Another Life Gone + Friendship

Been busy with stuff and work, so haven't had time/energy to blog or blog-hop. Just found out that my eldest cousin from mom's side passed away a few days ago at the age of 59 (my mom's the youngest of six and she got married late, thus the big age gap between me and this cousin). He left a wife and three children, the youngest of which had autism. I hope his wife can get all the help that she can to raise three children. Rest in peace, my cousin...and may God help your family! 

I was never close to this particular cousin because he was way older than me and we rarely met and talked to each other, but my mom used to babysit him and during the last few years, she's been close to him and his family. 


I've also heard lots of birth announcements this month in FB, so it's like a full circle of life...death announcements and birth announcements. Just imagine that somewhere in the world is grieving, whereas another one is rejoicing...someone is dying, another one is about to be born...

I went to my friend's husband funeral with another friend. It was a beautiful tribute, a celebration of life. During the car trip my friend and I talked about many different things, including friendship. What makes two people become friends? A common interest or a shared bond/role can help, but if the friendship doesn't develop any further than that, then it won't grow at all. You'll only get stuck at interacting at a certain level only.

This topic reminds me of a remark an emailpal once said to us when he met me and my friends. He said that we were all different, but yet we remained good friends. I think it's possible for different people to be friends as long as they're interested in each other's lives and they're investing (some time) into each other's lives. After all, one of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood (Seneca). 

I must admit that in the past I used to hold my friends (those closest to me) with a tight grip. Baaaddd idea! These days I've learnt to hold them with a gentle grip, cherishing the moment that they've spent with me, but I'm more ready to let them go.


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January's Circle of Life

January was quite a month for me. Three friends gave birth and there were also a few pregnancy announcements. However, there were also some health problems and two deaths: of an ex-elementary school friend and then a few days ago my cousin's husband passed away. We got married in the same year, though she and her hubby had their wedding a few months earlier than R2 and I did. They only had a chance to be married for seven years...R

Rest in peace, cousin's hubby. May God comfort my cousin and all the bereaved...


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The health problems suffered by some friends and a friend's mother aren't conclusive yet. That's probably why it feels like they drag on and on and on 'coz none of them knows what exactly is happening yet, though the diagnoses aren't good, but we still hope for the best while waiting for the results of another round of check-up for each of them.

The birth of the babies are definitely awesome and joyful, especially since the three of them had had problems before they finally conceived and had their babies last month, but still the deaths and health problems are on my mind more than the births.  

January reminds me of this song... 


 

P.S. It's been snowing A LOT these past few days. 

Motorcycle + Emotional Quotient

In Indonesia, the legal age to drive a motorcycle is 17 years old. However, of course you can "get around law" and get a driver's license even when you're 15 years old. My brother and I went to the same Junior High School, but different High School. Dad used to take us to school until my brother got his own motorcycle.

At first my parents were going to let him get a driver's license when he was 15 years old, but then something happened that made them change their mind. My cousin, who was going 21 years old, died in a motorcycle accident a few months before my brother was going to get his driver's license. My cousin had just visited his girlfriend's house and since it was late already, he decided to speed up so that his mother wouldn't be too worried. Along one empty street there was this bump on the road and he didn't see it. Some witnesses saw his motorbike turn several times in the air before landing on the ground.

He hit his head so hard on the ground that he must've died in an instant. His whole body was intact, except for some blood coming out of his ear and a cut on his ear. It was such a devastating death, especially since the family had lost the father years back due to some illness. So the only ones left was the mother and the eldest son. (Now the son's gotten married and he has two kids already)

Anyway, that incident made my parents wait in giving my brother a driver's license. They thought that younger kids were more impressionable, so if somebody challenged them to speed or do something stupid, they were more likely to do it. So they told my brother to be patient and wait for two years.

He was patient enough to wait for two years and I must say that until now (and I hope until forever) he's never had an accident. It's tough to know how much trust and responsibility you should give to your kids, since sometimes every child is different in the process of growing up. My Mom says that a parent should get to know the kids' character and deal with (or approach) the kids according to their different personalities.

