Dad's Request

Sorry for my absence. I'm still battling my flu and have been taking naps every day. I have a long list of blog posts to read, but haven't had the energy to do so, but I promise I'll blog-hop when I feel more energized. Still no appetite yet. No fever (haven't had a fever in a LONG time), but I still get tired, my head is still weird (every now and then a headache appears), and my body still produces lots of mucus. Yuck! 

Anyway, during my time in Bandung my mother told me a story that I hadn't heard about my dad. In 2007, when my brother was preparing for his wedding, my dad had a stroke and had to be taken to hospital. My brother was stressed out because he and his bride were saving money for their wedding party. We are thankful for my brother's church friends who collected money to help pay out the hospital cost, lightening my brother's burden at that time. 

Apparently after my dad got back home, he wrote a letter to God (literally wrote a letter), saying that if he could just ask for one thing, he would ask for a little bit more time. My dad was going to be 65 at the end of 2007 and he asked God to give him at least until 70 because he wanted to be able to see a grandchild and spend time with him/her.

My brother's wife gave birth to a boy in 2008 and in 2012 my dad passed away a few weeks after his 69th birthday. Prior to his passing, he was determined in talking to as many people as possible in wedding parties and other events that he could participate in (something that wasn't his usual habit). Needless to say my eyes got wet when I heard this story. :-)

P.S. Almost forgot one incident that happened in Singapore airport. We were queueing in front of the immigration counter and near the area there was an old Chinese guy (an airport worker) asking people whether or not they had the immigration form (making sure that each passenger had filled it up). For some reason the guy reminded me of my dad in his old age (it's only natural as they're both Chinese, I suppose) and I started feeling tears welling up. Rest in peace, dad. I love you!

Childhood Memories: French Baguette

One of the memorable treats that we got when we were children was the long French baguettes. At that period of life in my hometown, it was quite a rarity. At that time kids were still playing folk games with their friends and computers were unheard of. Plenty of my neighbours didn't have any fridge yet. There were no big malls, just small private owned stores selling daily needs and snacks and goodies. It was a very different period of life.
 
At that time there was this HUGE supermarket in Dago Street catering to expats and rich people in Bandung. Well, the place looked especially huge for small children with short legs, though if I compare them to the huge malls all over that city nowadays, it's not that huge after all. 

Anyway, this particular supermarket sold plenty of exquisite goods at a rather high price and at the back of it there was a bakery. The bakery sold lots of things, but we only went there to buy French baguettes and some ham or sausage. The ham and sausage were so delicious when eaten with the freshly baked baguette, but we knew they cost a lot of money, so it was a rare treat and we enjoyed every bite of it. :-D


Until now I still remember clearly coming home on a motorcycle behind Dad while holding the French baguette in my hand tightly while the neighbours' children looked at the long bread in awe, because it wasn't something that you could find everywhere. I remember feeling as though I was holding a Light Sabre in my hand HA HA HA HA...I don't know if the supermarket is still there now or not. The last time I was there years and years ago, I think the supermarket chain has changed owner or something (my memory is getting blurry), but don't know what happens to it now. 

Do you have any special childhood treat that you remember fondly? 
 

Blast from the Past: How My Parents Met

Back in my parents' generation, most Chinese parents would be agitated when their daughters became "of age" (18 years old). The parents then would start trying to find "best matches" for their daughters. That was what happened with my mom's elder sisters. It's not like they were married off to strangers, mind you. If the daughters weren't interested, then they wouldn't force the marriage, but anyway, many young girls back then were already married by the time they reached 20 years of age. 

My parents were the exception. I think for dad the problem was that he was shy and he didn't come from a well-off family. After all, in a developing country where there were almost no social benefits available, the man's ability to provide for the family became an important thing, especially because back then most women became stay-at-home moms. So having "rich" parents would help a man become "more interesting" for prospective women so to speak.

In my mom's case, she was just not interested in all the men that tried to pursue her (most of them were relatives or long-distant relatives) and back then my mom had an ambition. The ambition was to save enough money to buy grandma (her own mother) a house because at that time grandma was staying with my mom's elder sister and they kept on quarreling with each other. FYI, my mom's wish came true in the end. :-D


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Anyway, my parents met through a mutual friend. This woman became their "matchmaker" so to speak. Mom was 31 at that time whereas dad was 35. They dated for 6 months and then decided to get married 6 months from then. So they got married about a year after they first met. And I was born exactly 10 months to the date of their wedding day. That's why it's easy for me to remember their wedding day ha ha...

Mom told me that when she started dating dad, she warned her mother and her elders NOT to try to do some "research" on my dad's background. You see, back then if there was a prospective husband-to-be, apparently my mom's elders loved to do some research to find out where the guy lived (in Indo even until now it's normal for kids to stay with their parents until they marry - so if they're not married, it's normal for them to stay home forever if they want to), who the parents were, what the financial condition of the parents and the guy was, etc. 

And I suspect that this kind of "habit" was not just limited to my mom's elders, because when we were younger, we always heard from our parents that back in their days there was this slogan "Bibit Bebet Bobot". This slogan was used in order to find the best prospective spouse-to-be. Bibit means genes, but it can also include the family background (social strata). Bebet means the spouse-to-be's circle of friends (are his friends gangsters or what?), though it also sometimes includes where he lives because sometimes where you live shows how well-off you are. Bobot means the spouse-to-be's personality and social status (job, rank, intelligence). 

