CNY Memories

Chinese New Year has come and gone. I didn't feel anything at all because I have no Chinese friends here, so it's kinda pointless to celebrate it on my own (plus it's too tough to try to make some of the lovely CNY cakes that I love). The other day I was talking about CNY with a relative of mine and it brought back my CNY childhood memories. :-D

You see, we lived with grandma (mom's mom) from the time when I was 4 years old until her death (I think I was around 17 years old at that time). Grandma was a Catholic and when we were younger, every CNY she'd prepare a big table. On the table there would be special CNY food offerings for those who had gone before us as well as an incense bowl (now I seem to recall she also put the photos of her ancestors on the table). She'd burn some incense and put the incense sticks in the bowl. As kids, we just enjoyed doing something like that because we could only do it once a year and we'd just mimic her even without understanding what it meant.

Because my grandma was a pretty prominent figure in her family, many relatives would come to visit us on CNY, including her elder sisters. Normally (as far as I know) the younger ones are supposed to be the ones visiting the elder ones. As young children, we enjoyed being able to meet our cousins and play with them. We also enjoyed meeting our aunts and uncles because usually they'd give us red enveloped filled with money HE HE HE HE HE HE...Oh, and let's not forget all the delicious CNY food that we'd be able to eat! My mom's family (grandma's big family) is famous for being wonderful cooks (including the men), because from ages ago, they had learnt to earn money by selling food. Even until today there are still many people who know my grandma's name related to her delicious food.

Because we weren't rich, mom would sometimes made us some new clothes (she always has a stack of cloth ready to be turned into new clothes) for the event so that my parents wouldn't have to buy new ones. 

Anyway, what I suddenly remembered while replying to my relative's email about CNY was one of the traditions that we did a few times when we were still young. Grandma bought some fake paper money and then she taught us how to fold them into something like this (when I googled them, I found out they were called joss paper). Click on the link to find more info about joss paper.

Here's a video clip on what we did back then:



I remember with the help of many cousins, we ended up making dozens and dozens of them. And after that, we'd burn them one by one in a huge tin. Of course as a young child, being allowed to burn stuff safely was fun ha ha ha ha ha...One thing I think I missed during our childhood was the dragon dance. My mom told me that when she was younger, the dragon dances used to be held on the streets and they were so beautiful. I think these days there are more dragon dances because the government has considered CNY as a national holiday. Still I'm glad for these lovely memories. :-)

Blast from the Past: How My Parents Met

Back in my parents' generation, most Chinese parents would be agitated when their daughters became "of age" (18 years old). The parents then would start trying to find "best matches" for their daughters. That was what happened with my mom's elder sisters. It's not like they were married off to strangers, mind you. If the daughters weren't interested, then they wouldn't force the marriage, but anyway, many young girls back then were already married by the time they reached 20 years of age. 

My parents were the exception. I think for dad the problem was that he was shy and he didn't come from a well-off family. After all, in a developing country where there were almost no social benefits available, the man's ability to provide for the family became an important thing, especially because back then most women became stay-at-home moms. So having "rich" parents would help a man become "more interesting" for prospective women so to speak.

In my mom's case, she was just not interested in all the men that tried to pursue her (most of them were relatives or long-distant relatives) and back then my mom had an ambition. The ambition was to save enough money to buy grandma (her own mother) a house because at that time grandma was staying with my mom's elder sister and they kept on quarreling with each other. FYI, my mom's wish came true in the end. :-D


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Anyway, my parents met through a mutual friend. This woman became their "matchmaker" so to speak. Mom was 31 at that time whereas dad was 35. They dated for 6 months and then decided to get married 6 months from then. So they got married about a year after they first met. And I was born exactly 10 months to the date of their wedding day. That's why it's easy for me to remember their wedding day ha ha...

Mom told me that when she started dating dad, she warned her mother and her elders NOT to try to do some "research" on my dad's background. You see, back then if there was a prospective husband-to-be, apparently my mom's elders loved to do some research to find out where the guy lived (in Indo even until now it's normal for kids to stay with their parents until they marry - so if they're not married, it's normal for them to stay home forever if they want to), who the parents were, what the financial condition of the parents and the guy was, etc. 

