Before Going to Pori

This is probably my last entry before going to Pori. I'm not going to be able to visit your blogs for a few days, but I'll be back later on, OK?

Bad news about Pori is that it takes 12 hours per trip, so I don't think I'll be able to visit any place there, since we'll probably arrive there Sunday night and then Monday morning we'll drive back home. Stores are mostly open from 10 am, so if we leave Pori too late, we're gonna be back SO late and that wouldn't be good for my hubby 'coz he has to go to work on Tuesday. However, I'll try to take as many pics as I can.

Last night it snowed a bit already. When I woke up, it was -2'C but now it's sunny and it's 2'C. The snow doesn't last long, but I DO hope I'm gonna get my FIRST white Christmas later on HE HE HE HE HE...

Speaking of winter, my facial skin gets drier now. I've tried buying a heavier kind of moisturizer, but it still doesn't help much. Since I can't afford buying expensive moisturizer, I resort to trying out extra virgin olive oil. It seems to be working pretty well (I've only tried it last night and this morning). If it works well, then I'll be SO VERY HAPPY 'coz it only costs €3.30 for a big bottle of it (500 ml) HI HI HI...Yes, it IS cooking oil, but I don't care just as long as it works for me (I did a quick research online and found that some people've found this cooking oil VERY beneficial for their facial skin). *grin*

The other day in MyLot (this is a kind of forum I joined to get some extra money - if you're interested, just check it out), I posed these questions:

"Men, what do you wish women know about you?"

and

"Women, what do you wish men know about you?"


And I've found some interesting answers. Wanna read them? Here goes...

Let me start with men's POV first:

1. I wish women would listen to waht I'm saying and not thing there is an motive behind what I am saying. For example I will tell my wife and out fit does not look good on her then she turns and says Oh so now I am fat. NO! I just do not think the outfit look good on her. I did not say she is fat or the outfit makes her look fat.

Other than that, when I was single I wish women understood how shy I am. I'm not one of those guys who can walk up to any women and start talking. Anytime I would get up the nerve to, I get shut down anyhow so that hurt myself esteem. If a guy talks to you, is it really that hard to hold a small conversation with him....

Just my thoughts

2. Lol, I guess there is the 'nothing' answer that I try to get my wife to understand is one thing. You know what I mean, when a guy is irritable or upset and the woman asks 'what's wrong?', he answers with 'Nothing!' What that really means is that yes, something is bothering him, and no, he doesn't want to talk about it right then and there! Once he has had a chance to chew on it for a while, then he may tell the woman what it was that was bothering him!

I think there is always going to be this little problem, I think it is a part of a male's nature. Were not like women in the way we want to get something off our chest straight away, we don't open up quite so easily, lol! I do know it is because my wife hates to see me struggling with something, and I love it that all she wants to do is help, but I still find it so hard to tell her what's on my mind. After 7 years of marriage, it still hasn't improved a lot, so it probably never will, lol! I'll keep working on it though!

I definitely agree that trying to understand works both ways, and being open with each other(maybe with the exception of 'nothing', lol) generally saves a lot of guesswork or 'mind reading' for each other! But then also, if a partner knows the other inside out, where's the fun in that, lol!

3. About me personally?

That I'm really a walking treasure. (just look at my interests here on mylot).
That even though a woman's scorn is worse than Hell's fury, MY scorn is far worse than that... (make sure not to incur it).
That I'm not to be toyed with.

About men in general.
That men are not a party girl's retirement plan.
That men expect a similar kind of behavior when married that matches when they were dating (plenty of women change after the 'i do').
That men do not like Russian Roulette questions ('does this make me look fat', 'why do you go out with the guys', etc).
That if men are supposed to be old-fashioned (paying for dates, buying all the gifts, etc) then why are women exempt from the old-fashioned standard.
That men are sick of being scolded constantly for lying even though women constantly do it themselves and find it excusable.

- Know that I'm not the gift machine.
- Know that I have my own life
- Know that a lot of us aren't worthless (its in plain sight, if you can't see it that's terrible)
- Know that men work pretty hard to provide for their wives and families
- Know that I can see your wandering eye
- Know that I can see your "harmless" flirting

4. Conversely, I wish women would appreciate their guys more. I've seen so many narcissistic and unappreciative acts its sickening.

5. Women are notorious for sending signals and doubletalking. There are times, myself, friends, family, my dad, and other males in social circles have observed this. Personally, there are times where I don't know if a girlfriend wants me to look at something, hold up for a second, go to another town or move out for a football pass. Yes, some people aren't great with body language and doubletalk. I just want it straight and I just want the truth.

Again, if you are sending some body language, facial expressions and clues he may or may not know when to give you the words and feelings of encouragement. Other times women show all the language and speak in a certain way, but don't want any help at all (even just listening). Its pretty complicated in my view.

6. Not to be too disrespectful, but plenty of women (even some here on mylot) sound like they do indeed want a superman or wish their husband was a superman. Its even in dating ads especially online. The things look like christmas lists, laundry lists, or directions to neurosurgery (yes some of the ads seemed like they were that long).

Also there are some women who don't even want men to listen, they just want to rant at them. And then when men try to listen and try to help, they get yelled at. Its a Kobayashi Maru (no-win situation).

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Now on to women's POV:

1. I think men need to be reminded that women are not super humans, that they are just ordinary beings, and that women also need time for themselves and need to be told how much you care for her.

2. that we are not there only for sex!LOL but what i really wished men know about us is that we do need some more care and consideration then they they give us.

3. As far as myself and my boyfriend go, I wish I could find the right way to explain, or that he just understood that when I am mad or upset about something, I am not mad at him, and I am just quiet or distracted because of my own thoughts.

