I don't know if it's because I'm basically introverted or what, but that's how I've been feeling lately. Sometimes I'm confused whether or not I should comment on something, you know? Especially if the person's on my friends' list. Let's say that you see someone on your friends' list having a birthday today. You don't really know that person, so do you say happy birthday or not? Is it OK if you just say it "because it's the right thing to do", not because you actually care about that person's birthday because without the reminder in your social calendar, you won't even know/remember it?
I know that it's fine even if I don't comment, but sometimes once you've read something and you don't comment on it, you feel like you've dropped by into someone's personal space without even saying "hi" (though the person doesn't necessarily even know that I've dropped by into his/her personal space). Is it just me or do you sometimes feel that way, too? Boy, that sentence sounded like being a stalker, actually ha ha...Or am I just thinking too much?
It feels sometimes as though the "rules of engagement" is really vague in this online world and that it's really tough to learn to limit yourself. I wonder how youngsters these days manage to handle both real world and online world, because many of them have been born surrounded with the internet and gadgets that help you connect to the world 24/7. Some articles have stated that one of the problems for kids nowadays is the lack of ability to focus. I'm getting to understand why. It's so easy to get distracted when reading an ebook using my PC for example when suddenly I can see an email notification coming up or an FB notification popping in my screen. Then I get tempted to stop reading to check the email/FB/whatever else is going on.
It's easier to focus reading a real book without being in front of the computer, but while reading Finnish books, it's much easier to use online dictionaries to find tough words so that I can read the book(s) faster. Anyhow, I should go back to reading ebooks now he he...before my holiday is over!!! Now let me just go get some hot tea first 'coz it's only 8'C outside!
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com
what I think kind of stinks is that with multiple e-mail accounts I spend a lot of time, just deleting or putting into "Junk Mail" tons of unwanted e-mail I get.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't know the person well, but they have lots of friends, I don't think it's that bad to not say "Happy Birthday". If they receive lots of birthday greetings they are unlikely to notice you didn't send one (again if you don't know the person that well). If they DON'T have many greetings for a birthday, then I would suggest telling them Happy Birthday. The point is those people would really appreciate the few greetings they get.
my son likes the fact that he has over 200 friends on Facebook, but I'm a huge believer in QUALITY, NOT quatity.
I oftentimes just ignore the junk mail esp in my yahoo/gmail account.
DeleteWhat I meant about birthday was only an example of some of the things I'm sometimes confused about when interacting online. But you've got a point about if they don't get many greetings, then it's nice to have someone say something to you. :-)))
I also agree completely with you on quality, not quantity. :-)
I think you should never feel compelled to comment on anything. While it may feel a bit voyeuristic to view people's stuff without letting them know you've been looking, the truth is that they, and we, put our thoughts, photos, and whatever else out there to be viewed. I don't think there's any moral imperative to announce yourself. :)
ReplyDeleteBut, as that article I posted a while back discusses a bit, the question is: is it good for us, the people doing the looking? And, is it good for the people doing the posting to anticipate responses so that they might receive some type of impersonal validation? If we all lessen our expectations regarding the number of responses we get and the number of responses we give, the Facebook experience might not be so...anxious. :P
Well, I think I may just be too anxious more about the people I know more than just name in Facebook. And maybe I do think too much about their expectations - or does it mean I expect too much? So far, though, I wonder more about other people's expectations than my own. It's easier to "control" my own expectations than other people's. Not that I want to control other people's expectations, but anyway it's easier to lower your own expectations once you realize that you've expected too much...
DeleteDoes it mean I care so much about other people's expectations? Not necessarily, but sometimes with those people you don't really know (but you know more than just a name and/or maybe you think you can be real friends with or maybe I have had some history in the past where we used to be close etc. etc. etc.), I wonder if my messages will "intrude" them or would they be "welcomed" or what. Does this mean I care so much about these things? Dunno. I guess I'm just wondering about the limit so to speak and that's why I get confused...I mean with your close friends in real life, you know already how to talk to them, how far you can joke with them, etc. etc. etc. But with people you don't really know, it's hard to gauge those things...ARRGHHH...now I'm going in circles ha ha ha ha ha...maybe the bottom line is that I'm secretly a people pleaser, so I should stop being that.
THANKS for sharing your POV btw. I REALLY appreciate it. :-)
Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I often feel the need to say exactly the right thing in exactly the right way to my intended audience -- in real life or online! That's why I think it's a good exercise for people like us to just put ourselves out there as honestly as we can, or else just refrain from saying anything at all. That way, perhaps the effort that goes into checking exactly what you say and to whom decreases a bit. Ideally, that is. :)
DeleteI guess what I'm saying is, from my own experience, it's best to lessen my expectations on all counts. What I find myself doing is retreating inward (as an introvert) and seeking validation from a virtual place instead of in life. What I'm trying to do is to not seek validation at all, and instead to take it as it comes (or doesn't come), virtually or otherwise. Everyone's different, though. :)
Oh, and I should say, "constantly checking what you say" includes this: "Hmm, should I say anything? I have something to say, but I haven't spoken to them in a while/I just commented on another post of theirs/I'm not sure how to word it." Not just the actual act of commenting. :P
DeleteI've been thinking about this issue again...I think for me there are some other things that make me feel tired. You're right that I may expect too much from myself, but it's more about the power of words. Now, more than ever, I understand that words have so much power, esp. in this kind of modern world where you can be connected with strangers even. Words can uplift, can humor you, can make your day, can hurt you, can disappoint you, can bring you down, can wreck your day, etc. I know that in the end it all depends on the listener/reader of the message 'coz no matter how well you think you've phrased your words, they still may take them the wrong way, but still to some degree you still have responsibilities over your words.
DeleteAnd that realization combined with the "freedom" to write or not write, to comment or not comment...plus considering the relationship you have with the other person...so many different factors. Do I think my words to someone I don't really know well will be uplifting or not? How much is too much? How little is too little? Is it better not to say anything at all (to a colleague that you don't know that well for example) or to say something? ---> Mind you that I don't do this every single time I see/read a post/message/FB wall, just every now and then. For some posts/blogs/messages/FB walls, I wouldn't hesitate to write a reply/comment. But there are some that make me wonder...
And then there are those you know pretty well already in real life and sometimes when you're offline for a while, you feel like you're "out of touch" with them already, but you need time to disconnect so that you don't get worn out.
Maybe I should just loosen up a little, lower down my expectations, and just let go. I can't possibly follow so many people's lives no matter how much I care about them (and in this matter I'm really talking about those people who are close to me and this is, I suppose, another possible source of my fatigue).
Amel, I've found that I have had to shut down some of my social networking avenues because of the fatigue you describe! I rarely use Twitter any more, I avoid staying logged in to FB very long so that people will not message me, and I don't log in to Skype unless I'm expecting a call from someone. I just found that there weren't enough hours in the day to fit it all in any more!
ReplyDeleteAs for the "rules of engagement"... why don't you have a go at writing them? That would be such an interesting post!
I haven't been using Twitter because I don't feel that it suits me, but I can imagine being more tired if I use that, too. I also don't log on to Skype unless I plan to call my Mom and I've shut down the chatbox in FB for a long time.
DeleteWriting the "rules of engagement"? LOL!!! I'll have to think of that he he he...