Pressures

I've been reading some sites on the pressure to be thin in Asia and it seems that they're all in agreement with one another.

A friend of mine who was considered medium-built in Indo moved to Holland a few years ago and since then she'd received so many compliments on being tiny (she's lost weight over the years, so she's now considered average-built in Indo). She said that whenever she went back home to Indo, again she felt the pressure to watch her weight more carefully since she didn't feel slim or tiny in Indo.

One of the things I "hate" in Indo is what they considered to be "normal chit-chat topics". The "normal chit-chat topics" would be:

1. Marriage:

In wedding parties, you'll hear that question: "When's YOUR turn?" (especially if you've got a boyfriend and you've been together with him for more than three years and you're both old enough to get maried)

When old friends meet one another (they're old enough to get married), then usually they'd start by asking, "So, what do you do now? Have you got married? Kids?"

The worst thing is that when you're single at the moment and people keep asking those questions to you. And then before you reach 30, your mothers become more and more worried about your life and then she starts introducing you to the sons of her friends or friends of friends. Well, I know that it happens to single guys, too...their mothers start panicking and ask around to find "potential" girls for their sons.

2. Kids: This is one of the most annoying "chit-chat topics" EVER!!!

Imagine that after just being married for a year, everybody starts asking, "When are you going to have kids?"

The situation gets worse if you're a Chinese and your husband is the first born child in his family and your in-laws are DYING to have a grandkid. YIKES!!! It gets even worse if your husband is also DYING to have a son whereas you're dying to have a daughter. It gets even worse if your husband THINKS there's something wrong with you since you haven't gotten pregnant yet even after a year trying and then he wants her to take some tests to make sure there's nothing wrong with you. It gets even worse if your mother starts pushing you to take the tests since your mother thinks that your in-laws are DYING to have a grandkid from you. And then it gets worse when everybody you meet (friends, relatives) starts asking the question. Pressure, pressure, pressure!!!

I mean, COME ON, give them a break! I've read somewhere that 80% of marriage couples who have sex regularly without any protection can conceive in a year and that 20% of them ARE NOT going to conceive within a year!!!

It's not over yet, you know? Then if your first kid's reached 1,5 years old, everybody starts asking, "When are you going to have the second one?" (gladly usually they stop there as they assume you'd want to have not more than 2 kids)

3. Weight:

Some people, upon noticing someone getting a bit plumper, say, "Hey, you've gained some weight, haven't you?" or "Hey, you look plumper!"

Nice going!!! I never really had a HUGE problem with my weight (initially), but after some people mentioned that to me, I started to think I were such a fat cow! I hated those remarks. Once I realized that they'd really gotten into my head, I was ANGRY!!! I was feeling okay with myself, but I let their remarks make me feel bad. That's NOT okay. I've been healthy and my weight is still within my normal body weight range. How dare I let them make me change my mind about it?

The funniest thing was when I contracted lymphoma tuberculosis and my doctor said that my normal weight should be 44 kg, whereas some people had told me that with that weight, I looked chubby. Right! Ever since then, I decided that I'd decide what the best weight range for me (HEALTHY weight range) and I'd exercise regularly and stay healthy and I wouldn't let anyone else make me feel bad about myself, INCLUDING MYSELF (as long as I'm healthy). Period.

And you what the worst thing is? It's that they DO NOT compliment you when you've lost the weight you've gained. I think my friend's right. She said that Asians didn't compliment a lot, whereas westerners did. After moving here to Finland, I've learnt to give more compliments than when I was back in Indo.

Well, speaking of weight, I read something that made me COMPLETELY shocked. It was an article written a few years ago, yet I think it's still relevant enough to link here.

Read here: Asia's Killer Diet Pills

Here's the headline: Singaporean actress Andrea De Cruz needed a transplant to save her life after the diet pills she took damaged her liver


This is also what I read here: Calorie Count Forum.

My mum would call me from Indonesia and ask "Are u thin or fat?" We are chinese, and it's important to be a perfect daughter.. I gained so much after I came to the States, I guess it has something to do with less pressure that we have over here.. Over there, I was 96 lbs and they can still call me chubby. :( I even feel afraid to go home because people always say: OMG What happen with u????? What did u eat???? I can't recognize u anymoreee

*******************************

A women I knew/know who is very wealthy and japanese has threatened to cut her 21 year old daughter out of her will if she doesn't lose X amount of weight in X amount of time. I was horrified when I learned this! Until this point I never knew how bad it really was for some in the culture.

*******************************

i also happen to be asian and have lived in both asian and western cities. local asian people can be so unforgiving sometimes. for example, my aunt from hk who had come to canada to visit me was like, "omg! your arms are so fat now! how much do you weight?" when i said 115, she was like, "omg, when did you hit 100? you were so skinny back there!"

i wanted to say '...yeah, that's cause i'm a grown woman now...not a kid.' it made me want to crawl into a hole and die.

*******************************

Last year I went to Bangladesh for my brothers wedding and they have the exact same mindframe and belief that being super skinny is beautiful.

I am a UK size 8 (considered to be quite small over here) but when I was in Bangladesh I was made to feel as though I was obese! No clothes would fit me and everywhere I went people just looked me up and down. Even my cousins who live there were horrible because I wasn't a size 0 and therefore I wasn't beautiful. They completely screwed me up mentally and I've only just got myself back on track (only took a year!).

Looking back, they are just a bunch of malnutritioned mini's and I can't compete with that. I'd rather eat healthily and be healthy than starve myself to be one of them.

*******************************

Hey another Asian here. I'm one of those out of the norm ones since i'm 5'11 and weight 140 to 150 lbs ( i dunno exactly how much i weight)

I agree that it's the type of food and cultural difference that makes Asians tend to be on the skinnier side. At least it's less likely to see a size 16 in Asia......Before i came to canada i weighted 130 lbs and i was 16...now i'm 27 and i've gained 10 or 20 lbs....i believe it's the food that's available to you....and eating has become a kind of social activity.

I know the media is pushing a lot of girls going insane because I'll be called VERY FAT if I lived in Hong kong. I wouldn't want to go out at all because I know i'll be pointed at....it's really frustrating but I am in that culture background and I know it doesn't make sense but I am trying my very best to lose that 10 or 20 lbs....*I was already tall when i was 16.*

It's funny that all my Canadian friends call me too skinny, but all my Honger friends say (or imply) that i need to lose some weight.

And in Diet Blog, Bijou wrote this in the comment section:

i just wanted to add that the pro-skinny culture in Asia (especially East Asia) is much more institutionalized and vicious than it is here in the U.S. the young women there are supposed to be thin and fair-skinned, but never muscular. dieting is advocated while muscle-toning exercise is discouraged. my own mother warned me of developing bulky calves after i started working out. thankfully, my calves only got leaner. i actually avoid traveling back to Asia because it's like the parting of the Red Sea whenever i walk down a sidewalk - i can almost hear people thinking "Big American girl coming through, make way!" keep in mind, i'm 5'2" and 103 lbs.

I'm not really sure what I want to say by writing this post. Just letting off some steam, perhaps. LOL!!!

Just one warning, though:

WATCH WHAT'S COMING OUT
OF YOUR MOUTH!!!

Ahem. That's all I wanna say, I guess. ;-D