I'm not a parent yet, so I'm just trying to gather all the important lessons from other mothers and parents. One thing I heard from my friend Michelle rang VERY true to me. She said something along this line, "Education is important, but it's not everything. What matters most for me is that my kids have a BALANCED life (she means that they have a good Emotional Quotient). They need love."--- Btw, if you wanna know your EQ, click on the link and do the test. My result was average hi hi hi hi hi...

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It Stings!

I've been afflicted by canker sores (sariawan in Indonesian) for a few days. Too bad I didn't bring the Chinese powder for canker sores from Indonesia, so I googled up "canker sores home remedy". I tried the water and salt solution already, but it wasn't really helpful. I'm currently trying the "baking powder paste" (baking powder plus a little water) by applying it on my canker sore. YIKES, it stinnngggzzzzz! However, I sure hope that it's gonna go away soon. I have to avoid spicy food for a while...hmmmm...

Anyway, yesterday I received these funny pictures from my cousin who lives in Jakarta. These pictures prove that "two wrongs don't make a right" HE HE HE HE HE HE...





OK, now I've gotta DO MY HOMEWORK he he he...Take care everybody! ;-D

Did You Read This?

Last night my Brit friend told me about a shooting at a local school in southern Finland. Here's the complete story:

Man Kills Eight at Finnish School

The world has gone mad. I never understood people who do such a thing. I think the boy who started the shooting was a bit crazy or something.

It reminds me that there's no such a thing as a safe place on earth. Something can happen in the most unlikely place. You can be there at the wrong time and place. A month or so after I moved to Finland, I heard about a robbery at a jewellery store in Bandung. A couple of people were shot to death. There were a couple who wanted to buy wedding rings from the store, and if I'm not mistaken it was the guy who got killed then and there. What are the odds?

Is there any "random death"? I don't think so. When God decides to take someone home, then that person WILL be there. When God decides that someone has to live still, no matter how bad the accident or experience that person has gone through, he/she will still survive. But what about those people who commit suicide? Hmmm...I think they may be exceptions to God's decisions 'coz there's NO WAY God would lead them to kill themselves.

Now I'm rambling. This topic reminds me of an unexpected accident happening years and years back. I was around 14-15 years old back then and one night after midnight (yeah, I was a bat, I LOVED watching TV until late at night), my cousin called me and from his tone of voice, I knew right away that something was wrong. He was usually so funny and jolly, but that night his voice sounded so grave and serious. He told me to wake my Dad up and when my Dad picked up the phone, he YELLED, "WHAAATTTTT?" and wailed so loudly and cried right away. I was SO shocked. It was one of those few times when I heard my own Dad cry in front of my eyes.

The next thing I knew, my cousin was going to pick my Dad up, so I wanted to go there. We went to the hospital and turned out that my other cousin had died due to an accident. My Dad went into the morgue but he wouldn't let me in. Some other relatives were there and I saw one guy who came out of the morgue right away and then threw up on the ground.

My cousin's eldest brother was also there with his girlfriend. She was hugging him as he was crying. He said that he was sorry that he hadn't met his youngest brother this morning. They didn't have a chance to say anything to each other as he had left earlier.

I could hear my aunt (Dad's younger sister) screaming and wailing and crying from inside the morgue. She couldn't believe what had happened. She had lost his husband due to a disease a couple of years back, and now she lost her youngest son. My cousin was almost 21 years old back then. He was one of the handsomest of all grandkids. He loved playing the guitar and he was pretty good at it. That night he went to his girlfriend's place and then he "raced home" on his motorcycle when he realized it was getting late. He didn't want to make his mother worried as she didn't want him to come home later than an expected time. Apparently as he was speeding home, there was a big bump on one of the streets near the hospital, so his motorcycle flipped a few times and he hit his head and died right away. Everybody said that everything was intact except a small cut on his ear and blood coming out of one ear.

