On Originality

For some months I've been struggling with the idea of originality. What is original?

Surely every now and then people come up with something so different that make you think, "Why didn't anyone think of that before?", but other than those? I've been influenced by so many things and people until now that I struggle with the idea of claiming something as being my own original idea. There have been artwork/writings that bear some resemblance to some other artwork/writings that had been published before and one can't help but wonder whether they're rip offs or not, because when there are differences between the previous one and the current one, where does one draw the line? 

Whilst I was struggling with these questions in my head, I was browsing through some quotes and I accidentally found my soothing answer.

“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

There it is! Write/create to express, not to impress. I just LOVE finding answers by accident.


Have you ever struggled with this, too? Did you come up with a different answer?

Writing Challenge: Treasure

Note: I've been struggling with this piece for a few months. I started it quite easily, but then I stopped halfway as it got very heavy on me and I kept avoiding it for a while (also because I had no idea how to end it). After finally continuing the piece, I wrote a different ending, but didn't feel it was the right one. I didn't want to leave it hanging, but didn't want a sickly sweet ending, either, so this was my final choice. This piece is inspired by an heirloom I received from my mother. She gave me and my brother's wife a similar kind of bracelet after we got married.

Her legs buckled. The soft, thick carpet softened her landing. She slumped back to the edge of the bed, needing support. A long, raw sigh was heard, then her lips began to tremble.

Why did I decide to do this bloody autumn cleaning? she groaned inside.

Her right hand was holding the family heirloom given by her mother. It was an old bracelet made of white and yellow gold with a classic side clasp. Yellow gold lined up the outer rings of the bracelet, whereas the middle part made of white gold had intricate leaf patterns carved into it. Nobody made that kind of bracelet anymore. Her mother had received it from her own mother. God knows where her grandmother had gotten it from, but one important fact remained: she was planning to give it to her own daughter or to her son's bride.

Except that there was never a child.

She hugged her knees, feeling a wave of pain bury her under. No time to escape. The wave came so fast and hit her like a ton of bricks. She squeezed her eyes shut as grief clenched its mighty fist around her heart, making it hard for her to breathe. Hot tears started rolling down her cheeks and soon her sobs broke the silence of the room. Her sobs rose to a crescendo and then she started wailing as the intensity of the pain only seemed to grow. She let out a loud cry of anguish as she looked up and opened her eyes. More wailing, more groaning, back to sobbing until finally the sobbing stopped even though the tears kept on coming.

She felt drained. She stayed there for a long time, going back and forth mentally from her inner self to her surroundings. The tick-tocking of the clock, the subsiding pain in her chest, the neighbour's dog barking outside, the salty taste of her tears, the absence of children in her house, the intricate patterns on the soft carpet, ghosts of self-pity that threatened to come out from the shadows, the annoying tick-tocking of the clock, back to the hollowness inside. Then she hit the brake, wiped her face with the right sleeve of her shirt, and summoned her logic.

"What is the biggest lesson that you've been learning so far?" her logic asked.

"Letting go," she answered.

"And that is what you shall learn again, my dear."

Forty six years later...

I have been living here in this antique shop for a few years, waiting for my new owner to come and get me. Until then, I'm going to make the best of my time here surrounded with many other antique friends, talking about our previous owners and their lives.

Journey to the Centre of Myself

* I started writing this months ago as a response to a writing challenge, but I'd like to share it with you people here, though I'll try to make it more succinct. 

I think one of the things that most people have trouble with when it comes to a childless-not-by-choice life led by a married couple is this: that they can go from being completely obsessed with wanting to have a child into believing that their family is complete without children. I find that most people in the immediate or extended circle of the couple themselves have a hard time letting go of their ideal image of a family of three or four (or even bigger than that) for those said couples. I remember telling a neighbor once that we were okay just the two of us, but she was absolutely horrified by that and she automatically insisted on praying for us to have children.

