1996, 2006, 2016

A friend has just summarized big events in her life happening in the years of this post's title. It made me think of my own life events.

1996 coincides with my High School graduation and my entering university. No more uniform! I could start wearing whatever I wanted to my classes. Well, pretty much so until they made a rule that during exams the girls had to wear black skirts and white shirts and black shoes. Bah humbug! I've always been a tomboy and I prefer wearing pants/jeans in a humid environment. The only occasion I liked wearing skirts was for a wedding party where they had air conditioner in the building ha ha ha...Back then I kept on daydreaming of travelling around the world someday, never really knowing how and where. I was also daydreaming of getting a boyfriend, since I had never had one before. Back then I had no idea I'd end up where I am today. 

Here's my High School graduation photo. I was wearing some traditional clothes (rented):

2006 was the year when R2 and I got married. Can't believe it's almost 10 years ago. It doesn't feel that long, you know? Feels like only yesterday that I was still struggling with all the necessary paperwork for us to get married in Indo. Lots of paperwork and stress as even after the wedding, I couldn't come to Finland right away since the Finnish government wouldn't allow me to move to Finland using a tourist visa. We were agonizingly separated for about 3 months after our wedding and honeymoon. I remember that Christmas and New Year 2006 being a dark time. I hated the fact that other people could be with their loved ones, but we were separated by bureaucracy he he he...Needless to say we were so happy to be together again when I could finally move to Finland in March 2007 (bringing with me only 27 kgs of my life LOL!). 

Here's a photo of us in summer 2007 (my first summer in Finland):

2016 marks my (ongoing) struggle with bilateral tennis elbow and a long sick leave. Last Christmas and New Year felt like any ordinary day with some dark clouds looming above me, but the highlight of this summer would be my mom's visit to Finland for the first time ever. She's just submitted her tourist visa application to the Finnish Embassy and they told her it'd be ready within two weeks' time. So it seems that she doesn't even need to go through any interview. Hope she stays healthy for her travels 'coz it's going to be a LOOOONNNGGG way from home. And 2016 will also mark our 10th wedding anniversary in November. 

Here's a photo of us last April in Prague:

Looking back, life has so many surprises (good and bad) and twists and turns. I'm thankful that R2 and I can be together and are still alive and can enjoy our togetherness. I'm also thankful that we're both still working and that despite my health situation, I can still work part-time and my workplace (bosses and colleagues) have been very accommodating to my limitations. I'm also thankful that my mom can finally visit me here this year. Thank you, Lord!

 

Infection

Been busy at work again and battling some viruses/bugs. Some coworkers have gotten sick, as well, and now it's my turn. I tried to avoid getting sick, but couldn't help it. The other day what made me worried was that it was getting a bit heavy to breathe. Luckily work covers me to go to a clinic instead of the local health centre, so I didn't have to wait too long. The last time my husband went to see the doc, he had to wait 2-3 hours because there were lots of emergencies. I could even book my appointment online without having to make any phone call (such a bliss for an introvert like me!). The only problem is that it's not open during the weekend, but other than that it's very handy to go there. 

So apparently I'm down with some kind of infection of the upper respiratory tract. Been taking it easy, though sleeping a lot can be a little problematic. For some weird reason I've been waking up so early (4 am) and then it takes time before I can go back to sleep again. Duh! 

They say that it's particularly bad this year when it comes to viruses/illness/getting sick due to the mild winter. I read in FB that there are lots of sick people down south as well (mostly flu). It's a bit hard to believe that it's already almost mid March. Where did time go? 

Last night I was thinking to myself that I had consciously and subconsciously chosen the right man to marry. The conscious ones were obvious from the start, but the subconscious reasons have only started to appear to the surface much later (during the course of our living together). It's fascinating when the subconscious reasons started popping out here and there, making me understand everything even better. I cherish the moment when I feel that I can see things more clearly (or at least more clearly than before). :-) 

Anyway, during one of my off days I accidentally found this epic song online and I just love it so much. When I first listened to it for the first time, I was thinking how awesome it must've been to work together to create this kind of music. Mmmmm...If you're listening to the song, how does it make you feel? For some reason whenever I listen to this song, I feel invincible he he he he...

A Wealth of Lessons

Note: I dug up some of my old posts and found this unpublished post, so here goes...

The stories of people's lives intrigue me, impress me, induce me to feel a mixture of emotion churning inside me. Throughout my life I have heard glimpses of other people's lives and that made me feel that I had been living quite a protected life. It also made me wonder about the crossroads in our lives. Had we chosen a different route, everything would have been SO different. Had our parents chosen a different route, would we have been born?

