Do You Get Tired? Part Two

I've had a jumble of messy thoughts after writing my post yesterday. I feel that I was too generic in writing that post yesterday and let me try to untangle some of my thoughts, which would be too long to write in the comment section (though I did try to write some of them already).

OK, first of all I think blogging is a different platform altogether. I write for myself and my audience in my blogs (depending on the topic, sometimes it's more for the audience, sometimes it's more for me, sometimes it's 50-50) and because I don't allow anonymous commenters anymore, I find that those who do comment mostly do want to say something to me about my post or they want to build a connection or they feel that they can relate to my post or something like that.

Facebook is a different platform altogether. What I find to be tiring about Facebook is also because of my fault, I suppose. I have a jumble of different people in my Facebook friends' list, but I don't want to bother separating them 'coz then I'll have more accounts to take care of. Back in the beginning before I was active at all in Facebook, I didn't really know "that world". Now I have semi strangers in my blog as well as close friends and relatives and ex school friends, blogging friends and those in between (friends of friends).



 


Here are some things that I find tiring about Facebook in a nutshell (let me try to remember my thoughts from last night):

1. Facebook resembles so much like the real world in a twisted way.

So much like the real world, because unlike blogging where some people use pseudonyms, they mostly use their real names. And the interaction happens in a much faster speed. Twisted because you can be half a world apart from the other person, yet you can still feel things just like the feeling you may get from a face-to-face conversation.

An easy example: I once commented on someone's photo, and the person's response struck the wrong chord in myself. While reading the response, I got so angry and upset that I just wanted to lash out at that person. My initial reaction was to "slap back" (for lack of a better phrase). Thankfully I managed to calm myself down before typing down and publishing something I'd regret, withdrew myself from my computer, and did other things to calm myself down. Only after I did that then I replied to that person in a more civilised manner. That, I suppose, is a good thing about an online platform compared to the real world - it's easier to just withdraw and take a step back before reacting (in the real world this may be more tricky to do).

I've also felt a few times when someone comments on my posts, "Oh no...not again!" because the person is the kind that pushes my button, but once that person comments on any of my posts, it's "rude" if I don't respond back (especially if then I do respond to other commenters after and before that one).

I know that whatever I write can be subjected to any interpretation by anyone and that anyone is free to speak up their minds, but still it does resemble real life in a way. Sometimes you just want to get away from all of those feelings and people. But the problem with deactivating a platform like Facebook is that I feel that I'll "be left behind" because there are people in the site whose lives matter to me, whose photos I want to see, who I really want to connect regularly, whose interests match mine, etc. etc. etc. 

2. And because so many people are active in that platform, I feel that it's getting harder and harder to just disconnect there. And that's also one source of the fatigue. 

The feeling of not wanting to miss important things, but then again I do need to disconnect completely sometimes...but disconnecting completely means that when I get back online again there'll be so much to sift through in order to find out which is more important and which is not...

3. Due to the nature of a platform like Facebook, I feel that the temptation to show off is much greater than in blogging for example. Because I blog also for myself, I don't necessarily feel the need to show off because I mostly want to write down a kind of journal for myself - which I hope will entertain people or will help people connect with me or will help people learn from my mistakes, etc. 

However, in Facebook, many times when I want to post something, I have to think twice, "Am I posting this to share or to show off?" This is especially true for holiday pictures, but this doesn't cover all of the issues that may make me feel this way. For holiday pictures, I've resorted to sharing them with only a certain group of people.

4. Another part of the problem I experience with this kind of platform I've written down in the other post (and in the comment section): about wondering whether or not to comment, about the feeling of voyeurism (funnily enough I don't really feel this way with blogging - maybe because in Facebook there is a bigger opportunity to really check out those people whom I may know by name already in real life and that takes it to a whole different level), about whether my silence is better than saying anything (because a silence can also be deadly), etc.

Additional reason (added on Jan 17, 2013): I also feel that it's hard to control what you see in Facebook. Even though you can limit what you see in your Newsfeed, if your friend posts something that you don't really want to see, you're bound to glimpse through it and when it's something disturbing, then I feel disturbed and it doesn't really help me calm my inner world. 





Another part of the fatigue is due to a different platform. I've written about Whatsapp application before in this post: Whaddup. Anyway, that kind of platform allows you to chat with anyone in your guestbook (or phonebook) constantly if you're both online 24/7 with your mobile phone or iphone or smartphone. A few close friends have started using WhatsApp application to chat with one another and I did try it using the free version for PC during its trial period.

What made me tired was the thought of more and more people interacting this way - through that kind of platform and that, again, makes me feel left behind. I don't care about people I don't know, but I do feel left behind when it comes to my close friends, because you don't exactly "chat" that way via emails. When people use WhatsApp application, they can chat with one another during their breaks or when they're on the way to a place or when they're waiting for an appointment or whenever. In emails, you formulate your ideas in a more controlled manner, but when you're chatting with people live, you can talk about ANYTHING at all that comes in your mind. And it's hard to transfer that kind of chat file to an email-based world. And when you're not connected to them in that way, it feels as though they've gone for a quick coffee break to have fun without you.

Connecting through that kind of platform is VERY tiring because of time difference among other things. I go to sleep and when I wake up, I can see that some of them have left hundreds of messages already and I need to sift through the messages to find out if there's anything I need to respond to - but still even if I do respond to some of the (already old) messages, I feel that the conversation has moved on already. This is something new that feels weird for me and I don't necessarily like the feeling.

