today 'coz I was still asleep when he got up to work and when I left to work, he wasn't home yet.

2. Watching a TV series together right after I got back from work. This was a surprise for me 'coz I thought he would be gaming with his buddies as usual, but no, he spent time with me this time and I TRULY appreciate that.

3. After work, I sent an SMS to Mom to ask about their health. Mom had just done a blood test and she went to the doctor again. Everything was OK except her cholesterol level, so she has to really be careful with her diet. And oh, she's feeling MUCH better already! ;-D

4. Mom told me that Dad looked better and now it seems Dad realizes that he has to be more careful with his diet, as well - considering that he has diabetes and he has to keep his glucose level normal. I hope he keeps on remembering this and I hope he won't be upset whenever my Mom or bro or SIL reminds him not to eat too much food that contains sugar.

5. Found out that we've got some Tiger Lilies at the side of our house and one of them has just bloomed. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!



6. Watching my mustasilmä susanna or Black-eyed Susan vine or Thunbergia alata growing bit by bit...it's intriguing the way the branches grow...here, you can see it yourself!



7. Seeing familiar faces at work today (regular customers) who have smiles on their faces.

8. Seeing MANY more täpläsievikki flowers blooming. At least 40 of them. :-D Here's a pic of two of the buds...


9. Remembering to leave a love note for hubby before I went to work today. :-D

10. Had a nice, long chat with a close friend before I went to work. :-D

3BT: Random Days

1. My täpläsievikki (Nemophila maculata) has finally produced flowers! YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!




2. Ice-cream on hot summer days/nights...

3. Hubby getting me the movies I'd told him I wanted. :-D THANK YOU, Bunny!!!

4. Got a tablecloth as a present from my MIL's elder sister. It matches the colour of our carpet in the kitchen!



5. Though my parents are sick, they found out about it before it got worse. And my brother and wife are there to help them ASAP if they need any help.

6. Finding a warm toilet carpet on a bargain, so I bought one for our downstairs toilet 'coz in winter the floor is SO SO SO cold.

7. Our lawn mower has arrived and R2 says that it's his job to cut the grass HA HA HA HA...And after cutting off the grass, lots of mosquitoes have run away ('coz they've lost their hiding places). YEEEEEESSS!!!!

8. Having a part-time job instead of a full-time job, so even though I sometimes get evening shifts, on other days I can still spend plenty of quality time with R2 (who has an 8-to-4 job).

Prayers Needed

Found out two days ago that my Dad's check-up result wasn't too good. My Mom and bro had been trying to get him to have a check-up to no avail. Finally the other day my SIL managed to persuade him to go to the lab for a check-up. Anyway, my Dad has diabetes and due to the high glucose level, he suffers from protein leak (the kidneys aren't functioning well). Moreover, his lungs are swollen. The doctor told him to really control his glucose level and to have a low protein diet.

This morning when I woke up, I read a message from my brother about my Mom. My bro checked her blood pressure this morning and everything was fine. An hour later, though, she complained about having a headache and they noticed that her lips had turned sideways a little bit. My bro freaked out, so he took her right away to the doctor despite the fact that he was sick (he had a sick leave due to influenza). It was "good", though, that he was on a sick leave so that he could rush her to the doctor right away. When they arrived at the doctor, her lips had turned normal again, but they found out that her blood pressure had spiked.

My bro told my Mom not to be stressed out about Dad. Sigh...it's one thing to hear bad news about one parent, but hearing bad news about BOTH of them really made me feel weak in the knees today.

So for those of you the praying type, please pray for them too...I'm trying not to worry about them, but can't say that it doesn't affect me. It's hard to know what really happens when you're so far away, but I'll keep updating about their conditions later.

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3BT: Random Days

1. Fresh peaches on a hot summer day. When I lived in Indo, I had never eaten fresh peaches - just canned ones (and I LOVE those canned ones too!) But still no canned peaches can beat fresh ones! Yum yum...

2. Feeling surprised when I saw the rose bush in (almost) full bloom today...look at these lovely pics!





3. Watching droplets of rain water on the flowers' petals:




4. Finding discounted DVDs in a supermarket and now that I have some spare time, I can watch them in peace.

5. It's nice to have a part-time job instead of a full-time job 'coz then I have time to tend to my garden, to watch the above DVDs, and do many other things.

6. Hubby's initiative (can't tell you what he did, though) LOL...

7. Finding a new type of flower blooming in the garden. If anyone can tell me the name of the flower, I'd appreciate it!!! The diameter of the flower is about 3.5 cm.


8. Exercising some parts of my muscles that I didn't know existed with my Wii CD. Felt GREAT after I finished my exercise. Can't wait to do more exercise tomorrow (to help me sleep earlier 'coz gotta do a morning shift on Thursday). :-D :-D :-D

9. Both my parents are OK and enjoying life and my brother and his family are OK too.

10. Thankful that summer here isn't THAT hot - we can survive well without air-con or even a fan. All we need to do is open some windows during the day.

11. Mosquito net for the windows! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

12. Thankful that the first floor of our house is rather cold, so it's comfy to sit inside the house even on such a scorching day outside (it's even cooler than outside on such hot days).

A Short Reflection

It's kinda ironic to know that some people are oblivious as to why their adult kids won't visit them more often. They get upset 'coz of this, even though from my eyes it's very clear why the kids are reluctant to visit them. It's maybe because the atmosphere in the house isn't really inviting for the adult kids to WANT to visit them often. Or maybe the parents are too involved in the kids' lives (whenever they meet, the kids are always told what to do with certain areas in life, etc.). Or the parent keeps on yapping whenever they meet or there can be many numerous other reasons.

