Thursday, October 25, 2007

News from Ex-Homeland

Last night I got an email from my mother and brother. Another uncle died in his sleep the other week. I'm not close to him, though. He was a distant relative of mine and he was such a playboy. However, there's a more pressing situation that needs to be solved.

An aunt from Jakarta called Mom and told her that she wanted to spend a night at their place a day before my brother's wedding day. Mom wasn't thinking straight, so she said yes, yes, yes. I guess she was confused on how to say no and the conversation happened too fast for her to absorb everything. After hanging up the phone, she realized how impossible that was.

You see, in my parents' house now there are 4 bedrooms: my parents' bedroom, my brother's bedroom, an empty bedroom, and the bride+groom's new bedroom. A day before the wedding day, my Mom's going to held a small family party. This is a regular practice in Indonesia. The parents' siblings and kids would gather the night before the wedding day. This is probably the equivalent of bachelor party and bachelorette party. Or is it stag and hen night? Oh...whatever he he he...Maybe there are just different terms for USA and UK/Europe, eh?

Additional note: Livingsword just gave me his two cents in the comment section. I didn't know that foreigners also have a family party prior to the wedding, so I can't equate this kind of family party with bachelor/bachelorette party.

Anyway, since my Dad's been pretty forgetful lately, the plan is that for my Dad's youngest brother to spend the night at the empty bedroom, so there's no more space for guests, since nobody can sleep in the bride+groom's new bedroom. My Dad's youngest brother (he's 12 years younger) is gonna help Dad follow the D-day schedule, 'coz my Mom and brother would go to the beauty salon early on (at around 5 am) and leave them both at home until it's time for them to pick them up at the salon.

So my Mom wants me to contact my aunt's daughter to inform her via email about this in the gentlest manner possible so that she won't be offended. My brother also wrote me about this. He said he was confused when Mom kept on saying yes, 'coz he had arranged the schedule of the D-day so that my parents could rest in between the hectic day. If my aunt stays in the house, too, it's guaranteed that they won't rest at all and they'll be talking non-stop, catching up on things. They've been best friends for a long time he he he...

Mom asked me not to inform my aunt's daughter right away after the call, so I'm gonna wait until sometime next week. :-)))) I've already had a plan on what to say and I think it's gonna work he he he...

They're going to held another party on November 18th. In Chinese tradition that Chinese Indo follow, there are two parties prior to the wedding: the proposal and another "proposal" HA HA HA HA HA HA...It's hard to explain it, but basically it's similar to the first one. Some people prefer to combine both, but my brother's going to do both. So they're gonna visit the bride's family and bring some fruits and jewelleries again.

I sure do hope everything'll work out smoothly for them and that my parents are well and nobody's sick on D-day.


  1. Good luck breaking the news to your aunt :-) Will you be able to make the wedding in Indonesia?

  2. Hi, Fish!

    THANKS. No, actually, I won't be going back home. Too expensive he he he he...I do have some savings, but I'm gonna use it only when my parents are so sick or when they die...I know this is morbid, but this is reality and I've braced myself to miss so many occasions there.

    BUT if there's a miracle, then perhaps I can go back home later on without the above reasons he he he...I'll still keep the faith alive! ;-D

    I'd already told my brother that I wouldn't be able to come, and he understood. Well, my prayers are with him he he he...

  3. Hope the wedding goes amazing well. I wonder what you will say to your aunt?

  4. Hi, Amber!

    The wedding's gonna be held on December 8th. Yep, hope it'll be smooth indeed.

    I'm gonna say to my aunt that since my Dad's been pretty forgetful these days, they've come up on a new plan to help him follow the D-day asking his brother to spend a night in our house. Thus there won't be any spare room for her and I think she'll understand. I'd say that Mom's so sorry about this new arrangement and the fact that she can't spend a night at their place.

  5. All the wedding celebrations sound like a lot of fun. I hope your aunt will be understanding when she finds out about the confusion.

  6. Hi, Kathy!

    Yeah, I hope so...I think so, when I've explained it to her later on he he he...She's a nice and easygoing person, so I'm sure she'll be fine. ;-D

  7. Sure the wedding will go well in its own way. Too bad you are not going back. When is the next time you are visiting Asia?

  8. Hi, Karen!!!

    When'll I be back? Honestly, I have NO idea he he he...Let it just be a surprise he he he...

  9. oh my it sounds like everyone is going to be so busy. I hope the wedding goes ok and your aunt takes the new ok and Im sorry to hear about your loss in your family. I also want to thank you for coming to my blog and makeing such great comments. you have a nice day and God Bless stacy

  10. Hi, Stacy!

    Yeah, everybody's busy there indeed he he he...THANK YOU for your kind words.

    My pleasure about visiting your blog. THANKS for dropping by as well! God bless you too! ;-D

  11. Hi Amel;

    A bachelor or bacheloret party, stag or stagget, parties are very different here in Canada, what you are describing is a “small family party” which often happens the night before the wedding (or sometimes a few days earlier).

    The other kinds of parties happen the weekend or more (typically) before the wedding. Normally there would be no children present at these kinds of events as they can be rather…adult in content (typically).

    It is very interesting learning the various cultural intricacies.

  12. Hi, LS,

    THANKS for your two cents. I didn't know that you people also had a family party before the wedding, so I equated this kind of Asian party with bachelor party and such. I guess they're very different then he he he he...I should rectify that he he...

  13. Hi Amel;

    I love weddings and parties, I love going to weddings that come from different cultural influences, and it is even more interesting when people try to integrate more than two cultures in a wedding and surrounding events.

    It often amazes me how some cultures emphasis certain aspects before the wedding, during the wedding and after the wedding at the wedding reception (the big party).