Nowadays I can see clearly that their reactions are based on their idealized version of what a family is supposed to be like. This is mingled with the lurking fear that our little family is one of their worst nightmares and they probably shudder and wonder how anyone can lead a happy and fulfilling life without children. However, back in my darker days of infertility journey, I felt really hurt by their reaction because of my own grief/pain. I felt that my family wasn’t complete and that we were missing something, that our family was defective. Their reaction served as a mirror that projected their fear and my own fears right in front of me, making me feel broken and less than ideal.

What helped me start my healing journey was searching for other people like me. I read as many blogs as possible that I could find on infertility, searched for any Christian materials on infertility, searched for as many quotes on grief, read as many articles on infertility, bought some books on infertility and grief in general, searched for Christian songs that could strengthen me, prayed The Serenity Prayer, and asked my friends to pray the same prayer for me, joined a forum, and finally started a blog about it. Some of the books that have helped me along the way are Silent Sorority by Pamela Tsigdinos, A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, and Secondhand Jesus by Glenn Packiam.

Ironically enough, at that time I couldn’t find too many Christian articles that ended without children in the end (either through natural pregnancy, IVF, adoption, etc.), though I did find a few Christian resources online that also broached on the topic of life without children after infertility. One of the Christian resources I found gave the readers a list of questions to ask, including why one wants to have children. That was the only time I found an online resource that encouraged the readers to think carefully on why they wanted to procreate. Unfortunately I didn’t bookmark the page and I haven’t been able to find it again, but it really threw me off balance and I did ponder on my own motivations to have children. 


I think one of the things that have helped me in thinking of leading a fulfilling life without children is the fact that I have a cousin who did try to have children with her husband, but couldn’t. She’s much older than me and I’ve always accepted them as a family of two. I have never seen them as “less than” any other people, though what happened during my infertility journey was that I struggled with the feeling of “less than” a woman because I wasn’t a mother. Many times over during my infertility journey I cringed and despised any quotes that celebrated a woman’s worth as a mother and the strong bond between a mother and her child(ren). Those quotes were too much for my bleeding heart because they reminded me of what I didn’t have. These days my wounds have stopped bleeding and they’re dried up. However, I know from reading other women’s journeys, those who are way ahead of me, that the scars will get bumped every now and then. They won’t be as painful anymore, but there will be some feelings left because after all, we are surrounded by a lot of reminders of our losses (pregnant women, mothers, children, and grandmothers).

A few years back, after deciding on surrendering to life without children, I felt the need to find something "grand/noble" to fill my life as a result of not having children. I think this stemmed from the fact that many people would automatically say, "You can always adopt" whenever we said we couldn't have children and I have read many people who accused infertiles of being selfish for trying out treatments "when there are so many abandoned children out there". As if one needs to be like Mother Teresa if one wants to have children but can't. So I definitely felt the societal pressure to find something big to do with my life when the baby thing didn't work out, but I never really started searching.

The first things I did in order to move on were:

1. Finding small things that bring me joy and doing things that bring me joy.
2. Tapping into my inner child (in my case I try to build different kinds of snow creations in winter, taking photos, etc.).
3. Writing down the things I've been learning during my infertility journey and re-branding infertility as a guru instead of an enemy and truly believing it.

Only after doing the above and after getting farther away from the rows and rows of buried dreams (after doing grief work for a longer time) did I start getting clues on what I wanted to do. It's not about finding big, grand dreams, but for me it's more about being more focused on what kind of woman I want to become now that I know I won't be a mother.


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I owe Michelle Frost a HUGE thank you for saying these words when I was struggling with what kind of legacy I could leave on earth (because I have no children as my legacy). She said, "Amel, YOU are your own legacy." The words knocked me off my chair. I was wondering why on earth did I ever try to separate myself into different parts/roles. But the truth is that I am the sum of my parts and my legacy to the world should be the entirety of myself, the whole of me, everything that makes me who I am. Her words were like soothing balm to my soul at that time. THANK YOU for knocking me off my chair, M! :-D One's pain can truly blind one so much to one's full potentials.