A woman once opened up to me about her life. She said, "When I first met my current husband, I didn't love him. My first husband left me for another woman when our second daughter was only about a year and a half. I worked too hard and that drove us apart. Then years later I met an expat who was interested in me. We became a couple, yet one day I found out that he had a wife. From then on, I started losing more faith in men. Building a relationship based on love becomes such a stupid thing to do for me. It even crossed my mind to sell myself for money. After all, I needed the money to support my two daughters. I never really did it, though it did cross my mind a few times.

But then my current husband found me and he asked me on a date. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, whereas I sometimes go to the bars to drink a little and have fun. He didn't mind that, though. We went on several dates and finally we got married.



Things were rough in the beginning, though. His family didn't accept me right away. I cried a lot and asked my husband why they didn't accept me. It took them a while to open up their hearts to accept me. I think one reason was that my husband had never had any girlfriend before he met me. He just lived for work and he even worked on weekends. I told him that when we got married, I didn't want him to work too hard as I wanted to have some quality time with him, as well."

I nodded and nodded while listening to her story. Her family life history was a tragic one, as well. She lost her mother when she was young, then her Dad found another woman who was only interested in his money. After some time, the other woman left him to be with a richer man. Then in the end her Dad died due to some illness. One brother died due to some illness and she lost a sister in a car accident. Another sister died from drowning as she went swimming after she got heavily drunk.

Her story made me feel amazed. I feel that life has forged some people into warriors and warrior princesses. Whether or not you choose to be negative and bitter and pessimistic, it's all up to you. It's supposed to be easier to be thankful when everything is fine and smooth, but the fact is that we are prone to grumble and grumble and grumble. It's so easy to lose perspective on the most important things in life and instead scrutinize all the little things in life with a magnifying glass. I love learning about and from other people. There's a wealth of lessons out there. 


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Sense of Humour

What makes a marriage last? I don't know. After all, I've only been married for only almost 7 years. I've seen some couples grow apart in their later years. I've also seen couples that stay together no matter what despite the storms within and outside their marriage. I've also seen couples that go their separate ways before their fifth wedding anniversaries.

What I'm sure about is that sense of humour has had a great deal of importance in our marriage. We love teasing each other and we actually kinda grow each other's crazy/wacky sides, so it's "easy" to have fun together. I must say, though, I'm really thankful for hubby's easy-going and calm nature. He's not easily disturbed or panicked or angered and that's been one of the saving graces of our marriage. He doesn't talk that much, but that also means that he doesn't say hurtful words to me and he never reminded me of my mistakes or say bad words to me. I'm THANKFUL that he's never laid a hand on me. I cherish his gentleness and his own calm self. He's not perfect, but time and time again I'm reminded of how "easy" it is to live with him 'coz he brings out the best in me. And that makes me love him all the more as time goes by.

Honey, THANK YOU for being you, for being there, for sticking with me, for loving me, for being patient with me, for making me laugh so much, for laughing at my jokes, for every single day that we spend together...may the Lord keep us hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart for the rest of our lives...
 

Blast from the Past: How My Parents Met

Back in my parents' generation, most Chinese parents would be agitated when their daughters became "of age" (18 years old). The parents then would start trying to find "best matches" for their daughters. That was what happened with my mom's elder sisters. It's not like they were married off to strangers, mind you. If the daughters weren't interested, then they wouldn't force the marriage, but anyway, many young girls back then were already married by the time they reached 20 years of age. 

My parents were the exception. I think for dad the problem was that he was shy and he didn't come from a well-off family. After all, in a developing country where there were almost no social benefits available, the man's ability to provide for the family became an important thing, especially because back then most women became stay-at-home moms. So having "rich" parents would help a man become "more interesting" for prospective women so to speak.

In my mom's case, she was just not interested in all the men that tried to pursue her (most of them were relatives or long-distant relatives) and back then my mom had an ambition. The ambition was to save enough money to buy grandma (her own mother) a house because at that time grandma was staying with my mom's elder sister and they kept on quarreling with each other. FYI, my mom's wish came true in the end. :-D


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Anyway, my parents met through a mutual friend. This woman became their "matchmaker" so to speak. Mom was 31 at that time whereas dad was 35. They dated for 6 months and then decided to get married 6 months from then. So they got married about a year after they first met. And I was born exactly 10 months to the date of their wedding day. That's why it's easy for me to remember their wedding day ha ha...

