50 Shades of Shit (A Parody)

***** pardon the language/wrote this just for fun ******

Shit happens, they say.
Damn right, I say.

Sometimes you can feel that shit is going to happen,
You fidget, you can't sleep, you worry,
Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst,
And all you can say when it does happen is, "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!"

Sometimes shit happens when you least expect it,
Out of nowhere, out of the blue,
Knocking you unconscious, dazed and bruised.
And yet again you yell, "SHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Every now and then the injustice of life befalls you
When you have to clean up someone else's shit
Yet you have no other choice but to grind your teeth
And grumble inside, "I'm so fed up with this shit!"



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Sometimes you're in deep shit and in a raging moment
You raise your fist to the sky and exclaim,
"Come on! Is this all the shit you're going to give me?
Bring it onnnnnnn! I can take more shit!"

Sometimes, though, when you're in deep shit,
In a desperate voice you moan, "Why me?!?!?!?!
What did I do to deserve all this shit?!?!?!?!?!?!
Somebody, help me!!!!! I can't take this shit anymore!"

Every once in a while when you're in deep shit,
You meet a kindred spirit in a similar deep shit
That makes you feel less alone and shitty
And it makes all the difference.

And then there are times when everything is fine,
Nothing is out of order and all problems are solved,
Yet out of the back of your masochistic brain
A voice wonders, "Will it be pouring shit soon?"

Last but not least, though, there are special moments -
Magical moments that you want to freeze and bottle up
Those moments when you stand in awe and say,
"Though life is full of shit, it's still worth living."


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P.S. Yeah, I know it's nowhere near 50, but if I continue until 50, you'll all stop reading way before it ends LOL!!!

A Wealth of Lessons

Note: I dug up some of my old posts and found this unpublished post, so here goes...

The stories of people's lives intrigue me, impress me, induce me to feel a mixture of emotion churning inside me. Throughout my life I have heard glimpses of other people's lives and that made me feel that I had been living quite a protected life. It also made me wonder about the crossroads in our lives. Had we chosen a different route, everything would have been SO different. Had our parents chosen a different route, would we have been born?

A woman once opened up to me about her life. She said, "When I first met my current husband, I didn't love him. My first husband left me for another woman when our second daughter was only about a year and a half. I worked too hard and that drove us apart. Then years later I met an expat who was interested in me. We became a couple, yet one day I found out that he had a wife. From then on, I started losing more faith in men. Building a relationship based on love becomes such a stupid thing to do for me. It even crossed my mind to sell myself for money. After all, I needed the money to support my two daughters. I never really did it, though it did cross my mind a few times.

But then my current husband found me and he asked me on a date. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, whereas I sometimes go to the bars to drink a little and have fun. He didn't mind that, though. We went on several dates and finally we got married.



Things were rough in the beginning, though. His family didn't accept me right away. I cried a lot and asked my husband why they didn't accept me. It took them a while to open up their hearts to accept me. I think one reason was that my husband had never had any girlfriend before he met me. He just lived for work and he even worked on weekends. I told him that when we got married, I didn't want him to work too hard as I wanted to have some quality time with him, as well."

I nodded and nodded while listening to her story. Her family life history was a tragic one, as well. She lost her mother when she was young, then her Dad found another woman who was only interested in his money. After some time, the other woman left him to be with a richer man. Then in the end her Dad died due to some illness. One brother died due to some illness and she lost a sister in a car accident. Another sister died from drowning as she went swimming after she got heavily drunk.

Her story made me feel amazed. I feel that life has forged some people into warriors and warrior princesses. Whether or not you choose to be negative and bitter and pessimistic, it's all up to you. It's supposed to be easier to be thankful when everything is fine and smooth, but the fact is that we are prone to grumble and grumble and grumble. It's so easy to lose perspective on the most important things in life and instead scrutinize all the little things in life with a magnifying glass. I love learning about and from other people. There's a wealth of lessons out there. 


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Writing Challenge: When I Am An Old Woman

For this writing challenge, I decided to combine photo and text. Here is what I made:

Here's what my text says.

When I Am An Old Woman

When I'm an old woman...

I still want to believe in humanity,

Still want to have a zest for learning,

Still want to think that life is beautiful

And worth living no matter what.

When I'm an old woman, 

I want to wake up believing that

Today is a gift for me. 

