Monday, November 23, 2009

Why Didn't I?

A few months ago I read a blog post on Blur Ting's sons helping her out doing house chores and I wondered why I didn't help my Mom more often when I was younger. Then I remembered something that happened when I did try to help her.

First of all, mind you that I was such a sensitive child. Secondly, back then my Mom sold food in the traditional market, so she had to cook a lot of dishes when she came back home from the market (other than the fact that she had to cook our meals, too). Thirdly, my Mom had been working in the kitchen since she was very young, so she knew which was which and she had learnt to be a fast cooker, chopper, or whatever she had to do.

While I was still in Elementary School, sometimes I wanted to help out in the kitchen...BUT due to my inexpertise and slowness, my Mom sometimes snapped at my "incompetence". My little heart was SO hurt by her words and impatience that I just refused to help out too much back then. I remember writing in my diaries how I "hated" experts 'coz they were so impatient.

Now, looking back, I realized that she didn't mean those words and that she was a driven woman who was used to working at her own pace and she had demands to fulfill (she knew how many types of food she had to cook each day and how long it'd take to do it and I was just "on the way" 'coz she had to teach me from ground zero). So, she probably felt it was MUCH better to do things by herself 'coz of the reasons mentioned above.

This made me realize, as well, that in order to get help, you have to be willing to receive it - even if it means that you need to "teach" the helper. If the helper can't deliver what you expect him/her to be, you can either stop getting the help from them (if you have that choice) or you can try to teach them to do things the way you want them to be.

P.S. I'm happy to say that now that my Mom's grown older, she's grown to be more patient (esp. 'coz she can't do things as SUPER fast as she used to anymore).


  1. I had a similar situation growing up too. I was criticized when I helped on the farm when I was 7 or 8, and it just turned me off. & there were many times I was supposed to help and did, but I would get angry and run away from helping my brothers out. They were pretty upset w/ me, and they didn't understand me for the longest time.

  2. Hey Amel,

    There are some impatient people in this world, but that's how they are and we just have to accept them.
    We are not all the same - thanks God!

    I am sorry you felt hurt though; but at the same time I am sure it helped you in building your character ;) (hard times tend to do this to us).

    So, are you back?


  3. It's funny how when you look back and realise why things were the way they were. I think it has alot to do with maturity.

  4. Vince: Ahhhh...then you must know how I feel. THX for sharing! :-)))

    Max: Indeed for that we're not the same people he he he...and yeah, feeling hurt is just a part of life. I've been learning not to take things too seriously. :-))) And yep, I'm back in Finland now! ;-D

    Blur Ting: I sure hope so - that I become more mature he he...