What is a superhero made of? In my world, my superhero is the one who is able to make me laugh even when I'm angry and about to explode. And he does it so brilliantly every single time that I never had a chance to explode. Until this day I still wonder how on earth he was able to do it time and time again. But then again that's just one of his super powers, I suppose! :-D My superhero is also someone who listens well and doesn't try to fix things for me. He is present and he's there for me, but he lets me do the work myself and he lets me find my own path. He doesn't criticize my choices, but he supports me to do whatever I choose to do as long as it's something that doesn't hurt myself or other people. My superhero is someone who is able to make me love myself more when I'm with him. He accepts me the way I am and he is so very patient with my moods and my cranky self whenever she rears her grumpy head. He's also the only one who can make me feel like I'm a very funny person. My superhero doesn't like making me worry, so he'd send me an SMS to let me know when he will come home back late due to a job stint even before I have a chance to worry. My superhero isn't perfect, but I'm very thankful to have had him in my life. Thank you for being you, honey! LOVE YOU even more as time goes by!!!! This one's for you!
Found this video clip and thought I'd give it a try myself because it moved me so much.
Okay, here we go...deep breath... Dear Amel, You've come so far in your 35 years of living. You used to be a very shy and quiet girl with some dark, cynical, and pessimistic thoughts. You dragged around other people's faults like chains on your ankles, but you learnt to let go of them one by one when you realized that they were getting too heavy and they were threatening to drown you. I remember how your self-confidence grew tremendously during your university days and how rebellious you were at that time. You started getting to know yourself better during your university days and you started to learn how to be more positive, but the you at that time had no clue what life had to offer in the future. (chuckle) Even though you had always dreamed of either traveling abroad or living abroad, you weren't actively searching for a foreign spouse, but you found one anyway. And my goodness, I must say that you have chosen the right person despite the fact that you were only with the guy for two weeks in real life prior to deciding to marry him. I know you were scared stiff on the plane to Finland after getting your residence permit via the Finnish Embassy in Indonesia, but I applaud you because you managed to drown out all those voices and just focus on whatever may come.
For the past (almost) seven years of living in Finland and for the past five years of infertility journey, I've seen how much more you've grown and I just wanna say, "WELL DONE, girl!" I especially take my hat off to you for having learnt how to let go of different things and dreams over and over and over and over again. I also love the fact that you don't stop struggling with God and you were totally honest with Him even though you were so angry at Him at some parts of your infertility journey. I know we couldn't have grown like this without the support of all the thoughtful and positive people around us, so we owe them a lifetime of thanks, but still your attitude counts and I enjoy being with you more and more as time goes by and you know what? I'm looking forward to spending more days with you. *wide grin* I respect you, my friend! Here's to us!
Back when I was young, I used to think that if people cared enough about me, they should have known what I expected/wished for even when I didn't say a word about it. Boy I was in for a lot of disappointment hi hi...
Since the moment I realized how big of a mistake that was, I've learnt to say out right what I want. It's a long journey, but as time goes by it gets easier and easier to do so. Before my last birthday, I had told R2 that I wanted him to write me a love letter. He grumbled and didn't seem interested at all, but he surprised me by writing me a love email on my birthday anyway (which made me cry tears of joy and I printed).
Now I'm a firm believer of saying what I want in order to create a win-win situation. Some people may think it's "not fun" to do in a relationship, but for me it's the other way around. I don't want R2 to have to guess what I want and then after spending money and thoughts on getting the gift, he'll still have to deal with my disappointment. Life is already filled with problems, so why make life even harder?
I'm not saying that I don't appreciate or need or give surprises (and I'm not saying that R2 never gives me surprises). That's not it. But for important things that I want or need, I'd rather just tell the other person rather than wishing for it secretly.
Anyhow, let me translate his love letter (it's written in Finnish) just because I'm feeling nostalgic...
We've been together now for almost 5 years and our 5th wedding anniversary is behind us. I can honestly say that I have never regretted our decision to lead a life together.
