Quote of the Day: Real (Takehiko Inoue)

I love reading manga (Japanese comics) because I get to know Japanese culture shown by different authors as well as gems of thoughts. Some of them can really humor me, some of them really move me, some of them make me see things in different perspectives, some of them teach me things and some of them can be pretty deep.

Here's one quote I'd like to share with you when reading a manga called "Real" by Takehiko Inoue. When I was in Indo, my bro and I LOVED his other manga called "Slam Dunk", which was turned into an anime (cartoon). I'm not really a big fan of any type of sports, but that basketball manga really kept me interested until the very end - and I still want MORE and MORE and MORE of it. I think that's a sign of a good story - a story that keeps you wanting until the end, even until you've finished reading it.



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But OK, here's the quote:

"People show their true value when they get smacked down. Do they look down? Do they look forward? Do they continue to challenge themselves without giving up? That's the most important thing - something that's often hidden by talent and experience."

However, I'd also like to distinguish giving up and letting go. Here's another quote:

There is a big difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up means selling yourself short. It means allowing fear and struggle to limit your opportunities and keep you stuck. Letting go means freeing yourself from something that is no longer serving you. It means removing toxic people and belief systems from your life so that you can make room for relationships and ideas that are conducive to your well-being and happiness. 

Giving up reduces your life. Letting go expands it. Giving up is imprisoning. Letting go is liberation. Giving up is self-defeat. Letting go is self-care. 

So the next time you make the decision to release something or someone that is stifling your happiness and growth, and a person has the audacity to accuse you of giving up or being weak, remind yourself of the difference. Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to live your life in the way that feels right. No one has the authority to tell you who to be or how to live. No one gets to decide what your life should look like or who should be a part of it. No one, but you. 

~ Danielle Koepke 

Wet Christmas + Letter Update

I worked on Christmas eve and after that we went to get MIL and then we went to the graveyard. The temperature was still below zero that day (but not too cold), so Winter Wonderland was still intact. We lit some candles in front of FIL's graves and MIL brought some leaves to decorate it. Here are some pictures taken in the new cemetery and the old cemetery. There were lots of people and there were already so many candles everywhere. 

 

Christmas Day was really wet. Until today the temperature has been above 0'C, so it's been really slippery and wet out there. What a weird end of the year! So much of the snow has melted away and it gets SO dark outside. If the weather prediction is right, the temperature will be below zero again only after New Year. We shall see about that. This is my first time experiencing December like this (including some watery rain). Usually at this time of the year there's at least as much snow as in the photos above.

Anyway, I had a funny story from work. I had an evening shift on 23rd and before work started, I had told myself to remember saying "Hyvää Joulua" (Merry Christmas) at the end of each transaction. OK, so everything went well for a few hours until one time I was serving a guy and after that I said, "Kiitos (thank you)" but instead of saying Merry Christmas, I said "Hyvää viikonloppua" (Have a good weekend) instead. Yep, I managed to wish someone a good weekend on a MONDAY!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Well, at least my mistake managed to make the guy and the customer behind him smile. LOL LOL!!! 

Anyway, I had fun again tricking hubby with the Christmas gift. This time I wrapped one of the gifts three times with some wrapping paper (it wasn't a big gift, so I didn't have to use too much paper) and then I wrapped it with some bubble wrap and then I put it inside a bigger box along with the other gift and then I wrapped it with some wrapping paper again. Watching him struggle to be able to see what was inside the gift was WORTH IT! WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :-D :-D :-D

In this post I'd also like to say that I've finally written down the letter for my mom. It was bittersweet to write. I ended up writing a 4-page MS Word document (plus one paragraph on the 5th page with font size 12 Times New Roman). I know it's going to be overwhelming for her to read, but I want her to know what we've been through because I hope that she'll take comfort in the knowledge that God has healed our bleeding wounds and dried them up and He has used our pains to comfort others in a similar situation. So PRAISE THE LORD for our infertility!!! 