P.S. Well, I know we're supposed to wake up and believe that today is a gift for us even when we're not old, but I was thinking that maybe that thought is even more profound in one's old age? We shall see...that's if I ever get to be that old he he...

Life Goes On

An innocent question can lead to a dose of surprise. The other day I asked a regular customer where his wife was, because I hadn't seen her for months. 

His response was, "We're divorced now. Our divorce was final on the 23rd of this month. Her decision."

I was struck dumb. I managed to reply, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that."



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He continued, "She lives in southern Finland now. She wanted me to move there, too, but I didn't want to. I have my place here and a small cabin, so she filed for a divorce. It's her decision."

I could only respond, "Oh dear...it must be hard. By the way, her daughter lives there, right?"

He replied, "Yes, her daughter has a son. So now she takes care of the grandson." He packed the few items he had bought and added, "I'm still grieving about it."

I said, "Of course you are, of course.......But life goes on..." 

He agreed, "Yes, life goes on."

I didn't have time to process the information. The next customer was already waiting, but I felt like his words were hanging there in the space between us. It's funny how news like this can stagger you, even though you don't really know them that well.

I first met her a few years ago. From the get go, she told me her abbreviated life story even without being asked. She had just retired at that time. If I could describe her with one word, I'd choose the word sunshine. She was always full of laughter and bear hugs. Seeing her face at work was always a pleasure.

Sometime last year she came by with a huge smile on her face. She said that her grandson was due soon and she would go there once the baby was born. A few months later, she showed me his photo on her mobile phone and told me her grandson's name. The phrase "her pride and joy" sprung to my mind. I have no doubt that she'll be a doting and fun grandmother.

Life goes on...people come and go, some are born, some pass away and sometimes you don't even have time to say goodbye...but life goes on for those left behind... 


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Do You Miss Your Hometown?

I've been talking to some expats around the globe about this topic. I've been asked this question many times by random people and my answer these days is "no". I remember one day a customer showed a confused face after I gave that answer. But I meant what I said. No kidding. This is my home now.


Maybe some people who have so many attachments with their home country do get homesick, but I can't say that I do feel homesick these days. Don't get me wrong! In the beginning I did miss my home country, especially my family and I most definitely missed the food (at that time Finnish food felt so bland). I also missed the comfort of being in a familiar place, of having a clear safety net, of having a set of friends, of having a job. Things like that. 


As time goes by, however, life in this small village has changed me. What I find "normal" has changed. Case in point: I still remember very clearly when I came back to Indo and got frustrated because they couldn't queue properly in public toilets. In Indonesian public toilets, one just needs to stand outside whichever toilet booth one wants to, so it doesn't follow any queueing order whatsoever. So tough luck if you're standing in front of the toilet booth where the person inside is taking a long dump. I was really shocked at that time by the amount of frustration I felt. I am getting too used to life here that what I found normal when I still lived in Indonesia feels abnormal and can even feel annoying.

Another case in point: people here sometimes ask me if I have children, but they rarely ask follow-up questions. In Indonesia, even strangers you just meet won't hesitate giving their opinions concerning stuff like that. I have a friend who has decided with her husband to only have one child and one of her yoga students (an older mother) scolded her for that particular decision, saying that it was bad to only have one child bla bla bla bla bla...This person isn't even a close friend of my friend, mind you!

These days I can't even get used to the crowds anymore. Being in a crowd in very small doses is tolerable, but not in big doses. I have grown to love having so much space between myself and other people. There's a kind of stillness that doesn't exist in the big cities, the kind of relaxed attitude that is just dear to me. No traffic jams, thank you very much. I've also talked to some people who were born in small villages. They've also told me that they can't stand being in big cities because they're so used to this kind of pace and space. Their senses get overwhelmed with the noise and the crowd and the traffic jam. 


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Other than that, my taste buds have changed, so the only thing I can possibly miss is my family and friends. Nothing else. I've been wondering why it feels easy for me to unattach myself from my parents. I get along much better with my mom, but I can't say that I had a difficult relationship with my dad, either (it could get a bit rocky sometimes but not all the time). My mom helped smooth out our relationship by being the bridge between us hard-headed people and I can even say that I have a better relationship with my mom compared to many other people with their moms, but I have no problem leaving her and my dad and my brother (my brother and I have a good relationship) behind. But anyway, it sure makes my life here easier. I think if I'm too attached with my home country (the people or food or whatever it is), it will make it harder for me to live here.

