These days I'm on fragile ground again. I didn't even realize how fragile it was until one of my best friends made me realize it accidentally. As one of the main things in life is to find life's purposes...to feel that your existence has value...so the sense of self-value is, in a way, fragile.
Upon moving to Finland, I have had to learn to be like a kid again. Learning Finnish in the full-time course made me temporarily forget how fragile my sense of value was, since I felt that I had done pretty well in that department.
Reality check came loud and hard when it was time for me to do my trainings. Even though my Finnish is MUCH better than last year, but still doing something totally new that involves speaking (giving proper information) and listening in Finnish is altogether different from learning Finnish in a classroom.
These two types of trainings have shaken my sense of value (well, this training does that more than the first one). I've never had any work experiences in these two types of training places, so I really have to learn everything from zero. I feel incompetent and useless from time to time and as you know, that's not one of the best feelings in the world.
Every day I have to hold on to thin threads of "glories" whenever I feel that I've done just ONE thing right, whenever I feel that I've done just ONE thing well enough. I have to learn to hold on to those moments and let go of all those "failures" (and I have to keep on kicking their asses whenever they want to show up their faces again he he). Otherwise I'd want to crumble and not even try to do my best.
I talked about this with my best friends and their responses really encouraged me. I feel that I'm not so alone anymore, since they've also experienced the same thing, not only once, but over and over and over again. :-))))
Now I've set up my mind to learn to walk like a small kid...taking small, somewhat agitated, fearful, doubtful steps, hoping that someday I can walk as well as the "adults" and then over time I can learn to run...and run fast!!! Boy, it must be GOOD to feel the wind in my face then...but I must be patient and HOPEFUL.
I'm again learning to embrace myself every single day and tell myself that I'm okay even though I make mistakes, even though I'm not THAT good yet, but I'm going to do MY BEST with whatever I can do well (even if it means I'm only good at cleaning shelves or mopping the floor!). I'm NOT going to let myself be stuck in a rut. Even if it's only a millimeter away, I should count that as an improvement and I should try to get there with all my might. I'm trying to learn to walk with enthusiasm even when I stumble here and there, not with discouragement. The journey's gonna be rough, but this is what it means to grow. This is the price I have to pay for moving to Finland. :-)))
I don't know yet what I want to do in the future (job-wise), but I know that I'm in VERY GOOD HANDS. After all, I've got everything I need (and MUCH MORE) ever since I moved to Finland: all those MIRACLES and open doors of opportunities. :-)))))
In the meantime, all I can do is just keep on learning, keep on "stretching" as best as I can, keep on doing the best that I can with what I can give, know that it is enough, and wait for His open doors...
Juliana tagged me to do this meme. Let's see what I have to say he he he...
~ Start Copy ~Rules :1. Copy from "Start Copy" until "End of Copy".2. Before "End of Copy", share your best memories of 2007 include your name and your URL blog.3. Share this tag to your friends.For me, the year 2007 had a lot of happiness (and hope for 2008). Happiness because i see my son, grow and grow day by day. I have a great husband. I met lots of new friends from around the world via blogging ^_^ - Juliana RW~000~
For me, the year 2007 is a year of BLESSINGS and LESSONS. First of all, after battling with bureaucracy for months, I finally got my residence permit so I could at last move to Finland to be with my hubby. Secondly, an evening Finnish course started at the right time and in the right place (6 months after I moved to Finland and it was near my house). Thirdly, I get to enjoy marital bliss with my hubby (WAY better than I thought it could be). Fourthly, hubby found a permanent job miraculously!!! Last but not least, I've also started earning some money online since last month plus I've got SO MANY friends around the world now. And my in-laws are VERY warm and welcoming and considerate. Plus my brother's just got married and his wedding was smooth. And my parents are healthy (Dad had a mini stroke not long after I moved to Finland, but now he's healthy again!).
THANK GOD for everything I've been given this year. THANK GOD for every miracle He's performed in my life, for every door He's opened.
Moving to Finland also means challenges. You can read a list of lessons I've learnt and re-learnt since I moved to Finland here and you'll see why I said this year is a year of lessons. - Amel
~ End of Copy ~
I'm tagging:
Max
Fish Without Bicycle
Blur Ting
Michelle
Have you ever thought of being in a coma? (yeah, a morbid thought coming from Amel's brain)I once saw a movie (don't remember the title, unfortunately) where a woman was in a coma for more than ten years, I think. During that period, her best friend had become SO close to her daughter and husband. I didn't watch the movie from the beginning, so I didn't know how it first started. All I know is that when the woman wakes up from the coma, the hubby, daughter, and best friend are all SO happy. However, then she finds out that reality's changed a lot. Her hubby and best friends are in love and her daughter has considered her best friend as her mother figure. And she's also confused about the "far modern" world she's now in. How scary is that? I think it'd have been better for her to die. If you're ever in a coma, would you want your loved ones to unhook you from the machines or not? Well, I guess it all depends on how "bad" the injuries are. Miracles MAY happen in any case, though I wouldn't want to think of myself being supported by machines for too long. If I don't show any brain activities anymore, I would want to be unhooked from the machines.
Sometimes despite the advantages we may enjoy from it, I think modern technology also makes things more complicated, don't you think so? It gets harder for you to make some decisions as there're many more grey areas. What a dilemma!
Speaking of morbid thoughts...how about amnesia?
I've also watched a movie about a guy who had amnesia and then got married to another woman whereas he had actually had a wife. What would the law say about such a matter?
I wonder how the old wife must've felt when she found out that her husband was alive AND married to another woman. And that he'd forgotten most of things about their lives.
I admit I know nothing much about amnesia, yet after watching such a movie, I can't help wondering about the whole situation.
What would I do if I have amnesia? Would I ever remember anything at all in the end? Would I feel frustrated because I don't even know who I am?
Questions, questions, more questions he he he...I'm just rambling here again. ;-D
