Monday, August 04, 2008

Reminiscing Love

Saturday, August 2nd, 2008

Today we talked about our "meeting" in sauna. We don't even remember anymore which online penpal club we had joined in that made us contact each other. We lost our emails for a few months since you formatted your hard disk in fall 1999 and you had forgotten to save the files first. However, both of us still remembers that it was I who wrote you first. And until now, we are still both relieved that we "met" through that online club.

A few weeks ago I saw something that really touched my heart in your parents' house. I saw your Mom watching your Dad while he was sitting on his rocking chair, enjoying himself. They weren't even talking to each other, but I could see the look of love on your Mom's face. Full of tender love. Your Dad raised an eyebrow quizzically and said to her, "Don't stare."

Your Mom laughed and replied, "I'm not staring. I'm merely watching you. Can't I watch?"

Your Dad smiled and said, "Sure you can watch. Just don't stare."

I was smiling so widely since it's happened A LOT of times with us, too. I often do that to you too and sometimes you try to block my view with your hand. I just LOVE watching you. I can't help it and I don't want to help it. After all, we'll never know when God will take one of us away from earth, so I just want to cherish every single part of you.

Months ago I also saw something very endearing to me. Your Dad was again sitting on his favourite rocking chair and all of a sudden your Mom walked towards him and squeezed him tightly with the same tender, loving smile on her face.

I can imagine us doing the exact same thing in the far future. I do hope we still have many more (hopefully healthy) years to come. The time we spent apart felt like a hundred years. During those years, time dragged on like a snail. Yet this past one year and almost five months we've spent together in the same apartment feels so short. Time is indeed very relative.

I never thought that the feelings I had for you would stay this strong even until now (even though I can be a hopeless romantic, yet I'm still a realist and I know that feelings fluctuate), but I'm GLAD the fire is still burning brightly inside me. Surely after we started living together, every once in a while we "rub each other's fur the wrong way", but that doesn't mean that I don't want to grow old and keep growing with you. We are stronger when we're together, even though we're capable of living our own lives fully on our own.

I'm GLAD we have saved SO MANY emails and chat files. SO MUCH recorded love. Sometimes we forget the details of our love history, so it's good to be able to reminisce the past. And maybe someday our children and grandchildren want to read them, too.

After we got to know each other better, I knew that you were the one, even though the realist part of me had a hard time believing that, especially before we met in real life. I'm GLAD we found each other and I'm GLAD we persisted in our love despite the odds. I'm GLAD we didn't give up on our love, even though the roads were so rocky for years. I hope we'll always remember the rocky roads so that we don't take what we have for granted...

Remember our second "argument"? I don't even know if argument is the right term, since we talked in a normal tone of voice (well, okay, mostly I was the one doing the talking, trying to get my points across), just like our first "argument". But anyhow, we both knew during both times that the air between us changed, highly charged with tension, not knowing how far it'd be, yet in the end both situations were solved pretty well. I felt understood and at least I feel that I've also given you the chance to speak up (I hope that's what you felt, too).

One thing I gathered from both "arguments" was the confirmation that I've chosen the right guy. You have that sort of calmness that never stirs the storm in me. You've always made it easy for me to get rid of my stubbornness. Had it been someone else that "fought back" defensively, I'd have been more stubborn and I'd have reacted so strongly (even though I hate doing that). But you...you've never made me be the person I hate the most and I THANK YOU for that.

After all this time, despite our differences and the little "spices" in our marriage, you're still my home...my safe haven, my sanctuary...I know that with you, I'm safe and I can be the me I want to be.


Crazily eternally yours,



Your Adoring Wife


10 comments:

  1. That is so beautiful, Amel. :-)

    I do that sometimes - stare at my husband. :-))

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  2. M: So it's one of our fave pastimes, eh? Staring! LOL LOL LOL!!!! Glad you enjoyed this letter. ;-D

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  3. LOVELY.

    I was discussing with Mark the other day about the origins of your relationship.. and I was imagining that in the beginning, it must have been almost like a sense of grief mixed up with happiness that you were together.

    For, although you had each other in the flesh...you had lost the love in the written form.. the imaginative expression of your relationship between the emails. Do you know what I mean? Its a bit like how a new mother feels after birth...delighted that her infant is alive and safely with her to cuddle.. but sensing a huge wave of loss for the infant inside her.

    Its nice that you can still write to him therefore...even if it is for the world to share with him! :D
    This reminds me of the many love letters, that I still have, that were written to Mark in our early years... :D

    Love ArcticRainbow Michelle x

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  4. That's such a sincere heartfelt letter to your hubby. It truly shows your strong and loving relationship. I wish you all the happiness and togetherness forever!

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  5. That's such a sincere heartfelt letter to your hubby. It truly shows your strong and loving relationship. I wish you all the happiness and togetherness forever!

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  6. You two are very blessed and very lucky to have found each other. Treasure your memories and enjoy making new ones!

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  7. Mrs Arctic Rainbow: Well, it's not exactly grief, though I DO miss our chatting sessions and emails.

    However, NOTHING beats action in real life, 'coz when we were apart, we kept on saying we'd like to do this and that to the other one, but it felt like "empty promises".

    Love is not love until it's acted out and it's not easy to act out on that love when you're so far apart. And I used to envy those who could go to the movies together with their partners or just hold hands together and now we can do it EVERY SINGLE DAYYYYYYY HE HE HE...

    Ahem...anyway, so you have many love letters too? They're VERY important, aren't they? *WINK*

    Blur Ting: I HOPE so too! THANKS for your well-wishes!!! ;-D

    Jul: THANKS, Jul! ;-D

    The World According to Me: YEEESSS, I WILL, THANK YOUUUUU!!! ;-D

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  8. This was an incredibly touching post :o) It makes me believe in the best in life! I feel wonderful listening (actually, reading) to people like you, who share the fire and the wisdom of their heart. It encourages me, who is still on my way to finding that love: finding that right person and finding love inside myself.

    Hugs,
    Natalie

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