Wet Christmas + Letter Update

I worked on Christmas eve and after that we went to get MIL and then we went to the graveyard. The temperature was still below zero that day (but not too cold), so Winter Wonderland was still intact. We lit some candles in front of FIL's graves and MIL brought some leaves to decorate it. Here are some pictures taken in the new cemetery and the old cemetery. There were lots of people and there were already so many candles everywhere. 

 

Christmas Day was really wet. Until today the temperature has been above 0'C, so it's been really slippery and wet out there. What a weird end of the year! So much of the snow has melted away and it gets SO dark outside. If the weather prediction is right, the temperature will be below zero again only after New Year. We shall see about that. This is my first time experiencing December like this (including some watery rain). Usually at this time of the year there's at least as much snow as in the photos above.

Anyway, I had a funny story from work. I had an evening shift on 23rd and before work started, I had told myself to remember saying "Hyvää Joulua" (Merry Christmas) at the end of each transaction. OK, so everything went well for a few hours until one time I was serving a guy and after that I said, "Kiitos (thank you)" but instead of saying Merry Christmas, I said "Hyvää viikonloppua" (Have a good weekend) instead. Yep, I managed to wish someone a good weekend on a MONDAY!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Well, at least my mistake managed to make the guy and the customer behind him smile. LOL LOL!!! 

Anyway, I had fun again tricking hubby with the Christmas gift. This time I wrapped one of the gifts three times with some wrapping paper (it wasn't a big gift, so I didn't have to use too much paper) and then I wrapped it with some bubble wrap and then I put it inside a bigger box along with the other gift and then I wrapped it with some wrapping paper again. Watching him struggle to be able to see what was inside the gift was WORTH IT! WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :-D :-D :-D

In this post I'd also like to say that I've finally written down the letter for my mom. It was bittersweet to write. I ended up writing a 4-page MS Word document (plus one paragraph on the 5th page with font size 12 Times New Roman). I know it's going to be overwhelming for her to read, but I want her to know what we've been through because I hope that she'll take comfort in the knowledge that God has healed our bleeding wounds and dried them up and He has used our pains to comfort others in a similar situation. So PRAISE THE LORD for our infertility!!! 

I haven't heard anything from my mom yet, but I know she needs time to digest everything and calm herself down (bro said that she was crying after reading the letter). Bro helped me explain to her what kind of support I needed from her - bless him! I've sent her a text to let her know that she's appreciated and loved. I hated the fact that I had to send the letter (I thought about it for weeks before finally writing it down), but I feel that it's important for us both that she knows how far we've come. I want her to be released from the burden of thinking and praying for our miracle pregnancy, because that's not what we want anymore. We've buried that dream and I want her to do the same. I want her to be happy for our little family.

Ramblings on Guilt

Guilt has been on my mind lately. And I'm not talking about the necessary guilt - the kind of guilt we feel that will help propel us to become better people. I'm talking about unnecessary guilt. Do we feel that guilt because we feel that we're "bad" if we don't feel guilty at all? Do we feel the guilt because we've heard people say things that make us feel guilty? Do we feel guilty because we know people expect us to feel that way?

It's just that I'm reminded of this one incident where I made a mistake, though something that I didn't intentionally do. I didn't even know I was making the mistake at the time of the incident. I only found out about it later and the only thing I can do is just try to do better next time. And then someone made a comment that made me think, "Am I supposed to feel guilty about this?" I was sorry for making a mistake, but I wasn't actually feeling any guilt until I heard the comment. But then I started thinking...I've promised myself to do better next time, do I have to carry this guilt around as well? I refuse to do so.

But that incident made me think...did the guilt come slithering out only because I felt I was a "bad" person if I didn't feel any guilt at all? Hmmm...I'm going nowhere, I know he he he he...

Anyway, I shall leave you with this sublime video clip of The Piano Guys: Happy Together.
 

3BT: Random Days

1. Went to visit MIL at her place yesterday and she looked much better. She was walking around the yard of the apartment complex (using two walking sticks for balance) when I arrived.

2. Knowing that MIL hasn't been totally alone ever since she got back home - that her sis had been there to help her out.

3. Ken, my bro's son, has started going to pre-school and the first day went very well. :-D

4. Going 27 kmh on my bike without having to do anything (because I was going down on a long slope) HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAHHHHH...

5. Having a nice, long chat at my friend's place.

6. Fresh cherries!!!!! There aren't any fresh cherries in Indo, so the first time I tasted them was a few years ago.



7. Feeling as a funny person when I'm with hubby, even though with others I don't especially feel that way (not that often anyway).


