Writing has been a part of my life since I was young. I remember exchanging letters at fourth grade with my best friend who was moved to the next classroom (we had been in the same classroom since kindergarten). Luckily for me at that time her aunt and my mom picked us up from school, so we could exchanged letters through them. I don't remember how long this letter exchange lasted, though, because I didn't keep the letters.
This habit continued until my uni days. For some weird reason I always found at least one person to exchange letters with. There were two girls in Junior High (one in second grade, another one in third grade). Then the one in third grade kept exchanging letters with me when I went to High School and she went to a vocational school that started right after I finished my classes, so when she came to school and I was going home from school, we had time to exchange the letters. :-D
At uni I also found a friend who exchanged similar letters with me. I think we mostly talked about boys, love life, and also life in general. It was easier to share our innermost desires, thoughts, and feelings through writing sometimes instead of talking face-to-face, especially for tough subjects. These three girls had a habit of folding the letters into an origami form, so I followed suit. :-D I kept the letters until I moved to Finland and then my mom wanted to clear up some space, so she asked me if she could burn them. Gone with the wind, but the memories are in my head. :-D
In High School I also started looking for penpals from abroad because I wanted to practise writing English. One funny thing happened when I wrote a snail mail to one boy, but never received a reply. Years later we found each other through an emailpal club (though I didn't realize it at that time) and he recognized my name and he mentioned receiving my first snail mail, which he replied, but he never received any reply. I told him that I had never received his reply. Yeah, Indonesian postal service can't be fully trusted! Three years ago when we went to Indo for a holiday, we sent at least a dozen postcards for our friends and family here, but they never arrived. Never going to send anymore postcards from Indo! Ah, but I digress...let's go back to the topic, shall we? LOL!!!
Halfway through university, internet started booming in Indonesia (the very slow one that had to connect very loudly to the modem like in the movie "You've Got Mail"), so I started finding emailpals through emailpal clubs (that was also how I found my hubby, though I wasn't exactly searching for one by going to emailpal clubs).
I had a bunch of emailpals from many different countries, but many of them have stopped writing or communicating with me. I found one of them a few years back and we got in touch through FB. I'm still in touch through FB with the girl from the third grade of Junior High and the one from uni every now and then, though.
Did you have any snail mail pals (assuming you're old enough to have lived in pre-internet days)?
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I'm in the middle of composing an important letter in my head. I'm going to transfer it to text later. You see, if you're a regular reader, you've probably known that we've decided to surrender to life without kids. After spending a few years trying to conceive and thinking that family = husband + wife + a kid (a few kids), it took A LOT of energy and a long winding healing process to finally switch to thinking that a complete family = me + hubby. My huge hole in the heart has dried up and we've been content with what we have (read: meaning on most days, we can focus more on what we have and be thankful for what we have instead of the hole in our hearts, though there are tender moments here and there).
During our infertility journey, I've told my mom succinctly about our decisions and every time she seemed to be supportive. Last summer during our holiday, mom wrote me an SMS saying, "Last year on your birthday I woke up early in the morning and sent a prayer to God so that you'd be pregnant. Instead your SIL got pregnant."
I was shocked when I read that SMS. I told her about our decision to live life without kids already three years ago and back then she said it was a good decision, but last year she was still praying like that? Mind you, I AM thankful that I have a mother who prays for me, but I find that it's rather useless to pray for someone to get something that the person in question doesn't want anymore (that the person in question doesn't even try to get anymore). What's the use for that? I know that I can't control what she hopes for us and I KNOW damn well she means well, but nevertheless I felt sad and upset when I read her SMS. Why? Because what she thinks will make us happier only makes me feel that what we have right now is not enough.
The world is already so full of reminders of our losses and we need all the support we get to live the kind of life that we've chosen. In the past I had some guilt over the fact that I couldn't give my parents any grandchildren, but I've learnt to get rid of the guilt...but I haven't actually told her about this kind of guilt. I'm planning to tell her about this guilt so that she knows how hard it was. Choosing this path hasn't been easy and I need all the support I can get. If the person saying those words isn't my mom, I won't even consider trying to explain all these to her/him, but because I'm still going to keep in touch with my mom, I need and want her to understand my situation better.
You see, a few weeks ago I was talking to mom on Skype and she told me that a long-distance relative of hers came for a visit. When the auntie saw my wedding photos, she realized that I had married a foreigner, so she asked my mom the usual stuff (where I live etc.)
Auntie: "Does she have kids?"
Mom: "Not yet, because she postponed it and used birth control pills."
Auntie: "Oh yeah, I also know someone who used birth control pills to postpone having children and after that they had trouble conceiving. They finally had a child after four years of trying."