Mom told me that when she started dating dad, she warned her mother and her elders NOT to try to do some "research" on my dad's background. You see, back then if there was a prospective husband-to-be, apparently my mom's elders loved to do some research to find out where the guy lived (in Indo even until now it's normal for kids to stay with their parents until they marry - so if they're not married, it's normal for them to stay home forever if they want to), who the parents were, what the financial condition of the parents and the guy was, etc. 

And I suspect that this kind of "habit" was not just limited to my mom's elders, because when we were younger, we always heard from our parents that back in their days there was this slogan "Bibit Bebet Bobot". This slogan was used in order to find the best prospective spouse-to-be. Bibit means genes, but it can also include the family background (social strata). Bebet means the spouse-to-be's circle of friends (are his friends gangsters or what?), though it also sometimes includes where he lives because sometimes where you live shows how well-off you are. Bobot means the spouse-to-be's personality and social status (job, rank, intelligence). 

Back to my parents...my mom actually knew my dad's younger brother because they went to school together. One important aspect that mom said made her believe that my dad would be a suitable husband was that while they went on dates and they talked about stuff, she found out that they had similar principles, goals, and aspirations. She knew that dad would be someone who could walk together with her hand-in-hand through life's ups and downs. And those words have been etched in my mind ever since I was young. :-) Finding someone who can walk together hand-in-hand (not just literally but mentally) was also my goal in terms of finding a husband. :-) 


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I don't think that they started off with romance, though (not love at first sight or things like that). Considering their ages, it was more of a sensible option, I suppose, though I'm sure love and romance grew from there. One of my fave memories of them is hearing them laugh and giggle like crazy until it got hard to breathe and mom said that she was afraid of peeing in her pants - you know the kind of laughter that started and then subdued for a few seconds but then it started again and again and again (this happened a few times: sometimes behind closed door, sometimes while they were both watching TV). 

My parents had a double wedding parties in two different places. Back then the cost of a wedding isn't as crazy as these days, so my dad had a wedding party where he invited all his relatives and friends in one place and after that my mom had hers where he invited all her relatives and friends. That way each of them could have a wedding that they wanted in two different places and invited whomever they wanted to invite he he...Such a tiring day, wouldn't you say? I loved looking at their wedding albums, though. :-)

Back then (few hundred) guests brought gifts instead of money for the newlyweds, so you can imagine that on their wedding night, they spent the whole night opening all the gifts and reading all the cards ha ha ha ha ha...and because they received plenty of similar gifts (lots of clocks and kitchen sets), they saved some of them to give to other newlyweds later on so that they didn't have to buy anything else LOL!!! 

Oh, before I forgot...I think one other reason why they expedited their wedding was because my dad's brother had been in a relationship for a few years already by the time my parents met and he didn't want to get married before my dad got married. And due to the amount of guests invited per wedding, in Indo it's usually considered "bad" if two siblings get married the same year, because it means that the guests will have to shell out some money again to the same family the same year (it'll be sort of a burden for them 'coz after all, it's normal in Indo to get lots of wedding invitations every year, esp. if you know so many people and you have lots of relatives and friends). So my dad's younger bro got married a year after my parents got married. 

OK, I got carried away and told you about their wedding, even though this post was supposed to be only about how they met HA HA HA HA HA HA...never mind then! :-D
 

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Fate, Love...

My Mom loves telling me stories about people, including love stories about our relatives. One particular story that I'm reminiscing today is about a long-distance relative of ours. I don't even know the person and I don't remember too well anymore how he's linked to us in the huge family tree, but I always feel "awwwwwww" whenever I remember the story.

When this guy was young, he fell in love with this girl, but his parents didn't approve of her because they were from different races. So the guy got married to a woman whom his parents approved of and the girl also got married to someone else. Both of them had children of their own and perhaps even grandkids and their spouses died before them. One day as fate would have it, they met again and they rekindled the long-lost love. 

I hoped that in the end they were happy together, even though I also hoped they were happy with their own spouses and families before they could reunite.

In Indonesia, it's considered a bit "inappropriate" for older people to get married again (after their spouses have died, I mean). A few years ago I heard some uproar in a family because the mother (a widow) was courted by this widower. If this happened here in Finland, nobody would have said anything about it, but in the end the widow and the widower didn't get together because the widower's sons disapproved of the relationship. 

Anyway, speaking of a love movie, here's a different take on love: Fireproof.


The Love Dare in the movie can be found here: Fireproof My Marriage. 

