A Touch of Love

You know one of those days when you feel like you're not performing that well at work, but then out of the blue someone gives you a positive feedback? I had one of those days a while ago. I was feeling hormonal and grumpy inside. In short I wasn't the most patient worker that day. At the end of my shift, I was chatting up with a customer when another regular one came over and gave me one positive feedback after another in front of the other customer and the other customer kept on agreeing. At first I could say thank you in a clear voice, but after a while I couldn't hold back my tears and couldn't even say thank you properly. Thankfully I had tissue ready in my pocket, so I could dab my eyes with it.

The customers were tactful enough to change the topic when they noticed that I was getting teary-eyed and was struggling to speak. All the way home I had a hard time keeping my tears from falling down. The moment I arrived home, I was practically sobbing. I was so touched by that customer's words and was grateful for the mental boost. The encounter made me realize that deep inside, even though I knew I wasn't performing that well that day, those unexpected words were exactly what I needed to hear. Even now as I'm typing these words, I start crying again.

It's amazing what a touch of loving kindness can do to another human being. All I can do is try to give my best, learn from my mistakes, and pay it forward.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! 💟💟💟

I'll end this post with this beautiful song..."When Love Takes You In" by Steven Curtis Chapman.

Technology and Traveling

Gosh, where did time go? I've been such a bad blogger and blog-hopper. It can be pretty tricky to get back to the swing of things after a long break from writing in a blog. It's not that I haven't had anything to say, but I've felt less the need to share it in my blog, I guess. 

Anyway, last month we had our winter break and we went to London. It was my second time going there and I was planning on meeting some friends again. While waiting for our flight to London at Helsinki airport, I had to turn off my mobile because I felt like it wasn't working properly. When I turned it back on, I had to type in the four-digit code to activate my mobile. I punched in my usual numbers, but my device said that they were the wrong ones.

Uh oh...then I realized what had happened. You see...R2 had changed my provider to a better one about two months prior to our London trip and I had forgotten to change the activation code. I hadn't memorized the new one, either (I tried punching in 0000, but it didn't work, either). The third time around my guess was wrong, so my mobile was locked and I had to enter my PUK code to activate it. Luckily R2 was there with me and since he was the one who ordered the whole thing, he had access to the PUK code. Phew!

I was panicking for a while before R2 found the PUK code, because my mobile had everything necessary for me to contact my friends easily (the ones I were planning to visit in London). Imagine if I had been alone and then my phone was locked like that. There are no more payphones in Helsinki airport these days, so I would have had to borrow someone else's mobile phone to contact R2. Geez...it reminds me how much I rely on my mobile to do so many things these days and how different it was back then when I was growing up. I remember lining up in front of public phone booths in Bali during our High Sschool trip to contact our parents and let them know that we had arrived safely. Dang, the memory makes me feel old HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHHH...

Anyway, I had the pleasure of meeting Nikki again in London. YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! We spent half a day together and we even visited the same cafe we found two years ago. We visited the British Museum (free pass!) and we found a really strange statue that Nikki found disturbing. It was a statue of a woman who was carrying a weird-looking figure in her arms. If the figure was a baby, it would have been understandable, but the small figure in her arms looked like an old man who was pouring some water or something like that. We couldn't find any description regarding the weird-looking little old man in her arms LOL!!!

P.S. Did you notice that I was wearing the same red top, Nikki? :-D I'm glad that the blogosphere brought us together. :-D Until next time!

Cultural Clashes: Mom's Visit to Finland

My mom spent almost 3 weeks in Finland with us and it was quite a ride. I'm thankful for the opportunity, because she's not getting any younger and coming here is such a loooooong journey. She was amazed at how bright it was during the nights and in Lapland she said that the sky felt so close (close enough to make her feel like she could grab the clouds with her bare hands LOL!). She enjoyed good weather for two full weeks (sunny and warm, about 20'C), but then the temperature took a dive and it was rainy/grey for the last week. The good thing about this was that she got to see some autumn colours (mostly some yellow colours). She also got a few chances to see some reindeer in Lapland, so that was cool, too. 

