Tuesday, November 04, 2014

The Fave Child?

Last night I was having a bit trouble to go back to sleep as my mind kept on jumping from one topic to another. One of the things I thought I'd write today was what I had heard during my trip to Indo. I heard one mommy said that no matter how much parents said that they loved their children the same way (or with the same amount of love), there was always a fave child. I suppose this only happens when there's more than one child in a family.

I was rather shocked to hear those words because of the honesty of it. Logically speaking I do understand why there can be a fave child, because a relationship between two people is dynamic and there are some people whom I get along with much better than others. There are some people who keep pushing my button even without their actually attempting to do so. And the dynamics between parents and children may be even more complex than other types of relationship due to obvious reasons. It may be easier to be fond of the child that is easy to deal with than a more challenging child. In other cases, some parents may favor a child of a certain gender because of their own expectations and society's pressure and that child may get special treatments because of that.

I myself have never felt that my parents favors me or my brother more than the other one, although I do know that when I was a baby/toddler I was much more challenging than my brother. I do remember when I was younger that I was jealous of my brother's musical talents, but other than that and one other case of jealousy*, I never really felt like any of us was the fave child. I feel that both of us have different strengths and weaknesses and our parents know them, too. However, I have heard extreme cases where a family favors one child more than the others and that fave child gets all kinds of special treatments. How about you and your family? If you have your own children now, do you love your children the same (you can answer this in your own heart)?


* The other jealousy story: My brother has always been a homebody. Even during the time when he was dating his then-girlfriend (now wife), 99,9% of the time he came back home already at 9 pm. No kidding! Anyway, as someone who likes going out more than he did, sometimes my friends and I would go roam the cafes until rather late (though I'd always let my parents know if I was coming back home late) and because my parents knew all my friends and trusted them, they felt sure I was in good hands. They never got worried whenever I told them I'd go out with X and X and be back home late (I'd be carrying my own key with me).

Anyway, because my brother rarely came back home late, whenever he wasn't home after 9 pm, my parents would be worried about him. It was worse before the time when we had our own mobile phones, because they couldn't contact him whatsoever, but during the time when we had our own mobile phones, they'd call him and ask him where he was. Every now and then I got a bit ticked off whenever they got so worried about him like that, because whenever I came home late, they were never worried and they never called me to ask me where I was. They were just used to it, I guess.


  1. I always felt that my brother is my mom fav's child :D In that time, I was little bit jealous but now. Not anymore.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Jul. Good to know you don't feel that way anymore. :-)

  2. Interesting points.
    Yes I've heard the fav child quoted and worried about that! But my mum reassured me by saying it's a ridiculous thing to say and you can't possibly love one child more than the other. I get what you mean about challenging, and I guess you love in different ways and some parents may have a very well behaved child and another one who tests their patience regularly.
    I only have 1 child but I can't imagine having another one and loving them less? They may be very different children but surely you should love them equally, albeit maybe differently?
    Re the jealousy, I guess when someone acts out of their usual character you worry more?
    And can you imagine now not having a mobile to keep in touch? I know I'm going to worry about Tommy when he's old enough to venture in the big wild world by himself, I hope he uses his mobile to keep in touch!

    1. I actually had never thought about a fave child before until I heard that comment, because she also gave me some examples from what she had observed in other people's lives. And I have talked to some women whose parents preferred boys and whose brother always got special treatments because of that. That's damaging, I think.

      Yes, I also agree that I think you love in different ways and I've read that it can happen this way: you prefer one child less than the other during certain period of times (i.e. when the other one is more challenging) he he he...It's only natural, I assume.

      Oh yeah, I bet as a mother you have plenty of worries about Tommy. I hope there are plenty of guardian angels around him then. I also hope you and Mark can always be close to Tommy. :-)

  3. I've never experienced this in my (closer or larger) family but my boyfriend's family is a shining example. His little sister is the late born "miracle" girl their mum always wanted, and she does get extra treatment. If she wants for example something that belongs to my boyfriend or to her other brother, she'll get it. If she's late or not in the mood to walk, they drive there to fetch her or take her with the car where she wants to go. Nothing like this is ever going to happen to the two boys, and when they try to explain why they feel things are unfair, their parents just don't understand. They can't be reasoned with on this topic, even though otherwise they are reasonable people. So yeah, it's not good for anybody, as the boys feel second rate and the girl is spoiled.

    1. Ouchie! That must've totally painful and damaging for the boys and I'm sorry that they couldn't be reasoned with. Thank you for sharing your boyfriend's story.