The Midnight Talk

Me: Did you ever feel like leaving me during our marriage?
R2: No, but I did feel like leaving the house sometimes.
Me: What do you mean?
R2: Sometimes when you get cranky I feel like I want to leave the house until you calm down.
Me: Then why didn't you ever leave the house when I got cranky?
R2: Because I'm gonna miss you.

MELT MELT MELT MELT MELTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...:-D

Me: Did you ever get REALLY angry at me?
R2: Nope.
Me: Not even a little angry, ever?
R2: Nope.
Me: But I must've made you annoyed sometimes, right?
R2: Yeah, sometimes.
Me: HA HA HA HA HA...Okay, I can live with that. :-D

It's true that when I get cranky, I can get REALLY cranky, especially when I get too tired and I lack sleep and then PMS strikes and there are some things in life that go wrong for me he he he he...but because of his calm nature, because he never snaps at me when I get cranky, it's easier for me to want to control myself as best as I can when I do get cranky. And for that I'm SO THANKFUL.

Anyhow, yesterday just as the sun was about to set, I looked outside and saw a full moon and pinkish sky, so I quickly changed my clothes and rode my bike to the riverside to take some pics. Enjoy the pics!!! The temperature was about -1'C and yeah, there's no snow yet but there's some frost on the ground.

Unfortunately the pic with the full moon and pink sky didn't come out too well and by the time I took more pics, it was already getting darker, but anyhow enjoy the good pics he he...You can click on each pic to see a bigger view.

1st pic: As you can see, in this pic the sky was still pinkish ha ha ha...More often than not, the river's water isn't that calm, so only on some occasion when it's very still then you can enjoy this mirror-like feature of the river. It definitely has a calming effect on me. :-D


2nd pic: The other side of the river...yep, getting darker already...


3rd pic: A shot of the full moon from a different angle.


Last pic: I cropped out the previous pic to show the moon more clearly.

Self-Worth?

Yesterday I had a chat with an online friend whom I never met. He lives in Indonesia and he asked me if we had kids yet. I said no. He then said this, "I hope that you and your husband will have a kid soon so that your husband loves you more and life will become more perfect."

I then said to him, "If hubby doesn't love me more as time goes by (just because I haven't produced any heir for him), then it's outrageous!"

After all, we're supposed to love each other in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, right? What good is a marriage vow if the love between us is conditional? I'll love you more if you beget a child for me? That's insane! It should be "I'll love you more despite...", shouldn't it?

The conversation reminded me of an IF Discussion Guide that I read a while ago. Where does my self-worth come from? Is the fact that I'm not a mother yet decreases my self-worth? I don't think so, 'coz if that's the case then I'm doomed until the day I can call myself a mother. I refuse to think that way, thank you very much.

Anyway, just think for a moment that we lose everything that influences our self-worth: our work, our spouse, our children, our family, our pets even, our neighbours, everything. If we lose them all, do we still have our self-worth? What most influences our self-worth?

Psalm 139:14 states: ""I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and my soul knows very well."

I admit it's still hard to know with all my heart and soul every day that my self-worth should come more from God than from other things on earth, but then again if I attach a huge amount of my self-worth to those immortal things on earth (which can change in the blink of an eye), then my self-worth is oh, so fragile. I'm learning to see myself from God's eyes and it's not easy....but the other option is far worse, so I'm going to stick to this lesson step by step.

3BT: Random Days

1. "Diamonds" glittering on a rooftop (read: when the sun was shining on the rooftop of a building covered by snow, the snow glittered just like diamonds).

2. Making lurrrrrvvvvveeeeeeeee and cuddling, kissing, and tickling each other afterwards.



3. Feeling as if spring had come again due to the amount of snow and sunlight during daytime.

4. Taking these pictures made me happy:






5. Starting to count down to the day of my departure to Indo and feeling both joy and sadness (sadness 'coz I'll have to leave hubby for 4 weeks - we've never been apart for more than one day for the past 2 years and 7 months).

6. Receiving "tempe teri" from an Indo friend who lives in Southern Finland. The day I received it, I cooked rice right away and it felt HEAVENLY to taste tempe teri with hot rice. Mmmm...

7. Feeling hubby's shaved cheek on mine.

8. Having some savings for rainy days and not having debt.

9. Reading a very funny joke (in Finnish), laughing about it, and sharing the laughter with hubby and BIL.

10. Asking hubby: "Is our marriage what you think a marriage is supposed to be?" He said yes and when I asked if he had any complaints about me, he said no. :-D

Getting Excited

Oh dear...so many things to do still!!! I must start writing a list of things to do, things to buy, things to eat and I also need to start packing tonight so that I know how much space I have left. I still want to buy some things before we go if we still have some space for it he he he he...I can't believe it's only about 12 days left!!! WOOOHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I have some fear too, though...about the crazy traffic in Indo, the weather...and I also have to bear in mind that there are many pickpockets there, so I HAVE to be really wary. I've really started to get used to feeling safe whenever I go around here, so my guard has been down.

