Monday, December 06, 2010

Have You Ever?

About a month ago or so I was feeling sick and tired. Of what? I guess the correct answer would be "the fallenness of mankind". I wasn't sick and tired of mankind per se, but just that part of mankind, including that part in myself (or maybe especially 'coz I know that part exists in myself).

I guess the trigger was when I read this online forum that talked about two different people from two different cultures and the heated debate went on and on and on. There were at least 100 "commentators", but I only found about 1/10th who were the voice of reason. Some of the commentators made me feel sick and disgusted.

It's so easy when I look at that fallen part in myself that for example if I'm struck by someone, my instinct would be to strike back. If I'm hurt, my instinct would be to fight back or to have my revenge. Maybe for different people, the "fallen" parts are different than mine. But still the fallenness exists.

I don't mean to say that I'm giving up on mankind, but I'm just saying that there are times when I just want to get away from humans 'coz the fallenness of mankind makes me sick.

I talked about this topic today with a friend and she said she thought she was the only one going mad ha ha ha...she also experienced this and she said that she also wanted to get away from people in order to "reduce" the amount of possible "negative thoughts/feelings/reactions" that come from dealing with other human beings.

However, at the other end of the spectrum, after feeling so disgusted and sick like this, I wonder why God still loves us just the way we are, despite ourselves. I mean logically thinking I know that God is love, but my human brain is wondering that after all the wickedness and ugliness that humans can do, isn't it beyond AMAZING that He still loves us? That He's sent Jesus to die for our sins? I still can't comprehend the depth of His love for's WAY beyond what my human brain can understand. Having billions and billions of "children on earth" behaving the way we are many days a year...I'm THANKFUL that God is God.


  1. mankind was on full display in the US election back in early November and the forces of selfishness won. The fact was there were just enough good people that the selfish, Plutocratic (rule by the RICH) Republican party failed (THANK GOD!) in their attempts to take over the Senate.
    The forces of good and the 1/10th of people that appeal to you were out in force 2 yrs. before that beat the selfish and the rich when Obama was elected.
    As God loving people, we know who wins the battle of heaven vs. hell. We have a mighty God, but next year, b/c of Plutocrats, we still don't know if enough people in the US will have health insurance. We should be more like Europe and we are NOT! :( ! !

  2. Yeah, I know the feeling. I had a run in with those types two years ago. Something I wrote on my blog was taken and put on a forum as belonging to the writer there. I didn't see it - hubby found it by accident - he forgot my blog link and used Google search... found my words on this place instead. :-(

    Anyway... he went in and told them it wasn't their words and the place went crazy. The members swore and threatened hubby, swore and said all sorts of things about me. They even must have searched for me online because the next thing members were posting bits about me from other places I belong to online and saying really RUDE (as in crude-vulgar) things about what I'd said there too.

    I never went in to the place, but I did read it all. What struck me was the incredibly high level of hate and anger in the group ... for someone they didn't know and who had never even been to their place. It was like being punched.

    For a few months I did freak a bit - I took myself off several groups and places that were public and I made my Facebook as private as possible. Then I started feeling angry that they'd made me feel so bad (not scared, just BAD depressed BAD)... so I put myself back on the places.

    but it's left me with a feeling about people that I never had before. Very much like you describe in your first sentence.

  3. M: Oh my goodness...that's really insane that they did that and then attacked you. Truth is really twistable and it gets easier to do it in this internet age. Ugh ugh ugh...I can imagine (in a way) the feeling of being punched in the gut.

    I've also felt like I want to delete my Facebook account, but in a way it's a handy way to get connected with my ex school friends and relatives who live far away from it's a dilemma.