In the end, unfortunately, the vicious cycle continues...the upset parent (or parents) complains when the adult kids do visit and says something like this, "Ah, we've got a long lost visitor (insinuating that now they've become "strangers", so to speak)." After hearing that over and over again, the kids feel less and less desire to visit the parents...and it only gets worse and worse.

It's human nature, I guess. It's MUCH easier to put the blame on someone else rather than look in the mirror at yourself and see what's wrong with yourself that may be causing the distance between you and your own kids.

3BT: Random Days

1. Hubby called me to find out where I was. Note: I had a call from a friend who needed my help ASAP, so I went to her place right after work and didn't have time to tell R2 about it. 'Coz I always got back home straight from work, he was confused where I could be and he was worried about me hi hi hi...

2. TEMPEH!!!!!!!!!!! Oh glorious tempeh!!! THANK YOU to my friend's Mom who brought me some frozen tempeh from the UK when she came here for a visit.

3. Having fun chit-chatting with my friend and her Mom who visited me while bringing my tempeh HO HO HO HO...

4. Cooking the said tempeh yesterday and today - I gave yesterday's tempeh for my in-laws. Today's tempeh I cooked with garlic, sweet soy sauce, coriander, lemongrass, tamarind, salt, pepper, and chili seeds.


5. When I let MIL guess what it was just by looking at it, she thought it was something made out of rice HI HI HI HI HI...and she liked it! :-D

6. Having fun trying out different forms of origami - some of which I had learnt years back but forgotten, some others I've only begun trying now. It's really therapeutic!

7. Finally R2 was impressed with one type of origami that I made he he he...

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8. Dealing with the kids at the daycare makes me appreciate my parents in a whole new level 'coz they'd had to put up with us (esp. since I was such a naughty child).

9. Eating tempeh with warm rice this morning and enjoying EVERY single bite of it...mmmhhh...

10. Excitement 'coz I want to try making my own tempeh in summer (I have the tempeh starter now WHOOOPPEEE!!!) - hopefully there are hot days he he he...

How My Parents Raised Us: Education

My parents were never too strict with us when it comes to education. However, they expected us to finish school in a normal period of time since it was costly for them to pay for our education. My Mom kept on saying to us when we were little, "You don't have to get an 8 or 9 for your school reports. As long as you get a 6, then it's fine."

Mind you that in Indo at that time, "blue" marks (safe marks) started from 6 and the highest mark was 9 for school reports of each subject. "Red" marks started from 5 and below. The schools would make the students stay in the same grade if they get red marks for certain subjects, for example Mathematics. However, if the student only got one 5 for a subject that wasn't too crucial, then the school would let him/her go to the upper grade.

One of my closest friends told me that she used to be scared if she went home with a test mark less than 8, since her mother expected her to get high marks all the time. In elementary schools at that time, every one of our test had to be signed by one of our parents to make sure that the parents knew our marks.

I must admit that if I remember correctly, twice I faked my parents' signature since I got bad marks for the tests HI HI HI HI HI HI...

In Junior High School and High School, we didn't have to get our parents' signature for our individual tests, but of course they wanted one of their signatures in our school reports. Reports came either quarterly or every half a year.

In Indonesia, it's "easier" to find a good job in a big company if your university GPA is high enough. Usually recruiting companies ask for a 2,75 GPA (the highest GPA is 4,00 and it means that you ALWAYS get an A for each subject). Some international companies even ask for a 3,00 GPA (meaning that at least your average mark is a B for each subject). You CAN be recruited still even if your GPA is lower than they require as long as you know the boss he he he...

Of course GPA doesn't count much if you want to open your own business. The only problem if you want to open your business is finding the fund to do so he he he...And if you are into doing marketing in some companies (like the insurance company where my Dad worked), then you don't need to worry about your GPA.

Speaking of education, I don't know how it works here in Finland. Everything is SO different from Indonesia. For example: Over here it's a normal thing to do a job training and get some money from the government, whereas in Indonesia it's not possible to do that UNLESS you're accepted as an employee first.

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Back to my parents...I always remember the story that my Mom tells me about my brother. Mom kept on telling us, "I don't like lies. I don't want to be lied to. As long as you're honest with me, I won't be angry, okay?"

That promise "backfired" one day when my brother came to Mom and said, "Mom, don't be angry, okay? I want to tell you something."

Mom said, "Okay, I promise I won't be angry. What is it?"

My brother admitted, "I've got 4 for a test. Here it is."

HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...My Mom COULD NOT be angry since she had promised not to, right? Of course she was surprised, but she calmed herself down and said, "Okay, then that means you need to study even better for the next test. If you can get a good mark for the next test, then your average mark will still be blue instead of red."

One thing I admire about my Mom is how well she understands us. She knows that my brother is "slower" than me in learning things. I think mainly it's because he gets distracted more easily than me. Everybody has different ways of learning things and I'm quite a focused person, so I get things done faster than him.

My parents didn't force my brother to get into a "strict" High School since they knew it would only make him stressed out. So he went to a less strict school and he BLOSSOMED there!!! He found teachers who believed in him and that drove him to study hard!!! ;-D

Additional info: I was sometimes lazy to go to school, so sometimes I told them that I wanted to skip school and I only needed to type the letter of absence myself and ask for their signature to give to the school the next day (they always let me do it) HI HI HI HI HI...But usually I only took a "day off" from school during the semester or year since I didn't want to miss too much as I would have to catch up on everything later on.

I'm really GRATEFUL for my parents for their understanding, support, and hard work for getting us through university. They never forced us to choose a certain direction. I know I haven't always been an easy daughter to deal with (stubborn me!!!) but I can always count on them. I owe them EVERYTHING!!!

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Note to self: I should write them an email to thank them personally. :-)))