I find it crucial to believe with all my heart and soul that my pain experience isn't for nothing when it comes to continuing my healing journey. Your pain is not for nothing, either. We are interconnected. Imagine the wealth of wisdom we get to learn from one another's pain experiences. So much fertilizer material everywhere...what has your pain experience taught you? 

Along my healing journey now, I’ve met many inspirational blogger friends as well as other women in Google Plus forums. They’re all childless-not-by-choice, each with a different background story. All these women have helped me dig into my creative side and find fulfillment in my life. I have learnt a lot from them and they have also helped me grow as a human being. I think this healing journey can be very tricky and the progress can be so subtle that unless you realize the tiny shifts, you may feel like you’re not moving forward at all. Writing has helped me a lot in terms of recognizing and recording these tiny celebratory moments.

Speaking of celebrations, last year I started realizing the fact that I needed people who could celebrate these tiny moments. Because of this childless status, it becomes even clearer to me that I’m missing out on so many celebrations that a child can bring: the first word, the first step, the first tooth, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, graduation, prom night, the child’s wedding party, the birth of the grandchild, etc. More than ever now I feel the need to celebrate the important moments in my life, especially in my healing journey. I can’t tell you how thankful I am to have found other women who can celebrate these moments with me. And my healing journey shall continue! :-)



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Writing Challenge: When I Am An Old Woman

For this writing challenge, I decided to combine photo and text. Here is what I made:

Here's what my text says.

When I Am An Old Woman

When I'm an old woman...

I still want to believe in humanity,

Still want to have a zest for learning,

Still want to think that life is beautiful

And worth living no matter what.

When I'm an old woman, 

I want to wake up believing that

Today is a gift for me. 

P.S. Well, I know we're supposed to wake up and believe that today is a gift for us even when we're not old, but I was thinking that maybe that thought is even more profound in one's old age? We shall see...that's if I ever get to be that old he he...

Writing Challenge: Elaborate Lie About Myself

Warning: This post contains violence and is PURE FICTION! Read at your own discomfort. This post was written because of a writing challenge in which I had to write an elaborate lie about myself. This was what I came up with. I'm going to give some space between this warning and my post.

Okay, ready? 





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I've killed someone.

There. I've said it. I had never had my blood boiling like that before. Such rage surged from within me. Oh, the injustice of it all! My father was innocent. He had always been an honest man - too honest perhaps. He would never have done what that man thought he had done.

I will never forget the day my dad came home with teary eyes, holding his cheek. Apparently that man had punched him, but I think what made him hurt the most was the fact that he was accused of being dishonest. He was dismissed from work just like that and become unemployed even though he did nothing wrong.

I couldn't forgive that man. I wanted to crush him and his whole family, but taking out his whole family would probably be too difficult for a teenager like me and in my twisted mind, taking his life would probably be enough to satisfy my revengeful spirit. After that incident, my dad became morose and depressed. He would stare at the walls for hours on end and talked to his own shadow. Nothing we did could coax him out of his shell. My mom had to work twice as hard to earn enough money for the family and my elder brother had to quit school to work so that my mom and he could pay for my education. My heart broke into pieces. I couldn't forgive that man for having ruined my family, so I took matters into my own hand.

It took me many months before I finally found a crooked man who would teach me a ninjutsu assassin's technique on how to blow a poisonous dart. My chance appeared when a cousin held a wedding party about a year later. Just in time for me to execute my plan. After all, I had been practising with frogs for a whole year and as long as the target was in a close range, I knew I'd be able to hit it without fail.

In the party venue I spotted that man laughing and talking with another guest, having the time of his life. He had been living such an easy life even after what he had done to my dad. I was seething inside, but I managed to calm myself down in order to wait for the perfect opportunity. I didn't want to fail. He had to get what he deserved!