If you're an expat (or even someone who's living outside of your birth city), how much do you miss your hometown? 

On Unfulfilled Potentials

(Nothing much going on and I'm lacking in inspiration, so here's a post I wrote in my IF blog he he...)

 

Was talking to my closest friends about different topics and we ended up talking about unfulfilled potentials. One friend said that when she saw great pianists, she always wondered what would have happened if she had been more focused on learning the piano when she was younger. She said that as she grew older, in a way it got a little tougher to accept the fact that she may not be fulfilling her potential as a pianist because she had less and less time to reach that dream. In the past if she saw great pianists, she felt more inspired and encouraged to follow that dream because it seemed that there was still ample time to do so. However, she also said that hopefully as she grew older, she would be wiser to accept the facts about unfulfilled potentials in any area of life. 

 

I suddenly started thinking about infertility and motherhood. I told her that for me, motherhood was similar to her pianist dream. I don't actually know for sure how much "potential" I have to be a mother, but it was a dream I had for a certain period of time.

 

In my simplistic mind, when talking about unfulfilled potentials, you'd either have to do something about it or let it go. Letting it go also means accepting the fact that at the end of the day, maybe you'll only have fulfilled your potential until P instead of Z. In another life (so to speak), you may have made different choices and you may be able to fulfill that particular potential fully (or in a higher level than this life), but we've only got one life to live, so that's that. And we'll never know for sure anyway if in another life we'll be able to reach that potential more fully.

 

In my family, my brother is the more musical one. He took organ lessons when he was younger and the teacher said he was talented. He was in the course for years and then he stopped for a while, then continued it again for a while and for a period of time, my Mom was feeling sad because she felt that he could do more with his musical talents. Then when he was at the uni, he picked up the guitar and bass guitar and nowadays he plays bass guitar at church. In another life, he may be able to perform in stages or produce music by himself. Who knows? But this is his only life and he's made choices and he loves playing guitar/bass guitar at church. 

 

When speaking about possibilities and unfulfilled potentials, there are too many unknown factors. R2 and I have made our choices and we have to live with it. In another life, we may be trying out something else at the moment, but in this life, I'm content to be where I am - even though every now and then I'm reminded of "my unfulfilled potential" that may be painful, but I'm THANKFUL for the lessons that IF has brought, because through IF I'm given a chance to learn more:

 

1. How to love myself despite myself.

2. That God's grace is enough.

3. More than ever before I know that God understands my pains and He cares, even though I've yelled at Him and accused Him of being unjust. 

4. That I've married the right guy.

5. The painful lesson of letting go and letting God.

 

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The Highlight of Our Vienna Trip

*cross-posted with my IF blog*

The highlight of our Vienna trip was actually the conversation we had with a mutual friend. This woman came to Sodankylä a few years ago and then went back to her home country. Back then we used to hang out every now and then and chat about anything. When she lived here, I was in the throes of TTC, so I shared with her our hopes and dreams.

So naturally after not having met for years, she asked us about baby program. She also told us that she had just started talking about having kids with her boyfriend. So I shared with her what we had experienced until we ended up with our decision to surrender to a life without kids. 

She asked about adoption and I explained to her our decision. I didn't take it the wrong way 'coz I know she cared. Actually, sharing what I know about adoption and the maximum age difference between the parents and the adopted child made her think. She's now at my age when we started TTC, so she wants to learn more about her options IF for some reason the natural way doesn't work (though I hope it'll work well for her).

What really touched me and made me happy was the fact that she asked R2 about his job and life and R2 said, "I'm happy." It's one thing to hear from your spouse that he's happy, but it's a different thing to hear him say to someone else that he's happy in life. The unsaid words are "even without kids". :-D So I'm THANKFUL for this memory.  

What A Luxury!

Spent the night at MIL's house 'coz R2 had to go to Rovaniemi for 2 days, so after work on Saturday I went straight there. We played cards, had sauna, and we had some serious talk as well about different topics.

All of a sudden she started talking about the past and FIL then started crying. And she made my eyes wet as well. After spending so much time taking care of the kids, farm, cows, her own mother and then her own in-laws, she had wanted to enjoy the rest of her life with her hubby.

