Saturday, August 2nd, 2008
Today we talked about our "meeting" in sauna. We don't even remember anymore which online penpal club we had joined in that made us contact each other. We lost our emails for a few months since you formatted your hard disk in fall 1999 and you had forgotten to save the files first. However, both of us still remembers that it was I who wrote you first. And until now, we are still both relieved that we "met" through that online club.
A few weeks ago I saw something that really touched my heart in your parents' house. I saw your Mom watching your Dad while he was sitting on his rocking chair, enjoying himself. They weren't even talking to each other, but I could see the look of love on your Mom's face. Full of tender love. Your Dad raised an eyebrow quizzically and said to her, "Don't stare."
Your Mom laughed and replied, "I'm not staring. I'm merely watching you. Can't I watch?"
Your Dad smiled and said, "Sure you can watch. Just don't stare."
I was smiling so widely since it's happened A LOT of times with us, too. I often do that to you too and sometimes you try to block my view with your hand. I just LOVE watching you. I can't help it and I don't want to help it. After all, we'll never know when God will take one of us away from earth, so I just want to cherish every single part of you.
Months ago I also saw something very endearing to me. Your Dad was again sitting on his favourite rocking chair and all of a sudden your Mom walked towards him and squeezed him tightly with the same tender, loving smile on her face.
I can imagine us doing the exact same thing in the far future. I do hope we still have many more (hopefully healthy) years to come. The time we spent apart felt like a hundred years. During those years, time dragged on like a snail. Yet this past one year and almost five months we've spent together in the same apartment feels so short. Time is indeed very relative.
I never thought that the feelings I had for you would stay this strong even until now (even though I can be a hopeless romantic, yet I'm still a realist and I know that feelings fluctuate), but I'm GLAD the fire is still burning brightly inside me. Surely after we started living together, every once in a while we "rub each other's fur the wrong way", but that doesn't mean that I don't want to grow old and keep growing with you. We are stronger when we're together, even though we're capable of living our own lives fully on our own.
I'm GLAD we have saved SO MANY emails and chat files. SO MUCH recorded love. Sometimes we forget the details of our love history, so it's good to be able to reminisce the past. And maybe someday our children and grandchildren want to read them, too.
After we got to know each other better, I knew that you were the one, even though the realist part of me had a hard time believing that, especially before we met in real life. I'm GLAD we found each other and I'm GLAD we persisted in our love despite the odds. I'm GLAD we didn't give up on our love, even though the roads were so rocky for years. I hope we'll always remember the rocky roads so that we don't take what we have for granted...
Remember our second "argument"? I don't even know if argument is the right term, since we talked in a normal tone of voice (well, okay, mostly I was the one doing the talking, trying to get my points across), just like our first "argument". But anyhow, we both knew during both times that the air between us changed, highly charged with tension, not knowing how far it'd be, yet in the end both situations were solved pretty well. I felt understood and at least I feel that I've also given you the chance to speak up (I hope that's what you felt, too).
One thing I gathered from both "arguments" was the confirmation that I've chosen the right guy. You have that sort of calmness that never stirs the storm in me. You've always made it easy for me to get rid of my stubbornness. Had it been someone else that "fought back" defensively, I'd have been more stubborn and I'd have reacted so strongly (even though I hate doing that). But you...you've never made me be the person I hate the most and I THANK YOU for that.
After all this time, despite our differences and the little "spices" in our marriage, you're still my home...my safe haven, my sanctuary...I know that with you, I'm safe and I can be the me I want to be.
Crazily eternally yours,
Your Adoring Wife