A Love Letter To Myself

Found this video clip and thought I'd give it a try myself because it moved me so much.


Okay, here we go...deep breath...

Dear Amel,

You've come so far in your 35 years of living. You used to be a very shy and quiet girl with some dark, cynical, and pessimistic thoughts. You dragged around other people's faults like chains on your ankles, but you learnt to let go of them one by one when you realized that they were getting too heavy and they were threatening to drown you. I remember how your self-confidence grew tremendously during your university days and how rebellious you were at that time. You started getting to know yourself better during your university days and you started to learn how to be more positive, but the you at that time had no clue what life had to offer in the future. (chuckle)

Even though you had always dreamed of either traveling abroad or living abroad, you weren't actively searching for a foreign spouse, but you found one anyway. And my goodness, I must say that you have chosen the right person despite the fact that you were only with the guy for two weeks in real life prior to deciding to marry him. I know you were scared stiff on the plane to Finland after getting your residence permit via the Finnish Embassy in Indonesia, but I applaud you because you managed to drown out all those voices and just focus on whatever may come. 

For the past (almost) seven years of living in Finland and for the past five years of infertility journey, I've seen how much more you've grown and I just wanna say, "WELL DONE, girl!" I especially take my hat off to you for having learnt how to let go of different things and dreams over and over and over and over again. I also love the fact that you don't stop struggling with God and you were totally honest with Him even though you were so angry at Him at some parts of your infertility journey. I know we couldn't have grown like this without the support of all the thoughtful and positive people around us, so we owe them a lifetime of thanks, but still your attitude counts and I enjoy being with you more and more as time goes by and you know what? I'm looking forward to spending more days with you. *wide grin* I respect you, my friend! Here's to us!



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Lots of love and hugs,

Me

P.S. I promise to always try my damnest to be your best cheerleader and BFF. :-D  

Rather Deflated

Today I made a mistake at work. In my attempt to be proactive, I didn't recheck what I was doing and thus the mistake happened. I don't think it's THAT fatal, but still what made it worse was when I was asked whether I had done something else (read: another mistake). I said that I didn't do that mistake. I know that I was asked that question 'coz they wanted to find out who the culprit was, but still it makes me feel sad.

In my frantic state, I didn't even understand one question, even though it was repeated a few times VERY SLOWLY. In the end, since I still didn't understand, it was rephrased into English and only then I understood what was being asked.

Boy oh boy...today is definitely not a good day to boost up my confidence. But I'm going to leave all negative feelings here in the blogosphere and start a new day tomorrow with a clean slate instead of a broken spirit.

GAMBATTE KUDASAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

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Today makes me feel GLAD that I don't get any salary from them, 'coz at least it eases my mind a bit. Phew!!! And please don't tell me that I shouldn't be too hard on myself since you don't even know what I have done. I just want to throw all negativity out and get it over with so that I'm not carrying it around. I'm NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT going to curse myself over this!!!

Cheers for a better tomorrow!!!!

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