Friday, January 11, 2008


I've been meaning to write about this, but haven't had the chance. Well, remember the birthday party I attended on January 4th? I had a long talk with Vi, one of the guests.

She first started asking me how Arttu and I met, so I told her the brief version of it. Then she asked me, "Do you know what other people probably think about Asians marrying Finnish people? They probably think that they wanted to get married with Finnish people for their money or citizenship."

It didn't surprise me to hear her say that, but what surprised me was my own reaction. I didn't feel the need to explain myself to her. After all, what matters most is that Arttu's family knows that I'm not a gold digger. That's the benefit of marrying a foreign guy when he was unemployed HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...Ahem!

Anyway, as you probably know, then I left to the bar with some girls, whereas Arttu and the birthday girl and the rest of them went to a different bar.

In the bar, I also got to talk to Vi again. Well, she said that since they were all females, if somebody approached me or something, then I should have told her about it. I truly appreciated her gesture in trying to protect me. So she "assumed" that since I was an Asian, then Finnish guys would approach me.

I told her that I had never gone to the bars alone. Besides, I had never made eye contact with anyone too long. Then she said something that made me surprised. She said, "Well, but you know what people will think if you keep on staring at the floor?" I shook my head, since I honestly didn't know.

She said, "They'll think that you're depressed 'coz you've been abused or something. Anyway, speaking of abuse, here in Finland the social system is good, so if you're abused or something, you don't have to worry. You just need to tell the authority, you know? But anyway, I'm sure that your guy isn't abusive 'coz I can tell that you're a smart girl."

So she had "assumed" that I stared at the floor to avoid making eye contact with other guys. I explained to her that I didn't stare at the floors all night whenever we went to bars, but I just made sure that I didn't stare at other guys' eyes since that could be misinterpreted as flirting with the guys. I told her that I did look around the place, but I wouldn't make an eye contact with guys too long.

It was pretty interesting to see what other people have to say to me when they found out about my relationship with Arttu. To be honest, I never really thought about what other people (Finns) thought about me and Arttu. As long as my parents know about it and as long as his family accepts me, then I'll be okay.

But what I realized by having the conversation was that years back, I would have tried to explain to her about the truth about our relationship. I would at least felt the NEED to explain to her about us. But I didn't feel it anymore and it feels...LIBERATING!!! ;-D

But that brought me to my other conclusion from the conversation. How many times do I, do we, assume? It's so easy for us to just take some "samples" in our brains and then whenever there's a similar case, then we'd think it's just the same as the "samples"? Of course in some cases, this ability has been proven crucial. However, in some cases, this type of assumptions can be dangerous, or at least misleading.

Yeah, yeah, this post is just my rambling thoughts, but your two cents are welcome he he he he he...OK, now I'd better clean up the house before I blog-hop. See you soon, guys!!!!


  1. Hi Amel,

    Dont care about other people said about you and Arttu. You can not stop gossip ;) Just try to avoid.

    Remember when i told you about my ex-colleague think i married with old man :D They think also i married for his money he he he he...

    I more proud if i can get my own money for what i do. Like now, i get little by little money from blogging and this is what i proud :D

  2. Jul: Yes, thanks, I won't care and I don't he he he...

    But I think everybody's guilty of having assumptions every once in a while, anyway.

    So your ex-colleagues also thought you married Ray for his money? It happens a lot, I guess.

    And yes, you SHOULD be proud of yourself for being able to make money from blogging, Jul!!! :-)))) You're a GREAT Mom, friend, photographer, and person! :-D

  3. to much give me compliment. I can not stop smile hi hi hi hi...

    btw, i also very glad to meet you in here. Really. Hope someday, we can visit you to finland when you just have a baby hi hi hi hi...:D I teach you changing diaper hua ha ha ha...

