Couples Shirts

When we were in Universal Studios Singapore, I was thinking of buying the same Minions T-shirts for the both of us so we could wear them together occasionally, but unfortunately hubby thought it was a bad idea. :-( I got the idea to wear the same shirt when I saw a couple of my regular customers wearing the same shirt and I thought they looked cool together (they're not young anymore, in their 40s), so I thought we could also do the same! Especially because when we bought the tickets to Universal Studios, we were given discount vouchers as well (10%). 

In the end, I didn't buy any souvenirs from Universal Studios. However, if hubby had been willing to wear the same T-shirt, I would have definitely bought us the same ones, because I love the Minions! HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...

Writing this actually reminds me of my childhood. I was quite the jealous big sister when I was little and whenever someone gave my brother some clothes, I'd want to have the exact same kind. So my grandma learned early on that when she was going to give my brother something, she'd make sure to buy the same kind for me. In my parents' house I remember seeing a photo of me wearing similar pyjamas as my brother he he he he...

When I was a teenager, a friend of mine bought the same kind of drawstring pouch with a long strap. It was black and white polkadot and we used to go to the malls with the same kind of pouch (we put our wallets there). It felt nice to have a buddy with the same kind of pouch. 

Have you ever worn the same shirts/bought the same thing as someone else because you feel like it?

Anyway, here's the Minions Christmas song he he he...enjoy!

 

The Fave Child?

Last night I was having a bit trouble to go back to sleep as my mind kept on jumping from one topic to another. One of the things I thought I'd write today was what I had heard during my trip to Indo. I heard one mommy said that no matter how much parents said that they loved their children the same way (or with the same amount of love), there was always a fave child. I suppose this only happens when there's more than one child in a family.

I was rather shocked to hear those words because of the honesty of it. Logically speaking I do understand why there can be a fave child, because a relationship between two people is dynamic and there are some people whom I get along with much better than others. There are some people who keep pushing my button even without their actually attempting to do so. And the dynamics between parents and children may be even more complex than other types of relationship due to obvious reasons. It may be easier to be fond of the child that is easy to deal with than a more challenging child. In other cases, some parents may favor a child of a certain gender because of their own expectations and society's pressure and that child may get special treatments because of that.


I myself have never felt that my parents favors me or my brother more than the other one, although I do know that when I was a baby/toddler I was much more challenging than my brother. I do remember when I was younger that I was jealous of my brother's musical talents, but other than that and one other case of jealousy*, I never really felt like any of us was the fave child. I feel that both of us have different strengths and weaknesses and our parents know them, too. However, I have heard extreme cases where a family favors one child more than the others and that fave child gets all kinds of special treatments. How about you and your family? If you have your own children now, do you love your children the same (you can answer this in your own heart)?




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* The other jealousy story: My brother has always been a homebody. Even during the time when he was dating his then-girlfriend (now wife), 99,9% of the time he came back home already at 9 pm. No kidding! Anyway, as someone who likes going out more than he did, sometimes my friends and I would go roam the cafes until rather late (though I'd always let my parents know if I was coming back home late) and because my parents knew all my friends and trusted them, they felt sure I was in good hands. They never got worried whenever I told them I'd go out with X and X and be back home late (I'd be carrying my own key with me).

Anyway, because my brother rarely came back home late, whenever he wasn't home after 9 pm, my parents would be worried about him. It was worse before the time when we had our own mobile phones, because they couldn't contact him whatsoever, but during the time when we had our own mobile phones, they'd call him and ask him where he was. Every now and then I got a bit ticked off whenever they got so worried about him like that, because whenever I came home late, they were never worried and they never called me to ask me where I was. They were just used to it, I guess.

Blast from the Past: Mom's History

My mom is the youngest of six children - actually seven if you counted one elder sister who died young due to some kind of disease. People kept saying that this sister was the most beautiful one of all. After my mom was born, grandma split up with grandpa. I don't think they had an official divorce, but they lived in different houses. Being a "dragon lady" (grandma had such a strong personality), grandma started selling food in the local market and due to this fact, she couldn't take care of the kids, so the kids were sent to relatives' places. My mom was taken by one relative whose daughter was almost the same age, so this cousin's mother breastfed my mom as well. They played together a lot* and only after my mom reached a certain age did she realize that she had blood siblings spread around in different places.