What else? Hmmm...I should also buy some frozen food before we fly to Indo 'coz then our fridge will be empty by the time we get back to Finland. Then I also need to burn my photos to a CD so that my parents can see all the unsent photos (they're using a modem, mind you, so I daren't send too many pics to them, and even if I do send them pics, I have to resize them so that the file sizes are small enough).

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Since my mind's blank, let me just do this meme which interested me ever since I read it at Juliana RW's blog he he...

1. In which month and year did you met your husband for the first time?
March 2004.

2. In which month and year did you two officially starting dating?
October 4, 1999.

3. Where was the first dating place the two of you went to?
Hmmm...Ice Castle in Kemi in 2004.

4. What was the most touching thing he did to you when you two were still dating?

A day before I was supposed to leave him and go back to Indo in 2004, we hugged and cried together and we had runny noses hi hi hi hi hi hi...

5. How about after your marriage?
Uhhhh...too many to count. It's the little things that he does for me, for example: he warms up my part of the bed and my blanket before I get to bed, he held me tightly while I was crying and he didn't give me any "Mr. Know-It-All" advice, he wants to have a baby with me, etc.

6. Share your lowest period of your life with him.
When we were apart for 4 months after our wedding as I had to wait for my residence permit in Indo. It was HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. Share your happiest moment with him.
When we make love HE HE HE HE HE HE...It's hard to write down only ONE happiest moment since there are many and I don't want to take them for granted.

8. Share your saddest moment with him.
Again when we were apart. We're always stronger when we're together. Don't wanna be apart from him anymore. If it's only a few days due to business trip or something like that, then it's OK, but I can't bear to be apart from him for a long period of time. No, siree!!!

9. Share your angriest moment with him.
When he keeps on saying, "We'll see", even though I want him to plan something with me he he he he he he...But I'm getting used to this now, so it doesn't bother me as much anymore. I know now that those words don't mean "no".

10. Share your funniest moment with him.
We have plenty of funny moments. Sometimes when we watch a movie together at home, we'd "create" a different (read: wacky/crazy) story together. And other times we'll sing crazily or dance crazily in front of each other. We'd do anything to make each other laugh. ;-D

11. Share your most frustrated moment with him.
Whenever he says "We'll see" hi hi hi hi...Or when he keeps on gaming even though I've asked him to watch something together he he he...

12. Lastly, when was the last time you two hold hands and walk under the moonlight, like how you used to do?
Like we used to? HAH!!! We didn't have a normal relationship, so now we hold hands every time we watch a movie at home and when we're walking downtown or in my MIL's yard, we also hold hands. It's like a retaliation since we never got to do that while we were dating HI HI HI HI HI HI HI...

Upon Entering Married Life

One friend who got married years ahead of me told me that married life and dating life were two very different things. Before getting married, I also read some books on the topic and most of them warned the couples NOT to expect differences in the spouse's habits after they get married.

When I began to live together with my hubby, I wasn't surprised about his habits since I had known already his daily habits. What made me confused was knowing what he expected from me. I didn't know what kind of a wife he expected. Had he been an Indonesian guy, I would have probably known more or less what type of wife he had expected, but he's not an Indonesian guy.

So the first few weeks I was struggling to find out whether what I had done would be enough for him. I wanted to make sure I was okay in every aspect of our married life. I asked him directly after some time whether he had any complaints about me and I still keep this habit until now. I want to be the first to know if there's "trouble in paradise". I don't want to hear about this from someone else. My Brit friend MC told me that many men had complained to her about their wives and I DO NOT want my hubby to do such a thing. If there's "trouble in paradise", I want us to talk about it and solve it right away.

Another test for us upon entering married life was trust in our financial affairs. You see, hubby has two kinds of savings account: the regular one and the one with a higher interest. The one with the higher interest is the type of savings that can only be withdrawn maximum twice a year. If you have to withdraw more than twice a year from that account, then you'll be penalized by the bank.

Well, since I brought some savings from Indonesia, I wanted to keep them in two separate accounts. I told hubby that it'd be better if I keep a large amount of my savings in his account with a higher interest so that both of us can get bigger interest since we'll be putting a larger amount of money there. Then I also wanted to open my own account in which I put a small amount of money for practical uses.