    Being a rather…outgoing individual (with a lot of friends) I have had the privilege of being the master of ceremonies many times for wedding receptions, it is always fun.

  14. Hi again, LS,

    Yes, I LOVE weddings too, esp. family weddings 'coz you get to meet all those relatives he he...

    Yeah, you should go to our wedding then last was VERY simple. We had a hard time trying to find a translator for us 'coz my Preacher doesn't speak English well he he he...but finally my brother managed to get us one. He was just at the right place at the right time...truly God-sent! ;-D

    Yeah, certain cultures really do have different emphasis on some things. ;-D

    You've been an MC in some weddings? AWESOME!!! Now I can imagine more of your personality he he he...

  15. It is ok for your mom to call your aunt and say no now though. I mean, wouldn't it be better to let the other person know now instead of next week - this way you allow the other party to make changes when there is still enough time...
    Well that's just my thought.

  16. Mother Hen: Don't worry. It's still about 1.5 months to go still before my bro's wedding he he he...So I still have plenty of time even though I only send her a note next week. :-)))

  17. your writing is magnificent. Free flowing and smooth. Happy to discover your blog here :)

  18. Roentarre: Hi, James! THX for your compliment and for dropping by! I see that you're quite a WONDERFUL photographer! ;-D Lovely to see you too here in the blogosphere! ;-D

  19. Wow this sounds like quite an amzing celebration. I really wish for your sake that you could go. So sorry to hear about your Uncle though. Even though you weren't close I will still keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And, I hope you get to go and visit home soon as well.

    When you get time I am preparing a post right now and I have a little sweet treat for you!!


  20. Isn't it great to have emails :-) Sometimes it's easier to convey a message via email than the phone.

    I know how tiring a Chinese wedding can be...with all the traditions to follow and ceremonies. I hope your family doesn't get too stressed out with the planning process. Meanwhile I hope your miracle comes soon... maybe win a pair of free tickets to Indonesia!

  21. Ohhh dear!

    Best of luck to all! Those situations sure can be tricky! :-)

    Weddings are so much fun and can be busy and hectic!

    You sound up for the challenge!

    Lots of love,


  22. Sorry to hear about your uncle.

    Oh...sometimes, it's difficult to say 'no' especially to someone close. Hope your aunt won't feel offended. :)

    So, your bro's gonna do the 'gate-crashing'??

  23. Amel,

    I am so sorry to hear about your Uncle.:(

    I hope everything does go ok with your Aunt. I know from our chats that you are a good person. I also know you will be able to talk to her about the problem in a way that will keep everyone happy. Good Luck:)

  24. Amel, too bad I don't subscribe Pikiran Rakyat so I can't see your uncle's rest in peace announcement. I would love to track your family from it just in case I know you.. hehehe iseng banget sih ya. anyway, what a way to die! died in sleep... I think I envy him.. :-)

    reading your wedding preparation story, I know exactly how it is! :-D congrats to your brother, Mel! I will come to the party and took his picture.. haha..

  25. Amel,
    Sounds like fun...good luck with your aunt.

    BTW, I love your cat picture....I absolutely love it. Don't tell anyone, but it's my favorite.

  26. Everybody, THANKS for your kind words. :-))) I feel REALLY blessed to have all of you here. ;-D

    Shinade: Hi, Jackie!!! THANKS for your prayers. Well, there are prices to pay when I moved to Finland, but I'm ready to pay them he he...

    A sweet treat for me???? AWWW...OK I'll go visit you soon. ;-D THANKS in advance!!!

    Blur Ting: That's VERY correct, Blur. It IS sometimes easier to convey a message via emails he he he...

    Well, my Mom is sometimes stressed out 'coz she wants to get it all over with ha ha ha ha...but I've told her to just relax and take it easy he he...

    Jennifer: Yup, it can be tricky indeed and yeah, I'm up for the challenge he he he...

    Choc Mint Girl: Yeah, my bro's gonna do it soon. I'm HAPPY for him! ;-D

    Sindi: THANKS for your kind words and your faith in me. ;-D I REALLY appreciate it.

    Trinity: HA HA HA...Yeah, it'd be funny if turns out we know each other, doesn't it? ;-D

    Yeah, I know...I also want to die in my sleep hi hi...the nicest way to die ha ha ha...

    Sure you can go to Phoenix resto at the appointed date and take pics for me he he he...

    Monday Morning Power: Hi, Mel! THANKS for your well-wishes! ;-D

    HI HI HI HI HI...OK, I won't tell anybody about the cat pic. Glad you like it that much! ;-D

  27. Blur Ting: I'd LOVE to win a pair of tickets back to Indo he he he he...;-D

  28. Hey Amel,

    What a conundrum, ey? But at least you already have a plan :).

    Yeah, here in Portugal it is also called "family gathering" before the wedding.

    That "proposal party" (the second one lol) we also do that here (I mean in my family, the Portuguese act differently). I don't know if it is the same back in Indo, but for us it is the party to plan the wedding and decide who pays what, who does what, etc...

    I am so sorry about your uncle (the playboy one...well at least he had fun)!

    Great post,

  29. Hi, Max!

    Yeah, at least I have a plan. That's true he he...;-D

    The second proposal party is only a simple family gathering again, 'coz it takes place only a month before the wedding date. So everything's set already. :-D

    Well, I dislike the fact that my playboy uncle brought diseases to his wife. :-((((

  30. Hi Amel;

    That is so sad about your uncle and your aunt, so many think that a “playboy lifestyle” doesn’t hurt anybody….what an epitaph…

  31. Hi, Livingsword!

    Yeah, that's why I don't really respect him. I DO respect him as a human and as an elder, but I don't respect what he did to my aunt. That was sick! :-((((