I don't know about your lives, but I'm going to tell you how life's made me learn balance in some ways. It's by swaying from one extreme to another. Yep. I wanna know if anyone else has ever experienced something like this. Let me explain it more detailed manner then.
I was not only born a planner (temperamentally), but I also have parents who taught me how to plan things well, so planning has been deeply rooted in my blood. One close friend was once shocked at how my planner brain worked. She said it was scary that I could plan things that way (too many details, she said). So you can say that I was quite extreme regarding this matter.
However, once I moved to Finland, I was forced NOT to plan ANYTHING at all. When I moved to Finland, I was jobless and I didn't even know when a full-time Finnish course was going to happen. All I could do was enjoy the moment, make the best of my time, and hope for the best. Granted it was forced by life on me, but still I made quite a huge sway from the first extreme to another.
Now that I've been in both sides and now that life seems to be going back to its normal course (I can speak the language and I've got a part-time job), I get to make some short-term, general plans but I also don't want to lose the joy of the moment. In the past, I used to feel that I had one leg over my future realm so my focus on the present moment was half blurry. Now I don't want to lose the joys of the moments, so I think I'll try to keep steady in having the balance between the present and the future.
Another experience like this happens on being open to others. I used to be so introverted and I kept everything inside, even when it came to my closest friends. Then along the years someone taught me the joy of being open to others, but I took it to the extreme. I shared too many details with my closest friends, even though on hindsight some of them weren't ready to know that much. Not everybody is ready to hear the truth at its rawest level, so now before I become too open to people, I have to think of the listeners as well and the state of their readiness.
1. Two of my closest friends are planning to visit us in Sodankylä this summer, so I hope it comes true and that I can take some days off from work to be able to be with them (I think I can 'coz I'm only a part-time worker - oh the joy!!!)
2. The hard working snow truck/snow blower workers who are always at work right after it's been snowing a lot, thus making life MUCH easier for us here.
3. Meeting a "mirror couple" - a couple who are similar with R2 and I (only the other way around: the hubby is more like me whereas the wife is more like R2). It's FUN to talk to someone who knows "us" and we're able to laugh about "us" he he...
4. Planning, budgeting, browsing - when it comes to our summer holiday to Indo.
5. Snowing on days when I didn't have my work shifts so I had plenty of time to clear up the snow on the yard. :-D
6. Meeting a retired Finnish lady (probably a former English teacher) who spoke to me in English and Finnish and chit-chatted with me for a while.
7. Hubby for making me laugh so much and making life with him feel so much FUN. :-D
8. Reading these words (taken from Max Lucado's book entitled "No Wonder They Call Him The Saviour" page 36, this chapter is called "The Tale of the Crucified Thief"):
Jesus’ love does not depend upon what we do for him. Not at all. In the eyes of the King, you have value simply because you are. You don’t have to look nice or perform well. Your value is inborn.
Period.
Think about that for just a minute. You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are. Remember that. Remember that the next time you are left bobbing in the wake of someone’s steamboat ambition.
Remember that the next time some trickster tries to hang a bargain basement price tag on your self-worth. The next time someone tries to pass you off as a cheap buy, just think about the way Jesus honors you...and smile.
I do. I smile because I know I don’t deserve love like that. None of us do. When you get right down to it, any contributions that any of us make is pretty puny. All of us—even the purest of us - deserve heaven about as much as that crook did. All of us are signing on Jesus’ credit card, not ours.
And it also makes me smile to think that there is a grinning ex-con walking the golden streets who knows more about grace than a thousand theologians. No one else would have given him a prayer. But in the end that is all that he had. And in the end, that is all it took.”
One friend who got married years ahead of me told me that married life and dating life were two very different things. Before getting married, I also read some books on the topic and most of them warned the couples NOT to expect differences in the spouse's habits after they get married.
When I began to live together with my hubby, I wasn't surprised about his habits since I had known already his daily habits. What made me confused was knowing what he expected from me. I didn't know what kind of a wife he expected. Had he been an Indonesian guy, I would have probably known more or less what type of wife he had expected, but he's not an Indonesian guy.
So the first few weeks I was struggling to find out whether what I had done would be enough for him. I wanted to make sure I was okay in every aspect of our married life. I asked him directly after some time whether he had any complaints about me and I still keep this habit until now. I want to be the first to know if there's "trouble in paradise". I don't want to hear about this from someone else. My Brit friend MC told me that many men had complained to her about their wives and I DO NOT want my hubby to do such a thing. If there's "trouble in paradise", I want us to talk about it and solve it right away.
Another test for us upon entering married life was trust in our financial affairs. You see, hubby has two kinds of savings account: the regular one and the one with a higher interest. The one with the higher interest is the type of savings that can only be withdrawn maximum twice a year. If you have to withdraw more than twice a year from that account, then you'll be penalized by the bank.
Well, since I brought some savings from Indonesia, I wanted to keep them in two separate accounts. I told hubby that it'd be better if I keep a large amount of my savings in his account with a higher interest so that both of us can get bigger interest since we'll be putting a larger amount of money there. Then I also wanted to open my own account in which I put a small amount of money for practical uses.
At first hubby was a bit worried he he he he he...but in the end he decided that my idea was better. So we both have access to the account with a higher interest, whereas each of us has our own savings account for practical uses.
