My mom spent almost 3 weeks in Finland with us and it was quite a ride. I'm thankful for the opportunity, because she's not getting any younger and coming here is such a loooooong journey. She was amazed at how bright it was during the nights and in Lapland she said that the sky felt so close (close enough to make her feel like she could grab the clouds with her bare hands LOL!). She enjoyed good weather for two full weeks (sunny and warm, about 20'C), but then the temperature took a dive and it was rainy/grey for the last week. The good thing about this was that she got to see some autumn colours (mostly some yellow colours). She also got a few chances to see some reindeer in Lapland, so that was cool, too.
One thing I realized during her visit was that I had taken so many things for granted. There are so many things that have become my new normal that I hadn't anticipated telling/explaining to her. Case in point: the day before she was supposed to fly back to Indo, she asked me why the toilet sprayer (the small spray for your private parts next to the toilet) didn't work well whenever she used it. I had forgotten that back home at her place, her toilet sprayer wasn't connected to the sink, so it would automatically spray water whenever you press the handle. However, here in Finland all the toilet sprayers are connected to the sink, so you have to open the tap at the sink first before you're able to use the toilet sprayer. What surprised me (and made me slightly amused) was the fact that it took her that long to ask me that.
Other than those pragmatic daily stuff (like how to use the stove, how to use the shower, how to open/close the blinds, etc.), lots of cultural differences also appeared. Here are a list of things I can think of right now:
1. Sauna
During the good weather period, I introduced my mom to MIL's sauna in another village. That sauna uses firewood, so I thought it would be a different experience for her. The first time we were there, the weather was so gorgeous and warm, so I told my mom she could just take a bath there in the sauna if she didn't want to stay there too long. She did take a bath, but she said it was way too hot for her. When the weather became cooler, my mom said it was so cold that she didn't want to shower. So I offered her to warm up the sauna at our place. I told her to go inside before the sauna got too hot, so this time she managed to enjoy the sauna experience better. The next time I was warming up the sauna, she was more than ready to jump inside, especially because the weather was cold. So in the beginning she didn't understand the benefits of the sauna at all (esp. when the weather was gorgeous outside), but once it became colder, she began to enjoy going there.
2. Crossing the Streets
We spent some time in Helsinki with my mom (we ourselves rarely go to Helsinki because it's a long journey from here and it's not cheap to travel in Finland) and in the beginning the way she was crossing the street was Indonesian style. As long as the streets looked empty, regardless of the light, she would automatically start to move forward LOL!
3. Clearing Your Own Table At Some Places
We spent a day in Rovaniemi at a hotel that offered free breakfast and in that hotel, guests were asked to clear their own table. There were designated places for utensils, bowls, etc. In some cafes in the airport as well, there are usually carts where people can put away their trays. These things were new for my mom.
4. Seeing Drunk People
My mom was surprised to see some drunk people in the streets/at some parks. In Indonesia, drinking alcoholic drinks isn't customary and you rarely see drunk people in public places in broad daylight (perhaps only at some bars during the wee hours of the day).
I had something else to add to this list, but it has escaped me at the moment. I'll write it down when I remember it later. Here are some photos of us in a collage. The bottom middle pic is when my mom tasted my homemade reindeer meat. :-D
I remember someone telling me when I was still living in Indo that I wasn't too Eastern-minded and I think after having lived in Finland for a few years, I'm getting more Western-minded. Just a while ago I checked my FB account and found a friend who was frustrated with the "extreme hospitality of Indonesians" - meaning the people who keep on asking him when he's going to get married.
In his frustration, he wrote some answers that he might give and asked us to rate which one would be the best. I laughed when I read one of the answers he wrote, "And how about you yourself? / When are you going to get married? / When are you going to have kids? / When are you going to give your first child a sibling? / When are you going to die? / Why did you use drugs?". Another answer he gave was, "I'm too handsome, so there are too many candidates and it's just so hard to choose." It also made me laugh he he...
I know that when I go back to Indo again, they'll keep on asking me, "When are you going to have kids?"
And I'm either going to say, "Just pray for us" or "Go ask God when He's going to give us kids."
There's no escape these questions when you live in that type of society:
- When are you going to get married?
- When are you going to have kids?
- When are you going to have another kid? Your first child needs a little brother/sister?
I must say that living in a Western society that isn't "too friendly" has its advantages, especially for an infertile like me. I'm free from all those bothersome questions and I don't have to keep repeating my answers like a broken record. In Indo, unless you get married early and have at least two kids early, you can't avoid those questions and the more friends and colleagues and relatives you have, the more wedding invitations you'll get and during those wedding parties, you're bound to get asked those questions.
Another eastern thought is that when you're a widow/widower and you're "so old" already, why bother get married? I know a relative who's a widow. She's over 60 years old and she's now being approached by a widower (both of them have grown-up kids and grandchildren already). Her closest relatives think it's all up to her, but that doesn't mean that society would think that way. It's a whole different case here in the west. Even if you're 70 years old, if you want to get married, so be it. It's your right and your life. Why bother think about what other people think? It only makes your life more complicated.