Back to my parents...my mom actually knew my dad's younger brother because they went to school together. One important aspect that mom said made her believe that my dad would be a suitable husband was that while they went on dates and they talked about stuff, she found out that they had similar principles, goals, and aspirations. She knew that dad would be someone who could walk together with her hand-in-hand through life's ups and downs. And those words have been etched in my mind ever since I was young. :-) Finding someone who can walk together hand-in-hand (not just literally but mentally) was also my goal in terms of finding a husband. :-) 


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I don't think that they started off with romance, though (not love at first sight or things like that). Considering their ages, it was more of a sensible option, I suppose, though I'm sure love and romance grew from there. One of my fave memories of them is hearing them laugh and giggle like crazy until it got hard to breathe and mom said that she was afraid of peeing in her pants - you know the kind of laughter that started and then subdued for a few seconds but then it started again and again and again (this happened a few times: sometimes behind closed door, sometimes while they were both watching TV). 

My parents had a double wedding parties in two different places. Back then the cost of a wedding isn't as crazy as these days, so my dad had a wedding party where he invited all his relatives and friends in one place and after that my mom had hers where he invited all her relatives and friends. That way each of them could have a wedding that they wanted in two different places and invited whomever they wanted to invite he he...Such a tiring day, wouldn't you say? I loved looking at their wedding albums, though. :-)

Back then (few hundred) guests brought gifts instead of money for the newlyweds, so you can imagine that on their wedding night, they spent the whole night opening all the gifts and reading all the cards ha ha ha ha ha...and because they received plenty of similar gifts (lots of clocks and kitchen sets), they saved some of them to give to other newlyweds later on so that they didn't have to buy anything else LOL!!! 

Oh, before I forgot...I think one other reason why they expedited their wedding was because my dad's brother had been in a relationship for a few years already by the time my parents met and he didn't want to get married before my dad got married. And due to the amount of guests invited per wedding, in Indo it's usually considered "bad" if two siblings get married the same year, because it means that the guests will have to shell out some money again to the same family the same year (it'll be sort of a burden for them 'coz after all, it's normal in Indo to get lots of wedding invitations every year, esp. if you know so many people and you have lots of relatives and friends). So my dad's younger bro got married a year after my parents got married. 

OK, I got carried away and told you about their wedding, even though this post was supposed to be only about how they met HA HA HA HA HA HA...never mind then! :-D
 

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Blast from the Past: Dad's History

Dad is the eldest son of six children, though he has an elder sister. I've never met my grandpa from dad's side 'coz he died when my dad was in his early twenties (not sure about the year, though). Grandpa came from Singapore (perhaps he was born there or his family may have moved there from mainland China - but I don't know the details), whereas grandma was born in Indo (so again like my mom's mother, she didn't speak Chinese). Grandma came from a family where the daughters were only taught how to sew and how to do house chores. Grandpa was a businessman (not sure what he did, though, but he was pretty successful I suppose 'coz grandma never had to work outside of home). 

Grandpa's business went bankrupt at one time so that my dad couldn't even pay for his tuition anymore. That was the reason why he quit going to the uni and I suppose not long after that grandpa died, leaving the older kids struggling to earn some income to support the family. Dad used to tell us how during those tough times, they would be lucky to get some leftover food from a restaurant or factory to eat. Dad told me that sometimes at school a friend of his would treat him stuff because my dad didn't have money to buy anything and I know that he cherished his friend's generosity (this friend sometimes came by our place as well).

My mom used to say that even though her own family wasn't rich, but she had never experienced any trouble with the basic necessities in life such as food. Being the eldest son in a patriarchal community pushed dad to find a steady job as soon as possible. Dad was meticulous and he loves planning and organizing and archiving stuff, so he became an accountant for a bakery. He worked there for a few years, then he became an accountant for a family business for many many years. That was when he met mom, but I'll write about it in another post. :-D

Dad loved soccer. He was proud of the fact that he was a pretty good soccer player (he'd proceed to tell us the tricks he did to confuse his opponents back in the days). I suppose he did play a lot of soccer with his friends or neighbours when he was younger. And yes, my own brother loves soccer, as well. :-D



Dad sometimes pulled some pranks on his sisters. One time his bespectacled younger sister put her glasses on the dining room table and she went to have a shower. Then dad switched the glasses with a pair of bras and he laughed so much when his sister came back and she was so surprised when she found out that her glasses had turned into a pair of bras LOL!!! :-D

Dad also told us many times that grandma kinda favored him for some reason. Back during the days, sometimes grandma would buy dad's favourite snack or food and hide it in the pantry and she'd only give it to him once he got back home - and of course the other siblings would protest! LOL!!!

Anyway, after quitting his job as an accountant in that family business, the lady boss told him that because he was so honest, he wouldn't be "successful" (as in dad's not cunning enough to be able to become a rich businessman). Those words were burnt at the back of his mind, propelling him to prove her wrong. I think after that my parents joined forces with my mom's elder brother to open a printing business. They printed lots of pharmacy labels for different pharmacies (the kind of ziplock little plastic bags to put pills into). I remember those rough days. My parents and my uncle hired two people to help out, but still each of them had to do tough work day in day out. The strong smell of the paint permeated the house so strongly that we got used to it after a while. They used the room in the attic to run the business. For a while it seemed to be doing fine, but afterwards it just didn't work as well, so they closed the business and sold the equipment.

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After that my dad became unemployed for a while (mom went back to selling food at the local market) and then he started buying some fish for pleasure but then turned out that he managed to take care of one type of fish well enough that they started breeding. At that time it was quite a good business to sell fish, so with mom's help my dad went on to breed some fish for a while to help make some extra money. Once the "fish trend" died down, my dad couldn't make extra money from it anymore and as luck would have it, a relative introduced him to the world of insurance. Yep, he recruited dad to be an insurance agent.

