3BT: Random Days

1. I finally succumbed to the temptation after having resisted it for at least three years. I bought myself a body pillow as an early birthday present for myself. You see, Indonesians use a kind of round body pillows all their lives and over here they've finally started selling body pillows (though they're longer and not in a round shape). Funnily enough, the first night I used it, I had a bit trouble adjusting myself as I hadn't been using it ever since I moved to Finland, but I'm getting more used to it now and I love it. :-D

2. Watching this video made me laugh.


3. This month it started snowing and just as I liked it, the temperature didn't go up too much, so there was no ice at all. The fresh snow may be a little slippery, but not as dangerous as the ice. Winter Wonderland, I love you! 

4. I ordered something for a Christmas gift and about a month later I realized that the price had gone up quite a lot. Feeling lucky that I got to pay the cheaper price! :-D

5. Experiencing a clarifying moment after having had a muddled brain for many days. 

6. I've been taking time away from FB for a while and it feels GREAT to have an FB vacation. :-) 

Burnout Here and There

The theme of this week is burnout. This week I've heard of some people experiencing burnout, myself included. I've been taking time out from Facebook. I only check it at a glance to find out if someone has sent me a message or not and then browse through the newsfeed very quickly. This is the second time I've felt this way, but I guess it's perfectly normal to feel like this every now and then. I'm thinking of deactivating it again, but I feel it's not the right time yet. 

When I feel burnt out in Facebook, this is the best description I can give. It's like I'm entering a room filled with holograms of people in my friends list and each of them is saying something. Some speak more often than others each day, some are more silent. However, I can hear them all at once all the same. Politics, religion, cute stuff, sign this petition, hoaxes, oodles of photos, videos, random wall posts, quotes, links to articles, health, etc. It gets overwhelming after a while, especially if I hang around in the room every day. It's like there's a cacophony of voices in my head that just doesn't feel nice after a while. 

It's a totally different thing when I'm browsing for something or when I'm visiting blogs. It feels more "in my control" so to speak, because I only browse for things I want to know/read and naturally the blogs I visit are those that interest me. Because blogging is more lengthy and focused than Facebook, it satisfies me more because it's like having a regular conversation with my friends. However, it is true that in Facebook you can interact with many more people in a shorter amount of time due to its format. However, this introvert gets exhausted if she has to interact with so many people regularly.

I've already begun to feel the benefits of limiting my Facebook exposure, though it's not the same as going offline completely from there. I get more ideas to write and I feel more relaxed and composed and creative he he...I absolutely need a lot of time to hide in my cave ha ha...

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by Facebook?


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Online Connection Priorities

When I first moved to Finland, my first choice for online connection was emailing. Back then I hadn't started blogging yet and there was no Facebook, so I had to rely mostly on emailing. My mother hadn't had any mobile phone yet, so I wrote long emails to tell them about my life in Finland and then my brother would have to print them out so that my parents could read it. 

These days my priorities have changed due to different circumstances. Now there's Facebook and blogging and many friends (including blogger friends) have turned to Facebook more as well. My close friends have turned to emailing less often than before, especially 'coz some of them use Blackberry and WhatsApp to chat with one another. My mother has her own mobile phone, so I can update important details with her through SMS. I have a Twitter account, but I never use it anymore these days. I never really learnt how to properly used it, either LOL!!! 



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Nowadays blogging is my first priority. Emailing is the second one, whereas Facebook is the last one. I still would like to limit my time more in Facebook, but it's tough because some friends have relied on it more and more (it's really convenient to post pics there and write updates about our lives so that many people know about it) and I'd miss a great deal of their lives if I stop visiting Facebook completely. I don't know what happens in the future, though, but I still love blogging and blog-hopping more than the other types of online connection because it feels more personal and more in-depth. It's true that it takes a longer time and more energy to spend on blogging and blog-hopping than Facebooking for example, but I feel more "rewarded" this way. 

Actually, especially after infertility, I've relied more on that matter in my IF blog and I've found a great community of IFers there, so for infertility matters, I really do rely heavily on blogging - not just to find support from other IFers, but also to process my thoughts and feelings. I blog about infertility also to find out my "progress" or to track how much I've grown and learnt through the journey and I've found lovely people along the way that I wouldn't have known otherwise and for that I'm SO THANKFUL!!!!  