The perfect timing finally came when he was walking towards the toilet. I had been watching him all the time from the corner of my eyes, so I quickly followed him. Alas, he managed to get inside before I could take out my poisonous dart that I had hidden carefully in my purse. So I waited until he came out, hoping that nobody else was in the vicinity when the moment came.

The few minutes felt like forever. My hands were slightly trembling, but I had been taught how to control my thoughts by that crooked man. What a great guru he was!

Luckily for me, nobody was around when he came out. The women's toilet was located further away to the back of the party venue, so when he came out to walk back towards where the guests were, he had his back on me. He didn't see it coming! I took a long breath and then blew the dart. Off it went, landing straight on the backside of his neck. He must've felt the sting because he ran one hand to the back of his neck, but before his hand could reach it, his legs gave out and he collapsed. His body convulsed, his eyes were wide with fear, and then nothing. I quickly came close to check whether or not he was still breathing, pulled the dart out, then dashed back to the party venue with a victorious smile on my face.

I've killed a man and I've gotten away with it. Karma's a bitch. 

Writing Challenge: What I Want To Say To My 14-year-old Self

Warning to myself: If you ever travel to the future and manage to find this post, DO NOT read it. I don't want you to change anything in your life and reading this post will ruin so many surprises. The same goes for my blogs. DO NOT read them, either!

Ahem...okay, now that the most important thing is done, let's start...First of all, look at that hair! And yes, back then there was no digital camera (nor did you have your own camera), so you haven't learnt how to take a selfie with a smile LOL! I remember you hated the fact that you couldn't smile naturally in front of a studio photographer like your other friend who was so photogenic. It wasn't that you were jealous of her, but you admired her for being able to do that.

Secondly, holy smokes, don't you just look so innocent? ;-D Actually I'm just here to say that many things in your life that you haven't really planned have happened - mostly good though. And I'm pleased to say that you've learnt to be kinder to yourself in ways that you could never even begin to understand (because you were just so hard on yourself sometimes). Some of your dreams have come true and at least one will never come true, but you'll survive through it and you'll grow so much throughout that journey (which I suspect will last until your last breath).

And those kids that befriended you back then at school? They're still your friends. In the future you'll become much more open with people and you'll have a blast (unintentionally) fooling people with your "cover". At uni some friends would describe their first impressions of you as "the fridge" (looking so cool and a bit unapproachable) or "the rock" (for being so quiet) LOL! But they admitted that after getting to know you better, their first impressions were wrong.

And the job that you thought would be ideal for you? Turned out it was the worst ever. Seven weeks only and you walked out of the door already, feeling sure you'd never ever come back to that kind of place. You'll then have other jobs that never even crossed your mind. Ha! Life is full of surprises. :-)

You'll marry your second boyfriend and move halfway across the world and that would be the biggest adventure of your life, oh, you who always played it safe all her life! And only after you move halfway across the world at the age of 28 will you then start learning to laugh at your mistakes. The most frequent lesson you're going to learn is letting go: of people, expectations, dreams, plans, anger, etc. etc. etc.

Almost forgot...remember that dream you had where you stood in front of a huge window overlooking a winter scenery in a village? It felt so real and it was stuck in your mind like a movie scene. That actually came true. Well, the scene isn't exactly the same, but at least the winter scenery and the huge windows are pretty much similar. Isn't that cool? :-D

P.S. Enjoy having those cute guys to crush on from afar in Junior High School! :-D

3BT: Random Days

1. This month I managed to save more money for our upcoming Indo/Singapore trip. YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!! Thankful to have a job still.

2. Next week I'll have my first batch of summer holiday (not going anywhere because need to save money for the Indo/Sgp trip and hubby has to work), but looking forward to recharging and doing some spring cleaning and reading. :-D Oh, and daydreaming about having this in Indo:


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3. Hubby's patience, sense of humor, and good nature. I rarely see him in a bad mood (well, except when his computer does weird stuff but that's understandable because at work he's been battling with computers anyway) but he tolerates me so well when I'm in a bad mood. In fact, he often makes me laugh when I'm in a bad mood (don't ask me how, he just does!). How amazing is that?