And I suspect that this kind of "habit" was not just limited to my mom's elders, because when we were younger, we always heard from our parents that back in their days there was this slogan "Bibit Bebet Bobot". This slogan was used in order to find the best prospective spouse-to-be. Bibit means genes, but it can also include the family background (social strata). Bebet means the spouse-to-be's circle of friends (are his friends gangsters or what?), though it also sometimes includes where he lives because sometimes where you live shows how well-off you are. Bobot means the spouse-to-be's personality and social status (job, rank, intelligence). 

Back to my parents...my mom actually knew my dad's younger brother because they went to school together. One important aspect that mom said made her believe that my dad would be a suitable husband was that while they went on dates and they talked about stuff, she found out that they had similar principles, goals, and aspirations. She knew that dad would be someone who could walk together with her hand-in-hand through life's ups and downs. And those words have been etched in my mind ever since I was young. :-) Finding someone who can walk together hand-in-hand (not just literally but mentally) was also my goal in terms of finding a husband. :-) 


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I don't think that they started off with romance, though (not love at first sight or things like that). Considering their ages, it was more of a sensible option, I suppose, though I'm sure love and romance grew from there. One of my fave memories of them is hearing them laugh and giggle like crazy until it got hard to breathe and mom said that she was afraid of peeing in her pants - you know the kind of laughter that started and then subdued for a few seconds but then it started again and again and again (this happened a few times: sometimes behind closed door, sometimes while they were both watching TV). 

My parents had a double wedding parties in two different places. Back then the cost of a wedding isn't as crazy as these days, so my dad had a wedding party where he invited all his relatives and friends in one place and after that my mom had hers where he invited all her relatives and friends. That way each of them could have a wedding that they wanted in two different places and invited whomever they wanted to invite he he...Such a tiring day, wouldn't you say? I loved looking at their wedding albums, though. :-)

Back then (few hundred) guests brought gifts instead of money for the newlyweds, so you can imagine that on their wedding night, they spent the whole night opening all the gifts and reading all the cards ha ha ha ha ha...and because they received plenty of similar gifts (lots of clocks and kitchen sets), they saved some of them to give to other newlyweds later on so that they didn't have to buy anything else LOL!!! 

Oh, before I forgot...I think one other reason why they expedited their wedding was because my dad's brother had been in a relationship for a few years already by the time my parents met and he didn't want to get married before my dad got married. And due to the amount of guests invited per wedding, in Indo it's usually considered "bad" if two siblings get married the same year, because it means that the guests will have to shell out some money again to the same family the same year (it'll be sort of a burden for them 'coz after all, it's normal in Indo to get lots of wedding invitations every year, esp. if you know so many people and you have lots of relatives and friends). So my dad's younger bro got married a year after my parents got married. 

OK, I got carried away and told you about their wedding, even though this post was supposed to be only about how they met HA HA HA HA HA HA...never mind then! :-D
 

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Blast from the Past: Mom's History

My mom is the youngest of six children - actually seven if you counted one elder sister who died young due to some kind of disease. People kept saying that this sister was the most beautiful one of all. After my mom was born, grandma split up with grandpa. I don't think they had an official divorce, but they lived in different houses. Being a "dragon lady" (grandma had such a strong personality), grandma started selling food in the local market and due to this fact, she couldn't take care of the kids, so the kids were sent to relatives' places. My mom was taken by one relative whose daughter was almost the same age, so this cousin's mother breastfed my mom as well. They played together a lot* and only after my mom reached a certain age did she realize that she had blood siblings spread around in different places.

Grandma split up with grandpa because she couldn't handle his jealousy. Back then birth control had just started being promoted in Indo and because grandma was fed up of being pregnant and giving birth almost every year, she wanted to use some form of birth control, but grandpa wouldn't have it. He thought that it would give grandma "access" to "do it" with other men. He also got jealous at her whenever she dressed up and put on some makeup. 

Anyway, after some time the siblings decided to go back and live with my grandma. I don't know who made the decision, but finally the siblings lived in the same house with grandma. I'm pretty sure the siblings still kept in touch with grandpa as well, because when I was really young, I also went to visit grandpa, though I don't remember anything about it because grandpa died when I was still so small. All I remember of him came from a memory of his pic - he has white hair and a long white beard. Typical old Chinese man at that time he he...like in a kungfu movie (like in the pic below, but white). :-D In fact, we always referred to him as Grandpa Beard or Engkong Jenggot in Indo (seriously! I'm not making it up!).