At first hubby was a bit worried he he he he he...but in the end he decided that my idea was better. So we both have access to the account with a higher interest, whereas each of us has our own savings account for practical uses.

Another bit of trouble upon entering married life was that I wanted hubby to commit himself to save a certain amount of money per month (after he got a steady job, not beforehand). It didn't matter how much or how little it was as long as he could keep on saving every month. I asked him to think about it and choose the amount himself. I told him that I didn't care how he spent the rest of his salary, but I just wanted him to save some money per month. At first he kept on saying, "We'll see, we'll see."

At first I was a bit annoyed when hearing that since I wanted a straight answer. But now I've learnt that it meant that I should let him do it on his own terms and pace. It didn't mean that he wasn't listening to me or that he didn't like my idea or that he didn't want to commit himself.

In a way, it was also a trust test for me. I had to learn to trust him to do everything on his own terms and pace and not nag, nag, nag. I seriously had to control myself so that I wouldn't keep on asking him whether he had saved money that month or not. These days I don't need to remind him anymore (I only reminded him for the first month after he got a job), since I can check it up myself in the joined account. And I'm pleased to say that he's still saving money to that joined account almost every month.

Marriage is definitely a test of character. I'm more of a planner, whereas he's more of a "carpe diem" sort of guy. Whenever I try to make plans that are too far away in the future, he'll say, "We'll see" or even "I can't plan that far ahead". It's also good for me 'coz he's helped me learn to enjoy the moment more than before and his character balances out that planner side in me. After all, no matter how many plans you have and how wonderful your plans are, there's always a possibility of their not working out as you hope. Life is totally unpredictable anyway and balance is the key!

Well, this is just my ramblings upon entering married life he he he...It just occured to me the other day that I hadn't really talked about this in my blog he he he...OK, I'm going to blog-hop now!!!

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Pressures

I've been reading some sites on the pressure to be thin in Asia and it seems that they're all in agreement with one another.

A friend of mine who was considered medium-built in Indo moved to Holland a few years ago and since then she'd received so many compliments on being tiny (she's lost weight over the years, so she's now considered average-built in Indo). She said that whenever she went back home to Indo, again she felt the pressure to watch her weight more carefully since she didn't feel slim or tiny in Indo.

One of the things I "hate" in Indo is what they considered to be "normal chit-chat topics". The "normal chit-chat topics" would be:

1. Marriage:

In wedding parties, you'll hear that question: "When's YOUR turn?" (especially if you've got a boyfriend and you've been together with him for more than three years and you're both old enough to get maried)

When old friends meet one another (they're old enough to get married), then usually they'd start by asking, "So, what do you do now? Have you got married? Kids?"

The worst thing is that when you're single at the moment and people keep asking those questions to you. And then before you reach 30, your mothers become more and more worried about your life and then she starts introducing you to the sons of her friends or friends of friends. Well, I know that it happens to single guys, too...their mothers start panicking and ask around to find "potential" girls for their sons.

2. Kids: This is one of the most annoying "chit-chat topics" EVER!!!

Imagine that after just being married for a year, everybody starts asking, "When are you going to have kids?"

The situation gets worse if you're a Chinese and your husband is the first born child in his family and your in-laws are DYING to have a grandkid. YIKES!!! It gets even worse if your husband is also DYING to have a son whereas you're dying to have a daughter. It gets even worse if your husband THINKS there's something wrong with you since you haven't gotten pregnant yet even after a year trying and then he wants her to take some tests to make sure there's nothing wrong with you. It gets even worse if your mother starts pushing you to take the tests since your mother thinks that your in-laws are DYING to have a grandkid from you. And then it gets worse when everybody you meet (friends, relatives) starts asking the question. Pressure, pressure, pressure!!!

I mean, COME ON, give them a break! I've read somewhere that 80% of marriage couples who have sex regularly without any protection can conceive in a year and that 20% of them ARE NOT going to conceive within a year!!!

It's not over yet, you know? Then if your first kid's reached 1,5 years old, everybody starts asking, "When are you going to have the second one?" (gladly usually they stop there as they assume you'd want to have not more than 2 kids)

3. Weight:

Some people, upon noticing someone getting a bit plumper, say, "Hey, you've gained some weight, haven't you?" or "Hey, you look plumper!"

Nice going!!! I never really had a HUGE problem with my weight (initially), but after some people mentioned that to me, I started to think I were such a fat cow! I hated those remarks. Once I realized that they'd really gotten into my head, I was ANGRY!!! I was feeling okay with myself, but I let their remarks make me feel bad. That's NOT okay. I've been healthy and my weight is still within my normal body weight range. How dare I let them make me change my mind about it?