One thing I realized during her visit was that I had taken so many things for granted. There are so many things that have become my new normal that I hadn't anticipated telling/explaining to her. Case in point: the day before she was supposed to fly back to Indo, she asked me why the toilet sprayer (the small spray for your private parts next to the toilet) didn't work well whenever she used it. I had forgotten that back home at her place, her toilet sprayer wasn't connected to the sink, so it would automatically spray water whenever you press the handle. However, here in Finland all the toilet sprayers are connected to the sink, so you have to open the tap at the sink first before you're able to use the toilet sprayer. What surprised me (and made me slightly amused) was the fact that it took her that long to ask me that.

Other than those pragmatic daily stuff (like how to use the stove, how to use the shower, how to open/close the blinds, etc.), lots of cultural differences also appeared. Here are a list of things I can think of right now:

1. Sauna

During the good weather period, I introduced my mom to MIL's sauna in another village. That sauna uses firewood, so I thought it would be a different experience for her. The first time we were there, the weather was so gorgeous and warm, so I told my mom she could just take a bath there in the sauna if she didn't want to stay there too long. She did take a bath, but she said it was way too hot for her. When the weather became cooler, my mom said it was so cold that she didn't want to shower. So I offered her to warm up the sauna at our place. I told her to go inside before the sauna got too hot, so this time she managed to enjoy the sauna experience better. The next time I was warming up the sauna, she was more than ready to jump inside, especially because the weather was cold. So in the beginning she didn't understand the benefits of the sauna at all (esp. when the weather was gorgeous outside), but once it became colder, she began to enjoy going there. 

2. Crossing the Streets

We spent some time in Helsinki with my mom (we ourselves rarely go to Helsinki because it's a long journey from here and it's not cheap to travel in Finland) and in the beginning the way she was crossing the street was Indonesian style. As long as the streets looked empty, regardless of the light, she would automatically start to move forward LOL! 

3. Clearing Your Own Table At Some Places

We spent a day in Rovaniemi at a hotel that offered free breakfast and in that hotel, guests were asked to clear their own table. There were designated places for utensils, bowls, etc. In some cafes in the airport as well, there are usually carts where people can put away their trays. These things were new for my mom. 

4. Seeing Drunk People

My mom was surprised to see some drunk people in the streets/at some parks. In Indonesia, drinking alcoholic drinks isn't customary and you rarely see drunk people in public places in broad daylight (perhaps only at some bars during the wee hours of the day).

I had something else to add to this list, but it has escaped me at the moment. I'll write it down when I remember it later. Here are some photos of us in a collage. The bottom middle pic is when my mom tasted my homemade reindeer meat. :-D

Bubble Tea

Was just browsing around youtube and I found this react video, which reminded me of our last trip back to my hometown. We went to a mall, thinking that we would go watch a movie or something, but it was such a hot day, so I decided to go buy us something cold to drink. Since bubble tea isn't available here, I went to a bubble tea stand and asked R2 what he wanted. There were also other cold drinks available, so he chose a normal one, whereas I had this kind of bubble tea. Bubble tea became such a hit in my hometown when I was in High School (or early uni days) if I remember correctly. It was invented in the 1980s in Taiwan.

Watch the video first if you have no idea what bubble tea is:



You should've seen the look on R2's face as I was slurping my cold drink and the black balls ha ha ha ha ha ha...He said they looked like shit HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

I really LOOOOVVEEEE tapioca balls or chewy stuff (such as octopus/squid), though I'd prefer not to eat sticky toffee because I lost one tooth because of it. So the chewy stuff that I like must be the types that don't stick to the teeth. Otherwise I'd prefer not to eat them anymore. You see, a few years ago I was happily eating some sticky toffee sweets and then one of them got stuck to my tooth filling and when I tried to unstuck the toffee, the filling fell out along with it. I called the dentist's office the next day and got an appointment right away. I was thinking that he'd be able to give me another filling, but no. Turned out it wasn't an option anymore, so I had to have the whole tooth pulled out and since it was my second last upper left molar, it was a bit difficult to pull it out. Afterwards, I was told not to lift heavy stuff that day. It felt very weird in the beginning to have a big gap there, but now I'm used to it. 

Have you ever tried bubble tea? If so, any fave taste? Ever had any incident with sticky stuff that forced you to go to the dentist?

