Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Somewhere In Time Part 2

The more you interact with other people, the more you learn about others and yourself. I find it intriguing that sometimes upon reacting to something I read or hear, I start to wonder why my reaction or comment is such and such. Then I start tracing it back to my past, trying to find the missing link(s). When I find it or them, then I begin to experience enlightenment.

Enlightenment is crucial since you'll then (hopefully) know what to do next, even though it may be painful. Once you realize something important, you need to take actions: heal yourself, forgive yourself, forgive others, move on, let go, etc.

Sometimes when you interact with others, you might also experience seeing a mirror of your present or past self. It can evoke frustration, sadness, shock, guilt, joy, or it can even make you want to help the other person get through what you've left behind.

I think one of the hardest things to do is to love ourselves. A while ago a man and I had a talk. He said that he had always been too hard on himself, since he was a perfectionist. I don't know if he was born a perfectionist or whether he developed into one. He said that it was a miracle that he didn't turn out as a drug addict or drunkard considering his past.

I didn't probe more as it didn't seem appropriate. His being too hard on himself made me think, though. I used to be that way, too, but I'm slowly learning to be kinder to myself. Some days are easier than other days, but I'm getting there. But if one has "mastered" the art of loving oneself, would it feel wrong? Is there something wrong if I'm able to love myself despite myself? I don't think that anyone can love themselves without ever experiencing guilt or shame or anger toward themselves, but if at the end of the day one can truly love oneself after experiencing all those emotions, is it all right?

I have to be honest with you that a few times in the past I enjoyed feeling guilt within me as it seemed to have made me more humane. But that kind of idea also feels wrong. And here I am going in circles again, yet I do enjoy this process so much...


  1. hi amel! i think everyone of us have been hard on ourselves one way or another. loving oneself is important and i think you should not feel guilty about it, problems arise when you love yourself 'too much', (like in everything you do you for yourself)that's the time you should feel guilty.


  2. I think you need to learn to love yourself first before you can start loving others and then others can start loving you :)..

  3. I know what you mean about the different feelings and reactions to things. That is why my blog is called Life is a Roller coaster. I have learned to deal with the ups and downs in my life and I think I am a better person for it.

    Thanks for stopping by my Wordless Wednesday post and I am glad you liked the ducks.God bless and have a great day:-)

  4. I think you're blessed because you often self reflect and find ways to improve yourself. It's a good thing Amel.

  5. Hi Amel,

    I am tagging you, Time Capsule tag

    Do it when ever you have time.

  6. i've guilty feeling that never can't be away although it was a part of my past. This stayed somewhere on my mind.

  7. I can understand the feelings of being a perfectionist. Little by little, I learned not to push myself and others too hard. I feel good now. :)

  8. Great post.

    I think it's true that you have to learn to love yourself, before accepting and realising that others can love you too.

    I can be very hard on myself sometimes, and then I realise I'm not a bad person and I have many great friends, so I must be doing something right?!

  9. Very interesting post Amelia. I liked this bit especially:

    "I don't know if he was born a perfectionist or whether he developed into one"

    Very good. Keep up the good work! :)

  10. It's understandable that people ARE hard on themselves because there's this belief that when you are tough on yourself, then you will improve. If I thought I was perfect (WHICH I DON'T), then it's doubtful I would change. The problem is when you are excessively tough on yourself.
    The beginning of your blog is very true. We do learn a lot about ourselves by the people we interact with. I'll go one step further. Lots of times when people criticize someone else, you learn a lot more about the person criticizing than you do the person receiving criticism.
    Here's a great example. People criticize Hillary Clinton. But when you listen to them go on at length about their criticism, they basically are showing the things they don't like in society, the kind of people they can't stand, and so forth. This phenomena is so well known that sometimes Hillary C. is dubbed "The Human Rorsach Test". That's not a criticism, but it's saying that like the classic Rorsach Test, you learn a lot about a person's personality just by asking them about Hillary Clinton.

  11. Liza: THANKS for sharing your two cents. Indeed loving yourself too much is a disease, as well. :-)))

    LJ: I AGREE totally with you!!! ;-D

    Sindi: Yes, I'm very sure you're a better person since you've dealt with many ups and downs. ;-D Have a FUN weekend, Sindi! ;-D

    Blur Ting: THANKS for your kind words. :-)))) I'll try to do my best in self-reflection. :-))))

    Jul: THANKS for the tag!!! We'll see when I have time to do it he he...

    Jeanne: Ahhhh...I hope you'll be able to let it go later on. Maybe it takes more time? ;-D

    Choc Mint Girl: GOOD JOB, Buddy!!! I'm proud of you! ;-D

    The World According to Me: Yup, having great friends = you do something right indeed. :-)))) You're a cute, intelligent, creative person! ;-D

    La delirante: GLAD you enjoyed this post, Wen! ;-D

    Vince S: THANKS A LOT for your two cents!!! ;-D You're SO right.

    Gee...I didn't know that people criticize Hillary Clinton so much. I don't follow politics as it makes me sick if I read too much political news. But I get the idea, so thanks for sharing :-))))

    Have a BLESSED weekend, Vince! ;-D

  12. Hey Amel,

    Profound words...
    The wonders of interacting with others is to reach some sort of enlightenment (there is another definition of Enlightenment).
    No, it is not wrong to love yourself. Because if you do not love yourself, how can you love others? When someone loves not himself he doesn't love others, instead they depend on others, they cling on them.

    I love myself, and I do not feel guilty about it; au contraire, I feel happy cause I know that within love is overflowing and I am ready to share with others...

    The process you are going through is quite natural, and may God guide you through it :)!


  13. Max: THAANKKKSS for your two cents, Max!!! ;-D I always love your analysis and thoughts. You're right that if love is overflowing inside us, it's easier to love others. :-)))

    AMEN to your last sentence! ;-D