As well as that, I'd love it if, when I tell him that something he is doing bothers me, he wouldn't take it as a personal attack and get offended.
I think this goes for both men and women.

For example, sometimes I am trying to do something, like cook or have a nap, and he will insist on showering me with little kisses or conversation, and gets upset if I seem distracted, or ask him to stop. It's never that I don't love his affection and conversation, but sometimes I don't feel like it.

We do have great communication and trust, though, which is a major thing and contributes greatly to our relationship's success thus far=D

4. I wish my boyfriend was aware of how independent I am and that he should be greatful that I take such good care of him. I do a lot for the boy and I dont think he realizes how great I am.

5. I want a man to know I'm not stupid, or inferior to him. That I'm not with him to be his mother. I want him to know I've had a life before I met him, and survived nicely. I want him to know that even if he gives me all sorts of material things, that won't make me love him more. I want him to know that he can actually show a little humility, a little understanding that I may need to be alone...not because I don't want to be with him, but because I just need to be alone sometimes. I want him to know that when he shows me a little respect, gives me some space, that he dosn't take everything personal (like it's all about him), when he dosn't expect me to react the way he thinks I should...well, for me, those are all major turn-ons. If he actually understands these things. I've met few men that seem to understand these things. So I'm by myself, now.

Oh, and I'd wish he'd understand, that to just "jump on me" uninvited, without asking, because he "needs" me at that moment, no matter what I'm into...and then gets all crazy because I'm not reciprocating like he wants me to, at that moment, it just makes me feel like he dosn't care at all about me, and what I'm into..just his own needs. That's a major turn-OFF.

6. Folks,
Communication is the KEY here, you need to let him or her know.
My husband is just like other guys, he doesn't get it all the time, but he tries. That goes a long way. So be patient and kind to each other, and Keep each other first in your lives!

7. I do wish that men should not only know women, they should understand us. They should know and understand that women also has their limitations and weaknesses, so are they. They should know when to know that they are the listeners to conversions. They should know when to say "I am sorry too". They should know when to say their appreciation towards us. And most especially, they should know when they should understand us when we become nagger and irritable. They should understand that these weaknesses are normal for woman species.

8. I just want to add one simple concept: respect. As great as it feels to be loved, to be respected as a person, as a woman and as a partner goes a long way.

I actually forgot to add appreciation. Respect, appreciation, and love. Those are necessities in any good/healthy relationship.

It's a good topic. Men/women rarely seem to tell each other face to face these things...

9. I wish my husband could understand the things I say without misinterpreting anything. If only he can get what I mean and what I want to say we wouldn't have any misunderstandings and argues. Also, it would be great if he knew exactly when to express his feelings to me, tell me sweet words and compliments the exact moment I really need it.

10. Hmmm - well - probably the same as many other women have said here already. I enjoy sex, but I do not want it every single day,, especially when I'm tired and had a hard day at work - but just because I say "no" does not mean the man should feel unwanted or rejected. It literally just means that I'm tired, and I would much rather have a cuddle and go to sleep in his arms - no stings attached! Also - I wish men new that we really can't help these monthly mood swings, hormone changes, and tendancies to be tearful etc. It is part of our bodies - we really can't help it - and a nice bar of chocolate and a cuddle helps enormously to make us feel better:-))

11. I wish men will also consider women as equal to them in all aspects. That they should not treat women like a material possession. That even women should be submissive to men, they will not abuse their authority. But rather treat women fairly. because just like them, women are human,too. Can think and feel.

12. I am straightforward. I tell what I need, like and want. Just like I'm always forthcoming with what I appreciate in my other. From little things to the big. Of course I make every attempt to respond to the needs and wants of significant others. In my husband's case he never speaks up and tells me. I don't know is usually the response when I ask.

I've told him I enjoy compliments and love notes but thats just not his thing. He tells me he loves me by making me pancakes at 12 AM if I suddenly get the urge or if he just wants to do something nice. Or bringing me home wraps. He buys me treats that he knows I like from the store (he's very food oriented). He's gotten me two cats because he knows I love cats. When my neck or back hurts he'll send time really rubbing BenGay in. Like that.

Still I'm word oriented person. This is the first thing I let lovers know - not that I've had a lot. My first boyfriend was perfect at this - he was perfect in every way - but the relationship was crowded with Mr Hyde - my second loved things like physics and wasn't a wordy person but he'd write me love notes still and send emails. I guess I'll just have to get used to the fact that Daniel shows his love in different ways. I like creative ways to place love notes - on the bathroom mirror so I see it stepping out of the shower - on sticky notes - all over the house - in my favourite book of poems. A mix tape - or dvd.

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Anything you'd like to add? As you can see, there are more women participating my discussion than men. I wonder why he he he...There are lots more of them, but I only copied the major ones.

Anyway, the last woman's POV reminded me SO MUCH of The Five Love Languages. Generally speaking each person has one or max. two primary love languages and ideally, each person should learn all of those love languages so that he or she can make the best out of each of them by "speaking" the right kind of love language to different people. Curious? Just click on the link. I won't write them down here he he he...

Additional Note: My primary love language is Quality Time, whereas my hubby's primary love languages are Physical Touch and Quality Time. ;-D

One thing I'd love to address here, though...are women REALLY that good at sending mixed signals and making men confused? I've noticed that tendency in me. I asked my hubby the other day if he found me complicated and he said, "Yes, sometimes." Interesting!!! I've always thought that I'm not complicated compared to other girls, but he still found me complicated he he he...

OK, I think this post is long enough. I just thought it'd be fun for you to read different perspectives. ;-D