The funniest thing was when I contracted lymphoma tuberculosis and my doctor said that my normal weight should be 44 kg, whereas some people had told me that with that weight, I looked chubby. Right! Ever since then, I decided that I'd decide what the best weight range for me (HEALTHY weight range) and I'd exercise regularly and stay healthy and I wouldn't let anyone else make me feel bad about myself, INCLUDING MYSELF (as long as I'm healthy). Period.

And you what the worst thing is? It's that they DO NOT compliment you when you've lost the weight you've gained. I think my friend's right. She said that Asians didn't compliment a lot, whereas westerners did. After moving here to Finland, I've learnt to give more compliments than when I was back in Indo.

Well, speaking of weight, I read something that made me COMPLETELY shocked. It was an article written a few years ago, yet I think it's still relevant enough to link here.

Read here: Asia's Killer Diet Pills

Here's the headline: Singaporean actress Andrea De Cruz needed a transplant to save her life after the diet pills she took damaged her liver


This is also what I read here: Calorie Count Forum.

My mum would call me from Indonesia and ask "Are u thin or fat?" We are chinese, and it's important to be a perfect daughter.. I gained so much after I came to the States, I guess it has something to do with less pressure that we have over here.. Over there, I was 96 lbs and they can still call me chubby. :( I even feel afraid to go home because people always say: OMG What happen with u????? What did u eat???? I can't recognize u anymoreee

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A women I knew/know who is very wealthy and japanese has threatened to cut her 21 year old daughter out of her will if she doesn't lose X amount of weight in X amount of time. I was horrified when I learned this! Until this point I never knew how bad it really was for some in the culture.

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i also happen to be asian and have lived in both asian and western cities. local asian people can be so unforgiving sometimes. for example, my aunt from hk who had come to canada to visit me was like, "omg! your arms are so fat now! how much do you weight?" when i said 115, she was like, "omg, when did you hit 100? you were so skinny back there!"

i wanted to say '...yeah, that's cause i'm a grown woman now...not a kid.' it made me want to crawl into a hole and die.

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Last year I went to Bangladesh for my brothers wedding and they have the exact same mindframe and belief that being super skinny is beautiful.

I am a UK size 8 (considered to be quite small over here) but when I was in Bangladesh I was made to feel as though I was obese! No clothes would fit me and everywhere I went people just looked me up and down. Even my cousins who live there were horrible because I wasn't a size 0 and therefore I wasn't beautiful. They completely screwed me up mentally and I've only just got myself back on track (only took a year!).

Looking back, they are just a bunch of malnutritioned mini's and I can't compete with that. I'd rather eat healthily and be healthy than starve myself to be one of them.

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Hey another Asian here. I'm one of those out of the norm ones since i'm 5'11 and weight 140 to 150 lbs ( i dunno exactly how much i weight)

I agree that it's the type of food and cultural difference that makes Asians tend to be on the skinnier side. At least it's less likely to see a size 16 in Asia......Before i came to canada i weighted 130 lbs and i was 16...now i'm 27 and i've gained 10 or 20 lbs....i believe it's the food that's available to you....and eating has become a kind of social activity.

I know the media is pushing a lot of girls going insane because I'll be called VERY FAT if I lived in Hong kong. I wouldn't want to go out at all because I know i'll be pointed at....it's really frustrating but I am in that culture background and I know it doesn't make sense but I am trying my very best to lose that 10 or 20 lbs....*I was already tall when i was 16.*

It's funny that all my Canadian friends call me too skinny, but all my Honger friends say (or imply) that i need to lose some weight.

And in Diet Blog, Bijou wrote this in the comment section:

i just wanted to add that the pro-skinny culture in Asia (especially East Asia) is much more institutionalized and vicious than it is here in the U.S. the young women there are supposed to be thin and fair-skinned, but never muscular. dieting is advocated while muscle-toning exercise is discouraged. my own mother warned me of developing bulky calves after i started working out. thankfully, my calves only got leaner. i actually avoid traveling back to Asia because it's like the parting of the Red Sea whenever i walk down a sidewalk - i can almost hear people thinking "Big American girl coming through, make way!" keep in mind, i'm 5'2" and 103 lbs.

I'm not really sure what I want to say by writing this post. Just letting off some steam, perhaps. LOL!!!

Just one warning, though:

WATCH WHAT'S COMING OUT
OF YOUR MOUTH!!!