Now that my FIL has been taken to an old people's house, she can't even enjoy that luxury anymore. Not that she doesn't want to. She said that she was still thinking if she could still take him back home, but she can't do it on her own and she can't afford having someone to live with them to help her take care of him. You see, the other week she visited FIL and then FIL said that he felt like he was nothing, a nobody. I almost wished that he would lose more consciousness so that he wouldn't think about anything like this anymore, you know? But then I wonder if that's such a great wish...sigh...

Anyway, the other week MIL sprained her arm and then last week she sprained her leg and she realized that she had to accept reality. Due to the arm and leg sprains, she hadn't been out for a few days and when we visited FIL yesterday (together with R2), the nurse said that he had eaten very little that day. Both the nurse and MIL were wondering if he didn't want to eat properly 'coz of longing. MIL brought some bread and homemade salted salmon filet, bananas, and also yoghurt and so we waited for FIL to eat them all (he could still hold bread and bananas himself, but MIL fed him the yoghurt). And he did eat them all with gusto, I must say.

Then MIL told FIL that she had to go for almost a week to Rovaniemi 'coz they have this program for the elderly that offers exercise program and it's good for her to be able to join this kind of activity. And after FIL heard that, his eyes became wet and I almost wanted to cry...I left the room to give MIL and FIL some time for themselves and R2 also left the room, as well. It was just heartbreaking...Wish I could do more for MIL and FIL, but there's only so much one person can do...

Sniff, sniff...anyway, last night when we went back home, it hit me with a different force than before how luxurious it is for me and R2 to be able to live together under the same roof, to be able to give and take, to be able to enjoy life together. How much we take for granted the life that we have together, every single day...each breath we take, each step we take...day in, day out...how precious those moments are...how much more I should cherish these moments while they last...

This is the promise I hold dear...


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On Learning Balance: Swaying From One Extreme to Another

I don't know about your lives, but I'm going to tell you how life's made me learn balance in some ways. It's by swaying from one extreme to another. Yep. I wanna know if anyone else has ever experienced something like this. Let me explain it more detailed manner then.

I was not only born a planner (temperamentally), but I also have parents who taught me how to plan things well, so planning has been deeply rooted in my blood. One close friend was once shocked at how my planner brain worked. She said it was scary that I could plan things that way (too many details, she said). So you can say that I was quite extreme regarding this matter.

However, once I moved to Finland, I was forced NOT to plan ANYTHING at all. When I moved to Finland, I was jobless and I didn't even know when a full-time Finnish course was going to happen. All I could do was enjoy the moment, make the best of my time, and hope for the best. Granted it was forced by life on me, but still I made quite a huge sway from the first extreme to another.

Now that I've been in both sides and now that life seems to be going back to its normal course (I can speak the language and I've got a part-time job), I get to make some short-term, general plans but I also don't want to lose the joy of the moment. In the past, I used to feel that I had one leg over my future realm so my focus on the present moment was half blurry. Now I don't want to lose the joys of the moments, so I think I'll try to keep steady in having the balance between the present and the future.

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Another experience like this happens on being open to others. I used to be so introverted and I kept everything inside, even when it came to my closest friends. Then along the years someone taught me the joy of being open to others, but I took it to the extreme. I shared too many details with my closest friends, even though on hindsight some of them weren't ready to know that much. Not everybody is ready to hear the truth at its rawest level, so now before I become too open to people, I have to think of the listeners as well and the state of their readiness.

Upside Down World

Weeks ago I felt so "soul weary" (a term I heard from Michelle Frost while we were discussing this topic in emails). She also said in one of the emails that 'coz these days we could get information at the click of a mouse that we became more burdened with the "weight of the world" (read: the world's troubles) on our backs. Back in the old days, we could only get the news from the radio or newspaper or TV. The amount of information we got was limited. Back in the more olden days, people could only get the news through messengers. Not many people knew the troubles suffered by the people living halfway across the world. Now I feel that it's the age of information overload.

With the many petitions through emails and now FB, it's easy to feel guilty if we don't participate. Plus we get more overwhelmed with the bad news happening all around the world or when we come across so much internet junk lying around here and there that we accidentally find.

I've also been wondering with humans' needs these days. Back then we only needed food to eat, clothing to stay warm, a place to stay to shelter us. Now with all the modernity and technology that we enjoy, I feel that we're putting values in things that don't really matter much when you think about it in the long run - the things that don't matter at all when you're facing death (or when a loved one is facing death or even slow death like my FIL) or devastating natural disasters. Every time I meet FIL these days, I think of life and I'm reminded of all the trivial things on earth that don't really matter.