When he started training, he was the oldest of the bunch and back then insurance was still considered something new in Indo. Being the oldest of the bunch who wore untrendy clothes meant that some people mocked him and undermined him. You see, in Indo even until today I still feel that "appearance" is more important than here in Sodankylä. After all, "status" is more important there 'coz of the social system and the huge gap between the rich and the poor. 

So anyway, those mockery propelled dad to prove them wrong. He worked hard despite his shyness and with mom's help and encouragement, he blossomed there. You see, mom used to tell me that in the beginning of their marriage, whenever a guest came over for a visit, dad would hide himself in the bedroom he he he he...He used to be so quiet, but after joining the insurance world, he gained more and more confidence to talk to strangers. In the beginning, though, my dad would always want to be accompanied by mom and he started to sell insurance policies to relatives and friends first and only after that he started widening his net and he grew bold enough to ask for references from his clients as to who else they could refer to him. That was dad's last job. He worked there until he retired. In between selling insurance policies he also tried different types of MLM (multi-level marketing) programs, but they never really worked too well for him. 

Rest in peace, dad...in my mind, you're a VERY successful person 'coz you were honest, you never cheated on people or your wife and you put your priorities straight and I never doubted that you loved us with everything you've got. :-)


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ABBA's Greatest Hits

After my Dad bought a second-hand car from his sister and he started taking us to our respective schools, we'd always listen to the tape playing ABBA's Greatest Hits over and over again. In the mornings we'd first go to my brother's High School because it was farther away than mine. Back then Bandung wasn't as crowded as nowadays. Being a sleepyhead that I am, I'd always close my eyes in the car until I got to school, because I'm just NOT a morning person ha ha ha...

My brother was supposedly getting a motorcycle and a motorcycle's driver's license at the age of 15, but due to the unforeseen motorcycle accident happened to my cousin prior to his 21th birthday that led to his instant death, my parents decided to wait it up until he was 17 years old before they gave him a motorcycle. Due to the horror of my cousin's death, my brother didn't even complain about my parents' decision. RIP, my beloved cousin!!! 

Anyway, these days whenever I hear ABBA's songs, my mind always turned back to that period of time. I remember the first time my Dad took us to schools by car, he was still so nervous that on a stretch of road (actually there was a traffic light and the light was red) that was a bit uphill, the car went down a little so he had to pull up the hand brake. I got a bit nervous myself, but thankfully the car behind us was farther away so that nothing bad happened.

My Dad loved singing. Even though he never sang while driving the car, he'd sing his heart out at home, changing the lyrics as he goes (chuckle). He was never out of tune, though. :-D

Tonight I'm walking down memory lane while listening to ABBA's songs on youtube...here's for you, Dad!!! You'd have turned 70 years old in a few weeks. THANKS for having been my Dad...You are MISSED!!!!!

Family Ties

I feel like I've lived in quite a "safe bubble" my entire life. When I was younger, my parents would take me to school and pick me up again from there. I was only allowed to start using the public transit when I was 12 y.o. However, my Dad still insisted on taking us to school before he went to work anyway. When I was in High School Dad bought a secondhand car from his younger sister on installment, so he took us to school by car, though starting in Junior High we could go back home by public transit ourselves.

When I went to university, my Dad still sometimes took me there because at that time he had started working as an insurance agent, so his working hours were pretty flexible. Even the parking guy at the university remembered my Dad's face because he took me there many times over. When my brother started going to the same university (different faculty, though), sometimes he'd give me a ride if our schedule matched. :-)

After graduation, I continued working as a part-time English tutor and then I started having the job as a translator. Then after a while I decided that I was fed up being an English tutor and I wanted to try working in a company. An opportunity came and I was invited for an interview. The factory where I had to have the interview couldn't be reached by public transit, so my Dad took me there - and my Mom and brother went along with me because they wanted to support me and because they were so curious about it all (it was my first job interview ever anyway) HA HA HA HA HA HA...

P.S. Unfortunately I didn't enjoy the job, so I quit after only being there for 7 weeks and from then on I focused my time on translating books instead. 

Maybe it's such an embarrassing thing for some people, but for me, it wasn't embarrassing. Maybe because I'd been having this dream of travelling abroad and even living abroad since I was a child, so I always had this thought in my mind, "They can't keep doing it for me when I'm far away, so I may as well just let them love me this way while we still live together." After all, by then I was already in love with R2 and I was thinking that if our relationship worked out, I would definitely have to leave Indo.  



Anyway, the first time I started teaching in an English course at the university at around 19 y.o., my parents took me there. They just wanted to know where the course was. One of my lecturers recruited me to teach at her English course (the course was open for kids from the age of 5 to 12 y.o.), so she had told me to come there at a certain time and date. When my parents and I arrived there, she wasn't there yet, but the secretary was there. Mind you...I had Demi Moore's hair in Ghost at that time (and I'm only 145 cm)...upon seeing me with my parents, the secretary greeted us and immediately asked, "Oh, are you here to enroll in one of our English courses?" LOL LOL LOL!!!

Imagine her surprise when she found out I was there to TEACH!!!!! ROFL ROFL ROFL...anyway, I'm glad I have so many memories of being with my parents and I'm REALLY thankful for their efforts in spending time with me. My Mom also accompanied me every time I had to go to Jakarta to apply for my visa and when I had to prepare for the paperwork before I could get married with R2 as well as the paperwork after I got married before I could move to Finland. My family's not perfect and my parents aren't big on saying "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" and they're not even big on hugs, but I never doubt their love for me because of the way they lavish us with their time, attention, and support. After all, quality time is my primary love languages.

Ah, my cup is overflowing with gratitude...