Grandma split up with grandpa because she couldn't handle his jealousy. Back then birth control had just started being promoted in Indo and because grandma was fed up of being pregnant and giving birth almost every year, she wanted to use some form of birth control, but grandpa wouldn't have it. He thought that it would give grandma "access" to "do it" with other men. He also got jealous at her whenever she dressed up and put on some makeup. 

Anyway, after some time the siblings decided to go back and live with my grandma. I don't know who made the decision, but finally the siblings lived in the same house with grandma. I'm pretty sure the siblings still kept in touch with grandpa as well, because when I was really young, I also went to visit grandpa, though I don't remember anything about it because grandpa died when I was still so small. All I remember of him came from a memory of his pic - he has white hair and a long white beard. Typical old Chinese man at that time he he...like in a kungfu movie (like in the pic below, but white). :-D In fact, we always referred to him as Grandpa Beard or Engkong Jenggot in Indo (seriously! I'm not making it up!).


All I know about grandpa was that he came from mainland China and then met my grandma. Grandma was born in Indo already, so she didn't speak Chinese. And grandpa was some sort of medicine man. When his second son (my uncle) couldn't have kids for years, grandpa made him some Chinese concoction and I suppose it worked for them 'coz afterwards he and his wife did go on to have two children of their own. 

Back to my mom's story...after the siblings went to live together with grandma again, they started helping her out. My mom would tell me how she had to get up early before going to school so that she could help out prepare the food to sell at the local market. That's why all the siblings (including mom's brothers) are able to cook great food, because they were born in a family that made a living by selling food. Even until her old age, grandma kept on selling food in the local market. Only after her health declined did she finally stop doing so. 

I'm not sure my mom's other siblings got a chance to get a proper education other than elementary school, but my mom finished High School and she did go to a university, but she stopped halfway because back then there were some communist activities in Indo and so she started focusing on earning money by selling food since then. So my mom never worked in a company or any other place. She's always been her own boss. :-D She has retired when my brother's son was born 'coz she's been helping take care of him, but every now and then some people who miss her food would still call her up and order some of her specialties. :-D


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Quite a childhood, no? But my mom grew up to be such an independent, mature, and stable woman, though she's not a feminist. Next time I'll talk a bit about my dad's childhood and how my parents met. :-D

* Even until now she's still close to that cousin of hers whose mother breastfed my mom, because they feel like sisters in a way, I suppose. :-D  

P.S. Grandma loved grandsons better than granddaughters (grandma lived with us for years until the day she died, so it was easy for me to observe her). I'm really glad that my parents aren't like that and that they treat me equally with my brother.

Cross-Gender Friendship: Possible or Not?

The other day my close friends and I had a heated discussion on cross-gender friendship.

Is it possible or not for a man and a woman to have a platonic friendship? (especially if one or both are married to different people?)

Yesterday I browsed around the internet and found that it's been an "eternal" debate everywhere. The conclusion in most sites I found is:

IT DEPENDS.

So, what do YOU think?

Any specific experiences on this matter? Do share as I'm SO curious about it.

When it comes to my own personal life, I think I only have one guy friend so far, but he lives far away from me, so that won't give me any trouble. We never really hung out together, but when I was in Bandung and he wasn't married yet, we used to call each other every now and then. Funny thing is that he actually became my friend until one of my girl friends dumped him on Valentine's Day. Then he called me and asked me to find out why his ex dumped him, so I did and we became sort of buddy-buddy since then. I knew that we could become friends only since he wasn't my type and I wasn't his type.

So you see, I haven't had that many experiences being friends with guys (well, first I was a good friend of my hubby but then it turned out to be a romantic one in the end). LOL!!! That's why I decided to write this post, to get feedback from fellow bloggers who have more experiences than me.