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I do chat with some people every now and then either through FB messaging or Yahoo Messenger, but that only happens occasionally. 

What about you? What's your online connection priorities?

3BT: Random Days

1. A grandma gave me a bar of chocolate (again). She's just SO sweet and thoughtful! :-D THANK YOUUUU!!!!! And yes, the graphic below described my facial expression very well upon receiving the chocolate bar LOL!!!


2. Another grandma told me that her hubby had been missing me at work 'coz he hadn't seen me in a long time. (Unfortunately I don't know which one her hubby is 'coz I meet too many customers at work each shift, but that means the only thing I can do to make sure that I treat him well is to treat everybody well.) I'm touched!!!

3. Me: "Hey, I've just recently noticed that my buttocks aren't as supple as they were before. Have you noticed, too?"
Hubby smiled wickedly and nodded.
Me: "WHAAAAATTT?????? Are you pulling my leg or have you really noticed the difference?"
Hubby: "Yeah, I've noticed."
Me: "When did you realize that they'd changed?"
Hubby: "Ages ago:"
Me: "WWWHHHHAATTTT????" (short pause) "But you still love them anyway, right?"
Hubby: (nod) "Yep."
Me: (smile) "Good."


4. Taking a holiday from FB has done WONDERS to my brain. I feel like it's been unblocked and now it can breathe freely again. Phew!!!

5. Sauna scent. I love adding some scent (we've mostly used birch or eucalyptus) to the bucket of water we keep in sauna. It's like aromatherapy! Heavenly!


6. Learning to be more assertive at work when needed. It ain't easy but I'll celebrate each little step forward that I make! :-D

FB Detox: Withdrawal Symptoms

OK, a few days have passed since I deactivated my FB. The first wave of feeling that came was RELIEF!!! I felt a HUGE LOAD was lifted. Seriously! 

Then after that the withdrawal symptoms appeared ha ha ha ha ha...Whenever I read something good/funny, watched something good/funny, or listened to a good video/music video, the first thought that came up on my mind was, "Hey, I've gotta share it in FB." WHOOPS!!! Not anymore LOL!!!

Then another thing was missing the "attention" I got by receiving notifications in my inbox (I only opted to receive a part of the notifications that I should have got, not all) - whether it was a reply to my comment or a comment to any status update/photo that I had uploaded or someone sending me a PM. 


It's funny what you can really get used to in a few years, but there are many other aspects that I don't actually miss from FB and those aspects make me reluctant to activate myself there, though I know in the end I'll activate myself again just to catch up on those important people who've probably uploaded important photos there. But anyway, it's felt very quiet ever since I deactivated my FB profile and it feels so serene. :-D I enjoy the serenity so much.

I've been thinking about my burnout for the past few days. It probably felt a little bit like what Mel Gibson felt in "What Women Want", when he first started being able to listen to random women's thoughts after having been electrocuted. He was so overwhelmed by those voices. That was what I felt. Overwhelmed.

As an introvert, I thrive more on a one-on-one conversation than group chats. That's also why I enjoy working part-time at work and that's why I don't wish to work full-time at this kind of workplace because I get to see hundreds of people every time I work and that's exhausting for me. FB is a fun and easy way to connect with friends and relatives around the world, but that kind of connection also drains my battery. It's even worse than meeting strangers IRL (in real life) because you get to see/know many more things that you don't normally get when you meet strangers in real life. Anyway, just wanna let you know that I'm totally enjoying my FB holiday here. :-D

I've Done It: FB Deactivation!

Yep, yesterday I've finally decided to deactivate my FB account for a while. I've had a long love-and-hate relationship with it and this time it's all piled up and I feel exhausted and confused. There were days when I asked myself, "What exactly am I doing here?" And lately I've felt out of focus easily as well, so the blaring sirens I've been hearing in my head has been getting way too loud for me to ignore.


I didn't want to log off and opt out of any notifications 'coz I'd been rather active in FB for the past few years. During our longer holidays when I did that, when we came back home I got swamped with all the notifications and messages there. And I also wanted to avoid not responding to important messages or invitations that some people may leave in my FB message box by logging off (because they didn't know that I was on an FB holiday). So this time I need a proper holiday from it all. I want to recharge and rethink of what I want to use FB for. I need to relearn to focus properly on one thing at a time instead of skipping from page to page. 