Again I was shocked when I listened to the story. I know that my mom didn't just tell me the story for no reason. So she was more or less blaming me for the use of birth control pills? And does that mean she still hopes for a miracle pregnancy? I'm always thankful to have a mom like my mom and I admire her for many different reasons, but I'm struggling with how to tell her gently about all these things (where do I start, how much should I divulge, etc.?). The reason why I finally thought about writing her all these stuff is because next year we're planning to visit Indonesia and I just don't want to hear these kinds of words coming out of her mouth anymore. These kinds of words don't help us in any way whatsoever.
glitter-graphics.com
OK, change topic...I think this is going to be a very memorable Christmas for me because of many reasons. :-D :-D :-D First of all, the gift I sent to someone who was such a heaven sent years ago was welcomed with open arms. I really love people who can not only give, but also receive with open arms. Secondly, I calculated my budget and I made a last-minute order of extra gift for hubby which I hoped will make him smile. Thirdly, at first we thought it would be such a quiet Christmas with just the two of us, but turned out MIL could still enjoy it with us here, so WHOOOOOOPPPPEEEEE for that! :-D Fourthly, I sent something to someone which again I hope will make that person smile. Last but not least, I'm VERY THANKFUL I have enough budget to do all of the above and that I still have a job despite the tough economy. THANK YOU, Lord, for allowing me to do all these things.
glitter-graphics.com
When I first moved to Finland, my first choice for online connection was emailing. Back then I hadn't started blogging yet and there was no Facebook, so I had to rely mostly on emailing. My mother hadn't had any mobile phone yet, so I wrote long emails to tell them about my life in Finland and then my brother would have to print them out so that my parents could read it.
These days my priorities have changed due to different circumstances. Now there's Facebook and blogging and many friends (including blogger friends) have turned to Facebook more as well. My close friends have turned to emailing less often than before, especially 'coz some of them use Blackberry and WhatsApp to chat with one another. My mother has her own mobile phone, so I can update important details with her through SMS. I have a Twitter account, but I never use it anymore these days. I never really learnt how to properly used it, either LOL!!!
glitter-graphics.com
Nowadays blogging is my first priority. Emailing is the second one, whereas Facebook is the last one. I still would like to limit my time more in Facebook, but it's tough because some friends have relied on it more and more (it's really convenient to post pics there and write updates about our lives so that many people know about it) and I'd miss a great deal of their lives if I stop visiting Facebook completely. I don't know what happens in the future, though, but I still love blogging and blog-hopping more than the other types of online connection because it feels more personal and more in-depth. It's true that it takes a longer time and more energy to spend on blogging and blog-hopping than Facebooking for example, but I feel more "rewarded" this way.
Actually, especially after infertility, I've relied more on that matter in my IF blog and I've found a great community of IFers there, so for infertility matters, I really do rely heavily on blogging - not just to find support from other IFers, but also to process my thoughts and feelings. I blog about infertility also to find out my "progress" or to track how much I've grown and learnt through the journey and I've found lovely people along the way that I wouldn't have known otherwise and for that I'm SO THANKFUL!!!!
glitter-graphics.com
I do chat with some people every now and then either through FB messaging or Yahoo Messenger, but that only happens occasionally.
What about you? What's your online connection priorities?
The other day I was talking to a friend via email about communication styles. Some people aren't that good at keeping in touch via emails (they're better at doing this over the phone or face-to-face). Some people are better at communicating via emails rather than face-to-face or over the phone. Some people are good at communicating using all those means of communication.
Personally speaking, I'm not too fond of communicating over the phone, except when it comes to talking to my friends or those people I know pretty well. If I have to call the authorities or do stuff like that, I feel more comfortable asking first via emails (if it is an option). First of all, it's easier to forget what I'm supposed to ask (if I have to ask about many things over the phone) and when you talk to someone over the phone or face-to-face, it's easier to lose track of what you really want to say 'coz the topics may change quickly depending on the other person's reactions/responses. Sometimes there are also other distractions in real life that halt the conversation even before it's finished.
When it comes to emails, for me it's a better way to express your ideas/thoughts in some ways 'coz you can focus on what you really want to say/ask. You can even review and rewrite your points/questions before sending it. The problem is whether or not the other party will read and reply it.
One friend of mine says that she prefers talking over the phone or in real life 'coz she wants immediate responses/answers. However, having lived apart from my family and friends, we've learnt to use email as a more frequently used media of communication. Up till now, I'm still not too fond of speaking over the phone, esp. if I have to use Finnish HA HA HA HA HA HA...
1. Buying Skype credits to call my parents using my own money (which I got from blogging for money) via Paypal. YIPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!
2. Feeding hubby some chocolate while he was gaming he he he he he he...
3. Getting an email from my Mom: she said that the other day she went to a resto with Dad, elder sister, elder brother and wife, and Dad's youngest brother. It's always SO nice to hear that they're getting along very well and they're having SO MUCH FUN. It's good to have people to talk to and to have fun with during their old age. Ahhhhh...I can imagine already how wonderful it must've been for them, laughing and talking so much.
4. My sister-in-law also wrote me a short email which made me smile and laugh HE HE HE HE HE HE...
5. Coffee-cream pudding (bought from the supermarket) MMMMMMMMMMMMM...Yum, yum!!!!
