Legacy

In the past even before we tried having kids (but especially when we were busy trying to have kids), there was always this thought at the back of my head that this blog of mine would be a kind of legacy for our kids, as well. I've written down so many things and memories, including our love story. 

If I reread some of the older posts, the legacy tone kept on repeating itself in some posts. It used to be so painful, thinking of this loss, thinking of how much I would have wanted to share with our kids. It took a long time to let them go...Now that we've decided to live a life without kids, I have to renew my perspective on legacy. No matter how much earthly belongings we accumulate, they'll end up in other people's hands (not our kids' hands), so what would my legacy be?

I thought to myself, "Well, now this blog is my legacy to whoever is willing to read/listen. Proof of our existence. I hope that whoever has been reading has benefited from my posts, that they may learn from my mistakes, that they may be humoured/entertained by some of my posts, that they may feel less alone, that they can get a broader perspective in life by having read my perspective on things."

Now when I reread my older posts with the legacy tone, I don't feel the pain anymore. Instead, I feel that I've gone to the right direction - that when one can't change something, then one learns to surrender to it. Surrendering doesn't mean giving up. It means accepting the fact and learning to dance in the rain. 



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Love Oh Love...

I'm in a "love" mood, so let me share these with you...

I found these quotations in an old email folder, so I don't know the authors. If any one of you knows who wrote these quotations, do tell me so that I can give the credit to them.

True love is NOT blind at all; it sees what is and feels it as it is with no rose-colored glasses and no anesthesia.

Love is open, allowing our hearts to be touched and moved by what exists.

Love is honest, willing to be present to life just as it is, in all its beauty and ugliness.

Human love necessarily includes friendship: friendship within relationship, within marriage, between husband and wife. When a man and a woman are truly friends, they know each other's difficult points and weaknesses, but they are not inclined to stand in judgment on them. They are more concerned with helping each other and enjoying each other than they are with finding fault.

Love is content to do many things that ego is bored with. Love is willing to work with the other person's moods and unreasonableness. Love is willing to fix breakfast and balance the checkbook. Love is willing to do the down-to-earth things of life because it is related to a person, not a projection.

One of the glaring contradictions in romantic love is that so many couples treat their friends with so much more kindness, consideration, generosity, and forgiveness than they ever give to one another!

And here's a poem I wrote in December 2006, right after I got married the month before. We were still separated by then since I had to do the paperwork first.

More Things I Love About You

I love the way you dream of me, of us,

I love the way you daydream of me and us and our future,

I love the way we talk about our future,

I love the way you write about me in your diary,

I love the way you tell me everything,

I love the way you sigh dreamily of us,

I love the way you miss me,

I love the way you want to tell me everything else that you might have forgotten to tell me before,

I love the way you think of me,

I love the way you appreciate every little gesture I make,

I love the way you keep every little memento of our togetherness safely,

I love the way we click even we've only been together in real life for 5 weeks,

I love the way we argue about silly stuff,

I love the way we giggle together about our own private jokes,

I love the way we watch movies together and comment on them,

I love the way you shake your head as fast as you can and loll your tongue out at the same time like a maniac,

I love the way you make me smile and laugh,

I love the way you touch me and kiss me,

I love the way you melt my heart over and over and over,

I love the way you tease me evilly only to hold me and love me and comfort me again,

I love the way we've been holding on together even if the odds had been against us,

I love the way you take care of my feelings,

I love the way we purse our lips to each other like baboons craving for kisses,

I love the way your leg hair tickle my legs.

I love the way you make me FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the way we do nothing particular yet still enjoy each other.

I love the way you move me, melt me, fill my love tank like nobody's ever done before.

You make me wanna teleport myself to you this very second...

I've never been surer that we're so meant to be together.

I only wish God gives us years to come to cherish together.

I can't imagine living without you...

It's like we've truly known each other forever...

I wanna grow old with you...

I don't care even though I keep on writing clichés here.

No language in the world has enough vocabulary to express what I feel for you.

You make me believe in magic, hope, eternity in harmony.

No matter what happens later on in years to come,

I still LOVE the feelings you've made me feel.

Do you know how you've made me feel?

First you filled up my love tank,

Then you made it burst out and got bigger,

Then you filled it up again,

Then you made it expand again,

Then you filled it up again,

And again, and again, and again...

I can't even believe that someone's capable of doing it!

I'm just glad the person is YOU, My Love.

You were made especially for me,

That I know for sure.

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