I figured that if people really want to reach out to me, they can reach me through my email and blogs instead. Those who don't know my blogs or emails are those that don't know me that well. 

So here's to recharging!!! :-D



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The "All About Me" Syndrome

With the rise of blogging and social media sites, I think I've found a new syndrome, the "All About Me" syndrome. You see, this year I deleted my birth date from my FB profile. Last year and two years ago, I got so many birthday greetings from lots of people (even those I don't really "talk to" in FB so much but they're in my friends list). This year with the new profile, I've also set my FB wall so that if anyone writes directly on my wall, nobody else can see it but myself. That's why there were only a few birthday greetings on my FB page yesterday.

And I felt a bit weird because I don't get as many greetings as the previous years. I guess I've really gotten used to getting "attention" in FB so that when things "get back to normal" (like the time before blogging and FB), I felt a little deprived of all the attention, though I know that most people who congratulated me the previous years only did so because FB had notified them about my birthday.

I wonder how the future will be like...when the world is getting more and more connected so easily...it's so easy to succumb to the lures of getting more and more attention. In the past nothing like this is possible unless one puts on a huge sign on top of one's head "Today is my birthday", but then that would make others think that the person is such a narcissist or over-the-top or crazy. 

There's a very fine line between sharing with others and "bragging" or "wanting as much attention as possible" and I really have to be careful in not crossing that line, especially since it's so easy these days to do such a thing without it being considered a crazy thing. 


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Do You Get Tired? Part Two

I've had a jumble of messy thoughts after writing my post yesterday. I feel that I was too generic in writing that post yesterday and let me try to untangle some of my thoughts, which would be too long to write in the comment section (though I did try to write some of them already).

OK, first of all I think blogging is a different platform altogether. I write for myself and my audience in my blogs (depending on the topic, sometimes it's more for the audience, sometimes it's more for me, sometimes it's 50-50) and because I don't allow anonymous commenters anymore, I find that those who do comment mostly do want to say something to me about my post or they want to build a connection or they feel that they can relate to my post or something like that.

Facebook is a different platform altogether. What I find to be tiring about Facebook is also because of my fault, I suppose. I have a jumble of different people in my Facebook friends' list, but I don't want to bother separating them 'coz then I'll have more accounts to take care of. Back in the beginning before I was active at all in Facebook, I didn't really know "that world". Now I have semi strangers in my blog as well as close friends and relatives and ex school friends, blogging friends and those in between (friends of friends).



 


Here are some things that I find tiring about Facebook in a nutshell (let me try to remember my thoughts from last night):

1. Facebook resembles so much like the real world in a twisted way.

So much like the real world, because unlike blogging where some people use pseudonyms, they mostly use their real names. And the interaction happens in a much faster speed. Twisted because you can be half a world apart from the other person, yet you can still feel things just like the feeling you may get from a face-to-face conversation.

An easy example: I once commented on someone's photo, and the person's response struck the wrong chord in myself. While reading the response, I got so angry and upset that I just wanted to lash out at that person. My initial reaction was to "slap back" (for lack of a better phrase). Thankfully I managed to calm myself down before typing down and publishing something I'd regret, withdrew myself from my computer, and did other things to calm myself down. Only after I did that then I replied to that person in a more civilised manner. That, I suppose, is a good thing about an online platform compared to the real world - it's easier to just withdraw and take a step back before reacting (in the real world this may be more tricky to do).

I've also felt a few times when someone comments on my posts, "Oh no...not again!" because the person is the kind that pushes my button, but once that person comments on any of my posts, it's "rude" if I don't respond back (especially if then I do respond to other commenters after and before that one).

I know that whatever I write can be subjected to any interpretation by anyone and that anyone is free to speak up their minds, but still it does resemble real life in a way. Sometimes you just want to get away from all of those feelings and people. But the problem with deactivating a platform like Facebook is that I feel that I'll "be left behind" because there are people in the site whose lives matter to me, whose photos I want to see, who I really want to connect regularly, whose interests match mine, etc. etc. etc. 

2. And because so many people are active in that platform, I feel that it's getting harder and harder to just disconnect there. And that's also one source of the fatigue. 