If I had to live my life all over again after knowing what I know now, I wouldn't change anything, because if I changed something then I may not end up living with you. Even though there are things in my life that I'd want to change, choices that I wouldn't have chosen otherwise, I would still choose the same things to make sure that I end up with you anyway, because I don't want to be anywhere else but beside you even at this very moment.
I love you. Maybe I don't show it as often as I should and maybe at times I grumble at you, but you're not the reason why I grumble. The biggest reason I grumble is stress from work. Work always gets in the way of enjoying my spare time. That is why I always want to get as far away from here as possible whenever I have longer holidays. I want to forget everything about work issues so that I can focus more on being with you.
The thought of a life without you makes me feel terribly sad. Life won't be life anymore. Home won't be a home anymore, because you're my home and I always miss you whenever I'm somewhere else. I miss you when you're at work and I'm at home alone. Even watching TV is boring without you next to me.
Thank you for being the biggest part of my life. Thank you for being you. I love you from the bottom of my heart.
1. Getting the best bday present ever from hubby: A LOVE LETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or to be exact a love email he he...which I printed and reread. It made me cry today when I woke up and checked my mailbox he he...It was everything I could have hoped for in a love letter - and more! Oh, and it's in Finnish! :-D
2. A friend dropped by and brought a doughnut and a small candle and we had a nice chat over coffee and doughnuts. And she brought me a homemade gift and card as well! BLESS HER!!! What a perfect day!
3. A customer who had the initiative to take out somebody else's shopping cart that had been left inside the store to the place where it belonged.
4. Understanding and thoughtful parents and in-laws that don't ask or push us about giving them any grandkids once I explained to them our decision that two is a complete family and that we don't wish to try any treatment or anything else. They respect our decision fully.
5. Patient people that come along my way (including dear hubby).
6. People that don't take me to any unnecessary guilt trips about any topics at all (including parents, in-laws, and hubby).
7. My family have been enjoying their trip to Bali with SIL's family.
8. My Mom and Ken got sick "at the right time", so they were fine already before they were supposed to fly to Bali. That way they got to enjoy the trip fully.
Three years ago we stood in front of my priest, exchanging vows. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. Nothing else mattered and everybody else in the whole room seemed to vanish when we said those words to each other. It was our moment, our big step in life.
Back then I didn't know full well the prices I had to pay to marry you and move halfway around the world. It never crossed my mind that it would be so hard to have your heart split into two: my new family in Finland and my family in Indo. I'm writing this letter a few days before I have to fly to Indo and I feel a mixture of sadness and joy: sadness for having to leave you and your parents, joy for being able to meet my family. And the same thing will happen again the day when I'm supposed to fly back to Indo.
There are also other prices that came up only after I moved to Finland, but the most important thing is that you're worth the prices I have to pay. We are worth each and every one of it. What we have is worth the fight. I don't know how much more time God gives us, but I promise I'm going to do my best to cherish each and every moment I have with you.
To be honest, before I moved to Finland, I also didn't know how right my choice was to marry you (I bet you also felt the same - at least the logical part of the brain would say so). After all, we never really dated "normally" and we had only been together in real life for more or less 3 weeks in total before our wedding day. Before I moved to Finland, I knew you were funny, but I never knew you're THIS funny. You make me laugh so easily. You make me feel cherished, loved, supported, accepted. You never make me feel like I'm stupid, even when I make silly mistakes and you're always ready to comfort me when I need it. You never give me any unsolicited advice and you never criticize me. Even when I'm SO cranky, you always keep your cool and you put up with it. I'm SO grateful for that!!!
Up to now, we've had some disagreements, but they never escalated into any fights. There were times when I wondered about this, you know? There were times when I wondered if it was "healthy" to never having fights after living together for almost three years. There were times when I wondered if there were "ticking bombs" in our marriage...but one day I realized the answer. It's a simple as ABC. You've always brought out the best in me. I don't exactly know how you do it, but you do. I guess you're just one of those people who "click" with me - who are in the opposite end from those people who get into my nerves so easily even though they probably don't really mean to do it.