4. Writing this fun piece for a writing challenge entitled: "If I was the woman next door..."

If I was the woman next door, I'd spend more time playing to my heart's content and sleeping. I would come and go as I please, knowing that when I come back home, someone will welcome me with open arms and heart. I would spend less money on clothing and make-up and just present myself au naturel, because I believe I look best that way. Oh, but I do like grooming myself to the best of my ability. That's for sure.

If I was the woman next door, I'd say no when I'm not in the mood to say yes and I would reject visitors without feeling bad about it. Baby shower? No, sorry, not interested. Laser party with my best friends? Bring it on!

If I was the woman next door, I wouldn't befriend anyone that I didn't feel like befriending, either. And I surely wouldn't even think that I'm not doing anything productive by doing nothing, because that's when I recharge and regroup after all the fun and rewarding activities I've done. Here I am doing nothing...auuummmm...recharge...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Whoops! Sorry, this whole recharging thing just made me kinda sleepy. Let me get back on track.

Where was I? Oh yeah...if I was the woman next door, I'd demand plenty of hugs and kisses and delicious food from my housemate. I'd also focus more on the present than the future or the past. What exciting thing that I can do right now? Is there anything worth doing at the moment? Sleeping perhaps? Or cuddling with my housemate? Eyeing the next door neighbour to check out what he's doing? Anyway, focusing on the present is far more urgent, because don't they say that the present is a gift? But well, maybe I get this all wrong, because after all, I'm just a cat. Meow. 


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On Writing

Sometimes words find me. I may not be actively searching for any ideas to write, but then they just come to my mind and it's like they beg me to write them. Sometimes their voices are very strong and the longer I postpone writing those words, the stronger they become and the clearer they get. They won't leave me alone until I write them down. As if they kept on saying, "Write us! Write uuuusss!" over and over and over again.

Other times I struggle to put all the pieces together into a post, because I may be still be wondering how to end the post or I may still be trying to think of all the pieces in that post and still not sure of the best way to convey what I want to say in one particular post. The subject matter may be touchy or complex or it may be about an ongoing problem to which I have no answer(s) yet. 

There are also occasions when I read someone else's blog post and then the post awakens another post within my mind. I especially love being enlightened by someone else's post that prompts me to write a post of my own. The post I read may shift, change, or widen my perspective or it may even be teaching me new stuff that I never knew before.

And let's not forget those posts that I leave half-finished in my draft. Sometimes I do get back to those half-written posts and finish them, but other times I just leave them be because the mood has changed and it's almost impossible to go back to writing with the same tone of voice or depth of feelings. It's a bit of a shame whenever I lose the chance to capture the moment (the tone of voice or the depth of feelings). 


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I LOVE getting inspirations out of nowhere at the weirdest time of any day, though the problem with this kind of inspiration is that they may come right before I fall asleep or even in the middle of sleep (I wake up to pee and before I go back to sleep, the words find me) and when that happens, I get too lazy to get up and write them down (especially if I have work the next day), so what I try to do is just repeat them several times in my brain and tell my brain to remember at least the gist of the post and the next day I try to quickly transform them into a post. However, I have also lost plenty of posts because I leave it too long or I don't repeat the ideas several times and things happen and the words leave me after a while. That is a shame, but at least every once in a while I read someone else's writing that does remind me of those thoughts and I enjoy experiencing those moments, as well.

There are also those rare occasions when I just click on "write a blog post" and start from scratch without any specific idea what I'm about to write. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. Sometimes my writing ideas start from a subject matter that I haven't exactly developed yet in my brain, but when I start writing about it, the words just flow out without any restraint.

All in all, I have always loved writing, but I LOVE it even more now than ever before. Writing has been very cathartic and it's also allowed me to connect with other people. Words have substantial power, not just for other people, but also for yourself. How about you? How do you find ideas to write? Do words also find you sometimes?