I remember seeing him in his coffin. He looked as handsome as always, as though nothing bad had happened to him. I could hear my aunt crying non-stop. She refused to eat. She cried days on end. I felt SO bad for her. She said that her son had been so good to her. She said that not long before the accident, they had celebrated her birthday. He bought her a cake or something. She said that in a few days it would be his birthday, but he couldn't celebrate it anymore. Gladly now it's all in the past and that my aunt's okay. :-))))

I remember dreaming about that cousin of mine months or years afterward. He was visiting my parents' house and he looked exactly like the last time I had met him. :-))))

40th Birthday Party

So, as you guys know by now, last Saturday I went to my hubby's cousin 40th birthday party. I didn't know what to expect since I never went to such a party before. This cousin is actually my hubby's best friend, as well. They're also gaming buddies. Sometimes they have guys' gaming night either here or in his place (they'd play computer games till early morning).

Anyway, the birthday plan was at first like this:

3 - 6 pm : Party at his house. Snacks and drinks are provided.
6 pm onward: Sauna at the army cabin. (I didn't even know what kind of place that was!!!)
Late at night : Go to bar together.

My hubby and I walked to his place bringing a bottle of liquor as a present and a backpack filled with two towels and some liquid soap and shampoo. When we got to his place, we were the first two guests coming even thought it was already around 3.20 pm. His girlfriend was preparing the table and getting everything ready. Then she said that the girls weren't going to have a sauna at the army place, so she asked if I still wanted to have a sauna. I said yes, thinking that I had brought the towel and everything and I loved going to sauna anyway. So I was at first thinking, "What?!?!?! I'm going to the sauna ALONE??? ........ OK, but maybe that's good since then I'll have the whole sauna for myself."

After some time, some more guests came (more relatives) and the girlfriend said that I could have a sauna in her house instead with another girl named Pia. I didn't even know her hi hi hi...but I thought, "OK, at least now I'm gonna have a company. I just hope she'd talk to me in English." So not long after that we went to the sauna together. Turned out that Pia was the girlfriend's niece, though she was actually two years older than her aunt he he he he...Confused? Well, they have a big family. Pia's mother is the eldest of 8 siblings, whereas the girlfriend's the 6th kid out of 8, so there's a big age gap between them. Pia was pretty talkative, so that helped me A LOT since I didn't have to think of topics to start the conversation going he he he...We talked about regular stuff, mostly just getting to know each other. ;-D

After sauna, I dried my hair upstairs and then I came down to eat since I was SO hungry already. Here's a pic of the table and the snacks they served:




See the liquor bottle next to the jar of water? That's our gift for my hubby's cousin he he he...Besides all these, they also served cake. MMMMM...YUMMY!!!

Not long after that, the group of relatives went home and more guests started coming. They were mostly the birthday boy's friends. They talked to each other and sometimes one of them talked to me or teased me HA HA HA HA...Yeah, one of them kept on saying to me, "Beautiful smile. Beautiful girl." It's hard to know what to say when someone says that to you over and over again in one minute. It made me kinda awkward, though I appreciated his sentiment.

Since the girls weren't going to the sauna, the guys went there ahead of us. Turned out that the girls got busy preparing for more food to bring to the army place (which turned out to be a rented cabin). They got busy preparing some macaroni with tuna and slices of tomatoes and cucumbers, salad sauce, and they packed the rest of the food on the table to bring with them. I mostly just watched as they were talking in Finnish and I didn't even know what to do. I was afraid I'd be in the way of the whole process since everything was different from the parties back in Indo.

Soon after we finished preparing the food, we took a taxi to the army place. The taxi was big enough for 9 people (besides the driver) and it was so clean and there was this big skylight on top. When the girls were talking about how lovely the taxi was, the taxi driver turned on the light around the big skylight (neon green). COOL, isn't it? ;-D

When we arrived at the army place, it turned out to be a big cabin overlooking a river. There were steps down to get to the river. There was a big living-room/dining table in the main room along with a big fireplace. There was also a small kitchen complete with a sink and a fridge so we could store the drinks there. There was also a big sauna (enough for 15 people) and a shower room and a toilet.

