Infection

Been busy at work again and battling some viruses/bugs. Some coworkers have gotten sick, as well, and now it's my turn. I tried to avoid getting sick, but couldn't help it. The other day what made me worried was that it was getting a bit heavy to breathe. Luckily work covers me to go to a clinic instead of the local health centre, so I didn't have to wait too long. The last time my husband went to see the doc, he had to wait 2-3 hours because there were lots of emergencies. I could even book my appointment online without having to make any phone call (such a bliss for an introvert like me!). The only problem is that it's not open during the weekend, but other than that it's very handy to go there. 

So apparently I'm down with some kind of infection of the upper respiratory tract. Been taking it easy, though sleeping a lot can be a little problematic. For some weird reason I've been waking up so early (4 am) and then it takes time before I can go back to sleep again. Duh! 

They say that it's particularly bad this year when it comes to viruses/illness/getting sick due to the mild winter. I read in FB that there are lots of sick people down south as well (mostly flu). It's a bit hard to believe that it's already almost mid March. Where did time go? 

Last night I was thinking to myself that I had consciously and subconsciously chosen the right man to marry. The conscious ones were obvious from the start, but the subconscious reasons have only started to appear to the surface much later (during the course of our living together). It's fascinating when the subconscious reasons started popping out here and there, making me understand everything even better. I cherish the moment when I feel that I can see things more clearly (or at least more clearly than before). :-) 

Anyway, during one of my off days I accidentally found this epic song online and I just love it so much. When I first listened to it for the first time, I was thinking how awesome it must've been to work together to create this kind of music. Mmmmm...If you're listening to the song, how does it make you feel? For some reason whenever I listen to this song, I feel invincible he he he he...

Virus Time!

I've been busy at work again and I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately. A coworker got sick and another one is sick. It seems that it's spreading around - whatever virus that is. I'm trying my best to sleep a lot and take vitamins and stuff, so fingers crossed that I'll be able to avoid getting really sick. The temperature went up to 1'C on Sunday, so a lot of the snow that had piled up melted away, but it seems that we've got a little bit of snow last night or this morning, so it's all white again, although it was a bit slippery in some parts yesterday because of the melted snow that went frozen again during the night.

My head feels a bit weird, so I'm not going to write too long. I just wanna share some magnificent Finnish photos by a Finnish photographer. Here's the link:

Suomen Luonto Lumoaa

I really love his photos because they make me feel like I'm in a nice dream. If you go down the page, you can find the photographer's website link as well as FB link. He's put a lot of other pictures in both links.

And let's have some laugh with some hilarious Chinese-English translations he he he he...here goes: 

35 Hilarious Chinese Translation Fails

OK, I'm gonna dose myself with some berries now!  
 

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3BT: Random Days

1. Hubby's down with a cold and he's been home. It's nice to have him home on my days off. :-D

2. Heard from MIL that FIL's gonna be transferred back to the original old people's home (which is closer to where she currently lives), so YAAAAAAAAAY for that!!! We're all unhappy with the temporary place where he's been taken to.

3. My yearly work evaluation went well. I'm pleased with the results. :-D

4. I've also caught some of R2's viruses. It's better to be sick now then during our winter holiday later. :-D

5. Taking care of hubby's fever by putting a cold compress on his head made me remember our honeymoon when he got sick two days prior to his departure to Finland. And now I have him all for myself here in our mutual home. What a journey it's been! :-D

6. I LOVE listening to Game of Thrones theme song and its variations (I can listen to them over and over again)...First one: the original one. Second one: a mash-up violin and rock version of the theme song. Third one: a rock version of the song. Each version gives off a slightly different feeling/nuance.
 

Sick of Being Sick

Still alive...though not as kicking as usual (read: VERY grumpy). Waiting for my appointment at the health care centre. Yesterday I went to work, thinking I could make it 'coz I had no fever anymore and my throat didn't feel sore anymore. I didn't feel as energized as usual, but I was armed with ibuprofen and coughing syrup.

The first few hours went fine, but then after 3,5 hours I started to feel dizzy and then my breathing became laborious and not long after that I felt nauseous. And right on...finally I threw up. My breathing became normal again after that, but I got so tired, so I was given permission to leave early (thankful for my coworker who could stay later and my understanding supervisor!). I told them that I wouldn't come today, either, because I'm going to the health care centre. 

Forcing to work today would have been more challenging after all, because yesterday I could get by with just sitting at the till, but today I would have had to do more physical work than just being at the till and I don't think I could cope with that yet. My head still feels weird until now, though yesterday when I started working it felt fine. UGH!!!

I still have no appetite since last week's Sunday and that feels like a torture 'coz I LOVE food. Now, though, even if you give me my most fave food in the world, I don't feel like eating it and some food just aggravates my throat and makes me cough uncontrollably. I'll be SO happy once my body overcomes this batch of flu viruses!!! 

Anyway, just to let you know why I still haven't written new blog posts. I've been trying to rest as much as I can, though the frustrating thing is that my cough won't let me sleep well. I hope you're all feeling healthy 'coz I certainly miss my health!!!!! So TAKE CARE, people! 