Another bit of trouble upon entering married life was that I wanted hubby to commit himself to save a certain amount of money per month (after he got a steady job, not beforehand). It didn't matter how much or how little it was as long as he could keep on saving every month. I asked him to think about it and choose the amount himself. I told him that I didn't care how he spent the rest of his salary, but I just wanted him to save some money per month. At first he kept on saying, "We'll see, we'll see."
At first I was a bit annoyed when hearing that since I wanted a straight answer. But now I've learnt that it meant that I should let him do it on his own terms and pace. It didn't mean that he wasn't listening to me or that he didn't like my idea or that he didn't want to commit himself.
In a way, it was also a trust test for me. I had to learn to trust him to do everything on his own terms and pace and not nag, nag, nag. I seriously had to control myself so that I wouldn't keep on asking him whether he had saved money that month or not. These days I don't need to remind him anymore (I only reminded him for the first month after he got a job), since I can check it up myself in the joined account. And I'm pleased to say that he's still saving money to that joined account almost every month.
Marriage is definitely a test of character. I'm more of a planner, whereas he's more of a "carpe diem" sort of guy. Whenever I try to make plans that are too far away in the future, he'll say, "We'll see" or even "I can't plan that far ahead". It's also good for me 'coz he's helped me learn to enjoy the moment more than before and his character balances out that planner side in me. After all, no matter how many plans you have and how wonderful your plans are, there's always a possibility of their not working out as you hope. Life is totally unpredictable anyway and balance is the key!
Well, this is just my ramblings upon entering married life he he he...It just occured to me the other day that I hadn't really talked about this in my blog he he he...OK, I'm going to blog-hop now!!!
I was raised up by two planners. Since I myself am basically a planner, then you can imagine the result he he he he he...My Mom has always told me since I was a kid (remember that she loves telling us stories) that a girl must have some savings or at least gold when she gets married. Maybe for this age, having gold (gold chains or in whichever form) is an obsolete idea. She told me that she had started buying gold (23K gold chains or bracelets) ever since she was young. She said that she had to sell some of her gold when we were growing up (especially when Dad lost his job during one period of time). After all, it was tough to survive on one income (my Dad was a regular office employee). She also had to sell her motorcycle when we were in dire need of money. However, she said that it was all worth it as in due time, much later after that, she could afford to buy everything back (the gold chains she sold and also the motorcycle).
That was why she had been buying gold chains or bracelets for me ever since I was a kid. Whenever she had some spare money, she'd buy me something. Thus when I moved to Finland, I had plenty of jewellery to bring. That really made me VERY wary of everything while I was on the way to Finland. For me, those jewellery aren't just regular jewellery or something I can sell later on IF I need money FAST. Those jewellery are the signs of her love and hard work for me. :-D They're like family heirloom for me.
Speaking of being a planner, I married a non-planner he he he he...I had known it even from the very beginning. In a way it's good since he has helped me learn to enjoy the moment, the present, today, right now. Let me share with you a funny conversation we had the other night:
Me: Hey, babe, you're going to have your summer holiday for a whole month next year, right?
R2: Yeah, so?
Me: Well, can't we go to Rovaniemi?
R2: Why do you wanna go back there?
Me: I REALLY REALLY wanna go back to that hotel where I had the BEST pepper steak ever.
R2: We'll see.
Me: After all, now that I can start saving money again bit by bit, I can afford to pay for the hotel room later on. And the steak too, OK?
R2: (chuckling) We'll see.
Me: Oh, come on! Why can't we just go there for a day or two, please, pretty, please?
R2: I can't think that far ahead.
Me: Oh dearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...We don't have to REALLY plan it. It's just nice to talk about it, don't you think so?
R2: (silent, shaking his head)
Me: I get ittttttttttttt...you don't think that far ahead.
R2: (readily agreed) Yes, that's right.
We once joked about taking holidays somewhere (before we got married) and I said that as long as I planned the whole thing and he just had to come along with me when the preparation was done, then he would be happy and he said yes ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
And I guess in another way, I've helped him learn to plan his life even though he still doesn't plan holidays ahead of time HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...
But you know something? At least this way it's good since there aren't two planners. Imagine two planners with two WHOLE different plans/goals in mind. That could cause a problem. This way I get to plan most things the way I want them to and he'll just go along with me HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI...Ahem. OK, probably not as simple as that 'coz I also respect his decisions and wishes, but you know what I mean, right? Hmmm...come to think of it, two planners with two whole different plans/goals in mind probably wouldn't get married in the first place. OK, enough babbling about that. This is getting me confused LOL LOL!!!
1. Is it better not to know and keep your peace of mind or is it better to know yet be challenged with choices that might ransack your peace of mind?Perhaps it's better to follow the steps in life without trying to jump over a lesson or two to make sure you're equipped enough to deal with the "tougher" lessons.2. On The Future.I used to be a hell of a planner. I planned every little thing. I LOVED it SO MUCH so that I became so inflexible (I think I'm still somewhat inflexible anyway). I HATE changes. Nevertheless, life's forced me to learn to enjoy the present and let go of my tight clutch on my future plans. I still have some plans for my future, but I learn that it's OK to enjoy the present without worrying about and focusing on my future too much. After all, I can die the next minute or the next hour.
Balancing everything in life is one of the hardest lessons on earth, but one can only try one's best. So let me end this post with more quotes on the future, taken from Future Quotes:"Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit
to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.”
- Dale Carnegie
“Whatever your past has been, you have a spotless future.”
- Melanie Gustafson
“A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.”
- Sydney J. Harri
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is."
- Donald Trump