When you're on a holiday for a few weeks and you don't check your mailbox for a while and realize that your close friends have written dozens of emails, you feel overwhelmed in a way, but at least with emails it's (for me personally) still easier to catch up on because it's more structured so to speak. When it comes to following old chat messages (even if it's just a few hours old), it just feels so random, fragmented, confusing, and daunting.

So all of the above contribute to my feeling tired about this online world because I have to set my boundaries, but in a way I also don't want to "lose the connection" (especially with those I care about) by setting too tight boundaries/limits, but it gets harder to sift through the mess. OK, I think I've said what I really want to say, so enough about this for now.

Do You Get Tired?

I don't mean tired physically, but mentally and by mentally, I mean the kind of fatigue related to the online world. Sometimes with all the many things going on in this online world, such as Facebook, twitter, blogging, Yahoo Messenger, emails, and whatever else you're using to "be connected" to the world, I find myself wanting to shut everything down every now and then and just be in this present moment, be DISCONNECTED to everything else and everyone else except those in the present moment. This is one reason I LOVE going to the cabin in Kelujärvi 'coz there's no electricity there, so we can really disconnect.

I don't know if it's because I'm basically introverted or what, but that's how I've been feeling lately. Sometimes I'm confused whether or not I should comment on something, you know? Especially if the person's on my friends' list. Let's say that you see someone on your friends' list having a birthday today. You don't really know that person, so do you say happy birthday or not? Is it OK if you just say it "because it's the right thing to do", not because you actually care about that person's birthday because without the reminder in your social calendar, you won't even know/remember it? 

I know that it's fine even if I don't comment, but sometimes once you've read something and you don't comment on it, you feel like you've dropped by into someone's personal space without even saying "hi" (though the person doesn't necessarily even know that I've dropped by into his/her personal space). Is it just me or do you sometimes feel that way, too? Boy, that sentence sounded like being a stalker, actually ha ha...Or am I just thinking too much?

It feels sometimes as though the "rules of engagement" is really vague in this online world and that it's really tough to learn to limit yourself. I wonder how youngsters these days manage to handle both real world and online world, because many of them have been born surrounded with the internet and gadgets that help you connect to the world 24/7. Some articles have stated that one of the problems for kids nowadays is the lack of ability to focus. I'm getting to understand why. It's so easy to get distracted when reading an ebook using my PC for example when suddenly I can see an email notification coming up or an FB notification popping in my screen. Then I get tempted to stop reading to check the email/FB/whatever else is going on.

It's easier to focus reading a real book without being in front of the computer, but while reading Finnish books, it's much easier to use online dictionaries to find tough words so that I can read the book(s) faster. Anyhow, I should go back to reading ebooks now he he...before my holiday is over!!! Now let me just go get some hot tea first 'coz it's only 8'C outside!


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Real World Talk vs Cyber World Talk

Yesterday I had great fun meeting friends and then afterwards some of us continued "chatting" through Facebook. Comparing the real life meet versus the cyber world "chats" (may be in the form of emails, the use of any type of messenger to chat or through Facebook messages) is interesting because time and time again I'm reminded of how "effective" cyber world communication can be compared to real life talk.

In real life when you meet friends, you get distracted by so many things and sometimes when you want to talk about certain things, those things get pushed to the sideline due to many factors. Maybe it's because the other engaging topics dominate the conversation or before you have time to address the things you want to talk about, time has run out. 

I find that when two or more people are focused in their cyber conversation, it's really much more efficient than real life chats when they meet. I guess the same thing applies to blogging, as well. When you have a "conversation" with other bloggers, you can read everything peacefully (provided that you're not in a hurry, that is) before you respond to the blog post (again, provided that you do want to respond to that post). However, in real life talks, esp. in a big group of people, sometimes even before you get to respond, something else comes up that distracts you, so you never get a chance to share your POV. 

I also find that sometimes it's easier to share things through blogs or writings (emails, text chats) compared to face-to-face talk. Maybe the topic is so tender or tough to broach upon or maybe you're worried about the other person's reaction before hearing the WHOLE story (which that person can read in peace without being able to respond in the middle of the story). 

I still prefer "chatting" through emails/blogging compared to chatting in chatrooms or any tipe of messengers. Facebook messaging system is quite handy, too, for those who are active there (it's also handy to send invitations to different events - provided that all the participants log in to Facebook regularly). Chatting in chatrooms (or via some type of messenger) is kinda hard to do when there are so many people involved who are really active because sometimes someone's internet connection may be slower than the rest, so it makes it harder for that person to follow the conversation in real life 'coz of the delay in getting the messages from the other participants. 


I can imagine those who are more people-persons would prefer real life meet much more compared to "chatting" via the internet (emails, chatrooms, messengers, Facebook, blogging, etc.).

I think cyber world talk has its own merits that real world talk is lacking, esp. when you have friends who are really busy juggling family life, career, friends, hobbies, etc. I'm THANKFUL for the cyber world who has allowed me to:

1. Meet the love of my life.

2. Keep in touch with my closest friends who live in different cities/countries.

3. Get to know so many lovely blogger friends.

Btw, yesterday was the first time I grilled on my own 'coz R2 was out of town. Here's a pic of the pork satay I made (they were not done yet):

And here's a pic of the blue sky above me (the temperature was about 18'C with cool wind blowing at around 4 pm):  

We still haven't had really hot days like last year. There was one year when it got as hot as 26'C at the end of May or early June, but this year they say it's the regular Lappish summer (it seems)...but I hope there'll be more warmer days later on. :-D Have a wonderful summer, people!!!