That was one of the reasons why I knew you were and are the one for me. Even though there were some occasions when I wanted to get REALLY angry at you, I just couldn't lash out. If I had been with someone else, I couldn't guarantee that things would calm down the way they were with you. But you...you've always managed to douse my flames so quickly. Always. Every single time. I'm amazed at that. I guess my instinct was right after all - about your being the one for me even before we met. Time has proven this even better than I could have imagined it.
Even though life in Sodankylä is not all roses and flowers and sometimes I do feel frustrated about "finding my place in here" (esp. in terms of finding a suitable occupation that would bring me some income), I love my life with you. I love the way you treat me. I love the way you move (so sexy, oh yeah!). I love the way you smile. I love your crazy jokes. I love how I can be totally crazy in front of you - and still feel like I'm the most precious person on earth instead of feeling silly. I love all the little things you do that I can't possibly write down here (tee hee...). I wish right now I could hold you SO tightly to let you know how much you mean to me...but 'coz I'm halfway around the world, I hope this note warms up your heart until I come back to your arms again (and then I can "attack you properly, passionately, tenderly"). I just want to say THANK YOU for being you, THANK YOU for everything. I'm PROUD to be your wife and I'm SO lucky to be able to love you, hold you, kiss you, make love to you, cook for you, clean your ears, tickle you, scratch your back, stare at you, smell your fart (OK, OK, I know that oftentimes they don't smell - unlike mine), help you cut your hair, listen to your heartbeats, nibble you, tuck you up on the sofa sometimes when you take a nap...and the list goes on.
I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU more than before...the longer I am with you, the more I adore you...I can't wait to go back home to you...because you are my home...my safe haven on earth...my "bunny in a bag"...
Your crazy wife (who's crazily in love with you),
AMEL
P.S. Sorry, I don't allow comments for this post 'coz it's a very personal post.
The other night I decided to trick my husband. LOL!!! I ran to bed as fast as I could and then decided that I'd hide beneath the comforter the other way around - so my feet would be near the pillows. I knew he'd be shocked when he lifted the comforter and tried to kiss me goodnight and found my feet instead of my face. Indeed he was. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! :-D YIIIIIPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!! I giggled and laughed like crazy and he said, "I'll GET back at youuuuuuhhh!" WA HA HA HA HA HA HA...LOL!!! (side not: Am I a bad girl? Maybe I am ;-D). Oh, but don't expect me to show my childlikeness in front of strangers. Strangely enough, it only appears when I'm with him. Even when I'm with my closest friends, I can't seem to bring out that side of me.
Anyhow, just wanna share something I wrote for my hubby (another older writing of mine that I wrote not long after we got married):
Dear Husband,
My heart's SO full of you and your love right now that even if it were a mute bird, it would sing as beautifully as a nightingale. This distance adds more weight to your value in my life. I feel SO LUCKY to have you in my life. You are a kindred spirit who moves me, touches me in ways nobody ever did or could, shatters my life and rebuilds it even more wonderfully. You have a magical touch that makes me feel that I belong to and with you eternally. You have a magical key to unlock every secret hidden door. You have a magical heart that beats similarly as mine that endears me to you. How can I not love you? You make me love everything that I am by loving me that way. You've bared and stripped me and yet you always clothe me tenderly with your love and understanding so that I won't feel ashamed and insecure. You've let me bare and strip you and clothe you the same way, with a happy smile on your face that I love so much. I love the way we fight together, side by side, bridging the distance and differences between us. You truly are a gift from above, a dream I never dared pray for, yet at last you are in my arms, in my heart, in my soul, for the rest of our lives. I thank God for entrusting you to me and for entrusting us to be together. Let's embrace the present and the future together, My Love, because from now on, we are one!