I haven't heard anything from my mom yet, but I know she needs time to digest everything and calm herself down (bro said that she was crying after reading the letter). Bro helped me explain to her what kind of support I needed from her - bless him! I've sent her a text to let her know that she's appreciated and loved. I hated the fact that I had to send the letter (I thought about it for weeks before finally writing it down), but I feel that it's important for us both that she knows how far we've come. I want her to be released from the burden of thinking and praying for our miracle pregnancy, because that's not what we want anymore. We've buried that dream and I want her to do the same. I want her to be happy for our little family.

3BT: Random Days

1. Went to visit MIL at her place yesterday and she looked much better. She was walking around the yard of the apartment complex (using two walking sticks for balance) when I arrived.

2. Knowing that MIL hasn't been totally alone ever since she got back home - that her sis had been there to help her out.

3. Ken, my bro's son, has started going to pre-school and the first day went very well. :-D

4. Going 27 kmh on my bike without having to do anything (because I was going down on a long slope) HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAHHHHH...

5. Having a nice, long chat at my friend's place.

6. Fresh cherries!!!!! There aren't any fresh cherries in Indo, so the first time I tasted them was a few years ago.



7. Feeling as a funny person when I'm with hubby, even though with others I don't especially feel that way (not that often anyway).


8. Cutting my hair shorter and feeling much lighter without having to spend a dime ha ha...

9. Being appreciated. :-D

10. Making a mistake at work and being forgiven for it. And letting it go. :-D

IF Glasses

I have to tell you one weird thing about IF (infertility). It's like ever since I joined the club, I have an added layer to the lens of view towards the world. As if I owned an IF glasses. Why did I say I "joined" the club? Because some people have wondered (esp. in the beginning) why I used the term "infertile" for myself. One practical reason for that is that it helps me connect with other people who're in the same boat and they've been helping me SO MUCH in making me feel SANE. 

Anyway...ever since I have this kind of glasses, I've been subconsciously trying to seek parallel stories that would relate to the infertility part in myself. Another weird thing about IF is that I can't help but feel that every time I bring up this subject, some people would roll their eyes and say, "Poor dear. Here she goes again." But I can't help it. I own the IF glasses, after all. And I don't want to help it 'coz I've learnt so many things because I have these glasses anyway he he...

The other day I watched "At First Sight" and I was really into it, because I could see myself substituting the word "blind" with "infertile". OK, from this point onward, I'm gonna start telling you about the movie that may contain spoilers, so SPOILER ALERT. STOP READING if you haven't watched the movie and yet you want to go watch it later. 




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Here's the link to the movie anyway: At First Sight. 

What I didn't know about it before watching was that it was loosely based on a real person, but I love the fact that the movie did depict crucial point in the blind person's life well. Here's the link to the article concerning what the real person experienced: Almost A Sight for Sore Eyes.

OK, so now let me start talking about the movie. The movie tells the story about Virgil (Val Kilmer), a blind masseur who works in a resort/hotel and Amy (Mira Sorvino), who is having a holiday in the resort and then they end up falling in love with each other. 

Once they start thinking of a future together, though, Amy finds some articles about the latest treatment for the blind (by way of surgery) to help them regain sight. Amy tries to encourage Virgil to try out the surgery and at first Virgil is really upset and he just feels that she's not accepting him just as he is (because he's lived his life until then by accepting his condition). And he's sick and tired of being prodded and examined by different doctors during his childhood to help him "get better" - with no result.

Now I can JUST visualise a similar situation for the infertile. How many times have people tried to induce the infertile to be hopeful about the future? About "the latest treatment/procedure/herbal/doctor"? How many times have the infertile hear "It'll happen when it happens" or "You still have time" or "Miracle pregnancies do happen, you know. I know a couple who had a miracle pregnancy just after they (adopted, gave up, stopped trying anymore, tried Chinese herbals, etc.)"

But you see, I'm like Virgil. In the past I did want to have a child/children SO badly, but now I'm used to the thought that me and R2 = a complete family, just like Virgil who's used to managing life in a blind state. I know both conditions are different, but the point I'm trying to make is OUR (mine and R2's) state of mind. We've moved on from that road. Sometimes I regretted telling people that we did want children so badly at one point in time 'coz then it's hard for THEM to stop visualising us with kids.