I DO understand why humans are the way they are, 'coz I'm also a mere human being with all my strengths and weaknesses, but I wonder whether or not we've let life just pass us by in a swift motion, dragging us with the world that focuses even more and more on those trivial things on earth...where does our need to improve end and contentment begins? Where is the limit? On the other hand, accepting the status quo and being content with what we have also feels "wrong" in many levels. When did I ever feel that it's wrong to be content with what we have? Why do I feel that it's wrong? Is it really wrong?

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I remember when I was a child, TV programs started only at around 5 pm and ended at around midnight. Back then the only commercials were about immunization and stuff like that. Nowadays we're bombarded with so many commercials that tickle our "wants". I know that it's easy to become victim of those "wants" especially after I start earning money. I really need to STOP and THINK first whether I REALLY need them or not before I start buying stuff.

I also feel that the more developed technology is, the more ethical questions come up. Recently I read about a doctor who found this kind of drug during his research, but then it was stolen and the drug was recreated by the thieves and sold on the streets like heroin or something like that. He was shocked beyond belief and he regretted having created it in the first place. For every good thing and purpose, humans find ways to either go to the extreme with it or misuse or abuse it. It's human nature. I get it. But I can't help myself feeling sad because of it.

Another thing that saddens me is also what I heard about a woman who fell into a hole in one country that I won't mention here. The law in the country stated that only the medics could help her out, so people who wanted to pull her out weren't allowed to do so. The result? The woman had died by the time the medics arrived. How sad is that?

I also feel that this is an era where tolerance is taken to the extreme. For example: if parents discipline their kids rather "sternly", they're called "child abusers". I'm NOT saying I condone people who are mean to other people or to kids. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is should tolerance mean that we tolerate everything? EVERY SINGLE THING? Because it sure feels like we're going that way sometimes and it's driving me mad.

I don't know what I'm getting at by writing all these thoughts 'coz I haven't really found the conclusion. All I know that I have this strong desire to share these thoughts in my blog. Maybe some of you have some enlightenment to share with me that'd help me out of this vicious cycle of thoughts. Who knows? ;-D

Life Slipping Away...

What do you say to a patient of an incurable disease, whose condition you know will only get worse as time goes by?

Last night MIL sent an SMS, saying that FIL could be taken home from the local clinic. He was taken to Rovaniemi hospital on Monday and yesterday he was taken back to the local clinic after some tests. He had a long sleep apparently and couldn't be woken up for some reason. Yesterday MIL was dropped by our place by a neighbour who had to run some errands in town and the three of us went to the clinic. A few minutes after we arrived, R2's elder brother and girlfriend arrived - they were the ones who took MIL and FIL back to their house in the countryside (about 25 min. drive away from here).

I wanted to cry when I saw FIL. He seemed to be in and out of the conscious world, as though life is slipping in and out of him. Sometimes it looked as if he understood most things, sometimes it looked like he was confused and he didn't know where he was or what kind of clothes he had on. He couldn't even put on his clothes on his own anymore. I don't know how fast the disease will worsen his condition, but it seems to me that it's going rather fast these days compared to, say, a year ago.

It's going to be really tough on MIL as time goes by. They live in a countryside with such a huge lawn and they use firewood in the living room fireplace, so every day or every other day the firewood has to be carried from the barn to the living room and as you know, wood is rather heavy (just a few pieces of firewood isn't enough for one day, mind you). I don't even know what to pray anymore, except for MIL to be given the strength, energy, patience, joy, and peace of mind.


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Additional note: FIL can still walk on his own, so it's a good thing.

Suicide Rate

Found this text while browsing through Time Magazine today. It's pretty disturbing, but it also made me think.

"A lot of Asian people just work without any other things to make life more interesting; if they lose their jobs, it throws their life into total disarray," said Paul Yip, director of the Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention in Hong Kong. "If the financial crisis is going to have an impact on suicide rates, it'll be more serious in Asia."

Rises in male suicide rates a year after the 1997 Asian financial crisis.

South Korea: 45%
Hong Kong: 44%
Japan: 39%

Anybody has an opinion? I don't think I have enough general knowledge to make any statements on this quote, but I just think it's interesting what he said about Asians. At least this quote is totally valid when I try to think of what happened to my Dad after he resigned from work. He suddenly lost sense of his own value in life and his whole life went into "disarray". Glad to say that now Ken's existence has given back his sense of value in life.