  4. Jul: He he he he...but it's all true. :-))) I'm also glad we met here. :-)))) And yes, it'd be FUN to meet in real life one day...maybe not when I just have a baby 'coz then I'll look like "hell" (lack sleep, black bags beneath eyes, etc.)...but if our kids can play together one day, that's GREAT! ;-D

  5. Hi Amel

    I had that a bit too, mostly in South Africa with friends there thinking I was marrying someone for money/passport. I never felt a need to explain to them, but sometimes when it's people you like who assume something weird or wrong about you... then I struggle between do I explain or do I just let it go? :-\

    PS... I've had flu and missed a lot of blog posts, but hope to get back into writing once my head is clear again.

  6. Hi Amel
    Yeah,I got that a lot too !Well,I got my citizenship two years ago and i am still married !some of my sceptics have shut up !

  7. Michelle: You're right, though...when it's someone you like, then I also wonder about the same thing. But when it's someone I'm really close to that I think have wrong assumptions of me, most of the time I'll try to correct them he he he...

    GET WELL SOON, M! I've missed your beautiful writings! ;-D

    Frasypoo: Ahhhh...this is getting MORE and MORE interesting!!! ;-D Glad that they've shut up, though, after you got your citizenship he he he he...

  8. Hi Amel, Vi's outlook on life seems a little skewed to me. Looking at the floor while in a bar means people will think you've been abused. Pardon my language but WTF!! I'm very glad to hear you don't feel the need to defend your relationship in any way. Have a lovely weekend. Fish x

  9. Fish: HI HI HI HI HI...So you thought it was weird, too? I thought I was the only one who felt that way when I heard her talk ha ha ha ha ha...

    But it's fascinating to hear different views. That was why I let her explain it to me he he he...

    You too, Fish, have a LOVELY weekend! ;-D

  10. I think 'Vi' needs to mix around with other people from different cultures A LOT. In my point of view, she's SO very typical.

    You are right, as long as you and Arttu are okay, as long as your family and his are okay, so, let them talk. Sooner or later they'll see or never mind if they can't see he he he he... There is nothing to lose. ;)

    Well, hope you'll a great weekend, Amel!!! :)

  11. Choc Mint Girl: HE HE HE HE...You think so???? I haven't met too many people like her, so it was kinda fascinating for me to hear what she had to say.

  12. yeah, i know how you feel, i don't like assumptions too. I don't make assumptions and when my heart or brain goes out of control and make one, I make it go away, hehehe... cos, don't judge a book by its cover, right?

    I think when you have the feeling that you don't need to explain to that person, it means you've grown up!! hehehe...

  13. Some people like Vi just like to put other people down. You're a matured girl who's loved by everyone in Finland. So you don't have to worry a thing. If she knows the love between Arttu is so strong, she would feel so ashamed. She should read your blog!

  14. Mey: Yeah, that's true. And you're right that every once in a while we form assumptions, too. :-))))

    HA HA HA HA HA HA...I hope it's a sign of maturity. :-))))

    Blur Ting: HE HE HE HE HE HE...THANKS for your enthusiastic support, Blur! ;-D

  15. Hi all, I have to say here, that this woman is a typical thinking Finn from the backwaters.

    She should be ashamed to think so narrowly, but it wont even occur to her. It is a normal way of thinking here. WHY would anyone want to come here? England, USA etc is paved with what are they after here? Its a sad assumption but that is prevalent here. I got it too...and probably still do, behind my back.

    She IS unusual in the fact that she actually spoke of it. Most of them DO look at the floor themselves!!! Maybe that is why she said that - personal experience!

    She needs to connect with other cultures, DEFINITELY, but up here, that hardly ever happens, so MANY Finns are not able to deal with it..sadly. Very insular. (Let this Arctic Rainbow at 'em!)

    My advice Amel, steer clear of that one...she sounds a bit bitter that you are here! You dont need negativity in your life girl!

    Turn the other cheek...x

  16. MrsArcticRainbow: Yeah, I was pretty surprised that she spoke about everything. But the thing is, she has been travelling to other places, including Thailand. Oh well...

    THANKS for your advice, MC! ;-D She doesn't live in this village, so I don't think I'll meet her again...or at least only once in a blue moon he he he he he...