A few months ago my MIL said in passing about this neighbour couple who did get a miracle pregnancy. And a few weeks ago my own Mom said in passing about another couple who did get the same miracle pregnancy. I think because in life, there are more pregnancies happening than non-pregnancies, it is EASIER for people to believe that "it'll happen". And I've heard some strangers say to me, "It'll happen when it happens."


What they don't understand is that after accepting life without children, we feel that our life isn't lacking anymore in that department. So whenever they infuse us with stories about miracle pregnancies, nowadays instead of feeling encouraged, I personally feel like they're telling us that our marriage is lacking something. I guess that's a dichotomy in the life of an infertile like myself (who once felt that way herself - that there was a hole in our lives due to the lack of children), but I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. And don't get me wrong. I KNOW they all mean well, esp. for those who knew that we did want kids so much at one point - just like Amy who only tries her best to help Virgil have a chance to see the world.

But like Virgil who's been prodded and examined during his childhood by various doctors, we don't want to go through all the disappointment that we went through month after month after month when we were trying to have a baby, because it took a hell of a journey to get to the point where we are now: to have peace with what we don't have and to believe that me + R2 = a complete family. 




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For those who have kids, try to erase your kids from your lives and try to think of you and your hubby as a complete family. Can you view yourselves as a complete family without your kids?

I know it's a crazy thing to ask for and I can hear some people protesting already by saying, "But you've never had kids. You wouldn't know how it feels like." Yes, that's true, but you've experienced all the joys and lovely memories with your kids, whereas I experienced (at least when we were trying) the deaths of the dream of having a kid, of being able to hold him/her in my arms and I had to bury that dream over and over and over again. 


But anyway, the point of the exercise is to try to make you understand that we're IF survivors here and that the road to accepting that we're a complete family is not an easy one. And that you should CELEBRATE this with us instead!!! :-D :-D :-D






P.S. I can only speak from my own experience, but I know some people who've told me directly about a similar case - of how they just want people to stop infusing hope because they've surrendered to life without kids. And that's the awareness I'd like to raise here in this post.

3BT: Weekend Wrap

1. Getting a warm reply from my Aussie friend whom I found in Facebook. YAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!

2. Being able to see pictures of his CUTE sons!!!! ;-D

3. A foggy Saturday. Everything was white. So beautiful!!! It was -15'C when we left home to go to Kelujärvi and it went down to -17'C when we came back home.

4. The package for my family has arrived safely in Germany and my friend liked the warm socks I sent her HE HE HE HE HE...

5. Sitting on hubby's lap while he hugged me and swayed his body. Mmmmmm...

6. Receiving an email from my mother and Shen (my sister-in-law). ;-D Mom told me that they had fun watching my brother taking part in a music competition. He played the bass. It was a fun time out for my parents with my brother and his wife. ;-D

7. Playing jigsaw puzzle (920 pieces) for the first time in my life HA HA HA HA HA HA...Arttu bought a puzzle for his parents a while ago and we played it yesterday.

8. Realizing I sucked at playing puzzle whereas Arttu and my mother-in-law could find and match the pieces rather quickly. WOWWWWWWW!!!!

9. Winning another bid at ebay. So I'm REALLY looking forward to receiving and reading all the books I've won in ebay. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! ;-D

10. Chatting with one of my closest friends and hearing that she's been doing fine despite the hard circumstances in her life. She's letting go and letting God. :-)))) Superb!!!

11. Strawberry-blueberry dessert made by my mother-in-law. YUM YUM!!!

12. Mother-in-law telling me that she liked the risoles I gave her. ;-D

13. Watching snowy tree tops blanketed with sunshine. ;-D It is SO sunny today and the temperature has gone rapidly down. It was -18'C this morning and it's now -21'C.