P.S. Here's my latest creation in the weekly challenge group that I've joined in. The incident I described below happened in High School.

Weekly Challenge: Fear

Stay calm, Amel. Picksomebodyelsepicksomebodyelsepicksomebodyelse....

He looked around the room and then I heard him say my name.

ShitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitSHIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!

I got up from my seat, walked a few steps forward, got up the two steps of the long wooden platform, picked up a piece of chalk, and tried to think of a solution to the tricky Math equation on the blackboard.

Think, brain! Which formulas should I choose to break this down? THINK FAST!!! I don't want him to yell at me!

Famous for his temper, when the teacher yelled at us, his voice carried through the neighbouring classrooms and I certainly didn't want to be the victim of his wrath.

I started writing down the solution to the equation, though I wasn't sure at all whether it was the right one. The hand that gripped the chalk started to feel damp. Forty pairs of eyes were focusing on me.

Ugh. What next? I'm stuck!

The teacher got up from his seat, walked across the length of the room, opened the door of the classroom, clasped his arms in front of his thin body, and looked out.

I could see his movement from the corner of my eyes and when I realized that he wasn't looking at me, I slowly turned around and tried to make some frantic-yet-discreet S.O.S. signals to my seatmate because she was brilliant at Math. Alas, she had no time to help me because the teacher started turning around to face the classroom again.

I wrote something down, erased it, then wrote something else, then erased it. Tick tock tick tock tick tock...He closed the door, walked back towards his seat and sat down. I didn't know what else to write. A few seconds later, I felt a mini earthquake.

Oh no, an earthquake at this exact moment? You've gotta be kidding me! No, no, no, focus on the equation! The teacher's staring at you now! OK OK OK OK OK. Stop the earthquake already!!!! It's ruining my concentration! GRRRRRRRR!!!!! How can I solve this bloody equation?

Wait a minute! How come the entire class is so calm then even though the earthquake hasn't stopped yet? Hmmmm...but I can still feel the tremors...what the?

HOLY SMOKES! So the culprit is my own legs!!! ARRRGGGHHH!!! Help meeeeeee!!!

With legs still buckling on the wooden platform, the teacher breathed out a deep sigh and finally told me to sit down.

Phew!

Warm February

This month has been exceptionally warm, with temperatures close to 0'C or even reaching 1'C. However, the sun hasn't been showing up for days on end. Usually at this time of the year I don't need to use my light box anymore (because daylight time is supposed to be 7-8 hours a day already), but these days I still use it a few times a week. It's going to feel REALLY great when the sun's finally up again (it's been cloudy and snowing).

Oh yeah, I've finally secured my summer holiday to go back to Indo with R2. The boss has told me that it won't be a problem. Phew! We haven't bought the tickets yet, but I've been browsing for hotels in Singapore because we're going to stay there 2 nights in order to rest our bodies. Glad to know these days there are several direct flights from Singapore to my hometown, so we don't have to take the bus from Jakarta airport to Bandung. It saves so much time this way and I'm also glad that Finnair has direct flights from Helsinki to Singapore. YYYEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!

Anyway, I've been joining a Google+ online community where the members get weekly challenges. They can either post a photo, a text, or both and I must say it's been very beneficial for me to tap into my creative side.

Here's my latest post. This week's challenge is LOVE. I posted this photo along with the poem below.

You took a big piece of my heart with you
when you never came...
Yet people think that because you never came,
I have nothing to lose.
How wrong!

I had loved you even before you could have been,
I love you still even when you're not here,
And I shall love you until my last breath
Because you're mine.
Yes, you're mine...
Even when you never came...

3BT: Random Days

1. The other day at work a grandma gave me a bar of chocolate!!! :-D For no reason whatsoever! BLESS YOU, mummo!

2. Another grandma said to me, "You don't need to dye your hair at all 'coz you've got a really nice natural colour already."