Ahem. That's all I wanna say, I guess. ;-D

Ramblings

1. For those of you trying to lose weight, beware of beverages you drink daily!!! This is what I read in Joy's Healthy Bite: (click this link to read more, I'm merely giving the excerpt)

Consider this: Trim 500 liquid calories from your daily diet and you'll save 3,500 calories a week. That's potentially one pound of fat lost per week and more than 50 pounds lost at the end of the year!

Soda

• Soda (20-oz. bottle) = 250 calories
• 7-Eleven Big Gulp (32 oz.) = 400 calories
• Large movie theatre soda (44 oz.) = 550 calories
• 7-Eleven Double Big Gulp (64 oz.) = 800 calories
  

2. A premarital counselor of my friends once said this: "Marriage shouldn't be a 50-50 establishment, but a 70-70 one."

The reason is that if you start marriage with a 50-50 "arrangement of give and take", then you'll definitely be keeping score cards. Once you feel you've done your parts, you'd expect your spouse to do his/her parts. If your spouse doesn't do one or two things on his/her "to-do list" and you end up doing those things, then you'll feel that your spouse "owes" you.

Ideally speaking, both partners should wish to give 70-70, since when your love tank is full (by receiving 70), then you'll naturally end up wanting to give more and more and your spouse's love tank will be filled more and more and he/she'll give back more to you and the cycle continues.

3. Sometimes when I go to Finland Forum and read the discussion, I get discouraged about my future here. Reality is harsh. However, every time I start thinking about reality, I stop myself and force myself to look UP and submit my worries to Him. Nothing is impossible for Him, though I'm still learning to believe, believe, believe.

As I said before, I tend to look too far ahead and try to "predict" any problems that may come so that I can prepare for plan B, C, D, etc. I know it can be futile, yet that's how I operate.

It's when I focus on the "problem predictions" and see no way out (no plan B, C or D), worry starts gnawing away my faith. I'm learning to believe, believe, believe. I'm learning to believe in HIS provision, grace, greatness. I'm learning to believe Him and lean on Him. I'm learning to let go and let God. It's NOT easy. I keep on stumbling and falling and rolling on the ground.

http://cards.heartlight.org

4. The other day the postman came to bring two packages for us. The first one is a package of Asian food and spices sent by my German friend. WHOOOPPPPPPEEEEEE!!! The second one is from Amazon UK. My two new novels have arrived!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I can't wait to read them, but I'd better finish the book I'm reading now before I start reading them!!!

Fun Fun Fun

Okay, I know I've only been living together with my hubby for 5 months, but I have to admit it never crossed my mind that marriage life would be or could be SO MUCH FUN, IN and OUT of bed, that is. *wink*

He just brings out the playfulness side of me that only a select few manage to bring out and he told me that I also brought out that side in him. We totally laugh a lot and he's managed to make me laugh SO hard a few times already (it doesn't happen often with other people). I just hope that our marriage will stay this fun together. WHOOOPPPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

I have to admit that prior to moving here, I was slightly apprehensive. Once in a while a little voice inside me said, "I wonder when we'd have our first quarrel or fight." The voice stayed there for the first 2 or 3 months, but then after a while I thought to myself that it was so silly to think of bad things. I surely didn't want to "jinx" our relationship by "expecting trouble". And gladly we haven't had any quarrels or fights until now. Disagreements? Sure, but we managed to discuss our differing points of views and wishes. Well, one thing for sure, IF we ever have our first fight or quarrel, I bet you'll be the first ones to know in the blogosphere he he he...Meanwhile I'll just hope for the best and pray that God'll lead me into becoming the best kind of wife I can be.

Btw, the other day my hubby and I watched "Premonition" (starring Sandra Bullock). It wasn't too special, but the movie made me realize that I should really cherish every single moment I have with my hubby since nobody knows when God's going to take him away for good. May I remember this always. *nodding*

Anyway, enough babbling. Just wanna share this song that I thought as one of the "perfect" songs to depict our relationship...I Knew I Loved You (Before I Met You) by Savage Garden. Enjoy it and ENJOY your day!!!

SAVAGE GARDEN lyrics

Sunday Quotations

Been busy with the brother-in-law and sister-in-law, so I'm behind in this blogging world. So let me just copy some quotations today written by Julie Ackerman Link. You can click on each quotation to view the original page.

Choosing to deaden bad feelings eventually deadens our ability to feel good.

When we have nothing left but God, we find that God is enough.

It's better to declare the truth and be rejected than to withhold it just to be accepted.

A happy marriage is a union of two good forgivers.

Difficulties tend to call out great qualities.