8. Cutting my hair shorter and feeling much lighter without having to spend a dime ha ha...

9. Being appreciated. :-D

10. Making a mistake at work and being forgiven for it. And letting it go. :-D

3BT: Random Days

1a. Looking at my own reflection on hubby's eye (I told him not to blink for a while when I enjoyed looking at it HA HA....;-D

1b. Forgot to write this: On Sunday when I was about to go to work, after I put on my winter shoes and jacket, R2 knelt down, squeezed me, and playfully said, "Don't goooooooo!!!!" LOL LOL!!!!

2. Having a farewell Japanese dinner with hubby and my Japanese and UK friend. It was FUN FUN FUN. :-D

3. The sweet little girl came to the store with the daddy and she ran towards me and gave me a hug again. :-D

4. Making weird faces and making hubby laugh.

5. SO THANKFUL that our house isn't that far away from downtown, so I can walk to and from work easily (yesterday it snowed so much that biking to work was just impossible with all the thick snow everywhere).

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6. Laskiaispulla on a discount. YEAH!!!!

7. Making a stupid mistake at work, but the customers forgave me and I didn't beat myself too much after it happened.

8. Not beating myself too much about my own mistakes is a HUGE progress. In the past I could continue doing so for days or even weeks! Learning from my own mistakes isn't the same as beating myself about it.

9. Reading a very heartwarming love story/manga between a normal person and a deaf person that gives me more insights towards the life of a deaf person (the kind of insights that didn't even cross my mind).

10. Buying a pair of cheap sports shoes for work purposes (the current pair I'm wearing is starting to get worn out).

11. Finding two cheap, sturdy second-handed bags online that I need he he he...Two for only €10!

3BT: Random Days

1. Hubby warming up my side of the bed before I got to bed (usually he goes up first before me), so even though it's cold outside (-20 or even colder during the night), my side of the bed is blissfully WARM the first time I lay my body there. MMMMMHHHHH...And he has to endure the cold side of the bed once I go to my side of the bed, so THANKS SO MUCH for that, Bunny! HIGHLY appreciate your thoughtfulness!!!

2. Getting a surprise early gift bag for my birthday he he he he...You know who you are. THANKS SO SO SO MUCH!!!

3. Getting another package from a friend who has too much extra Indo stuff (spices, snacks). REALLY thankful for this!!! :-D

4. Listening to this beautiful duet...



5. Sleeping for 11 hours HA HA HA HA HA...

6. A customer telling me that I fit this kind of job I'm doing and that she likes me. THANKS for the encouragement - 'coz there are times I wonder if I really fit for this kind of job or not.

7. Someone told me about the mistake I'd made at work and I'm THANKFUL for that. Can't undo my mistakes, but I can always learn to do better. :-D

8. Hot tea with honey on cold days. Mmmmhhhh...

9. Pink sky always cheers me up. :-D

10. Frozen trees. For some reason when it's SO cold, they seem to be frozen solid - they have a different consistency of coldness than when it's been snowing all day, for example. It's hard to describe, but there's this kind of lovely undisturbed hush that permeates the air...mmmm...

Rather Deflated

Today I made a mistake at work. In my attempt to be proactive, I didn't recheck what I was doing and thus the mistake happened. I don't think it's THAT fatal, but still what made it worse was when I was asked whether I had done something else (read: another mistake). I said that I didn't do that mistake. I know that I was asked that question 'coz they wanted to find out who the culprit was, but still it makes me feel sad.

In my frantic state, I didn't even understand one question, even though it was repeated a few times VERY SLOWLY. In the end, since I still didn't understand, it was rephrased into English and only then I understood what was being asked.

Boy oh boy...today is definitely not a good day to boost up my confidence. But I'm going to leave all negative feelings here in the blogosphere and start a new day tomorrow with a clean slate instead of a broken spirit.

GAMBATTE KUDASAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

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Today makes me feel GLAD that I don't get any salary from them, 'coz at least it eases my mind a bit. Phew!!! And please don't tell me that I shouldn't be too hard on myself since you don't even know what I have done. I just want to throw all negativity out and get it over with so that I'm not carrying it around. I'm NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT going to curse myself over this!!!

Cheers for a better tomorrow!!!!

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Think Before You...

Today I realize that I've made a HUGE mistake the other day when replying an email to a friend. I wasn't careful with my words and now it's too late to amend the mistake. The damage is done. Thankfully my friend isn't mad at me, but that doesn't mean that I don't regret what I wrote.

There was a situation that we were discussing and by responding to the discussion in the way that I did, I was judgmental and I might have pushed the wrong button, even though I didn't mean to push that button. There are just some cases where other people speak out their thoughts on something and it strikes the wrong chord in you, even though it's not openly directed at you. That was what happened. That is why I can't amend the mistake.

What I can do now and in the future is WATCH what I say or write and really think of the consequences.