Been busy with stuff and work, so haven't had time/energy to blog or blog-hop. Just found out that my eldest cousin from mom's side passed away a few days ago at the age of 59 (my mom's the youngest of six and she got married late, thus the big age gap between me and this cousin). He left a wife and three children, the youngest of which had autism. I hope his wife can get all the help that she can to raise three children. Rest in peace, my cousin...and may God help your family!
I was never close to this particular cousin because he was way older than me and we rarely met and talked to each other, but my mom used to babysit him and during the last few years, she's been close to him and his family.
I've also heard lots of birth announcements this month in FB, so it's like a full circle of life...death announcements and birth announcements. Just imagine that somewhere in the world is grieving, whereas another one is rejoicing...someone is dying, another one is about to be born...
I went to my friend's husband funeral with another friend. It was a beautiful tribute, a celebration of life. During the car trip my friend and I talked about many different things, including friendship. What makes two people become friends? A common interest or a shared bond/role can help, but if the friendship doesn't develop any further than that, then it won't grow at all. You'll only get stuck at interacting at a certain level only.
This topic reminds me of a remark an emailpal once said to us when he met me and my friends. He said that we were all different, but yet we remained good friends. I think it's possible for different people to be friends as long as they're interested in each other's lives and they're investing (some time) into each other's lives. After all, one of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood (Seneca).
I must admit that in the past I used to hold my friends (those closest to me) with a tight grip. Baaaddd idea! These days I've learnt to hold them with a gentle grip, cherishing the moment that they've spent with me, but I'm more ready to let them go.
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Been battling a cold this week. The first few nights I couldn't sleep too well because of a semi-blocked nose plus some sinus problem. I used my beloved Neti Pot lots of times to help clear out my nose, but the annoying pressure on my upper teeth was still there for many days (kinda like a toothache, but I know it's not because I feel it on many teeth, particularly the upper back teeth). And then I remembered that I had actually brought some antihistamine with me from Indo during our last trip there, so I decided to take one tablet. I slept like a log that night, though I woke up with a very dry throat. I only woke up at 1 pm because my body needed the sleep after not having slept enough.
Then yesterday as I still felt the annoying pressure during the day, I decided to take one more tablet in the afternoon. It made me feel lethargic and I fell asleep for a while when we were watching a movie ha ha ha ha ha ha...It was so hard to stay awake!
Today no more pressure on the teeth! FREEDOMMMMM!!! It's an annoying feeling that makes me want to grind my teeth together all the time. The only bad side effect of the antihistamine is that it only makes the mucus thicker, so yesterday I used my Neti Pot many times over to help clear it out of my system and I'm going to do it today as well. Still less appetite than normal, but I do eat normally.
It's been cold again outside (ranging from -24'C to -34'C) and the other day when I went out to check the mail, I saw this gorgeous pink sky, so I took a pic with my mobile.
I'm actually glad that I'm sick this week, because next week I have to go to a funeral. I hope it won't be too cold then, otherwise we'll have to dress up in so many layers and then it's a hassle to take them off at church. Before moving to Finland, I used to think that people who wore winter clothes looked so lovely in their winter gear, but now I realize how impractical sometimes when the weather is so cold outside and then you have to put on so many layers of clothing. All the more so if you have children (small children who can't dress up themselves just yet) and you have to prepare them to get layered up nicely first and when you yourself are getting ready, they're complaining that they're way too hot he he he he...
Anyway, I've chosen my word of the year this year and it'll be PATIENCE. Are you going to choose your word of the year? I've only tried it last year and I think it has helped me in a way, so this year I'm going to try again. :-D
1. Hubby's now over his flu/infection or whatever it was, so KISSING FEST is on! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!
2. Living near my workplace, because that means I can still walk to and from work when it was -34'C outside.
3. It's always funny how suddenly you feel hot all over so easily outside when the temperature spikes up about 10'C or more after such cold days he he...
4. Telling hubby this, "Keep on farting, even if it stinks, because it means you're alive."
5. Touched by Nikki's comment on my previous blog post. Thank you SO MUCH for having supported me along my journey and for your empathy and friendship. It means a lot to me. I'm glad our paths have crossed. :-)
6. Visiting my grieving friend with another friend. Even though the occasion was sad, it was great to catch up.
7. Managed to switch a shift with my coworker in order to attend my friend's husband's funeral. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to come, because I do want to come. Phew! I'm glad I have lovely coworkers and that work is rather flexible.
8. Hearing that the friend's husband who passed away say these words before his passing: "I feel so much love for everybody and everything." What an ending to a life and how inspiring and touching!
9. I've just booked an impromptu
trip somewhere (it's a secret) and I'm VERY VERY excited about it,
because during this trip I'll not only be able to meet some friends, but also be able to make one of my lifelong
dreams come true. (wicked grin) Don't worry, readers, I'll definitely let you know about it later on. :-D
Today was the day my FIL got buried. I was a bit confused on when I should start taking pictures, but anyway I just used my instinct, I suppose. There were six of us who carried the casket to church and then afterwards the same men lowered the casket to the ground.
When we arrived at church at around 10.45 am and we went inside to wait for the casket and the guests to come, MIL started sobbing when she saw the four flower wreaths that we had ordered. Here they are:
I think we started right on time (11 am). There were about 30 people present. The priest gave a lovely sermon and speech, we sang some songs that MIL had chosen - accompanied by the organ. Then the priest started saying "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust..." while making a symbol of a cross with dirt on top of the casket.
