50 Shades of Shit (A Parody)

***** pardon the language/wrote this just for fun ******

Shit happens, they say.
Damn right, I say.

Sometimes you can feel that shit is going to happen,
You fidget, you can't sleep, you worry,
Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst,
And all you can say when it does happen is, "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!"

Sometimes shit happens when you least expect it,
Out of nowhere, out of the blue,
Knocking you unconscious, dazed and bruised.
And yet again you yell, "SHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Every now and then the injustice of life befalls you
When you have to clean up someone else's shit
Yet you have no other choice but to grind your teeth
And grumble inside, "I'm so fed up with this shit!"



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Sometimes you're in deep shit and in a raging moment
You raise your fist to the sky and exclaim,
"Come on! Is this all the shit you're going to give me?
Bring it onnnnnnn! I can take more shit!"

Sometimes, though, when you're in deep shit,
In a desperate voice you moan, "Why me?!?!?!?!
What did I do to deserve all this shit?!?!?!?!?!?!
Somebody, help me!!!!! I can't take this shit anymore!"

Every once in a while when you're in deep shit,
You meet a kindred spirit in a similar deep shit
That makes you feel less alone and shitty
And it makes all the difference.

And then there are times when everything is fine,
Nothing is out of order and all problems are solved,
Yet out of the back of your masochistic brain
A voice wonders, "Will it be pouring shit soon?"

Last but not least, though, there are special moments -
Magical moments that you want to freeze and bottle up
Those moments when you stand in awe and say,
"Though life is full of shit, it's still worth living."


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P.S. Yeah, I know it's nowhere near 50, but if I continue until 50, you'll all stop reading way before it ends LOL!!!