A List of Lessons I've Learnt and Re-learnt This Year

I decided to write this list since it's near the end of this year. I just wanna remind myself of the lessons I've learnt and re-learnt this year. There are new lessons and old lessons learnt once more. I may update this list later on, but so far here is the list I've compiled. Before I start, I'd also LOVE to know the lessons you've learnt or re-learnt this year. I wanna learn from all of you. ;-D

1. Letting Go.

This has not been an easy lesson for me. I tend to hold people too tightly in my arms and I expect much from the closest ones. I have learnt and re-learnt this lesson lots of times this year. Besides my expectations from those people closest to me, I've also learnt to let go of my past: my job, my hometown, my friends, my family, and everything else I have left behind that I can't possibly have here. I'm pretty sure that there will be plenty of other lessons on letting go, though. ;-D

2. God truly has a magical way of opening "unexpected" and "unseen" doors for me. It's truly amazing to see His plans unfolding bit by bit, one step at a time, in my life. Thank you, Lord!!!

3. Loving myself despite myself. This is one lesson I should learn all the days in my life, but since I left my job and everything behind, I have learnt more lessons on loving myself.

4. The benefits of networking. In my "previous" life, I used to rely on other people's network instead of building my own network. Only after I moved to Finland do I have these MANY friends. I feel SO blessed!!!!

5. Being proactive ---> this is related to #4. If I didn't become proactive (blogging and building network), I think I would be TOTALLY depressed right now: no friends, no possibility of getting some income online, no nothing.

6. The joys of being a wife and having a new family plus the joy of cooking and baking. Honestly speaking, on the plane to Finland, I freaked out. The "what ifs" came barging into my head and my mind started thinking of "worst case scenarios". Gladly everything has been MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH more WONDERFUL than even my most positive thoughts!!! HIP HIP HURRAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!! And I never thought I'd love cooking and baking this much. *tee-hee*

Well, having a hubby who eats everything I cook no matter how bad it looks and who always comforts me whenever I make mistakes DOES help TREMENDOUSLY in making me enjoy everything here. ;-D

7. The prices I have to pay for pursuing my dream. Being far away from my parents and brother is one of them. It's toughest when one of them gets sick or when one of them has some inner problem and I can't be there for them physically. It's also tough when I can't be there on special occasions like my brother's wedding, but I've gotta pay the price no matter what!

8. Not complaining. One of my first resolutions when I moved to Finland was to catch myself before I started complaining. So far I think I've done a great job in this area. However, I must be wary all the time. :-))))

9. Not taking things too seriously. This is another one of my first resolutions when I moved to Finland. It is HARD for me to do this since all my life I had been such a sensitive person, but honestly speaking, my hubby has helped me A LOT in this department with his easy-going personality. ;-D

10. Learning to accept that my mistakes don't make me and learning to laugh at myself whenever I make mistakes. Learning to laugh at myself hasn't been easy for me. Funny thing is that the first time I managed to do it was only after I moved to Finland. So moving to Finland has been GOOD for me! HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...

11. Joy is found in precious fleeting moments that oftentimes go unnoticed. I have to be really alert in order to be able to cherish those moments.

12. One of humans' greatest weaknesses is to take things for granted. I'm learning not to take things for granted and to be thankful all the time. I have to remind myself about this over and over again.

13. Live as though I'd die tomorrow, plan as though I'd live forever. I'm trying to follow this adage so that my life is balanced and I can enjoy today as much as I love planning for the future.

14. It's definitely NOT easy at all to practice what you preach.

15. Learning to relight and feed my inner child. I've been wacky and crazy in front of my hubby and it feels OHHHHH SOOOOO GOOOODDDD!!!! Plus I also awaken his inner child, so both of us are sometimes like little kids goofing around he he he he...

16. The danger of being too focused on money. I can be consumed with the ambition of saving more and more money that I lose focus on the MOST important things in life that money can't buy.

17. Dressing up in layers is the best tactic for the worst kind of weather and human body loses heat the fastest through their heads, so I have to make sure I put on a warm cap whenever it's so cold outside.

18. I learn that being me is enough and that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

P.S. Don't forget to check on my Plumper Snowman pics here.