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Embracing The Experience

The other day at work when it was rather quiet, a woman (who seemed belligerent - dunno why but I got that kind of aura from her) came by and asked me about a certain product. She wanted something cheap that had the most quantity (don't we all?), so I gave her some input and let her decide. At that time there was nobody at the cashier, so I had time to tend to her needs.

Then while paying, she started babbling about many things, including how boring it was now that she'd retired at the age of 70 y.o. She then told me about where she worked before and all that. And again she stated how boring it was to be retired.

She started babbling about how nice it was to go out and just talk to other people and again how boring it was to just do nothing. Then she asked, "I'm not bothering you by talking to you, eh?" I said no, even though I actually had other things to do, but I wasn't in a hurry. I listened to her and tried to give her the best responses I could think of. I could feel her reluctance to leave, though after the next customer got closer to where I was standing, she said to him, "I suppose I should get my ass going now, eh?"

When she kept on repeating how boring it was to be retired, I remembered the days when I had nothing much to do, when I spent more time cooped up inside the apartment with no one else to talk to. I realized that I could probably relate to her in some ways due to what I had experienced.

I remember that one time after moving to Finland, when I had nothing to do (probably in between training sessions) and I didn't feel like going out much except to do my groceries, I began to be afraid of interacting with other people. I had cold sweat and butterflies in my stomach when I actually had to go out and talk to other people, even for a short exchange with a cashier or an employment officer. It was really strange 'coz I had never experienced that before. Only then did I start getting a glimpse of what life could be like for those people who got panic attacks when they had to go out of the house and interact with other people.

It's like through all the "downs" (instead of ups) that I've experienced in Finland, I've been given a chance to put on a different pair of glasses and see the world through a different perspective. And for that, I'm REALLY THANKFUL. Embracing an experience that may not be pleasant is something that has been an eye-opener for me.

P.S. For those of you who know my love story with R2, one of the reasons why I chose R2 was also 'coz I had seen him unemployed for a long time and he didn't become "belligerent" so to speak. I told myself, "I could live with someone like that in our old age."

You see, at that time my Dad had started going on the road to retirement and he became so angry at other people (lashing out esp. to my Mom for no real reason whatsoever). Post power syndrome at its worst. But anyway, my Dad's in a much better place now - it's just that meeting that woman made me remember this topic. :-D

When Tragedy Strikes

*cross-posted with my infertility blog*

The day after I received news about my Dad's death, I felt this urge to tell the whole world about it. One reason was probably 'coz it felt surreal to me. I mean, I didn't see his body and I wasn't there at the funeral home. I wasn't there at all to help out and my life here in Finland continued as if nothing had happened. I think telling the world (well, mostly through FB announcement) about it has helped me remember that my Dad no longer lives on earth.

Another reason was probably because my world will never be the same anymore and I want other people to know that. Funny thing was that if I compared my grief with my infertility grief, I accepted my Dad's death MUCH better than my infertility grief.

First of all, I had had time to prepare for my Dad's death and also opportunities to let him know how much I appreciated him. Secondly, his death was a natural one and he didn't have to suffer long. Thirdly, other people readily acknowledged his death and my grief and thus I got the kind of warm support that I needed.

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When tragedy strikes, it feels like your universe is going on a different pace and rhythm. You notice that there are cracks and perhaps even holes all around you. Your whole world has changed. Perhaps you've even stopped living your life for a while though other people don't even realize that. Anyhow, the trouble with infertility is that it's an ambiguous loss that sparks off disenfranchise grief (click on the link to read what it means) and it took us by surprise (a hit below the belt so to speak). When I first realized that (gasp!) we could be infertile, I felt that my whole universe started cracking...and then with each month appeared one hole after another, each with different size and depth.

At that time around our journey, I also felt the urge to let the world know about the changes in our universe. It didn't help when I tried telling some people about the cracks and holes created by infertility 'coz they made me feel like I was delusional. In their eyes, those cracks and holes were invisible. And the "wrong" things they said felt like they were poking the holes (involuntarily making them bigger) or even ripping off the cracks, making me feel defensive or even angry. Or both.

But at that time, I couldn't help feeling that I was really making such a big deal out of my cracks and holes 'coz if they are blind to them, there must be other invisible cracks and holes in other people's universes as well that I may have involuntarily poked and prodded and ripped off and that made me feel guilty for lashing out on them or for being defensive. That realization also made me feel guilty for all the past wrong things I may have said to them.

However, this thought in turn made me feel angrier and frustrated 'coz I felt that I had valid reasons to be grieving in the first place and I was denied the support that a grieving person needed. Thus the cycle of doom continued...Anger, jealousy, frustration, guilt, grief, sorrow, despair, self-hate, self-loathe, self-blame, doubt, depression...you name it...one by one tumbling one after another and sometimes many of them bursting out all at once and becoming a concoction from hell.

To be fair, there were some people who did acknowledge there were holes and cracks, but more often than not, the things they said made me feel like they were suggesting band-Aids to cover them up to "heal" my universe. After some time, I felt like giving up in "educating" the world about our universe and what it may entail. (FYI, every once in a while I still try to do this, but not with the same concoction from hell like before).

Side note: For those of you who want to know the list on what not to say to an infertile, here are some links:

What Not To Say to An Infertile
Infertility Etiquette

What helped the most was probably - after a long and twisted journey before coming to the decision so trust me, it wasn't easy to make a decision like this - surrendering ourselves to a future without kids (thanks to all the prayers - I specifically asked some friends to pray The Serenity Prayer for us - and the fact that God has answered those prayers by giving us both a united voice in terms of what to do or not do and in time we could let go of that particular dream).