All I know about grandpa was that he came from mainland China and then met my grandma. Grandma was born in Indo already, so she didn't speak Chinese. And grandpa was some sort of medicine man. When his second son (my uncle) couldn't have kids for years, grandpa made him some Chinese concoction and I suppose it worked for them 'coz afterwards he and his wife did go on to have two children of their own. 

Back to my mom's story...after the siblings went to live together with grandma again, they started helping her out. My mom would tell me how she had to get up early before going to school so that she could help out prepare the food to sell at the local market. That's why all the siblings (including mom's brothers) are able to cook great food, because they were born in a family that made a living by selling food. Even until her old age, grandma kept on selling food in the local market. Only after her health declined did she finally stop doing so. 

I'm not sure my mom's other siblings got a chance to get a proper education other than elementary school, but my mom finished High School and she did go to a university, but she stopped halfway because back then there were some communist activities in Indo and so she started focusing on earning money by selling food since then. So my mom never worked in a company or any other place. She's always been her own boss. :-D She has retired when my brother's son was born 'coz she's been helping take care of him, but every now and then some people who miss her food would still call her up and order some of her specialties. :-D


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Quite a childhood, no? But my mom grew up to be such an independent, mature, and stable woman, though she's not a feminist. Next time I'll talk a bit about my dad's childhood and how my parents met. :-D

* Even until now she's still close to that cousin of hers whose mother breastfed my mom, because they feel like sisters in a way, I suppose. :-D  

P.S. Grandma loved grandsons better than granddaughters (grandma lived with us for years until the day she died, so it was easy for me to observe her). I'm really glad that my parents aren't like that and that they treat me equally with my brother.

Culture Splish Splash

After writing my post on Bandung, Singapore, and Sodankylä, one of the comments reminded me of something else that I've experienced on my trip to Indo and Singapore last October.

First of all, let me tell you our flight schedule:

Rovaniemi - Helsinki - Hong Kong - Jakarta

Jakarta - Singapore - Jakarta

Jakarta - Bangkok - Helsinki - Rovaniemi

Well, on the first leg of journey, once we landed in Hong Kong, we only had about 1,5 hours there, so we didn't have much time to browse around the stores. The minute we arrived at the airport, it felt surreal to see SO MANY Asians and especially to hear Indonesian language being spoken by many passengers boarding to Jakarta. Why? Because I was so used to hearing Finnish all the time during the 1,5 years of my life in Lapland. Arttu kept on joking, "Look, YOUR people!" LOL LOL LOL!!!

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Oh yeah, I also felt the pace of the life changing so drastically when we arrived in Hong Kong. As usual, we had to go through baggage check before we could find the boarding gate to board the plane to Jakarta. There were two baggage check points, but the aisle to queue was so narrow. I stood behind R2 and I noticed that on the other baggage check point there were two people in line already. However, the woman right behind me just couldn't wait to go there, so she said "excuse me" and bumped me a little bit to queue there.

I think I must've been so used to the Finnish mentality (or Lappish mentality?) 'coz right then and there I thought to myself, "Hello? It's not like somebody else is going to STEAL that spot, you know? Especially since the aisle is so narrow. If I were in Finland, those people queuing behind me wouldn't have done such a thing. They would've waited patiently."

Funny thing was that I think if I hadn't lived in Finland, I would've thought that it was a normal thing to do. Why? Because in Indonesia, for example, if you want to go to the toilet in one of the malls, you don't really queue according to who comes first. You just stand in front of one toilet booth and if you're lucky, you'll get in quickly. If not (maybe if the person inside the toilet in front of you is busy making "bananas"), then somebody else who comes later might be able to get in the toilet right in front of her more quickly than you do. And sometimes some people might try to steal your toilet booth, even though they come later than you do!

In Finland, NOTHING like that ever happens! If there are so many people who want to go to the toilet, you'll find a very neat line of people, so whichever toilet booth door is open first, the first person on the queue will go there. So you don't have to "fight for your toilet booth" like in Indo.