3. Starting over a new blog to help me discipline myself in practising written Finnish 'coz I'm getting really rusty in that area. And R2 has promised to help me edit my texts. :-D

4. Slices of reindeer meat beef hanging in one corner of the house - which will then turn into yummy kuivaliha (dried reindeer meat). Can't wait to eat it!!! :-D



5. A customer thanking me on how I handled an incident that had happened in the past involving her and me - I had forgotten about her already, but she remembered me.

6. Spending a few blissful days at home together with hubby (he'd done lots of overtime, so he took some time off).

7. Delicious pizza that hubby bought on his birthday. Plus I didn't need to cook ha ha ha...

3BT: Random Days

1. Watching a woman riding a bike on a rainy day with one hand holding an umbrella. :-))) Quite a sight!

2. Reading this inspirational story online (thanks to Michelle Frost for putting the link in Facebook!): Armless Painter's Amazing Story of Hope.

3. Wearing the tossut that MIL made me HE HE HE HE...

4. Cooler weather 'coz it means I won't sweat too much during my training at the hotel. :-)))

5. Sleeping for 12 hours on Sunday.

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6. Hubby waking me up after that LONG sleep and we ended up cuddling and kissing in bed first HO HO HO HO HO...Felt just like honeymooners! :-D

7. Surviving these past two incredibly tiring and rather stressful workdays.

8. Rowan trees' leaves are changing colours as well as other trees, but my fave is still those rowan trees 'coz they may have three colours at once. Pretty, pretty, pretty!

9. A sense of accomplishment 'coz I've finished what I've been wanting to do for the past few months: writing a real life story on a certain theme in Finnish and submitting it to one Finnish magazine. They always try to find real life stories each edition (not a long one, max. 1,000 words) and this time I finally found a good story to write that suits the theme of the month and the diligence and courage to do it (even though I know my Finnish is still very VERY simple). :-)))

(side note: If the story is published - usually there are 2-3 stories published per edition, I can get some money!!! *fingers crossed* But even if it's not published, I'll consider it an exercise in writing Finnish he he...)

10. Singing or humming while doing my training at the hotel. :-))))

11. Making dessert for the lunch at MIL's house last Saturday. I just sliced apples, kiwis, bananas, and one mango and put them into a HUGE bowl and poured orange juice. Very fruity! :-D

I Passed YKI testi!!!

WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I passed the test!



Got the certificate today, sent to our address he he he he...One has to pass level 3 to be able to use the certificate to apply for Finnish citizenship after one has lived in Finland for a number of years. I was worried that I wouldn't get a solid 3 for the speaking part, since it was really HORRENDOUS he he he...I knew that I'd get a good mark for the writing part, since I thoroughly enjoyed that part he he he...

I got 3 for speaking comprehension, speaking, writing comprehension, grammar + vocabulary, but I got 4 for the writing part.

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

I felt like jumping up and down, you know? Receiving the certificate gave me a huge burst of energy he he he...so I was like a tiny ball of fireeeeeeee he he he he...or a cute pinkish pig jumping up and down LOL LOL LOL!!!

I sent SMS to my family right away and after Tae-bo and shower, I also notified my teacher. She was pleased to hear the news, of course. ;-D

OK, now time for me to blog-hop he he he he...

StoryMash: My Attempt At Writing Parts of Stories

The other day while I was browsing online for other types of opportunities to get money online, I came across StoryMash. It's a very interesting website for those who want to try writing parts of stories. You don't even need to complete one story as everybody can continue other people's stories.

Would you like to read mine? I wrote down the beginning of a story a few years back which I never finished he he he he...

The Painter Part 1

At first I didn't want to show you my writing since I'm pretty embarrassed ha ha ha ha...but turns out that the more people who read my story, the more money I can possibly get HE HE HE HE HE HE...

They're also running a writing contest now. If you're interested in writing, why don't you register and join? Or if you only like reading, I think you can also contribute by giving votes for the writers.

Anyway, I'll try to join the contest later on since I really want to write PLUS get some prizes HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...Even if I don't win anything, it'll just be good enough for me to try to do something I've been wanting to do years and years and years back.