Our universe will never be the same, but we've stopped focusing on the cracks and holes and focusing more on looking at each other and trying to find ways to make each other happy and spending time together. We try our best to cherish every moment 'coz nobody knows when death is coming to get us...what would be the sweetest ending for our story is if God chooses to take us from earth together at the same time. :-D

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3BT: Random Days

1. My Dad's funeral home services, cremation and the scattering of the ashes went fine and there were so many people coming to pay respect.

2. Seeing some white hair on hubby's beard and head.

3. When I told hubby that the white hair must be a sign of wisdom, he rolled his eyes and that made me laugh. :-D

4. Receiving a thick hard-cover book on Sodankylä from a dear customer (the same pappa who's given me plants/flowers 4 times already). BLESS him, BLESS him, BLESS him!!!

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5. Having a chance to give that pappa a box of chocolate the day before Christmas when the store was a little less busy.

6. Rereading some of my blog's old posts and being reminded of how far I've gone since then and how many wonderful people I've met through blogging.

7. Reminiscing on the many bittersweet memories that have shaped me since I moved to Finland. :-D

8. Can't help laughing so much every time I'm reminded of this scene in The Simpsons cartoon series:

Homer: Go get Lassie!
Bart: Who's Lassie?
Homer: Doh! I mean Lisa!

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL...

9. Hubby's sensitivity towards my mood and my needs. I wasn't feeling well the other day and he helped me coin my back and then spent time on the sofa (holding each other and talking) before I went to bed earlier than he did. He also spent so much time holding me and patting my back when I grieved my Dad's death.

10. Time and time again I can't help feeling grateful that hubby very rarely complains about anything at all. How nice it is not to hear complaints from someone who lives with you!

11. Still time and time again I feel blessed to have a hubby who doesn't get caught up in my mood easily, so every time I'm in a bad, cranky mood, he makes it easier for me to control myself. He is even creative enough to make me laugh when I'm that way.

12. For having a hubby who's never played rough on me, who's never belittled me, who's never told me what to do, who's never given me unsolicited advice.

13. Those people who just know the right things to say and who say them in times of need. BLESS them!

14. Buying MIL some flowers that I had never seen before and then hearing her say, "I've been wanting to get these myself when I saw the ad!" :-D

15. Reading a book while "doing my thing" in the toilet is a bliss. Plus the toilet is warm enough in winter.

Reminiscining Dad...

I've been feeling unwell the past few days and finally I start feeling like human again now. Called Mom today (the first time I talked to her after Dad's passing) and there are just some things that made me choke and cry...I'm writing them here more for my own sake...so that I'll never forget...

1. While Dad was being taken to the car during the heart attack to go to the hospital, he was screaming in pain and one neighbour kid heard it and told her Mom, "Look, Opa's screaming, Mom!" But at that time her Mom was too busy to pay attention (it didn't help that it was raining so hard that day and it made everybody else stay inside).

The next day, when they heard about my Dad's passing, the little girl broke out in tears and said, "See, Mom? I told you that there was something wrong with opa yesterday. Now there'll be nobody else who's going to greet me every day."

I don't know this particular girl, but it seems that every day when Dad went out to play chess somewhere, he passed by their house and he always greeted her.

When I heard this story, I wanted to yell to heaven, "See, Dad, how many lives you've touched?" And I could feel him smiling from up there...

2. Earlier that day he said to Mom, "I prayed for Ken (bro's son) so that he'll get healthy. You know, I've had a wonderful life and everything I've ever wished for. Our kids are both married and they're good kids."

THANK YOU, Dad, THANK YOU
for all the memories...
I'll make sure your legacy lives on in us...

The Year Started With A Bang (read: Dad's Death)

Today I finished work and I was tempted to check my mobile. I've been working for 1,5 years now and I could count with one hand how many times I checked my mobile right after work (before coming home, I mean). There were 4 messages from my bro and Mom.

The first one told me that Dad was screaming in pain earlier today in Indo and that they took him to the emergency room at a hospital. Then the other messages was about his passing about two hours after they took him to the hospital.

Actually when they arrived at the hospital, there was no pulse, but they managed to "revive" him. It happened a few times and finally the doctor said that he checked Dad's pupils and they showed no brain activity, so he wouldn't recommend keeping him alive with the machine, but he said it was all up to the family. In the end he went anyway in peace. He died of a heart attack.

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The first thing I felt (probably simultaneously as the shock wave) was a HUGE wave of relief that Dad didn't have to suffer long before God took him away. Then started the tears. I had to lock myself in the toilet and let out what I needed to let out while replying to the messages. After I could control myself somewhat and dabbed my eyes with water and tissue to make sure they didn't look too weird, I went out, did a little shopping, and went home.

When I got back home, R2 greeted me and I told him what happened, then he held me tightly. He patted my back and held me tightly...more tears coming...We spent so much time in each other's arms while I retold him what I had heard from my SIL about what had happened.

It's really weird what I've been feeling after I heard the news...relief, grief, joy (because he can't feel any more pain now), a tad melancholy and longing. All the wonderful memories flashing back. He's my dad and I'm honoured to be his daughter. We might not always see eye to eye, but his legacy will live on through me and my brother.

I have no regrets nor guilt about anything, though. The last time I spoke to him on the phone was a day before his 69th birthday on Dec 27th, 2011 (I couldn't call him on his birthday 'coz I had an evening shift) and that was the only time I had the guts to verbally tell him my appreciation and how he had made a difference in my life. Before that time, I chickened out and I could only tell him how I felt in a lengthy email. I didn't know what made me say those things to him on the phone that day, but now I'm even more glad I did it.