A friend of mine who worked in a European country for a few years just returned to Indonesia. She experienced culture shock when she came back home. Being single, she thought that what would bothered her the most was the fact that she was single. Turned out that the most bothersome part was the fact that Indo people thought she was stinking rich 'coz she had earned Euros when she worked in that European country.
It takes a long time before she can feel at home again in Indo and there are many things in Indo that bother her now (that didn't bother her before). I even think that it's a worse culture shock when she came back to Indo rather than when she first moved to that European country, 'coz now she's used to life and culture in that European country.
I must say that I still know what the Eastern people think about many things, but these days I've learned to care less and less about that - what matters most is that my family supports me and understands my decisions.
In every culture there are also positive and negative aspects, but I strongly dislike all those chit-chat questions that I've written above. Caring for other people is good, but "caring too much" (a term given by a priest in my brother's church) is not good.
On Monday morning we left to Rovaniemi to spend a night there. It was on a whim that we decided to spend a night there, so there weren't many options left to find a hotel room within our budget. We stayed a night at Lapland Sky Hotel Ounasvaara (you can google it to find out where it is). It's a simple hotel with no frills, but we got a room with a sauna and the price we paid (142 Euros for the both of us) included breakfast. The other hostels in the city were fully booked and the other hotels in the city were so expensive, so we chose this one.
I feel that I've been "culturally damaged" by having lived in this small village called Sodankylä. What are the damages involved?
1. Now I'm really noise sensitive when it comes to bedtime. In Indo we lived in a small alley where there were always plenty of noise around us and then I could sleep so well even with all the noise. Now after having lived here for 4 years, I find that it's getting harder and harder to sleep when it's noisy outside (except perhaps when I'm DEAD tired).
You see, when we were about to sleep in the hotel at around midnight, some guests just started coming back and the hallway was really noisy. Our next door neighbour just came back with the whole family and they were so loud. It was hard for us to sleep and I got frustrated 'coz in the past when I still lived in Indo I could go to bed so easily even with all the noise around me.
2. Here in Sodankylä I find that my personal space is SO WIDE due to the small number of inhabitants. Wherever I go, I've never found too many people around me so I can move freely everywhere. When we went to Rovaniemi the other day, there were so many people in the mall due to tourist season and the fact that they're having big post-Christmas discounts everywhere. I've found myself feeling like wanting to shout, "Stay away from me! You're in my personal space!!!"
This is not the first time I felt something like this. I also felt it when I went to Singapore and Indonesia two years ago and last year. Too many people disturb me so easily now that I've lived here in Sodankylä. I think the longer I stay here, the harder it is for me to feel at home anywhere else - of course if I HAVE to stay somewhere else where there are many people and where it's noisy, I can always adjust to it again, but all I'm saying is that it's hard to get used to all those things after you've enjoyed the beauty of plenty of space and lack of noise around you. For me it's MUCH easier to get used to plenty of space and lack of noise after you've been surrounded by lack of space and too much noise around you.
OK, enough rambling...even though we had to pay for the hotel, I felt that it was worth it 'coz we got lovely pictures from around the hotel area. Let me share some here first and I'll continue sharing more pictures in a later post...
1st pic: Taken at around 4 pm right after we checked into the hotel. We went up the roof/deck of the hotel (there were frozen benches and tables up there - I guess they used it to eat during summer to enjoy the view). It was on a 3-storey floor. Behind me down there there was a ski lift (maybe it's not clear but you can see it in another pic which I'll post in another post).
2nd pic: Yep, the sky was really dark orange. I was amazed when I looked at the sky when we arrived at the hotel (the hotel is located a little bit up on a hill) and yes, they put some green lamps around the area and I found it weird to look at green trees he he...
3rd pic: Another shot of the sunset.
4th pic: I took this pic after we had our breakfast, at around 10.00 am. The sun was just about rise. I went up to the deck again and I was amazed when I looked around me. I'll upload some videos later on, as well.
5th pic: Another shot from up the deck. You can see the ski lift operating room down there.
6th pic: I went down again and found a path leading away from the hotel and I took pictures from there.
7th pic: The actual sky didn't have purplish hue, but I LOVE this pic anyway. It was more blue and white, though the orangey/pinkish hue in the previous photo was real. I feel like the trees are "sighing due to the weight of the snow" he he he...
OK, I have to go to work soon, so to be continued. Not sure when I'll post again 'coz I have an evening shift today and tomorrow a morning shift and I may go straight to my MIL's place to celebrate New Year there together, but I'll be back (if God still gives me breath HA HA HA HA HA...). Take care, people, and have a BLESSED New Year!!! Hopefully next year is better than this year! :-D
I've been wanting to write about this interesting topic since ages ago, but only now I remembered again ha ha ha ha...OK, imagine a tomboy girl living in Indo. She's really a tomboy that she doesn't like looking too "girly". Thus she doesn't like the idea of padded bras (any kind of padded bras). She thinks that it's disturbing if she makes her chest look bigger on purpose. She actually shivers just at the thought of wearing bras that would make her chest look bigger.