After that as per what MIL had requested, our family stood around the casket together: MIL, R2's brothers and wives, R2 and I, our two nephews and the elder nephew's fiancee. Then starting from the eldest (MIL), one by one each family's representative recited a text that we had chosen to say goodbye and then we laid down the flower wreaths that we had ordered. MIL actually wrote a special poem for FIL by herself, whereas the rest of us mostly just chose from one of the usual goodbye quotes available in the funeral homes.
After that the guests took turns to come forward to say a few words of goodbye and then lower their flower bouquets/wreaths around the casket. Then the six men carried the casket to the cemetery and we followed behind...It was around 15'C at that time and the sun was shining. It started raining at around 3 pm and the temperature dropped a few degrees.
The casket was then lowered to the ground like this...
Then again one by one we lowered the flower wreaths/bouquets around the casket and then we left to have the memorial service. The ground would be covered properly by hired workers and I found out that ordering the gravestone could take weeks.
We had set aside all the cards that MIL had received on one table along with a photo of FIL.
After lunch, one nephew started reading the cards along with the names of the senders. Then the priest called on anyone who wanted to say a few words about FIL and that was the most touching moments ever. I think everybody had wet eyes and I heard sniffles here and there and people blowing their noses. I was too touched to take any pics during those moments, but I suppose it wasn't really appropriate to be taking pics unless I had been an outsider. It was more respectful to just listen to what each person had to say.
After that we were served some cake and coffee and we stayed to chit-chat for a while. All in all it must've taken around 3 hours. All in all it was a memorable day for everybody.
Rest in peace, FIL...you'll stay in our memories...
P.S. There were lots of hugs offered, even among the men, though it seemed to depend on how close they felt with one another. :-)
In Indonesia, usually Christians in my city Bandung tend to have the cremation or burial of their loved ones a few days after. The family would usually rent a room (or two if they think there'll be so many guests) in a funeral home and the casket and the body will be laid there for three days. On day three in the evening there'll usually be the "closing of the casket" ceremony after a sermon and then the next morning the casket will be brought to a cremation place or burial place.
During the three days of "open house for guests", the family members will be ready to accept the guests from morning till night (because soon after the death is found out, they'll immediately contact a newspaper to put an ad about the details of the funeral and where you can visit the family and pay respect to the deceased). The family members usually provide drinks (water) as well as snacks (sweets, peanuts) and fruit (usually oranges). Guests will come along with a gift of money, pay their respect, talk to the family members present there, and then go back home. The whole thing is a tiring event for the closest family members especially.
If the deceased is buried, on the fourth morning usually only the closest family members and their relatives will go and escort the body to the burial place. And afterwards usually the closest family members (the wife/husband of the deceased) would treat them lunch.
Because my dad was cremated, they had arranged a specific date and time afterwards to bring the ashes and spread it to the sea, so my Mom and bro rented a car and a driver to take them there (Bandung is in the middle of Java island so it's rather far from the sea).
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Here in Sodankylä apparently it's a whole different thing, even though I suppose things can also be done by request, but still...The funeral will be held on in a few weeks. Can't be done any sooner because the church is fully booked. Before the funeral, the church will ring the church bell on June 5th eighty times (the age of the deceased), so I'll be listening to that later on.
So we'll have a funeral service at the church, then the funeral will commence, then we'll all go to a certain place to eat. The option to eat depends on the family members: either to serve only coffee and sweet bread/cake or to serve those after serving a main course. MIL will have to talk to the catering service about what she wants.
On Wednesday first of all we went to buy the casket, then we went to church to book the funeral service. Because MIL hadn't booked any burial spot, we went there to look at the empty spots so that MIL could find a good place for FIL and herself (so she booked two plots because she wants to be laid to rest next to FIL).
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After that the funeral home director had prepared FIL and laid him down in the casket, so we went there to say our last goodbye. MIL then proceeded to put on FIL's socks, covered FIL's face with a kind of face cover that was already provided, then the three of us (me, MIL, funeral home director) put the casket lid on top and then put some screws on them. Then along with BIL we lifted the casket on to the back of the funeral home director's car. MIL sat next to him in the car, whereas BIL and I followed it with his car (R2 had work whereas BIL and I were still on summer holiday). Once the casket was put in a cooler, we went back home using BIL's car.
MIL still has so many things to think about...writing down the list of people who may come (if no more than 28 people, then we'll be able to use the small chapel in the cemetery area - but if there are more than that, we must use the church), the menu for the guests after the funeral, then what kind of hymns to sing during the funeral service, ordering the tombstone, sorting out FIL's stuff etc.
Anyway, MIL seems to be doing better today. Calmer. Yesterday she was still understandably shaky, esp. in the morning. Anyway, preparing for things like this makes me think of my own mortality. What kind of ending do I want for myself? I'd rather have the cheapest and the most practical kind available - cremation if possible, though I'm not sure one can do it here in this village. Oh well, when the time comes, it all depends on whoever is available to take care of it. :-)
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P.S. I've been browsing for flower wreaths/bouquets for hours 'coz apparently over here family members and guests would bring flower bouquets or wreaths to church. I've visited two flower shops here to find out about the models and prices, but basically speaking they can do pretty much anything per request (provided that they can get the flowers I want, because up here in the north the choices aren't as many as the south), so I really need to think of at least the colour combination of the flowers so that they can help me with the type of flowers. I also have to think of what to write on the card that'd go along with the flowers. It ain't an easy task, I tell ya (because I've never been to a funeral here and I don't really know the customs)!
