3BT: Random Days

1. To see FIL's smile during our visit to the old people's home on Father's Day. 

2. To see FIL's eyes flickering, trying to recognize the faces on the card that I printed for him (a pic of us and him). It was nice to see him interested like that.

3. The other day the temperature went up to above zero (most of the snow melted due to that), but thankfully it went colder again and it's been snowing afterwards. Winter Wonderland is BACK!!!! :-D

4. Seeing the neighbour kid rolling around on the thick snow today. :-D


5. I accidentally spilled something on my clean fleece vest, but thankfully I have another one to wear (and it's newly washed and fragrant mmmmhhh...). :-D

6. The moment I wake up from a tiring dream/nightmare and realizing, "Phew! I'm glad it's just a dream and now it's over!!!"

7. Being able to give better advice to customers on where to look for things in my workplace because now I remember more about the products and their locations.

8. Talking on the phone for the first time with one blogger friend. FUN!!! :-D


9. The first time I cooked kaalilaatikko (cabbage casserole) and it was a success (R2 said I could cook it again later). I ate some with gusto after shoveling the very heavy snow outside. :-D

10. I've healed very well after the molar tooth extraction and I've been eating normally again since last weekend (though in the beginning I didn't dare to chew on tough food on that side). :-D 

11. Having a job that I enjoy doing. :-D 

12. Seeing hubby try to hold back his laughter but his quivering nostrils betrayed him. It was such a funny sight that I couldn't help laughing like a mad woman! :-D

13. Laughing uncontrollably for no reason - that caused hubby to do #11. And the crazy laughing cycle continued! :-D 

What Would You Do?

As another follow-up to the "incident" with my close-knit group of friends that I mentioned in a previous post, I'm now confused to the bones.

I truly want to continue our friendship, but I know I need time to heal first. We've been sharing our innermost feelings to one another and I've found out some disturbing facts. As I'm an intense person and I'm a bit of a loner, I've "chosen" them to be my my "special people". Therefore, I've always leaned on them and I've always enjoyed if it they lean on me. Naturally it's MUCH easier for me to give myself to them and to focus on them as I have less people in my life.

However, now I've found out the other edge of my choice. In choosing them as my "special people", I've burdened them with my expectations. Now they're busier than ever before, so they just can't keep up with my emails anymore. They don't even have too much time writing about their lives anymore! What started as a fun and intimate exchange became a burden.

So, my question is: how can I continue my friendship with them when I know that what I've done has been a burden to them? Besides, I know I've hurt them in some points, too. How can I go back to them, knowing that I'd hurt them in the process? What kind of person am I if I do that? On the other hand, I TRULY love them and our friendship. I don't know yet if I can reduce my intensity to them without keeping them at arm's length (read: erasing them from my "special people" list).

It's been a rollercoaster ride so far. I ENJOY my new life here, but I have this bad feeling that I will not be able to be myself if I keep on this friendship. I HOPE I CAN do it, though. I just don't know. It feels as though my friendship world is broken into pieces now. I don't want to keep potential friends or old friends at arm's length, but knowing my intensity (and the fact that I have MUCH more time in the world than regular people), I'm afraid I'll only end up breaking hearts and burdening people.

That's one reason I like blogging. I can't expect anyone to read my posts, but I also get the relief after writing down my thoughts and feelings candidly. If someone does comment on my posts, it makes me even happier because I know the person is really interested in reading my posts. I think without this "outlet", I'd go mad in no time. ;-)