Finally Approved by PPP!!!

Yesterday I read in a friend's blog that she had joined PayPerPost. That made me wonder why mine hadn't been approved yet, even though I had registered mine earlier than that. She suggested that I should contact their Customer Support and I did. This morning when I checked my inbox, turned out they had approved my blog! What a nice surprise! ;-D

As you all know, I'm in dire need of some income as I've been unemployed ever since I moved to Finland. At first I was a bit unsure about making money online opportunities, but seeing other fellow bloggers promoting this site, I figured that there would be no harm done in trying this site out.

After all, I love writing and I can do it from the comfort of my home. Mmmm...I can already imagine being able to save the money I get and spend some on buying some things I need without having to ask for more money from my hubby. Ain't that grand? ;-D

So if you have a blog that's already 90 days old and you'd like to generate some money by working from home, try registering your blog in PayPerPost. Once your blog's approved, you'll get plenty of opportunities to write each day and you can also improve your creativity level in writing. What do you have to lose, right? Come on and join the fun!

Letter Girl

Just found out that there won't be any Finnish classes today and tomorrow. Our teacher's on sick leave. Two of her wisdom teeth had just been removed this morning. OUCH!!! So I have time to write this post he he he...

I don't know why but I've always been interested in writing letters ever since I was a kid. Back then there was no internet yet, so letters were still pretty big. When I was in Elementary School, I had a good friend. Unfortunately we had different classes after a few years, so then I started writing letters to her. Her aunt'd pick her up from school and my Mom'd pick me up from school, so we exchanged letters through them he he he...As usual, they'd come before school was over so they had time to talk and to exchange our letters. I don't remember much about this as I didn't keep the letters. I think mostly they were just written on a piece of paper he he...

On the second grade in Junior High School, I sat next to an outgoing, funny girl. She started writing letters to me. We'd give the letter to each other but we'd only read it when we were home. We shared stories of our crushes and all that he he he he...It was SO MUCH FUN! She'd fold the letters in a certain way and I'd follow her steps he he he...We stopped writing each other when we went to different classes on the third grade. Now she's married and she has two kids already.

On the third grade in Junior High School, I sat next to another girl. We started exchanging letters as well. This time it continued until we got to High School. We went to different High Schools, but the building was the same. I went to the morning school, whereas she went to the afternoon one, so I'd wait for her to come to school to exchange the letters and then I'd go home whereas she started her school day.

We became pretty close because of those letters. Turned out that we had a crush on the same boy at school in Junior High!!! HA HA HA HA...So funny! She also shared some private stories that she had never told anyone else. It feels GOOD to be trusted that way. We also shared stories of our love life along High School. She started working right after graduation as she went to a vocational school. I went to the university afterward, but over the years we still kept in touch via snail mails. The frequency was dwindling, but we still kept in touch. And then we started talking to each other on the phone again. She's now married to an evangelist.

At the university, I met a sensitive girl. She started writing letters to me, so we exchanged letters every once in a while, even though we met a lot and we talked a lot in real life and also over the phone. We still keep in touch via emails.

1999 was the year when I had SO MANY emailpals. I wanted to improve my written English, so I asked my Dad to upgrade the computer and buy me a modem he he he...It was SO SLOW back then to get online. How time flies!!! Anyway, it seems that my entire life's filled with letters or emails. No wonder I LOVE blogging.

Actually a couple of years back I tried to make my own homepage and posted some of my poems and someone said to me, "Hey, it seems that you'll like blogging." Back then I didn't understand the concept of blogging, but now what she said makes SO MUCH SENSE to me. Oh yeah, to those of you who don't know, I used to write so many poems, but I think lately I've lost the knack to write good poems. It seems that nowadays I'm more in tune with essays. Back then I loved writing poems 'coz I could hide my true feelings in poetry (for fear of my journal being read by somebody else). These days I don't feel that need anymore.

Oh well...just a rambling post about the importance of writing in my life he he he...