Sunday, August 15, 2010


A friend of mine told me about her current problem in life. She met this woman at her son's school, but this woman clings to her like a magnet. She calls my friend over 15 times A DAY and sends her plenty of messages. She wants to be with my friend as much as possible, though she herself has a husband and a child. My friend becomes a bit spooked by this, so she tries to avoid her as much as she can BUT she can't help feeling that she's such a cruel person.

I told her that the woman had overstepped my friend's boundaries. I then asked if this woman's messages were important or urgent and my friend said no. I then said this, "If she's not in dire need for help and the message isn't all that important or urgent, then it's fine to ignore it or just reply later." After all, it costs money to reply to SMSes and if she sends my friend so many SMSes a day, then it's just crazy. Plus a housewife like my friend who also needs to take care of her parents' store as well as help take care of her sick father doesn't have time to answer every time that woman calls her.

In the beginning she did answer every one of her calls, though after a while she realized that it just wouldn't do, so she began to ignore her calls. It's kinda hard to make someone like this woman to understand that there are certain boundaries that she should know. Maybe she doesn't have any other friends and that's sad, but that doesn't mean she can bombard my friend like that. She even wants to spend a night at my friend's house, can you believe it? I mean, she's got her own house, her own husband, and her own child!!! And it's not as though my friend ASKED her to spend a night at her place...that woman just said to my friend that she wanted to do so!

Anyway...have you ever encountered someone like that - someone who oversteps your boundaries? What did you tell him/her then? Or did you just try to avoid that person as much as you can 'coz telling that person the truth would sound too cruel?

I remember when I first moved to Indo, I also overstepped my friends' boundaries by clinging onto them too much. At that time I didn't have friends here yet, so I bombarded my friends with emails - LONG, frequent emails and one of them had enough guts to tell me about it ('coz in a way it also made her feel guilty for not being able to reply to my many emails). It hurt me at that time, but it was the right thing to do and I TOTALLY appreciate her openness to me 'coz it made me realize I couldn't "put my eggs in one basket" so to speak. I needed to widen my sphere of friendship and blogging has helped me A LOT in that department. Without you all my blogging friends, I wouldn't have made it. So, CHEERS for you all, my beloved blogging friends! ;-D


  1. oh man..that can be really annoying. I used to have a friend like that, and we lived in the same place. So that's just ARGGGHHH!!! I did try to avoid her for awhile, but that didn't work (coz we lived in the same place) one point I just told her that as much as I'd like to be her friends, I needed my personal space to do my own things, and that even when I didn't spend so much time with her, it didn't mean that I loved her any less. It did hurt her a bit, but things got better after that, and now she is one of my bestfriends. =)

  2. I know how it feel when somebody oversteps your boundaries. I used to have a friend like that, too. We live in the same town and went to the same church. One day, she rang me at 3 am and unfortunately my mobile wasn't on silent mode. :( So, hubby was also woken up bcoz of her call. :( After that, I told her politely that I appreciate her friendship, but that 3 a.m call was just too much. Of course, it hurt her and she didn't contact me anymore for a while, but then once she realized my point, she got back to me (in a better way) and now we're still good friends. :)

  3. Shinta + Henny: THANKS for sharing both of your experiences. So in both your cases, everything turned out just fine even after you told them your boundaries. COOL! :-D

  4. That's tough - 15 calls a day. Who has time to make 15 calls a day? I expect her house is a mess. Ha, ha.
    But seriously, that is not fair on your friend. I think it's a little rude and selfish to interrupt someone's time as much as that, especially as they are new friends and especially as this is not a crisis situation!
    Your friend shouldn't feel guilty about not picking up every call. I think she should politely but firmly explain she loves hearing from her but she has a shop to run and a family to take care of and sometimes she doesn't have a lot of spare time. I hope she backs off a little and gives your friend some space.

  5. Hey Amel,

    What a terrible story! A stalker...a female stalking another female: odd.

    No, I haven't experienced this ever. So, I don't know what I would do in such cases.

    I hope all goes well for your friend, poor thing.

    Big hug

  6. I am afraid that I wouldn't even be polite in telling her. I'd say it like it needs to be said. ..but that's me!

    "For goodness sake woman.. gimme a break!"

    She sounds very 'young' mentally if she wants to spend a night round a friend. Unfortunately there are some people that simply don't learn boundaries growing up...and will not as an adult.. unless you wave the border under their nose! STRONGLY!

    Hope your friend sorts it out!

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  8. The World According to Me: Yeah, my friend's such a soft-hearted person...I hope she can also be more vocal in this type of situation, so we'll see...

    Max: I think it'll be all right...I haven't talked to her about this anymore, but we'll see...

    Michelle: Yeah, I know you'd do that and I'd also do that at some point in time - if she can't handle subtle hints. But the thing is, my friend's not that type of person - she's the type that'd rather just avoid her at all costs he he he he...

    Anyway, I also hope for her own sake, she'll learn to say NO or to tell the other woman that too much is just too much.