Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Yesterday I had a chat with an online friend whom I never met. He lives in Indonesia and he asked me if we had kids yet. I said no. He then said this, "I hope that you and your husband will have a kid soon so that your husband loves you more and life will become more perfect."

I then said to him, "If hubby doesn't love me more as time goes by (just because I haven't produced any heir for him), then it's outrageous!"

After all, we're supposed to love each other in sickness and in health, in good and bad times, right? What good is a marriage vow if the love between us is conditional? I'll love you more if you beget a child for me? That's insane! It should be "I'll love you more despite...", shouldn't it?

The conversation reminded me of an IF Discussion Guide that I read a while ago. Where does my self-worth come from? Is the fact that I'm not a mother yet decreases my self-worth? I don't think so, 'coz if that's the case then I'm doomed until the day I can call myself a mother. I refuse to think that way, thank you very much.

Anyway, just think for a moment that we lose everything that influences our self-worth: our work, our spouse, our children, our family, our pets even, our neighbours, everything. If we lose them all, do we still have our self-worth? What most influences our self-worth?

Psalm 139:14 states: "
"I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and my soul knows very well."

I admit it's still hard to know with all my heart and soul every day that my self-worth should come more from God than from other things on earth, but then again if I attach a huge amount of my self-worth to those immortal things on earth (which can change in the blink of an eye), then my self-worth is oh, so fragile. I'm learning to see myself from God's eyes and it's not easy....but the other option is far worse, so I'm going to stick to this lesson step by step.


  1. In Turkey (especially in less educated regions), it's so important for a woman to give birth a 'boy'. Because her husband and his family believes that this baby boy is the one who will continue their descent. They even don't pay attention to girls and don't let them to be educated.

    Anyway. What i want to say is your husband promised to be with you in good and bad. As long as you know and believe this strongly nothing can destroy your feelings and belief.
    I know how sensible you are about bringing a baby to world. But you're such a precious and succesful woman in your husband's concern that i am sure he does everything not to hurt your feelings.
    Yours is pure love Amel and i really appreciate it!

    Just keep loving your beloved hubby and share it with us :)And don't let anyone to drive you nuts :)

    Hugs and kisses

  2. I'm sure your online friend meant to say something kind. Instead he said something absolutely stupid and shocking. That's what we people sometimes do...

    With or without a baby, you're sweet :) And so am I, hah hah.

  3. Ugh! what a dumb thing to say. I agree w/ Rita, but it's downright tragic how some people are so stupid that they can't think past the end of their nose.
    I agree with you 100% that you should keep trying. Science has a wonderful way of helping out the infertility problem and sooner or later, you may be pregnant (at least I hope & pray that you do!)

  4. No I don't agree with what your on line friend said. Love has no rules, no boundaries, no ifs or buts or whens, it's love pure and simple. We should love unconditonally and from our hearts, despite what life does or does not throw our way.

  5. Burcu: It's interesting to know that in Turkey it's still like that in some areas. Yeah, I guess I took his words too personally he he...THANKS for your encouragement and support! (((HUGS)))

    Rita: Yeah, I know...it's just hard to control myself sometimes he he...THANKS for your kind words and yes, you ARE sweet! :-D

    ChicagoWing: No worries...I did take his words too personally anyway he he he...THANKS for your support and prayers! :-D

    The World According to Me: Yep, I agree completely with you about love. :-))))