Fast forward 10 years. She's now moved abroad and she finds herself a western hubby. She's found her femininity and she becomes more in touch with her "girl powers". She now wants to look as pretty and nice as possible for the hubby, so now she likes padded bras.
However, what's interesting is that when we both saw the "before" and "after" picture of some girl who's done breast implants, she now thinks that the "after" picture is better than the "before" one 'coz in the "before" picture, the girl's chest is small.
In the past, when she still lived in Indo, the community doesn't really think that big chest is all THAT big of a deal. After all, most Asian ladies have smaller chest than westerners. However, after living in a western world for about 10 years, she has changed her perspective. She was even at one time thinking that having breast implants would be a welcome idea (though that doesn't mean she's going to have breast implants - the bottom line is the change of perspective on chest size).
Isn't it interesting how society can change our perspective? After living in Finland for 3 years and 3 months, here are the contrast of cultures I've noticed after having submerged myself in Finnish culture:
1. Indonesians "care too much" about other people's business. They ask too many unimportant questions - that are none of their business, such as: "When's your turn to get married?", "When are you going to have your child?", "When are you going to give a little bro/sis to your first child?, etc.
It is good in a way that the culture looks "warm" 'coz they do talk and chit-chat with their neighbours, whereas here in Finland it's a "colder" culture where neighbours just say hi without talking too much about their personal lives. However, too much is too much and I think Indonesians should learn to somewhat "back off" before asking too many annoying questions.
2. Indonesians are far too loud people. Yeah, 'coz Finnish people are basically MUCH MUCH quieter than them.
3. Indonesians care too much about "outer appearance". That's why it's far easier to sell a trend there than here in Finland. For example: over here not many people have iPods or Blackberries or something like that, but in Indo there are SO many people who use it. I remember when I still lived in Indo, the pressure about outer appearance was SO huge that even though I couldn't care less about all those things, but I could feel it all around me.
4. In Indo, you can visit your neighbours/relatives without asking first. You can just drop by unannounced, but over here it seems rude to do so.
5. Now I'm used to eating pulla or sweet bread with coffee; (rice or wheat) porridge with sugar, berries, and yoghurt; and ruispalat (dark bread).
6. I've never been invited to any wedding parties here - whereas if I'm still living in Indo, I bet during 3 years I'll have been invited to at least a dozen wedding parties of my relatives or friends. In Indo, the more friends/relatives/coworkers/church friends you have, the more wedding invitations you'll get.
OK, I won't make this post too long. Just wanna share some POVs and now it's time to blog-hop. Tomorrow I have to get up early to go to work and it's going to be my first long day (8-hour shift), but the good thing is that I will only work again on Fri and Sat. WHOOOOPPPEEEE!!! :-D
Remember I once told you about a Chinese woman (who was born in China) living in Finland who wrote a Finnish novel? Well, I started reading it a long time ago, but then got distracted with other books (yeah, bad habit, I know). Anyway, I continued reading it again yesterday and I found interesting things, esp. about the cultural differences.
Here I just want to mention one point I found in the book. In one chapter, this main character, a Finnish woman who moved to Finland to be with her Finnish husband, is wondering about the value of a mother in a boy's life.
She said that in China there's this saying that goes something like this: "If a man loves his mother, he can also love his wife."
This main character has read somewhere about a research. The research is about this: "If you're in an accident with your wife, child, and mother, which one would you safe first?"
The result of the research is interesting. Most Asians state that they'd first save the mother, because they only have one mother. Then they'd save the wife, because she can give birth to more children. And the last one they'd save is the child.
Most westerners state that first they'd save the child, because he or she has got the highest life expectancy. Unfortunately I don't know the rest of the result.
When I read that question, I was also confused. What would my answer be? It wouldn't be an easy decision, would it? But when I imagine such a situation, I can almost hear my Mom yelling at me, "Save your child first!" he he he he he...I can't answer any other way about that hypothetical situation, 'coz it depends on many factors: whether or not it is easy to help that person get out of the scene of accident, who's jammed under what, etc. etc. etc. *knock on wood*
One thing that I find true about cultural differences here is the calling of your first name. Here even at work you call people by their first name, even though they're much older than you. In Indonesia, it'll be considered VERY impolite - more like an insult (unless the person is only a few years older than you or unless they ask you to call them by their first names).
It's hard to describe these cultural differences if you haven't lived in both worlds, because there are still so many subtle and less subtle things that make up a culture.
Now let me share some more weekend pics here.
Last pic: I have NO idea what this flower is called.
P.S. I just went to the health care centre and tomorrow I'm going to do some blood tests (I assume they want to check my hormone level). Weirdly enough, the doctor didn't do any tests on me (I was assuming that she'd at least do an ultrasound, but she didn't). But she did ask me many questions he he he...
Anyway, she wants R2 to give sperm sample later on but he has to make an appointment first. I can do the blood test any time I want to 'coz she's put it on the computer already (in my file, I mean). Better do it quickly before my training starts (though not sure yet when it is going to happen).