We girls began to set the table with food and forks and stuff while some of the guys were still inside the sauna and some others were skinny dipping in the river. BRRRRRR!!! It was only around 7'C outside so you could imagine how cold it was. Here's a video clip of the river and the cabin (notice the smoke billowing from the chimney):





The girls began to eat the macaroni. Some of the guys had finally had enough of sauna and skinny dipping (they brought a towel to the "dock" but they went in the water naked). To those of you with dirty minds, of course we weren't even watching them!!!!!!! ;-D

So basically we were just talking and having fun and eating and drinking in the cabin. I only drank water or light cider as usual, though one of the girls (the birthday boy's friend) tried to persuade me to taste wine and other alcoholic drinks hi hi hi hi...

I got to talk to some of the girls, so that was nice, as well. The birthday boy sat next to me at one time and he said that he was happy to have me there. He said that he was my hubby's best friend, so he wanted me to join them, too. He said that he was surprised about our marriage since my hubby didn't even tell him about the plan even though they were best friends. But he understood that my hubby was a very private and a bit shy man. I told him that I had persuaded him to tell everybody about the wedding plan, but he wouldn't budge. Do you know that he only told his own mother about the wedding A DAY before the D-day? I was so glad his mother didn't get mad at me or him he he he...Anyway, the birthday boy also said that he liked me 'coz now he could see how I had made my hubby happy. Then my hubby, who was sitting right behind me at that time, said right away, "Yep, that's right. You DO make me happy." Darn tipsy guys!!! How could they make me feel SO touched? My hubby's not someone who'd profess his feelings like that. It must've been the alcohol, but still it was a nice moment for me. ;-D

We also brought a tape with us, so we were listening to some music. Some of them started dancing and the birthday boy also danced himself silly while we were laughing at him he he he he he he...After midnight came, we left the place by taxi again. Then we went to the bar to drink and talk some more (yeah, this is the Finnish way of having fun!!!). I got to sit next to one of the guys and we talked a bit about everything. He was into languages and travelling, so he loved practising his English he he he he he...At around 1.30 am I begged my hubby to go home since my eyes felt SO heavy. So finally we walked home, though as usual we stopped on the way to buy some DELICIOUS pepper steak at a nearby kiosk (it was a small building actually, not really a kiosk). Then we ate it and went to sleep. My hubby fell asleep right away after eating (he didn't even bother to brush his teeth) HA HA HA HA HA...

Well, we'll see what happens in 10 years. The birthday boy said that it'd be fun to get together again 10 years from now. He also wanted to make a deal with me. He wanted me to have a kid already in 10 years, so I made that deal with him since I had already been thinking of planning to have a kid in 2-3 years (if God permits us to have a kid then) he he he...

Anyway, one of them told me that years back they only celebrated the BIG 30, 50, 60, 70, 80, and so on. However, lately the BIG 40 has been celebrated as well. All in all, it was a better party than I expected since some of them sometimes translated what the others were talking about for me. I even got to talk to some of them pretty much, so that was pretty satisfying. I went to the party thinking that I'd be left out the whole time, but that wasn't true.

Here are some autumn pics for you. I haven't taken too many pics yet he he he...but I will later on!!!








Almost forgot...we also roasted some sausages in the fireplace. Here's a pic of it:



Here's a pic of me in the porch of the log cabin. Unfortunately the pic isn't too straight since I put my camera on the log in front of me and took a pic using the timer he he he...




And here's a group photo of us:

3BT: August 13, 2007

1. Being missed by one of my cousins whom I haven't met since a few years ago he he he he...

2. My own homemade strawberry bread pudding without following any particular recipe and it turned out good. YUM YUM...

3. Having managed to get rid of my laziness and get my ass off my chair to exercise with Billy Blanks. YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!!! ;-D

4. Remembering my ex home (by writing down the post about security blanket and browsing through some of the old pics I brought to Finland) made me feel warm. ;-D That used to be my home and now my home is here with my hubby. Home sweet home. ;-D

Additions:

5. Stars in the sky. The nights have gotten so dark nowadays (as opposed to Midnight Sun during summer), so we can see the stars clearly. YAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!

6. Holding hands with my hubby while watching movies. MMMMMM...To think that death may come tomorrow to get me, it makes the moments feel MUCH more intense and yummy. ;-D

7. Physical pain. For when we are able to feel physical pain, then we are able to detect early on what's wrong with us.