The feeling of not wanting to miss important things, but then again I do need to disconnect completely sometimes...but disconnecting completely means that when I get back online again there'll be so much to sift through in order to find out which is more important and which is not...

3. Due to the nature of a platform like Facebook, I feel that the temptation to show off is much greater than in blogging for example. Because I blog also for myself, I don't necessarily feel the need to show off because I mostly want to write down a kind of journal for myself - which I hope will entertain people or will help people connect with me or will help people learn from my mistakes, etc. 

However, in Facebook, many times when I want to post something, I have to think twice, "Am I posting this to share or to show off?" This is especially true for holiday pictures, but this doesn't cover all of the issues that may make me feel this way. For holiday pictures, I've resorted to sharing them with only a certain group of people.

4. Another part of the problem I experience with this kind of platform I've written down in the other post (and in the comment section): about wondering whether or not to comment, about the feeling of voyeurism (funnily enough I don't really feel this way with blogging - maybe because in Facebook there is a bigger opportunity to really check out those people whom I may know by name already in real life and that takes it to a whole different level), about whether my silence is better than saying anything (because a silence can also be deadly), etc.

Additional reason (added on Jan 17, 2013): I also feel that it's hard to control what you see in Facebook. Even though you can limit what you see in your Newsfeed, if your friend posts something that you don't really want to see, you're bound to glimpse through it and when it's something disturbing, then I feel disturbed and it doesn't really help me calm my inner world. 





Another part of the fatigue is due to a different platform. I've written about Whatsapp application before in this post: Whaddup. Anyway, that kind of platform allows you to chat with anyone in your guestbook (or phonebook) constantly if you're both online 24/7 with your mobile phone or iphone or smartphone. A few close friends have started using WhatsApp application to chat with one another and I did try it using the free version for PC during its trial period.

What made me tired was the thought of more and more people interacting this way - through that kind of platform and that, again, makes me feel left behind. I don't care about people I don't know, but I do feel left behind when it comes to my close friends, because you don't exactly "chat" that way via emails. When people use WhatsApp application, they can chat with one another during their breaks or when they're on the way to a place or when they're waiting for an appointment or whenever. In emails, you formulate your ideas in a more controlled manner, but when you're chatting with people live, you can talk about ANYTHING at all that comes in your mind. And it's hard to transfer that kind of chat file to an email-based world. And when you're not connected to them in that way, it feels as though they've gone for a quick coffee break to have fun without you.

Connecting through that kind of platform is VERY tiring because of time difference among other things. I go to sleep and when I wake up, I can see that some of them have left hundreds of messages already and I need to sift through the messages to find out if there's anything I need to respond to - but still even if I do respond to some of the (already old) messages, I feel that the conversation has moved on already. This is something new that feels weird for me and I don't necessarily like the feeling.

When you're on a holiday for a few weeks and you don't check your mailbox for a while and realize that your close friends have written dozens of emails, you feel overwhelmed in a way, but at least with emails it's (for me personally) still easier to catch up on because it's more structured so to speak. When it comes to following old chat messages (even if it's just a few hours old), it just feels so random, fragmented, confusing, and daunting.

So all of the above contribute to my feeling tired about this online world because I have to set my boundaries, but in a way I also don't want to "lose the connection" (especially with those I care about) by setting too tight boundaries/limits, but it gets harder to sift through the mess. OK, I think I've said what I really want to say, so enough about this for now.

Real World Talk vs Cyber World Talk

Yesterday I had great fun meeting friends and then afterwards some of us continued "chatting" through Facebook. Comparing the real life meet versus the cyber world "chats" (may be in the form of emails, the use of any type of messenger to chat or through Facebook messages) is interesting because time and time again I'm reminded of how "effective" cyber world communication can be compared to real life talk.

In real life when you meet friends, you get distracted by so many things and sometimes when you want to talk about certain things, those things get pushed to the sideline due to many factors. Maybe it's because the other engaging topics dominate the conversation or before you have time to address the things you want to talk about, time has run out. 

I find that when two or more people are focused in their cyber conversation, it's really much more efficient than real life chats when they meet. I guess the same thing applies to blogging, as well. When you have a "conversation" with other bloggers, you can read everything peacefully (provided that you're not in a hurry, that is) before you respond to the blog post (again, provided that you do want to respond to that post). However, in real life talks, esp. in a big group of people, sometimes even before you get to respond, something else comes up that distracts you, so you never get a chance to share your POV. 