I think one of the things that Indonesian needs is a place where the elderly can do plenty of activities together ('coz I know my Aunt who lives in Canada with her hubby can still do plenty of fun activities with other pensioners). Unfortunately I think if they do build (or have built) that kind of place in Indo, it's going to be SO costly that the elderly can't afford it. Back to ground zero then.

Oh well...just a little something to think about.

Culture and Life

The other day a friend and I talked a bit about the global economic crisis. She (a full-time mom) lives in Japan with two young kids (she's Indo, her husband is Japanese). She said that nowadays they wouldn't allow her hubby to work overtime. She said it felt weird to have him back home already at 6 pm. Due to that fact, as well, they have to tighten their belt since the family's income is not as much as it used to.

In Finland, I find myself missing hubby when he works overtime. Overtime = when he doesn't come home at 4 pm. I don't think overtime is a common thing here in Finland, which is actually good. That means the hubby has more time with their families (well, hopefully they spend that time with their families).

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I must admit, though, that after living here for 2 years, I'm getting used to everything here, so I kinda "forget" what it was like in Indo. Deep down I know how tough it is to live in a culture where working overtime is considered "loyalty", especially if you're high up in the company's ladder.

I know one friend's hubby who worked in Indo who used to go home around 10 pm or even midnight on most days. Sometimes he also had to go to meetings on a Sunday and there was no way he could have said no (and he worked on Saturdays too until 6 pm or even later than that). If he had always come back home on time and he refused to go on meetings, he would probably have gotten sacked right away and there would be MANY others in Indo who would do anything to get his job.

Here in Finland if you work on a Saturday or Sunday, then you'll get even MUCH more money that way...but in Indonesia, I don't think in many companies you'll get a good amount of overtime money (that's IF you get any overtime money at all!). Here in Finland if R2 has done overtime many times, he can take that time to get a short holiday from work, but can Indo people do that? No, Sirrrrrrr...unfortunately not.

Another Indo friend who's now been living in the Netherlands said that people there would think you were weird if you kept on working overtime, since it's just not the culture.

And what about the paid holiday in Finland? In Indonesia I've never heard of such a thing. Plus here in Finland the yearly holiday is MORE than reasonable IMO, because after working full-time in a place for a year, you'll get a some PAID holiday (read the notes section below this paragraph) In Indo, normally a person only gets around 12 days of UNPAID holiday per year.

Notes (I copied it based on Jamppa's comment): Holiday season starts from April and ends in March and you get 2 days for summer holiday per each done month. So if you start work on firm XX on first day on July (e.g 2008), you'll get 18 days holiday on first summer (2009). In this case it starts from July and stops to March. It stops always in March, cause April is first holiday month and in this case next summer holiday is full 2days*12month= 24 days which is full summer holiday (2010).. from April to March.

Other than that, in Indo it's hard to get a long sick leave. Here in Finland I think it's a pretty common and acceptable thing. At least I know one person who took a sick leave for at least 6 months and she still has her job. In Indo, if you're sick for more than a month, I think there's a fat chance that you're going to be able to continue working there.

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I also see a similar trend of cultural differences in terms of education. Since education in Indonesia isn't really standardized, so if you don't go to good schools, it's going to be hard for you to get a good job. Also a friend told me that she felt that the curriculum in many schools in Indo are now too stressful for kids, 'coz they try to teach the kids SO MANY subjects already since a young age. And if you go to a good private school, then you'll get tough homework, as well.

The bad thing about having such a stressful curriculum is that the kids will lose their playtime after school 'coz they must have private or group lessons so that they can catch up with the other kids. I remember that one student of mine used to complain about having to go to many different kinds of private lessons: English, Chinese, Swimming, Math. These type of lessons are sometimes done twice a week for an hour per session, so can you imagine how busy they are?

Here in Finland kids go to school at the age of 7. I once read an article that they want to let kids to play first and enjoy their childhood before they study at a real school. Another friend from my Finnish classes (who goes to a High School here) told me that in her opinion, the education system in Finland isn't too difficult or stressful. I don't know about that, but at least I've never heard of any private tutors here in Finland, unlike those in Indo (private tutors in Indo can earn really good money due to the high demands of them, especially these days as the school curriculum is getting more and more difficult).

