Dona Nobis Pacem - Blog Blast For Peace 2013

This year again I had trouble thinking of a theme for Blog Blast For Peace again. Not for the lack of ideas, though, but I've been having too many random ideas and then I have to really find that one strong idea that I truly want to voice this year. 

Anyway, here's my peace globe this year:

This year I've been having a lot of conversations with many different ladies around the world and there's one thing that keeps on echoing throughout those conversations. It's that when our inner world is chaotic and raging with so many different voices warring one another, it's so hard to go out there and create peace, because you're having all those wars within and all you want to do is protect yourself. 

It gets even harder to want to create peace outside when you don't get any validation as to what is happening inside, when you feel alone and when people think you're overreacting. When you're confused and in denial especially...it gets harder to embrace yourself and love yourself as we are. When you can't love yourself even at your darkest moments (or perhaps especially on your darkest moments) and when you can't embrace whatever it is going on inside you, how can you extend that kind of love towards others? And it's especially made worse when other people who don't know or understand your pain keep on saying "the wrong thing" or "trying to fix you" or trying to tell you to "move on" even though all you need is that they just listen to you and empathize with your pain and validate your grief.

So this year I want to call for each of us to be more aware of what's going on inside us...to embrace each part of us, to become our own best friends, to dare to be naked within to reveal whatever it is that we need to face inside us, to accept the things we can't change and to believe that we are worth being loved even during those times when we feel least like it and to try to find our own support system. And I hope that by continually doing so, healing can begin from within and peace can be restored from within one step at a time. And then we can start spreading the peace again all around us, one ripple at a time. 

P.S. The image of the two penguins in my Peace Globe is a portrayal of how I'd like us to treat ourselves - as our own best friend. 

The Thing About Beauty

The other day when I was feeling upset (reflected in my post Somewhere I Belong), one other thing that bugged me at the time was a small exchange I made with someone in my FB list.

She had posted a few new pics of herself and they all look stunning. For all that's worth, she's a very beautiful, slender, and tall young lady, so under one of the photos, I wrote this comment: "So pretty."

A little while later, she wrote back, "Thank you."

But right away she added, "But my cheeks are chubby."



 
Mind you, I was already upset at those things I wrote in that previous post - plus I'm having PMS - so the moment I read her second response, I got upset (yeah, PMS mode can be bitchy mode).

Then I wonder why I got upset simply because I read such a response. I think I got upset because I just wanted to shake her and ask, "Are you blind????? Your cheeks aren't chubby at all! Not even close!" (Believe me, anyone on earth who saw the photo would say the same and I'm not being biased here!)

Besides, what does chubby cheeks have to do with beauty? Then I started wondering if there had been people commenting that her cheeks were chubby (Indo people can be that nosy, I tells ya!). Then I got more upset 'coz if that happened, then it meant she believed what they were saying. This had happened to me in the past - I gained a few kgs in Indo, but I was happy in my own skin UNTIL people started telling me, "Oh, you've gotten chubbier these days." And then I started panicking! Sigh...





Then I got upset again 'coz I can feel the topic repeating itself in my own life, in my other female friends' lives...I wonder if men also fuss so much about beauty. I know one sore spot for R2 is the almost bald patch on his head, though I find it cute and it doesn't lessen his sexiness (I love tickling it and then scratching it and hear his sigh of relief he he he...).

It's just that at the end of the day I think to myself: Why are we so hard on ourselves? I know the world pays more attention towards our external self (esp. those who don't know us well), but why is it so hard for us to see our own beauty?




I think I've once written a post where I talked about this topic - about how in Indo I knew I didn't belong to the "beautiful girls" group. I guess it has something to do with age as well - seeking confirmation about yourself from others (read: comparing yourself with others) VERSUS knowing about yourself from within (read: embracing yourself just as who you are at the moment).

Now that I'm getting older, I find that there are days when I just wake up, look at myself in the mirror, and see a beautiful face. Don't get me wrong. On those days when I look at myself in the mirror, I'm NOT comparing myself with anyone (not even with myself in the past). I just see beauty in front of me (in the mirror) just like I see a beautiful flower or a lovely painting or something like that. It does NOT make me feel proud, but it makes me feel good in my own skin, like I belong there. It's like saying to myself: "You're a piece of artwork made by God and I love you."

This doesn't happen every day, but in the past when I was younger, it only happened after I lost some weight or after I put on some make-up and dress myself up or after I reached my weight goal. These days it's not the case anymore and I wonder if any of you has ever felt this way, too? ---> Tell me I'm not crazy!