I also find that sometimes it's easier to share things through blogs or writings (emails, text chats) compared to face-to-face talk. Maybe the topic is so tender or tough to broach upon or maybe you're worried about the other person's reaction before hearing the WHOLE story (which that person can read in peace without being able to respond in the middle of the story). 

I still prefer "chatting" through emails/blogging compared to chatting in chatrooms or any tipe of messengers. Facebook messaging system is quite handy, too, for those who are active there (it's also handy to send invitations to different events - provided that all the participants log in to Facebook regularly). Chatting in chatrooms (or via some type of messenger) is kinda hard to do when there are so many people involved who are really active because sometimes someone's internet connection may be slower than the rest, so it makes it harder for that person to follow the conversation in real life 'coz of the delay in getting the messages from the other participants. 


I can imagine those who are more people-persons would prefer real life meet much more compared to "chatting" via the internet (emails, chatrooms, messengers, Facebook, blogging, etc.).

I think cyber world talk has its own merits that real world talk is lacking, esp. when you have friends who are really busy juggling family life, career, friends, hobbies, etc. I'm THANKFUL for the cyber world who has allowed me to:

1. Meet the love of my life.

2. Keep in touch with my closest friends who live in different cities/countries.

3. Get to know so many lovely blogger friends.

Btw, yesterday was the first time I grilled on my own 'coz R2 was out of town. Here's a pic of the pork satay I made (they were not done yet):

And here's a pic of the blue sky above me (the temperature was about 18'C with cool wind blowing at around 4 pm):  

We still haven't had really hot days like last year. There was one year when it got as hot as 26'C at the end of May or early June, but this year they say it's the regular Lappish summer (it seems)...but I hope there'll be more warmer days later on. :-D Have a wonderful summer, people!!!

Online Social Media + Snowman

Yesterday I was reading posts about online social media, particularly F-b.ook. I must say that I have a love-and-hate relationship with it. There were times when I was thinking of quitting it completely, but it's hard nowadays 'coz I've got a mixture of people in my list already and now I've joined an online Finnish group where I can ask anything to the teacher and get to know other people who are learning Finnish from around the world.

Besides that, it's a really good place to get in touch with old school friends and nowadays my closest friends use it to put their travel pictures and other pictures as well - it's easier sharing pictures that way compared to sending them via emails 'coz some of us live in a place where the internet connection isn't so reliable and fast. It's also a good place to try and sell things to your friends and to ask for opinions on something (provided that your friends are active).

But other than the good sides, sometimes I feel that browsing through F-b.ook is like being a Peeping Tom. There are some people who share too much and sometimes when you least expect it, you get to read those things and it feels as if you were suddenly transported into the person's underwear closet and you're shown all the kinds of "dirty laundry" that you don't even wish to see.

Of course you can hide that person's newsfeed once you find out that the person loves sharing too much info, but then again there are still so many other complications that can occur by spending time in online social medias, such as being unfriended by someone or unfriending someone, the urge to ask the person what you did wrong after being unfriended, the lingering question whether you should explain to the person you're going to unfriend why you want to do that, the temptation to "peek into" other people's lives, the thin line between sharing and showing off, etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, enough about this...the other day I made another snowman 'coz the temperature was 0'C and the snow was wet enough to make one. The pictures were taken at around 3.30 pm.

First pic: taken with a flash.


2nd pic: Taken without flash.


3rd pic: Taken without flash from a different angle.

3BT: Random Days

1. Lashing out my anger/frustration in a note in Facebook. Felt SO good ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

2. Laughing, peeing, and farting at the same time - making hubby laugh at the same time. Trust me when I say that the sound of your peeing and farting becomes SO funny when you do it while you're laughing your ass off HI HI HI HI...(Yeah, yeah, I know I'm gross)

3. Meeting a very friendly Finnish guy the other week that complimented my Finnish and wishing me to have a nice Christmas. THANK GOD for friendly people who're not against foreigners living in their country!

4. Taking these pictures:




The above pic is only to show how much snow there is in our building's parking lot (and those two windows with lights are ours).