I also found some interesting bits and pieces from some sites. Here goes:


From Platonic Relationships More Realistic for Women:

In a survey conducted by www.match.com, more than 1450 people were asked which sex is more likely to misinterpret the intimacy of friendship for sexual desire. While only 25 percent answered women, 64 percent answered men.

In the same study, when asked who is better at keeping sex out of a platonic relationship, 67 percent said women and only 13 percent responded men.

And in this website, Justify My Friendship, I found some real-life experiences, as well:

Actually, I have a female friend that I would *like* to remain friends with, and vice versa, as we are both married to other people. But, for some reason (unconscious body signals? pheromones?) she thinks I am attempting something more, and, after three weeks of aggravation, we may have to dissolve the initial friendship. -- B-K.P.

Two good looking people cannot be "just friends" and if they do, there are certainly "non-friendly" thoughts going on which can clog any sensible thoughts. I think it is difficult for both sexes. I know I've wanted to be "just friends" w/ men and they want more - sorry, I told you up front what I wanted. It's tough on guys, women are such teases and it makes it difficult for them (men) to know where they stand.
Just a woman's perspective. -- Deborah

Here're some excerpts taken from this site, Can Women and Men Be Friends?: (I encourage you to read the whole article as I can't possibly write everything down here)

In a major 1988 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Sapadin asked more than 150 professional men and women what they liked and disliked about their cross-sex friendships. Topping women's list of dislikes: sexual tension. Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and that it could even deepen a friendship. Either way, 62 percent of all subjects reported that sexual tension was present in their cross-sex friendships.

Truth #1: ...as people develop serious romantic relationships or get married, making and maintaining cross-sex friendships becomes harder. "Even the most secure people in a strong marriage probably don't want a spouse to be establishing a new friendship, especially with someone who's very attractive," says Monsour.

Truth #2: In Sapadin's study, men rated cross-sex friendships as being much higher in overall quality, enjoyment and nurturance than their same-sex friendships. What they reported liking most was talking and relating to women--something they can't do with their buddies.

Truth #3: "Friendships with men are lighter, more fun," says Sapadin. "Men aren't so sensitive about things." Some women in her study also liked the protective, familial and casual warmth they got from men, viewing them as surrogate big brothers. What they liked most of all, however, was getting some insight into what guys really think.

Conclusion of the study: Cross-sex friendships are emotionally rewarding.

One last excerpt from The Soko:

Do platonic relationships exist – in my opinion? Yes they do and no they do not. The possibility of a platonic relationship depends entirely on the situation.

A Simple Scenario

Did the friendship form while both or at least one party was single? As cold and shallow as it sounds, nine times out of 10 we physically evaluate with whom we form bonds when we are single (not a scientific statistic). I do not say this out of desperation; rather it is a matter of genetics. When we are single, we tend to look for a partner. If the friendship was formed in one of these times, there is a chance that physical attraction exists between the two. Once this attraction is acted upon the relationship is no longer just friendship, it is not platonic.

Thus the relationship can only be platonic if the two people involved can strictly be friends. Basically, the question “why are we just friends” must never arise!

I have to add one last thing written by Blake Roeber:

...being "just friends" takes a lot of caution. It takes care and a realistic appraisal of one's ability to avoid temptation. It also takes the humility to admit it when one's gotten oneself in over one's head.

To say that Platonic friendship isn't possible is also to recognize that, even where a guy and a girl do exercise enough caution to be "just friends," the friendship they form will still be one between a guy and a girl, not one between two neuters.

Let me end this post by telling you one funny conversation I had with my hubby yesterday:

Me : "So, babe, do you think men and women can be JUST friends?"
Him: "Sure."
Me : "Really? So, what do you think if I have a hunk as a guy friend?"
Him: "Nope, then you can't have him as your friend."
Me : "Really? Why?"
Him: "Because."
Me : "ARRRGGHHH!!! OK, so what if I have a guy friend whom you consider not handsome at all?"
Him: "Then you can be friends with him."
Me : "Oh dear!!!"

Yeah, you got that right. Actually both my hubby and I are jealous types (our jealousy level is THANKFULLY similar so we understand each other pretty well in that area), so we'll both be wary about this cross-gender friendship thing.