Anyway, rest in peace, dear Dad. You're probably enjoying yourself up there, though. Can't wait to see you there again. Until we meet again...

P.S. The below pic was taken on his birthday a few years ago.

Dad's Past

Dad never finished education at the university. He's the second child out of six and he had to quit studying at the uni to help out feed the family. My grandpa's business collapsed and then he died and my grandma couldn't do anything much with the family's finance. Out of the six children, only the youngest one finished his education at the university.

For years Dad worked as a bookkeeper in a bread company and then he moved to a private-owned business. After years of earning his bread there, he quit (I don't remember anymore why, but I guess the situation got bad enough for him to want to quit) and the boss' wife told him, "You're not going to be a successful man. You're too honest."

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Dad got so pumped up hearing that. From that day on, he worked as best as he could and still kept his honesty and integrity intact. What is success anyway? For me, my Dad IS a successful man because he's kept his honesty and integrity intact wherever he works. He's managed to send two children off to the university without tricking anybody out to get "rich". He's always so careful with money and budgeting, so he never got us in trouble with any of his decisions.

Here I am now, thinking that it's such a shame that in this world, there're people who think that being honest in one's dealings means that one will never be successful.

Beautiful Weekend

Friday was the epitome of many wonderful things wrapped in one whole day. First of all, I got to end my shift earlier 'coz we had some extra help from young students/trainees who are getting to know different work environments, so I didn't have anything much to do. Thus they allowed me to go back home earlier. I mean, why would they want to keep me there and pay me extra for doing nothing, anyway?

The day just got better and better 'coz I then received my paycheck and I noticed online that I had indeed got the amount in my bank account, so I moved some of it right away to our savings account. Then I baked very delicious Mexican pizzas for us (bought the frozen ones from my workplace and they turned out to be the best frozen pizzas I've ever tasted). After that we took a nap together and after that I could catch up with some TV series I had not had time to watch earlier.

Then I got news from my Mom that it seemed that my Dad would definitely be back home again the next day (Saturday morning Indo time), so my heart got more and more relaxed. Then at around midnight, I got an SMS from a friend, telling me that Northern Lights were outside. I ran outside as quickly as possible 'coz I didn't want to miss the show (I had been told that the show wouldn't last too long). Nothing. A few years ago my other friend told me about this, but when I got out, I saw nothing, so Friday was the FIRST time EVER for me to see Northern Lights here (FYI, I've lived here for almost 4 years now).

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Anyway, I waited and waited...still nothing...I ran back inside to the second floor to look outside from the bedroom windows, but I saw nothing much except a little light from the horizon, but I couldn't see it clearly 'coz there are so many tall trees around me and also some houses, so I ran back outside and waited.

About a minute or two later, the show started. I was expecting green lights, but they were actually whitish. I wasn't sure at first if what I saw were Northern Lights or clouds, but they couldn't have been clouds 'coz the form kept on changing (not moving the way clouds did, mind you). It was right on top of my head, so my neck got very sore after a while ha ha...The Northern Lights kept on dancing around, moving forms among the stars. There were SO many stars that night in the sky.

One time I saw this HUGE birdlike form that stayed that way for at least 15 seconds before it changed form again...and just as it was changing form, I saw a SHOOTING STAR!!! WOAAAHHH!!! It was just MY DAY!!!

I stayed for a while, admiring the dance of the Northern Lights, but I just couldn't stand like that too long anymore in the cold 'coz I wasn't really properly dressed when I ran out. Suffice it to say that I enjoyed God's work or art again: the starts, the Northern Lights, the shooting star. What more could I expect to end my already beautiful day? Nothing.

Then on Saturday I got an SMS from Mom again, telling me that my Dad has indeed got back home. They went to a nutritionist first to make sure that THE EXPERT told Dad on what NOT to eat and what to eat, 'coz whenever he hears my family try to remind him NOT to eat some things, he'd get angry/upset. BUT he is more obedient if a doctor tells him what NOT to eat. So my Mom felt it was worth it to pay the nutritionist to get an advice (they paid about 20 Euros). So now Dad's recuperating at home and yesterday we spent time with my in-laws and as usual we played cards and I won twice out of 4 games - the last game I won, I got the highest score of all time!!!! :-D :-D :-D :-D

Now here I am, starting a new week with a smile...Sorry I haven't been blog-hopping so much 'coz I've had a busy week at work. I may blog-hop properly only tomorrow 'coz I have a free day tomorrow.

Lazy Feet + Dad Update

Some of you might know already that my Dad's being treated in a hospital. He's doing much better now and it seems that he can go back home on Saturday. I'll keep you updated. I was surprised when I got an SMS last Sunday from my Mom, telling me that my Dad was taken to hospital 'coz his whole body was cold.

About a few months ago, finally my family succeeded in making him go for a full check-up and at that time it was found out that his heart wasn't that good anymore, so since then he's been taking heart medication. So I guess that was why they took him to the hospital - 'coz they were afraid it was a heart attack.

Due to my Dad's type 2 diabetes, he can't feel anything much anymore (in terms of pain), so my family has the heavy task of being alert whenever he looks unwell. The doctor told my family that my Dad suffered from an early heart attack and that the heart was swollen so much, so he had to stay in the hospital for a few days.

My doctor friend told me that my Dad's heart's function will never get any better, so the only thing we can do is just try to keep his condition stable, even though it IS hard to do 'coz my Dad is stubborn and it's tough to tell him to be careful with what he eats. But anyway...to be honest I felt a bit guilty for not being able to take turns in taking care of my Dad, but then again guilt won't enable me to do more for him, will it?

