This post below was written as a draft ages ago, but for some reason I never got to complete it and I didn't publish it, either he he...Here goes, with some additional notes...
Moving to a village in Finland has enabled me to - in a way - reinvent myself. What I mean by reinventing myself is that nobody knows my background. Nobody knows anything much about Indonesia nor what it's like to live there. Nobody knows my family. Nobody knows my family's "social strata". Nobody knows what kind of job I had beforehand and nobody has expectations for me.
It's kinda liberating, you know? I feel like so much weight is off my back. :-D Back in Indo, other people have given me different labels, but when I moved to Finland, I started my life with a blank sheet of canvas again.
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And because of the social system differences, I can be whatever I want to be without feeling that some jobs are "less than" others. Back in Indo, certain jobs are considered "less inviting" due to many different factors (mostly financial factor), whereas here in Finland no matter what kind of job you do, it doesn't matter 'coz the standard of income (among other things) is already set.
It's also liberating to know that even when you change a job here, you don't have to "suffer miserably financially" the way it'd happen in Indo. I mean, in Indo if you start all over again in a different field, you're bound to get "yucky income" and it's a no-no especially if you have kids. After all, in Indo good education that'd allow them to go to good universities that would enable them to get good jobs with good income levels is very pricy these days.
Another thing that makes me feel liberated by living here is the lack of many pressures that exist in Indo (click the link to read further info). Even though sometimes a few Finnish people (whom I don't know well) ask me whether I have kids or not, upon hearing the answer they won't continue probing about my menstrual period the way my Indo neighbour did nor ask any questions whether or not we intend to adopt nor would they give me advice about trying this and that or going to that and this gyno.
One particular "freedom" I've enjoyed thoroughly is the lack of expectation from other people from me. I can start my life from scratch and try out new jobs or training places with very little knowledge of those jobs and in doing so I've learnt so many new things. Moving to Finland has been the greatest adventure I've ever done in my life, especially for someone who "always plays it safe" like me. :-D
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One friend who got married years ahead of me told me that married life and dating life were two very different things. Before getting married, I also read some books on the topic and most of them warned the couples NOT to expect differences in the spouse's habits after they get married.
When I began to live together with my hubby, I wasn't surprised about his habits since I had known already his daily habits. What made me confused was knowing what he expected from me. I didn't know what kind of a wife he expected. Had he been an Indonesian guy, I would have probably known more or less what type of wife he had expected, but he's not an Indonesian guy.
So the first few weeks I was struggling to find out whether what I had done would be enough for him. I wanted to make sure I was okay in every aspect of our married life. I asked him directly after some time whether he had any complaints about me and I still keep this habit until now. I want to be the first to know if there's "trouble in paradise". I don't want to hear about this from someone else. My Brit friend MC told me that many men had complained to her about their wives and I DO NOT want my hubby to do such a thing. If there's "trouble in paradise", I want us to talk about it and solve it right away.
Another test for us upon entering married life was trust in our financial affairs. You see, hubby has two kinds of savings account: the regular one and the one with a higher interest. The one with the higher interest is the type of savings that can only be withdrawn maximum twice a year. If you have to withdraw more than twice a year from that account, then you'll be penalized by the bank.
Well, since I brought some savings from Indonesia, I wanted to keep them in two separate accounts. I told hubby that it'd be better if I keep a large amount of my savings in his account with a higher interest so that both of us can get bigger interest since we'll be putting a larger amount of money there. Then I also wanted to open my own account in which I put a small amount of money for practical uses.
At first hubby was a bit worried he he he he he...but in the end he decided that my idea was better. So we both have access to the account with a higher interest, whereas each of us has our own savings account for practical uses.
Another bit of trouble upon entering married life was that I wanted hubby to commit himself to save a certain amount of money per month (after he got a steady job, not beforehand). It didn't matter how much or how little it was as long as he could keep on saving every month. I asked him to think about it and choose the amount himself. I told him that I didn't care how he spent the rest of his salary, but I just wanted him to save some money per month. At first he kept on saying, "We'll see, we'll see."
At first I was a bit annoyed when hearing that since I wanted a straight answer. But now I've learnt that it meant that I should let him do it on his own terms and pace. It didn't mean that he wasn't listening to me or that he didn't like my idea or that he didn't want to commit himself.
In a way, it was also a trust test for me. I had to learn to trust him to do everything on his own terms and pace and not nag, nag, nag. I seriously had to control myself so that I wouldn't keep on asking him whether he had saved money that month or not. These days I don't need to remind him anymore (I only reminded him for the first month after he got a job), since I can check it up myself in the joined account. And I'm pleased to say that he's still saving money to that joined account almost every month.
Marriage is definitely a test of character. I'm more of a planner, whereas he's more of a "carpe diem" sort of guy. Whenever I try to make plans that are too far away in the future, he'll say, "We'll see" or even "I can't plan that far ahead". It's also good for me 'coz he's helped me learn to enjoy the moment more than before and his character balances out that planner side in me. After all, no matter how many plans you have and how wonderful your plans are, there's always a possibility of their not working out as you hope. Life is totally unpredictable anyway and balance is the key!
Well, this is just my ramblings upon entering married life he he he...It just occured to me the other day that I hadn't really talked about this in my blog he he he...OK, I'm going to blog-hop now!!!