Ah...I'm rambling...I suppose in the end the small exchange I had with that young lady just evoked the scars I had in the past when I still lived in Indo - where people would comment on my weight and made me feel like I'd done something wrong. And damn me for having succumbed to their words and their standards of external beauty!!! (I know this is easier said than done for those who live in such a pressured environment, but anyway...) OK, I'll just stop here before it gets too long he he...I'll just leave this post with this quote:

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

- Confucius

Fashion Bullying?

Found this story yesterday: Fashion Bullies Attack - In Middle School and it surprised me a lot!!!

The article said that fashion bullying is reaching a new level of intensity since more designers launch more kids' collection. Geez!!! I guess there are benefits of making kids wear uniforms. Maybe they ought to be forced to wear uniforms he he he...

In Indonesia, kids have to wear uniform until they are in High School. In universities, they are free to wear anything, except sometimes during mid-term or end-term tests, sometimes they have to wear white-and-black outfit.

Thankfully, I've never experienced any bullying in Indonesia. I can't even begin to think of how horrifying it must be to be bullied. In almost all Indonesian schools, there is no huge cafeteria or dining room for kids, so there are no "popular kid section" or "geek section". There are simply canteens where kids can buy some snack or food or drinks and they can sit on some benches they provide or just sit on their own desks inside the classrooms. Sure there are popular groups, too, but we get along well with them. I mean "we" 'coz I belonged to the geek/bookworm group ha ha ha ha ha...I LOVE being in the geek group HA HA HA HA HA HA...

Anyway, this is a quite rambling post. What I want to say is...how come schools become a "catwalk" instead of an educational institution? That's pretty crazy!!!

I find that in the quest of toning our spiritual/mental muscles, it's getting tougher and tougher to ignore the pressure of our physical looks. How can kids be made understood that it's the inner self that counts if the other kids at school tease them when they don't "dress right"? This is madness!

Update on Everything

Weather Prediction:

It's going to go down to 0'C during the nights this weekend.


Finnish Course:

Yesterday there was another student coming (another Russian). YAAAAAAAAAYYY!!! We are all SO happy 'coz the more students there are, the bigger the chance is to have a continuation course next spring.

Based on the third course, I realize that grammar-wise, I'm not that bad, even though speaking-wise, I'm probably at the bottom three 'coz I haven't practised that much. Hey, but at least I'm not that bad he he he...I'm SO grateful the course only starts now, not right away when I first moved here, so I had time still to learn bits about this and that and memorize some vocabulary.

All in all, I THOROUGHLY enjoy our lessons, esp. as I get to meet more people this way he he he he he...


Physical Health:

Yesterday I had a headache. I was wondering why again, 'coz I had been exercising regularly and taking vitamins, as well. Finally I couldn't handle it anymore as it got worse during the eve, so I took a Panadol. Then my belly started rumbling, though not due to hunger. It was SO GASSY! I couldn't let the gas out the natural way! No wonder I had a headache! I haven't been farting for a few days already and I should've known it was a bad sign. Yeah, I'm a farting lady hi hi hi...but if I don't fart, that means there's something wrong with me. Once I found out the problem, I asked my husband to coin me again (scrape my back with a coin and some balm to make red marks). He said I was a masochist when I said, "Ooohhhh, that felt SO good" as he was scraping my back hi hi hi...and only after that I managed to fart over and over again. Ah, the joy of farting!!!

I must say I'm proud of him 'coz he's getting better and better at coining me HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...^____________________________^


Inner Self:

I think I've managed to conquer some inner problem that I've been having lately. It was a tough battle for me, but for some reason now I feel light and I LOVE that feeling. I've always been someone who takes some things too personally sometimes. It's really one of my sore spots. What makes it worse is that I tend to keep score cards (I tend to have high expectations for those I deem important). Sometimes I don't even realize that I'm keeping them and then BOOM!!! A blaring alarm suddenly shakes my entire being and only then I knew "a bit too late" that I had already done one of the worst mistakes in my life. But hey, better late than never, right? He he he he...

Now I feel free like a bird. Free from that score cards and free from taking things personally. I know that this may be one of my lifelong battles (just like cynicism), but I ain't gonna let them win no matter what. I LOVE this feeling. ;-D It feels GOOD to sleep or walk or do anything with a clear conscience. ;-D


Car:

My husband had to do his yearly car check-up this morning. We'll see how it goes. If it doesn't pass the test, he's given a month to fix it and then go and have another test. If he doesn't pass it, they won't let him drive the car around. In Indonesia, nothing like this has ever happened, so you can see VERY OLD cars running around the streets anywhere. My husband said that if it proved to be too expensive to fix the car (it IS old already), he would opt to buy a used car on installment.