Another thing that I had to remind myself and R2 before we landed in Jakarta was TO BE ALERT. We were so used to walking around feeling safe in Lapland and we CAN'T do it in Jakarta or Bandung. We really have to remind ourselves that there are pickpockets out there and some of them are SOOOOO good at what they do that you won't even feel it.

When R2 and I were in Singapore, I found that plenty Chinese there talked to me in Chinese. And I always replied in English, whether or not they would respond in English ha ha ha ha ha...

And on our way back to Finland, when we board the flight to Helsinki, the Thai flight attendant spoke to me in THAI!!! I think she offered me Thai newspaper to read during the flight. I was flabbergasted and speechless for a while until I could finally spoke to her in English, "I don't understand."

This experience reminds me of when I was doing the training at the local tourist info office. It was sometimes DIFFICULT to find out whether or not the tourists were Finnish or not. Sometimes I made the mistake of speaking to them in the wrong language (either Finnish or English).

Funny thing was that my brain was still in "Indonesian language mode" when we were stranded for 10 hours in Bangkok airport. There were a few times when I ALMOST blurted out something in Indonesian. The thing is that Thai people resemble Indonesian people in appearance. PLUS remember that we were still SO sleepy back then, so my brain wasn't working properly.

When we were on board the plane to Helsinki, I was again transported to "Finnish land" as most of the passengers were definitely Finnish. The first and second time I flew to Finland, I didn't experience this kind of thing, since I was still in "Indonesian language and culture mode" all the time, I guess. But it's changed ever since I've lived in Lapland.

Okay, I think that's all about culture splish splash for now. It's been VERY interesting indeed he he he he he...

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A Forbidden Love Story: The Story of Ching

Let me share this real love story of a girl named Ching (not her real name).

Ching is born in an upper middle-class Chinese family. They have three cars and a house and a maid. She's the second child and ever since she was a child, she's always felt less loved compared to her siblings. Her parents are still so traditional (read: autocratic), so you can imagine that freedom in this house is so limited. Everything has to be consented by the parents.

After getting a university degree, she told her parents that she wanted to learn Chinese in China. Her parents loved the idea, so they sent her there. There she studied Chinese for two whole years. By the end of the second year, her grandmother contacted her and said that she wanted to introduce her to the son of a friend since she knew that Ching was still single. Ching consented to being introduced to the son. Let's just call him Huang.

They started calling each other and one day they met. Huang was born in China, but then his family moved to Hong Kong afterwards. So, by the end of the second year, Huang visited Ching in China and then became her tour guide to other cities in China. Ching's parents were delighted at the time, thus Ching's happiness doubled as she knew she had her parents' consent. After all, Huang was her first boyfriend. She had been yearning to have a boyfriend since years ago and now finally her wish came true. They had a WONDERFUL time together touring other cities in China and she was beaming all over. She had never felt that happy before.

Then it was time for Ching to come home to Indonesia. Huang escorted her home as he also wanted to introduce himself to her parents. Unbeknownst to them, Ching's parents had apparently tried to gain as much information about Huang's family background. What they found out was that Huang wasn't as rich as they expected. Ching's parents expected their daughter to marry someone who's owned at least a house, a car, a maid, and a driver. Ching thought that their requirements were too high!

Anyway, the first day in Indo, Ching's parents welcomed Huang well. However, once they found out that Huang wasn't "too suitable" for their daughter, they told him to pack his bags right away and fly back ASAP. Ching was told to break up with him immediately. The lovebirds were devastated, especially Ching!!! Talk about being plunged from on top of the world to the deepest ravine!!! Huang tried to comfort Ching by promising to work his ass off to prove himself as a worthy suitor for Ching. He said that he would try to be a successful man in two years. He told Ching that he would come back in two years and asked her to wait for him. Ching said that she would wait for him.

Once Huang flew back home, Ching's parents forbid her to ever contact him again. However, she bought a new mobile and new card for the sole purpose of contacting Huang. They kept in contact for a while. However, Ching's parents somehow found out about it. One of Ching's cousins called Huang's mother and threaten her not to ever let Ching contact Huang anymore. Then they scold Ching and accused her of being a cheap girl for having contacted Huang still. Ching's Dad even smacked her head a few times while scolding her with harsh words. They told her that starting from that day, she mustn't go anywhere and that she should give them her work schedule so that they could monitor her whereabouts. They told her that she was a whore simply because she had held hands with Huang once.