Childhood Memories: Japanese and Wuxia Series

The other day a FB friend posted a video clip from an old Japanese series that we used to watch when we were kids. Back then computers were still a luxury and there were not many TV programs for kids, so video rental providers were popular (along with handheld game devices). I was saturated mostly with Japanese series (anime and non-anime) and wuxia (martial arts) series ever since I was young and I still have fond memories of these even until now. I still love Japanese anime and wuxia series.

Let me share some of my memories that have recently brought up to the surface by watching that video clip. Here goes:

1. One of my most remarkable memories of a Japanese anime series was when a bad guy in the series died and the girl who loved him the most did something extraordinary. She used a machine to take over his body to get some revenge. This body switch was such an amazing concept for a young person like me and it's left such a profound mark on me. In an anime world, imagination is the key!

Side note: the thing is, I don't remember where I saw this scene, but it's been stuck on my mind for the longest time ever, so I can't find any links to this just yet. 

2. The said video showed a superhero that could produce fire from his hair (and could shoot fire from the hair). How awesome is that? :-D I don't care how the mechanics work, but the sheer possibility of making it happen on screen is super cool. 


3. In one Japanese series, there was a female robot that could shoot boob missiles. The only downside of this was that once both missiles were shot, then she was doomed. I just found some info on this robot. No wonder she wasn't built with lots of weapon. She was built for peace! Here's the link if you want to read about her: Aphrodite A.  

I couldn't find any video clip of her in action in the anime, but here's a video of her action figure (including the boob shots) in case you want to see it: 
 

4. I loved watching wuxia series when I was young because of the many female characters in the movie who could do martial arts. As a tomboy, I loved the idea of strong women he he he he...Funnily enough, though, I never questioned something that I considered an epic love story in one wuxia series until much later. You see, in one story, this "forever young" female loner took in a young boy and trained him in martial arts. As he grew older, they fell in love with each other, but many people thought it was unnatural for them to be together, so they were separated for many, many years. They went through a lot of hardships, but in the end they were reunited (the guy lost one arm at one point in his journey). Here's some info on the female character: Xiaolongnu.  

Move away, Romeo and Juliet! LOL!!! 

Here's a video clip that some scenes from the series. You can see how the guy has progressed from a young adult into a mature man in it. 

1996, 2006, 2016

A friend has just summarized big events in her life happening in the years of this post's title. It made me think of my own life events.

1996 coincides with my High School graduation and my entering university. No more uniform! I could start wearing whatever I wanted to my classes. Well, pretty much so until they made a rule that during exams the girls had to wear black skirts and white shirts and black shoes. Bah humbug! I've always been a tomboy and I prefer wearing pants/jeans in a humid environment. The only occasion I liked wearing skirts was for a wedding party where they had air conditioner in the building ha ha ha...Back then I kept on daydreaming of travelling around the world someday, never really knowing how and where. I was also daydreaming of getting a boyfriend, since I had never had one before. Back then I had no idea I'd end up where I am today. 

Here's my High School graduation photo. I was wearing some traditional clothes (rented):

2006 was the year when R2 and I got married. Can't believe it's almost 10 years ago. It doesn't feel that long, you know? Feels like only yesterday that I was still struggling with all the necessary paperwork for us to get married in Indo. Lots of paperwork and stress as even after the wedding, I couldn't come to Finland right away since the Finnish government wouldn't allow me to move to Finland using a tourist visa. We were agonizingly separated for about 3 months after our wedding and honeymoon. I remember that Christmas and New Year 2006 being a dark time. I hated the fact that other people could be with their loved ones, but we were separated by bureaucracy he he he...Needless to say we were so happy to be together again when I could finally move to Finland in March 2007 (bringing with me only 27 kgs of my life LOL!). 

Here's a photo of us in summer 2007 (my first summer in Finland):

2016 marks my (ongoing) struggle with bilateral tennis elbow and a long sick leave. Last Christmas and New Year felt like any ordinary day with some dark clouds looming above me, but the highlight of this summer would be my mom's visit to Finland for the first time ever. She's just submitted her tourist visa application to the Finnish Embassy and they told her it'd be ready within two weeks' time. So it seems that she doesn't even need to go through any interview. Hope she stays healthy for her travels 'coz it's going to be a LOOOONNNGGG way from home. And 2016 will also mark our 10th wedding anniversary in November. 