And at least my family does NOT make me feel guilty for living so far away, so I'm thankful for that. I'm also THANKFUL for all the prayers and support that I've got through Facebook. HIGHLY appreciated!!!

Anyway, what about "lazy feet"? Well, yesterday I went to my friend's place on foot (she lives about 3 km away from our place) 'coz R2 promised to pick me up after work. I had NOT been walking such a distance for a LONG time 'coz I've always been riding my bike, so it felt like such a long journey 'coz it took at least twice as long to reach the place he he he he...Lazy feet!!! Spoiled feet!!! But it was good to walk that distance, though.

OK, I'll blog-hop a little. Been busy again with work and other things.

A Little Accident

At least that's what I was told. Mum just sent me an SMS a while ago, stating that my Dad had a little accident earlier today. After going out for a walk (and I guess after playing some chess), he got hit by a car. Fortunately the car wasn't going too fast, but still his ankle is swollen and he got back home on a becak (rickshaw). Mom has massaged his ankle and tied it up with some cloth and now my Dad has to walk with the help of a walking stick.

At least they do have a walking stick (the one with four legs, so it is very solid to lean on). However, Mom said that when massaging his ankle, she noticed that his thigh was cold. I hope that doesn't mean anything bad. I sent an sms to my friend, who's a doctor, to get some advice. She's told me that if the thigh is still cold tomorrow, it's better be checked up.

I'm going to call them tomorrow morning before going to my in-laws. The thing is, Dad is really stubborn, so maybe he'll listen to me more than the ones who stay with him. Well, I was shocked to hear about the accident, though I know that this kind of thing is bound to happen to many people - judging from the way people drive in Indo.

Anyway, sending good vibes to my Dadddddd...hope he gets well soon!!!!

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Silenceeeee...

Yeah, been lazy blogging and blog-hopping again. I've spent my days reading and exercising, preparing my body for our summer vacation next month he he he...That's also why I've been tired so easily, 'coz I exert energy by exercising and by forcing myself to read more Finnish every day - besides watching TV series with hubby.

Yesterday hubby told me that our niece will turn 5 tomorrow and they're going to throw a party for her, so today I went to the bookstore to find a gift for her. I figured that buying her a book would be better than buying her a doll. However, the tricky part is that I don't know what kind of books they have already he he he...Well, I know that they have so many DVDs and video tapes and some books and CDs, so I hope that she hasn't got the book I chose for her. It was hard to pick something for a 5-year-old. Ummm...

GOOD news is that while browsing for a gift, I found out that the book that I'd been wanting to buy for a while was on a 50% discount, so I grabbed it right away HI HI HI HI...I also found Winnie the Pooh stickers on a discount, so I bought a pack for the birthday girl. I figured that little kids love stickers, don't they? Don't they? At least I do know that she likes Winnie the Pooh he he he...

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Anyway...my training at the library will end on 27th this month and I'll then try to find a part-time job. We'll see how it goes. Someone tells me that there might be a job opening somewhere, so I'll try applying for a job there. Wish me luck!!!

I've actually never worked for a long time in an office or stores. This training at the library is the longest time I've ever spent in an "office". When this training ends, it means that I'll have been there for 6 months! :-D When I was in Indo, I could only stand working in an office for 7 weeks hi hi hi hi hi...

A few weeks ago my Mom got sick and it seemed that she didn't get well easily, so my bro took her to a specialist and she had to have proper blood tests. Everything came out fine except for the cholesterol level and another thing whose term escaped my mind right now...anyway, at least now she knows what to do. She's changed her diet intake and she's lost 2 kgs already. GOOD for her!!! :-D

My slight worry is my Dad. My Mom said that he's getting thinner and thinner, 'coz sometimes he forgets to eat. If he stays home, it's much easier for them to notice whether he's eaten or not...but 'coz he loves playing chess outside of the house, it's hard to make sure that he remembers to eat. Uhhhhh...I sure hope he won't get sick. I think he was already too thin when I met him last October!!! Ah well...such is life...at least my brother and his wife and his wife's family will be there for them. :-D

OK, I'll end this rambling post. I'll blog-hop on Sunday 'coz now I'm dying to continue reading the new book I've just bought he he he he he he...

3BT: Random Days

Before I write my usual 3BT post, I'd like to write about a sad event. My friend's baby was born dead and I just can't fathom the depth of sadness he must've been feeling right now...he had grown to love the baby even before he was born (the baby was a boy) and then he died.

So REST IN PEACE, little one!!! You're with the angels now...safe and sound. May the angels comfort your Mom and Dad, little one...

1. I heard one of the most BEAUTIFUL things I'd been waiting for a long time when I spoke to Mom on Skype the other day. My father's stopped having "angry management issues" ever since Ken was born. He keeps on saying that Ken brings him joy and happiness. THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was already at my wits' end trying to find out what ways we could do to help my Dad control his bursts of anger...the answer came in the form of a baby. :-))))

2. My presentation went well. ---> Of course I had to read my .pps files since I couldn't remember all the long Finnish texts, but still I thought I had prepared it well enough. :-))))

3. Receiving positive feedback about my presentation. It feels like I'm a character in a computer game and today I received a "Level Up". :-D

4. R2 washed the dishes without being asked. :-D

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5. Getting my new snow shoes. I hope we can go downhill skiing again tomorrow. :-D

6. Talking to my Mom. I know I'm repeating myself in my 3BT posts, but I just want to cherish her as much as I can. She's truly something!!! I LOVE the way she supports me and the way she doesn't pressure me. I LOVE the way she understands my situation. She even said that I shouldn't send her SMS too often if I were too busy ('coz she knows I'm doing the training and the Finnish classes now). Whenever I think of her, I think of a safety blanket, warm and comforting. Mmmm...