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It's very interesting to talk about this topic. One Indo friend (a mother of two kids) once joked to me, "Hey, look at us! We didn't go to any international schools and our monthly school fee was pretty low back then and we only started learning English when we were in Junior High School (as opposed to these days where English is taught in some preschools and most elementary schools) , but don't you think we've turned out quite okay?"

I laughed.

Such is life. To succumb or not to succumb to society's pressure, that is the question. I think it's pretty tough to fight the "mainstream, the-what's-acceptable-according-to-public". But dunno...what do YOU think, readers???

P.S. I find that some of the things that I used to find "common/normal/accepted" have changed ever since I moved to Finland.

One Liner

One of the VERY BEST feelings in the world is to feel that your life is worth living.

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Intensity Level?

One of my oldest friends and I had a talk about intensity level the other day. We were talking about the latest movies we had watched and our opinions on the movies. When I told her that one particular movie was just okay, she said that she knew I wouldn't be into the movie so much since I was an intense person. She said that she thought I'd love intense movies, since she regarded me as an intense person.

Interesting POV. I've never really thought of myself that way, even though I know that I can be pretty intense compared to my closest friends.

One thing I love about talking with other people is getting insights from them, even though they can be surprising or shocking. You start thinking of yourself in a different light, the sort of light that you never thought existed in the first place he he he...

I'm sure you've also had moments like this. Care to share one with me? ;-D

Somewhere In Time Part 1

The author of this blog will be absent until the beginning of next week as she is busy preparing for her Finnish test this Saturday. She thanks everybody who has been very supportive. She TRULY appreciates her blogger friends.

She'd love to tell a little secret, too, though! She says that she's been reading Japanese comics online every now and then to help release the tension due to the upcoming test HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...*wink*

She's going to her in-laws on Sunday instead of Saturday, so she won't have much time to blog until Monday. She hopes that everybody will be in good shape until she comes back to the blogosphere. She misses everybody SO much!!!

She'd love to share this story with all of you as she doesn't want her blog to be boring...

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Somewhere In Time Part 1

The stories of people's lives intrigue me, impress me, induce me to feel a mixture of emotion churning inside me. Recently I have heard glimpses of other people's lives and that made me feel that I had been living quite a protected life. It also made me wonder about the crossroads in our lives. Had we chosen a different route, everything would have been SO different. Had our parents chosen a different route, would we have been born on earth?

This woman whom I had recently met decided to open up to me about her life. She said, "When I first met my current husband, I didn't love him. My first husband left me for another woman when our second daughter was only about a year and a half. I worked too hard and that drove us apart. Then years later I met an expat who was interested in me. We became a couple, yet one day I found out that he had a wife. I broke up with him right away.

From then on, my trust in men gradually became lower and lower. Building a relationship based on love becomes such a stupid thing to do for me. It even crossed my mind to sell myself for money. After all, I needed the money to support my two daughters. I never really did it, though it did cross my mind a few times.

But then my current husband found me and he asked me on a date. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, whereas I sometimes go to the bars to drink a little and have fun. He didn't mind that, though. We went on several dates and finally we got married after I got to know him for a few years.

Things were rough in the beginning, though. His family didn't accept me right away. I cried a lot and asked my husband why they didn't accept me. It took them a while to open up their hearts to accept me. I think one reason was that my husband had never had any girlfriend before he met me. He just lived to work and he even worked on weekends. I told him that when we got married, I didn't want him to work too hard as I wanted to have some quality time with him, as well."

I nodded and nodded while listening to her story. Her family life history was a tragic one, as well. She lost her mother when she was young, then her Dad found another woman who was only interested in his money. After some time, the other woman left him to be with a richer man. Then in the end her Dad died due to some illness. One brother died to some illness and she lost a sister due to a car accident. Another sister died from drowning as she was swimming after she got heavily drunk.

Her story made me feel amazed. I feel that life has forged some people into warriors and warrior princesses. Whether or not you choose to be negative and bitter and pessimistic, it's all up to you. It's supposed to be easier to be thankful when everything is fine and smooth, but the fact is that we are prone to grumble and grumble and grumble. It's so easy to lose perspective on the most important things in life and scrutinize all the little things in life with a magnifying glass.