Here's a photo of us last April in Prague:

Looking back, life has so many surprises (good and bad) and twists and turns. I'm thankful that R2 and I can be together and are still alive and can enjoy our togetherness. I'm also thankful that we're both still working and that despite my health situation, I can still work part-time and my workplace (bosses and colleagues) have been very accommodating to my limitations. I'm also thankful that my mom can finally visit me here this year. Thank you, Lord!

 

Saying Goodbye

Reaching the end of an engaging story feels like saying goodbye to very dear, beloved friends. This is especially true when it comes to watching or reading a series. You've invested time and energy into the characters and you're dying to know the ending, but at the same time you're also reluctant to say goodbye to your beloved friends. After all, you've cried and laughed with them and they're your own fictional best friends. You've grown to love them over time. You've grown to know them so well and you want the best for them. You may even be able to quote their words or mimic their voices. You may even say this randomly in your daily life, "Ah, so-and-so would have reacted this way to this incident."

I remember several times in life I had to hold back and slow down when I knew I was nearing the end of the story. It was bittersweet. When I finally read the last words, I sighed in agony and either pleasure or sadness (the latter was reserved for sad endings). It wasn't easy to say goodbye to my beloved fictional friends. When it came to stories with sad endings, if I felt like the writer had done some injustice, I'd internally reject the endings. I would then do my best to try to forget the actual endings and make up my own endings. I can, though, accept some sad endings if I feel that it's justifiable enough. 

I don't necessarily like open endings in general, but there are exceptions. I like the fact that open endings allow the readers to continue the story without having to disregard an actual ending. However, sometimes I feel that I am left hanging off a cliff and I can't see anything down below or around me since everywhere is covered by some thick fog. There's this thirst for more resolution that sometimes occurs when I reach an open ending. When it happens, I feel like asking the writer, "Why do you leave me hanging here?"

How about you? What are your experiences on reading/watching engaging stories? Would you share some with me?

3BT: Random Days

1. Yesterday I managed to book plane tickets for my mom. WHOOOOPPPEEE!!! Very impressed with KLM customer service on FB, since they have quick response and they help me out very promptly. I hope my mom stays healthy and everything goes out well. I've ordered wheelchair assistance for her since she's had some knee problem and it's her first time travelling solo. Plus she only speaks basic English. EXCITTTINNNGGG!!! 

Thank you as well to Juliana who's advised me to get this type of wheelchair assistance for my mom to make things more easily for her.

2. We had a lovely winter holiday in Prague. The weather wasn't that hot yet, but it enabled us to walk a lot every day. One day we even covered 18 km.

3. Here are some views of Prague as well as some silly photos of me in Madame Tussaud museum he he he...

One Fine Day

Twelve years ago I came to Finland for the first time and I had my first cabin experience. On R2's birthday this year, we went to the cabin to celebrate it. Thankful that we're still given time together on earth. The temperature was a bit colder than usual, but the sun was shining so brightly. I brought my snow shoes with me so that my legs wouldn't be stuck deep on some parts of the thicker snow while walking towards the cabin he he...The temperature dropped down to around -14'C during the night, but we had a gorgeous sunset and a full moon to enjoy.

I've made a short video clip. I deliberately didn't erase the actual sound of the video despite the fact that I did add the music so that you can all hear the crunch crunch of the snow below my snow shoes he he...We walked across the frozen lake and at the end of the clip, I was trying to make a hole on the frozen lake. Thankfully it wasn't that hard to do since the weather had been kinda warm. I remember one time we went to the cabin and it took R2 at least half an hour to dig into the ice and it was around 15 cm thick. We had to make the hole big enough to get some water for the sauna. 

FYI, at the end of the clip, I threw away my gloves since they got wet when I tried to get rid of some icy bits to make the hole bigger ha ha...


What else has been going on in my life? Well, the recovery process is still continuing. I've been exercising more regularly than normal, doing more stretches as well at work during recess or behind the till. A funny thing happened the other day. I had some brown kinesio tape on my wrists and both arms and a customer said, "Do you have problem with your skin or something? Why do you have so much band-aid?" LOL!!! 