7. Excitement to see my other project in its finished form. I'm going to share it with you later when it's done. :-D

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Bougenville Valley

When R2 and I were in Bandung, my uncle told us that he'd take us to a nice place before we flew back to Finland. So he did take us to that place. It's called Bougenville Valley and it's located near Maribaya (around 1 hour away by car from my house). We went there with my uncle, his wife, my Mom, and my Mom's elder sister. My Dad was supposed to come with us, but he made a disappearing act.

These days each morning he'd walk to a nearby park and he'd play chess there. Usually he comes home already at around 9.30 or 10 am and he'd take a nap. My uncle and aunt came by at around 9 am already and we waited for Dad until 10.30 am, but still no sign of him. So after waiting until 11 am, we decided to leave him behind.

The air in that valley is cooler than in the city and we had to go through a small road to get there.

First pic: Me feeding the STARVING fish in one pond. There's a separate fishing and feeding pond there, but we didn't try fishing. I think they didn't feed the fish on purpose, as they were REALLY starving. Even when you walked nearby, they'd FOLLOW you around!!!


Second pic: We brought some food there so that we'd save money HI HI HI...We had rice, CHILI paste, gepuk (some kind of flattened meat), and cow's intestines HO HO HO HO...SO DELICIOUS!!!

Why were we laughing in the pic? Since one of us said, "R2 must be thinking that we're barbarians since we eat with our hands." LOL LOL LOL!!!


There are plenty of "saung" (a table where you can sit down with a canopy above you) like the one above in the area and near each "saung" there's a toilet. So the layout of the place is really good, even though it might be slightly difficult for old people to navigate since the road is going up and down and up and down...

The next pic was taken from nearby our "saung". There were plenty of trails around the area and we went up there to the place I marked as "X". We had to go up some paths and stairs...PHEW!!! Pretty tiring, esp. in the parts uncovered by trees as it could get pretty hot there he he he...



Next pic: One of the flowers in the area.


Next pics: I don't have to explain he he he...



As you can see, Bandung is surrounded by mountains. If you go somewhere higher, you can see it very clearly.


Next pic: The only complaint I have is that the water in the pond isn't clear HE HE HE...


Next pic: You can see that the pathway is leading downhill...it's easier to navigate, but when you have to go back to the car park, then you have to trudge uphill HE HE HE...



Left to right: Me - Mom's Elder Sister - Mom - Mom's Elder Brother's Wife



OK, I guess that's enough for now. I still have too many pics to show and I can't show them all he he he...

Supplies for Diabetics

My Dad has had diabetes since he was around 40 years old. Ever since then, he has to be careful about his food intake and he also has to use blood glucose test strips to make sure that his glucose level isn't too high. If you also suffer from diabetes, I've found a website that offers free blood glucose meter if you buy some of their blood glucose test strips.

Other than that, they also provide different types of diabetic supplies, including diabetic skin care, diabetic snacks, etc. They also give out some important comparison charts on glucose meter and urine strip.

Back to my Dad...he's been doing pretty well for someone with diabetes. When he was first diagnosed with it, he was crushed! He had to undergo a strict diet since his glucose level was VERY VERY high at that time. However, I'm glad that he's managed to take good care of his health by continuing the diet scheme and not eating too much sweet stuff. Boy, he used to LOVE eating sweet stuff so much!!! Anyway, I hope my Dad will continue enjoying his health until the day he dies...

My Parents and Elvis

Back in my parents' younger days, they said that there wasn't much entertainment other than music and cinemas. They were both naturally movie buffs. Elvis Presley was SO HUGE back then. My Mom said that she watched EVERY Elvis movie at the cinema. Funny thing was that back then they didn't allow youngsters to watch movies at the cinema. I don't know if there were cartoons shown at the cinema or not, but all my Mom talked about was Elvis movies, so I guess they mostly showed adult movies. Since my Mom is a short as I am, sometimes she had trouble being let into the cinema. She said that sometimes she bribed the cinema attendant so that she'd be let in and other times she wore high heels so that the cinema attendant would let her in (and many times it worked!!!!)

My Mom also told me that back then wigs were VERY fashionable and she herself owned at least one wig. I wouldn't have known that if she hadn't told me, since I had never seen her with a wig before ha ha ha ha ha...

Have I told you that my Dad ABSOLUTELY loves singing? He loves singing Elvis songs and other songs. He sings in the shower and everywhere (well, not in the streets while walking, of course, but in the other rooms in the house). He sings with gusto, with all his heart and soul, even in church. One time I couldn't help giggling when I heard him trying to sing along with, EMF's "You're unbelievable..." in the radio. You must know the song, right? It's quite a fast song....and he was only trying to sing along with the refrain "You're unbelievable..." HI HI HI HI HI HI...It was SO funny!!!

One time when I was still in Elementary School (or was it Junior High School?), I was tinkering with our old tape player and I recorded my Dad singing a song. I don't remember anymore what he sang, but it must've been as old as Moon River he he he...

When I looked at old pictures of Bandung back then, everything looked quiet, unlike these days when the traffic was so crazy. There were few cars and few motorcycles and many bicycles and rickshaws. My Mom used to go everywhere on bike. These days it's VERY unsafe to ride a bike in the streets, since Indonesia has no clear bike trail on the sidewalks. Hell, there are SO many street peddlers in the sidewalks that even pedestrians have trouble walking there in some areas!!! But still, I love Bandung 'coz it's my hometown he he he he...

Hmmm...this post is another rambling one he he he...and now I'm STARVING, so better post this one and eat!!!