Humans are fascinating. Have we really learnt so much more important things compared to those cavemen? Are we so much more sophisticated than them when we're still struggling to understand what happiness means? When our technology creates more problems as well as giving more solutions?

Questions, questions, questions...I shall continue next time with another story. Until then, adieu, my friends, and take care!

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Talk, Amel, Talk!!!

Life has a funny way of giving you the lessons you "try" to avoid ha ha ha...When life's determined to shape you in a certain way or when you're still not learning the same lessons over and over again, then you'll face a similar problem again. And perhaps again.

I've told you that I've found a place to do my training after the course ends in mid June. The problem is that I still have to meet the boss to work on the training contract. And I also need to ask about my working hours and when my lunch break is and stuff like that.

Yesterday I went to the store again to do that, but alas, the boss was talking on the phone and there were some customers there. Plus I saw another guy restocking the place, so they must've been busy. So I went home and decided to go back to the store today.

Today I went there after the course, hoping to find the same woman I talked to last week that told me that I could do the training there. Alas, there was a different person near the counter and I didn't see the boss there. I did talk to her, though, in Finnish. I explained to her about what I wanted to do, and then she replied in a "normal" pace in Finnish, which sounded in my ears like "blrblblrrlkbbbklllrrrbbbllrlrlblblrlblrbbblrrbbbrrlkllkkllllbbbrrr".

So I smiled and asked her politely to say it more slowly. She smiled and decided to change her words into simpler ones (I know it for sure since at first she said SO many sentences!!!). THANK GOD for that hi hi hi hi...I LOVE it when Finnish people try to explain something to foreigners in a simpler way. I TRULY appreciate it!!! She said that today was her first day at work and that I should talk to the boss instead so that everything would be clear. She said that the boss would probably come either the next day or the day after, so I should come back later.

Phew!!! I actually still "dislike" talking to new people in Finnish, since I don't know whether I can understand them or not. I can prepare at home whatever it is I want to ask or say, but I have NO idea whether I can understand what the other person is saying to me or not. I guess my self-confidence is still so low hi hi hi hi hi...Plus I'm not really a people person. I'm getting better at practising Finnish (read: forcing myself to speak), but still I'm not nearly as chatty as people who are born chatty, you know what I mean? *wink* If I don't really have to talk, I prefer still not to talk HA HA HA HA HA HA...

Anyway, speaking of health, I've been doing MUCH better though my nose's still runny and every morning for the past few days I've been able to blow out some YUCKY stuff out of my nose. I described the yucky stuff in detail to Arttu and he asked me, "Do you have to describe it to me?" LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!

Ahem...what can I say? I AM a gross girl sometimes HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...You can ask my closest female friends and they'll all say the same thing hi hi hi hi...

And speaking of MONEY, remember when I said that last week I got more student money than I thought? WRONG!!! It was actually the accumulation of unemployment money. You see, I didn't know that I could have applied for unemployment money since I had NEVER worked in Finland. When I applied for the student money right before the course started, the government sent me so much paperwork to fill and they asked me to explain why I hadn't applied for unemployment money when I first moved to Finland.

Today I received the notification from them, stating that I was actually eligible to get unemployment money starting from last June, but since my application came so late, they only paid me unemployment money starting from last December.

So the money they sent me last week wasn't my student money. I'm REALLY HAPPY to get that extra sum of money, though, since I didn't even expect it!!! Every cent of it goes RIGHT into my "untouchable" account HUE HE HE HE HE HE HE...Pretty soon I'll be able to get back the amount of money I want to keep safely in that account. HALLELUJAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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Okie dokie, I think I may exercise right now so that tomorrow morning I don't have to wake up too early he he he...I tried to take a nap, but unfortunately sleep didn't come over me, so better make the most of the time then he he...I'll blog-hop again either tonight or tomorrow, OK?

Friday Favourites: Life on the Blade

Well, I don't normally get on the "Friday Favourites" train, but today I read something that I want to share with all of you who haven't visited this blog yet.

This is the post I read today that I enjoyed immensely and served as great reminders for me:

Fashionably Living a Life of God-Worship?

On a lighter note, let me share this video clip of one of the love songs I heard today. I'm sure most of you knows this one he he he he..."Open Arms" by Journey. I can't find a good original video clip of this song and after checking out so many different ones, here's my last choice. Hope you enjoy it!!!! Btw, the clip is taken from the latest Phantom of the Opera movie.