Have You Ever?

About a month ago or so I was feeling sick and tired. Of what? I guess the correct answer would be "the fallenness of mankind". I wasn't sick and tired of mankind per se, but just that part of mankind, including that part in myself (or maybe especially 'coz I know that part exists in myself).

I guess the trigger was when I read this online forum that talked about two different people from two different cultures and the heated debate went on and on and on. There were at least 100 "commentators", but I only found about 1/10th who were the voice of reason. Some of the commentators made me feel sick and disgusted.

It's so easy when I look at that fallen part in myself that for example if I'm struck by someone, my instinct would be to strike back. If I'm hurt, my instinct would be to fight back or to have my revenge. Maybe for different people, the "fallen" parts are different than mine. But still the fallenness exists.

I don't mean to say that I'm giving up on mankind, but I'm just saying that there are times when I just want to get away from humans 'coz the fallenness of mankind makes me sick.

I talked about this topic today with a friend and she said she thought she was the only one going mad ha ha ha...she also experienced this and she said that she also wanted to get away from people in order to "reduce" the amount of possible "negative thoughts/feelings/reactions" that come from dealing with other human beings.

However, at the other end of the spectrum, after feeling so disgusted and sick like this, I wonder why God still loves us just the way we are, despite ourselves. I mean logically thinking I know that God is love, but my human brain is wondering that after all the wickedness and ugliness that humans can do, isn't it beyond AMAZING that He still loves us? That He's sent Jesus to die for our sins? I still can't comprehend the depth of His love for us...it's WAY beyond what my human brain can understand. Having billions and billions of "children on earth" behaving the way we are many days a year...I'm THANKFUL that God is God.

Prayers Needed

Found out two days ago that my Dad's check-up result wasn't too good. My Mom and bro had been trying to get him to have a check-up to no avail. Finally the other day my SIL managed to persuade him to go to the lab for a check-up. Anyway, my Dad has diabetes and due to the high glucose level, he suffers from protein leak (the kidneys aren't functioning well). Moreover, his lungs are swollen. The doctor told him to really control his glucose level and to have a low protein diet.

This morning when I woke up, I read a message from my brother about my Mom. My bro checked her blood pressure this morning and everything was fine. An hour later, though, she complained about having a headache and they noticed that her lips had turned sideways a little bit. My bro freaked out, so he took her right away to the doctor despite the fact that he was sick (he had a sick leave due to influenza). It was "good", though, that he was on a sick leave so that he could rush her to the doctor right away. When they arrived at the doctor, her lips had turned normal again, but they found out that her blood pressure had spiked.

My bro told my Mom not to be stressed out about Dad. Sigh...it's one thing to hear bad news about one parent, but hearing bad news about BOTH of them really made me feel weak in the knees today.

So for those of you the praying type, please pray for them too...I'm trying not to worry about them, but can't say that it doesn't affect me. It's hard to know what really happens when you're so far away, but I'll keep updating about their conditions later.

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Evil

Evil is in me
The most devastating kind
It knows all my weaknesses
So it prods each and every one of them
With the most debilitating spear
Over
And over
Again.

God, it hurts so badly!
I let all my voices have a debate
Until it's high time for me to heal again.

********************************************************

Wanna hear the voice of evil inside me? Here goes...one of my darkest moments...

Ever try to do something well and then when you see other people's work, you get SO discouraged 'coz their result is so out of your league? You realize that you're only a beginner, a novice. There are times when it seems that what you're doing doesn't really matter, at least that's the accusation brought by your own mind. Then other negative thoughts start to shout at you, louder and louder. You beat yourself up to a pulp, yet there's still another voice inside you that says, "Get real, woman! Please have enough grace and kindness for yourself, shall we?"

I'm welcoming this bloody battle, though. I know there's something good that I'll find after this storm has passed. Having more spare time than others can sometimes feel like a curse. You try to give your best but then nobody seems to have enough time to acknowledge it. I don't want praises, but I want to know that my existence is acknowledged. But by wanting the acknowledgement, I feel SO selfish and self-absorbed. Thus I start to beat myself up again. And the obnoxious cycle continues.

This is one of the moments when I think (again, for the umpteenth time) that the world is sick to the bones. People are so busy nowadays that they can't focus on anything too much. Minutes come whirling by so that everything becomes a blur, except those things you consider "important". Or maybe it's just me who's sick by having this kind of thought. Maybe people are meant to be SO busy because most people are SO busy anyway. Maybe I'm the one who's sick because I have so much spare time and I'm not as busy as others.

One way or another, I know that I'm sick and I need to heal.

Today is a VERY sunny day and I truly enjoyed walking outside and enjoying the new life bursting around me. The grass's getting greener and greener and nature seems to be comforting me. I still LOVE this life no matter how sick the world is. ^______________________________^

P.S. At first I was reluctant to post this as I didn't want to spread "negativity" but I guess it's good to share the negative emotions even before I conquer the battle. :-)))