P.S. That last pic isn't our house. Dunno whose house it was. I went near the river to take some shots and this was one of them he he...so in front of the house is a frozen river.

5. Starting a joke with hubby (I started saying something silly, he continued, then I continued, and so on) and laughing together at our silly sentences.

6. Creating another product at Zazzle:

Decorative Dark T-Shirt by ailema4ever
Browse Decorative T-Shirts

7. Grateful for hubby's effort in drinking another round of "poison" (read: Chinese fertility herbs that taste and smell yucky).

8. Hubby for making me feel funny, sexy, beautiful, listened to, and cared for despite myself, despite everything.

9. Being able to really scrimp while doing groceries for the past few weeks HO HO HO...ME LOVE IT!!!!

10. Asking hubby something and he gave me a very comforting answer. THANK YOU for being such an easy-going hubby that never pressures me to do anything I don't want to do.

Facebook: Old Friends + An Old Pic

Lately I've been re-acquainted with more and more ex-elementary school friends through Facebook. Some Indonesian people (mostly women) who married Finnish guys and live in Finland have also found me through Facebook. The bigger the amount of friends I have, the more cautious I become in writing about anything. I've even deleted the link to this blog in Facebook, simply 'coz I feel that my "privacy" is better kept that way.

The other day a friend told me that her brother wrote something in his wall status that caused an uproar among their relatives. My friend told us that he should have been more careful in writing his wall status, 'coz other people might get the wrong idea, especially those who don't understand the reason(s) why he wrote what he wrote.

On the positive note, I'm organizing a little get-together with my ex-elementary school friends when I go back home in November. I don't know yet how many of them will come, but at least a handful of them have told me that they'd definitely come. CAN'T WAIT to meet them! :-D


We've also been having fun "walking down the memory lane", talking about our teachers and other friends. We've forgotten some friends and through some of them, we get to know what has happened to some other friends.

The most shocking news came today about one ex-elementary school friends of ours. Unfortunately I don't remember her, but one of them met her recently. She has got a daughter, but her husband died already. :-(((( Being a widower in such a young age...gee...my friend told me that the husband died due to brain tumor and they found out about it at such a late stage already. :-((((

Anyway...I'll blog-hop during the weekend as usual. Right now I have to write a LONG email to someone he he he he he...Take care, everybody!!!

P.S. I don't think I've shown you this pic. My cousin uploaded this one in Facebook. As you can see, I was 7 years old and boy, my Dad looks SO young and "plump" in this pic ('coz now he's SO skinny!!!). As comparison, let me also show you last year's family pic that we took in Indo.

Facebook

It seems that many of my Indo friends have switched to Facebook, because I've met many more ex-classmates there. My cousin is also there and he's been uploading many old pictures. I want to share with you a picture when I was 5 years old. I don't remember this occasion AT ALL (the birthday party of another cousin), but I do remember my bracelet!!! :-D


Through Facebook, I also found out that my class teacher when I was on the 1st and 2nd grade in High School has already passed away. Rest in peace, Sir!!! I remember that one time a group of us wanted to dine out together and we took him with us. :-))) Such a wonderful memory!

Through Facebook I've also met some other bloggers as well as a long-lost emailpal (the one I was looking for months back). I found out that now he's got two kids already!!! Gee...time flies so fast. I still don't feel like a 30-year-0ld hi hi hi...There's still a part of that 5-year-old Amel in me HO HO HO HO HO...

OK, time to blog hop and then maybe nap a little. I feel the onset of flu coming, but I hope it won't come full force 'coz I want to use my Big Sliderrrrrrrr to ski downhilllllll sometime this month!!!! :-D

GREAT NEWS!!!

In relation with my earlier post this morning, Missing a Friend, as per Blur Ting's suggestion, I should try to find that guy in Facebook, so I decided to try my luck and TA-DAAAAAAAAAAAA...I found him under his new name! So I requested him to add me as a friend right away. I just hope he often logs in to his Facebook account.

Anyway, I could see a tiny pic of him with his son. I'd LOVE to see a bigger version of that pic 'coz I wanna see how his son looks like now. I've only seen his baby pics he he he he...

YIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPIEEEEEEEEE!!! I hope at least I can find out more about how he's doing even though he can't write too often anymore he he he he he...