She cried buckets and she was so afraid of being thrown out of the house. The next day, her mother ransacked her room while she was at work and found some photos of them. Then she told Ching to rip off the photos and throw the pieces into the garbage can right in front of her. She cried buckets again and she wanted to die. Fortunately she could still contact Huang once more to tell him about what had happened and Huang said that they should stop contacting each other and just wait for 2 years until he could come and get her.

So a while passed by without any contact at all between them. It was pure agony. Ching kept on remembering all the good times that they had had and she had trouble suppressing her feelings. After the storm subsided at home and everything seemed to be okay again, Ching gathered up her courage and went to an internet rental to write short emails to Huang. Huang was delighted, even though he was worried about her lest her family found out again.

Thus they started contacting each other. Alas, a few weeks after that, somehow her parents found out. AGAIN. Her Dad could even cite the emails she had been sending Huang and Huang's replies! You can imagine how hellish it must have been for her back then. Her parents told her siblings to watch her. Whenever she touched her mobile, they would watch her. They filtered people who tried to call her. Her brother also watched her whenever she was using the computer to make sure that she wasn't writing an email to Huang. She knew by then that the relationship was doomed. She cried buckets for a while. The thought of suicide did cross her mind once, but she didn't act on it.

Gladly now she's doing fine (as fine as she can be). She never contacted Huang anymore. Through a friend of hers, she told Huang not to wait for her and to find another girl. Right now her parents allow her to use the internet and to go out again as two years have passed by and she's proved to them that she has never contacted Huang again after that. Now she's focusing on reaching her dream: to work and live abroad. However, she's afraid that her parents wouldn't allow her to do so, since there was a time when they didn't let her renew her passport so that she wouldn't be able to meet Huang. Now they've allowed her to renew her passport, but they keep the passport for her.

I just wish all the best for her and that she would be able to achieve her dream one day. Ching, this post is dedicated for you. I feel for you tremendously and I hope you can soar from the ashes like the Phoenix one day.

Tagged! Again?!?!

Thanks to Shan, I have time to think about 8 more things about myself. Interesting!!! Let's see what I can come up with. *grin*

Crimes I have committed:

1. Faking my parents' signature a few times in Elementary School. Back then if we had red marks (less than 6), we had to show it to our parents and get one of them to sign it. Those few times I got such bad marks, I was SO afraid of asking my Mom's or Dad's signature, so I faked it. Sorry, folks!!!

2. Stealing a snack from the snackbar at uni. You see, back then there was this certain kind of snack (small stuff) that we could get ourselves (self-service). With 1,000 rupiahs we could get 8 of this type of snack. I didn't know what got to me, but one day I actually took 9 of them DELIBERATELY 'coz I thought they wouldn't notice. However, as I began eating them, I felt so guilty that one of them fell off my grip to the floor. KARMA!!! After that, I promised myself that I would NEVER do such a thing again.

Now back to other facts about me.

3. The first time I knew what sex was REALLY about was when I was around 17 years old. Sure we had Biology since Junior High School, but they only talked about sperm and ovum and we didn't exactly get a clear picture of the actual process of intercourse.

4. My Dad gave me a sex education book when I was 21 years old. I guess he thought it was better than trying to explain it to me. He bought the books years and years back (around 1980 something) but it was pretty neat. There were sex positions and STDs and also pictures of a growing fetus and also descriptions of different kinds of birth control methods (including the calendar method).

5. I can't speak Chinese. Both my grandmas were Chinese born in Indo. My Dad's Dad emigrated from Singapore. My Mom's Dad emigrated from China. I've never met my Dad's Dad as he passed away when my Dad was a teenager. My Mom's Dad was a medicine man. When one of his sons had trouble getting his wife pregnant, he concocted a kind of potion. The potion succeeded in producing two daughters for them.

6. My Mom told me that I didn't like crawling. She thought it was either it was painful for my knees or something, so I learnt to walk right away and I never fell down. Not even once. Whenever I faltered in my step, I could grab something right away. I think I was able to walk when I was around 11 months old.

