Since the moment I realized how big of a mistake that was, I've learnt to say out right what I want. It's a long journey, but as time goes by it gets easier and easier to do so. Before my last birthday, I had told R2 that I wanted him to write me a love letter. He grumbled and didn't seem interested at all, but he surprised me by writing me a love email on my birthday anyway (which made me cry tears of joy and I printed).
Now I'm a firm believer of saying what I want in order to create a win-win situation. Some people may think it's "not fun" to do in a relationship, but for me it's the other way around. I don't want R2 to have to guess what I want and then after spending money and thoughts on getting the gift, he'll still have to deal with my disappointment. Life is already filled with problems, so why make life even harder?
I'm not saying that I don't appreciate or need or give surprises (and I'm not saying that R2 never gives me surprises). That's not it. But for important things that I want or need, I'd rather just tell the other person rather than wishing for it secretly.
Anyhow, let me translate his love letter (it's written in Finnish) just because I'm feeling nostalgic...
Happy birthday, my love!
We've been together now for almost 5 years and our 5th wedding anniversary is behind us. I can honestly say that I have never regretted our decision to lead a life together.
If I had to live my life all over again after knowing what I know now, I wouldn't change anything, because if I changed something then I may not end up living with you. Even though there are things in my life that I'd want to change, choices that I wouldn't have chosen otherwise, I would still choose the same things to make sure that I end up with you anyway, because I don't want to be anywhere else but beside you even at this very moment.
I love you. Maybe I don't show it as often as I should and maybe at times I grumble at you, but you're not the reason why I grumble. The biggest reason I grumble is stress from work. Work always gets in the way of enjoying my spare time. That is why I always want to get as far away from here as possible whenever I have longer holidays. I want to forget everything about work issues so that I can focus more on being with you.
The thought of a life without you makes me feel terribly sad. Life won't be life anymore. Home won't be a home anymore, because you're my home and I always miss you whenever I'm somewhere else. I miss you when you're at work and I'm at home alone. Even watching TV is boring without you next to me.
Thank you for being the biggest part of my life.
Thank you for being you.
I love you from the bottom of my heart.
Eternally yours,
Arttu
