A friend shared this article in Facebook and I think it's too good not to share here, as well.
Here goes:
After sharing it in Facebook, a friend commented, "Just be there and be a good listener. Indonesians tend to give too much advice, whereas in Japan they don't even dare to say hi when they don't know what to say to you."
Finding balance is hard and when you're in an awkward position of hearing something sad or a tragedy that someone has just experienced, it's easy to get tempted to say something "helpful" (giving advice or saying hopeful words) even though the other person simply just wants you to be there and listen to you.
I find that the theory also works for infertility. I find that more often than not, when I tell people that we have no kids, they either ask why we don't have kids or they ask if we want to have kids or not (as in whether we're trying or not). And then most of them don't just stop there because they either assume we don't like kids or that we still want kids. And then they move on to giving us hopeful phrases like "You're still young, you still have time" or advice (adoption, etc.). There are some rare people out there, though, that don't pry and just accept a "no, we have no kids" without probing any further. :-)
I'm well aware that it's hard to know what to say especially when you don't know the person very well and each situation is different, but I think in most cases saying "sorry to hear that, do you want to talk about it because I'm ready to listen?" is enough. Unless the person specifically asks for your advice, then that's a whole different matter.
Anyhow, I hope you find the article useful. :-D
One thing I LOVE about hubby, even though he's not a flower guy, is the fact that he LISTENS to my needs and he makes sure that he makes me happy he he he he...
You see, the other day I noticed that he didn't come home for lunch and I asked him about it. I just thought that he didn't have time to come home. Turned out that he had eaten in one hotel's restaurant. He had gotten lots of free lunch coupons, so he had to use them. I was pouting when I heard that, since he had never taken me out to have a lunch in any restaurant here (except to buy some pizzas in a kebab restaurant - but we usually eat it home). He then told me that he could give me the coupon so that I could try eating there. I said to him that I didn't want to eat alone there. I wanted to eat in a restaurant with HIM he he he he...
(Side note: In all fairness, I don't really want him to take me out to a restaurant by paying the bill himself, since the price is too high and I'd really prefer his saving the money instead of using it to treat us to a restaurant.)
He said nothing else about the subject. I knew it wasn't easy for him to take me to have lunch together with him since his lunch break depended much on whether his work was done or not. Sometimes he comes back home for lunch break at 1 pm or 1.30 pm or even later than that. Only a few times he managed to come back home for lunch break at around midday.
Anyway, yesterday he came home happily since turned out that he had decided to take a day off today (he had worked overtime a few times, so he earned the day off). Then he asked me when my lunch break was. He said, "What if I pick you up on your lunch break and we can eat in the restaurant together?"
You can imagine my joy then HEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEE...It wasn't so much the going to the restaurant that counted, but the fact that he CARED about taking me there to have that experience with him. ;-D
Anyway, as I've told you, yesterday after my course, hubby took me and my Brit friend to my Russian friend's house and then picked us up again afterward. On the way home, he said that we should drop by at a supermarket. He was going to make PANCAKES. YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! ;-D I didn't even have to do anything hi hi hi hi...I was doing my homework when he was cooking pancakes, then he announced that it was ready, so I ate some.
And this morning when my alarm beeped, as usual I couldn't get up right away...he helped bug me so that I would leave the bed HA HA HA HA HA HA...I'm SO THANKFUL for him for that!!!! ;-D
When I was about to leave the house to go to my course, I saw the stack of dishes from last night and I thought to myself, "Hmmm...it'd be GREAT if he would do the dishes this time as I had no time to do it last night, but if he doesn't do it, then it's fine as well."
I came back home this afternoon and found the kitchen spic and span. HURRRAAAYYYY!!! I LOVE that guy!!!
Other than that, today I wanted to watch a movie earlier. At first he said that he wasn't in the mood to do that. However, after a while he changed his mind and we watched "I Am Legend" together HEEEEEEEEEEEE HE HE HE HE HE...That was why I grabbed him tightly and told him, "You're REALLY the love of my life" before I kissed him passionately HE HE HE HE HE HE...
Hmmm...I should send him an e-card to tell him how much I appreciate what he does. :-)))))
So you see, my days have been S U P E R B!!!!!!!!!! I sure do hope yours has been like that, as well!
Take care, dear friends...let me blog-hop some more before I relax he he he...