7. When I was a baby, I loved my mother's milk SO much that when it ran out of milk, I bit her nipple. (VERY VERY SORRY, MUM!!!) Instinctively she pinched my nose so that I would let go of her nipple. Mind you that even though I didn't have teeth yet, my gum must've been hard enough to make her scream! I was such a BAD baby! *tee hee*

8. I'm a tad paranoid sometimes. Afraid that I've given the wrong impression to someone. Afraid that I've said the wrong thing to someone. Afraid that someone misunderstands me. Thus sometimes I try my best to rectify the situation. Usually the other person doesn't even think I've offended him/her, but at least I have my peace of mind again. :-)))

A Traditional Chinese Proposal

Well, since I'm a Chinese descendant, let me tell you something about a traditional Chinese proposal. Unlike the regular "western" proposal where only the guy proposes to the girl (or vice versa 'coz this is a modern world), Chinese people in Indo still follow some Chinese tradition when it comes to proposing.

Normally both families set up a proposal date. The proposal date can be held up to a year before the wedding. Normally the girl would object to being "proposed" like this if they haven't talked about the possibility of getting married sometime next year, as some people consider it "a loss" if the girl's being proposed WAY before there's a possibility of marriage. It's like "being tied up" without any clear future plan (remember the image of the carrot dangling in front of the donkey - not good, right?).

The proposal can be held either at the girl's house or at a restaurant. Usually the guy comes to the girl's house (or the appointed resto) with his parents and some relatives/siblings. The number of people coming to the girl's house (or resto) has to be even (don't ask me why), so it has to be 6, 8, or 10. As number 4 is considered bad luck for Chinese (it represents death), they tend to avoid it.

Well, before the appointed date, the guy has to prepare several things. He and his family have to prepare gifts for the girl and family. Normally they pack the gifts in huge heart-shaped boxes. Again the number of the boxes has to be even, so either 2 or 4 or 6. What do they have to put inside the boxes? Normally even-numbered oranges, apples and they'd scatter some sweets and also packages of traditional Chinese delicacy called "koya". They also have to bring either a necklace and pendant or a bracelet to "seal the deal".

The necklace and pendant or bracelet have to be made of either yellow gold or white gold. The trend nowadays veers more to white gold (it's become more fashionable in Indo for the last few years). Sometimes the girl gets to choose it on her own (if the guy's family allows her to), but sometimes the guy's mother chooses it for her (so that it'd be a surprise).

Here's what happens on the appointed date. The guy comes to the girl's house (or the resto) along with his gang, then they shake hands with the girl's family and the guy gives the boxes to the girl's family (they've appointed the people who'll receive the gifts). Then the gifts will be put on a table so that the girl's family members and relatives can see them clearly. Then before they enjoy the meal (usually the girl's family has prepared the meal or they are the ones who pay the resto bill if the proposal's held at a resto), the guy's Dad would give a short speech to convey their intention of proposing the girl.

After that, the girl's Dad would accept the proposal, and then the guy would put the necklace/bracelet on the girl's neck/wrist. Sometimes the pendant on the necklace consists of Chinese characters that say "luck" or something like that (unfortunately I don't speak or read Chinese) and the girl is supposed to wear the necklace/bracelet all the time to show everybody else that she's "taken".

On that day, sometimes they also talk about the wedding details while enjoying the meal. There they also get to know each other's relatives. When it's all over, the guy's family and relatives would say goodbye and the girl's family would give back half of the boxes to the guy. I used to wonder why, but now I understand the reason. The guy has to give something to the relatives who've been kind enough to go to the girl's house (or the resto), so that's why the girl gives back half of the boxes. Well, if the guy gives the girl 4 boxes, then she'll give back 2 boxes.

To give you a clearer idea of what the proposal's all about, you can view my brother's proposal pics in this site: A Chinese Proposal.

Yeah, go figure. Weird tradition indeed even though I've begun to understand some positive points in doing it. And it doesn't end there yet. There'll be another one of this kind of gift-giving tradition that's usually held not long before the actual wedding. Then the groom has to give lots more things to the girl he he he he...Nowadays people want to have it more compact, so they prefer to combine the two traditions and appoint the date right before the actual wedding (for example a week or a month before the actual wedding).

Anyway, there was one funny incident that happened after my wedding in Indo. One of my uncles asked me this question, "How did Arttu propose you?" I told him that he just asked me if I wanted to be his wife. It was clear that he was baffled he he he...