Oh yeah, I've also bought a foam roller since I thought it'd help. The last time I met one physiotherapist, I got to try her foam roller on my back and it felt good. I've been using it a few times now. The only thing that my body doesn't like is the fact that in many poses, I have to hold my body weight using my arms and my wrists don't necessarily like it, but at least now I know how to do a self-massage for my lower arms that are pretty effective. Lesson in healing: better collect as many "weapons" as possible so that you can combine them all as you move forward in your healing process. This also means you've got to learn from different people and do lots of trials and errors since what works for you may not exactly work for someone else. 

What Language Do You Use In Your Head?

I haven't been blogging in a long time, have I? It's always harder to get back on track once you haven't been in the flow of things for a long period of time. It's almost like going back to your exercise regime or starting a new one after a long break. My tennis elbow problem is still under control, though depending on the days and what activities I've done and the kind of exercise I do, there can be more symptoms (pain, tightness, etc.). I know for sure that I still can't handle the normal amount of work, so I've talked to my bosses about it. It's a long road to recovery, but I'm positive about healing. 

A friend of mine had the same problem and it took her two full years to recover, but even then she warned me that it could happen all over again if I were not careful (maintaining the right posture at work, doing enough exercise at home). So I've been doing more exercise and I've walked more (instead of riding my bike) these days. The arms don't like certain kinds of exercise movements, but I'm only able to find out about it afterwards, so it's a bit of a trial and error in terms of trying out different kinds of exercise programs.

A FB friend posted this video in her newsfeed and I tried it right away. My left arm was giving me a full-blown headache when I was doing this (didn't happen with the right arm) and I actually felt a bit nausea as well (just like what she described in the video), but I felt so much lighter afterwards. She's also uploaded lots of other videos (a few others I've also tried).


I've also been massaging my back and shoulders with the massage stick I got as my birthday present last year (as per my request). It's been helping me a bit, too. I've been using at least two rolls of kinesio tape, since for some reason my skin doesn't like it when I use it in the sauna, even though some people can keep them on in the sauna with no problem whatsoever. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago someone asked me what language I used in my head to think. I answered, "English, Finnish, and Indonesian." I use Indonesian the least these days compared to English and Finnish, so my Indonesian is getting rusty. I noticed this during the Skype call I made to my mom about a week ago. I struggled in finding some words and only the English and Finnish words came out (along with the image of the words I wanted to convey to her) LOL!!! 

The weather has been pretty warm these days (nearing or a little above 0'C), though there's still oodles of snow everywhere. Here's a photo I took a while back. I received some long-stemmed roses, but my vases were all too short, so I ended up having to use a Lion King pitcher for them ha ha ha ha ha...

The Looooooooong Road to Recovery

I spent most of December and all of January on a sick leave. It felt surreal because from the outside, I looked just fine. The tennis elbow problem, which started off with the ganglion cyst on my right wrist, has now been felt on both arms. I've been to two different physiotherapists (PT) and I've gone back and forth to the doctor many times to get a sick leave. Not fun. The worst part of all was probably the thought of losing my job and not being able to recover fully. Yikes! What would I do, then? If I hated my job, the sick leave would probably make me feel relieved, but that is not the case at all since I still enjoy my job. So the stress of being out of work for a long time also weighed on my mind a lot. 

I've discovered kinesio taping and ultrasound massage from two different PTs. Twice the first PT put on some kinesio tape on my arms (each time I asked her to do it on a different arm since I wanted to test the difference between that arm and the arm without any kinesio taping on). I've also received lots of pointers on how to keep a good posture and a neutral position for my wrists whenever I do anything. The second PT even managed to pinpoint what I must've done wrong to make my back (shoulder blades) become so tight. I've also received a series of stretching/strengthening exercises to do. 

On the worst days, I couldn't even cook anything a bit more complicated without any throbbing pain afterwards. Since it was my first bout of tennis elbow, it took me lots of trials and errors to know what to do and what not to do. The second PT told me that what worked and what didn't work varied greatly from one person to another. No wonder! I felt at such a loss before I had my PT appointments.

Anyway, this week I started going back to work again. I'm thankful that my bosses are understanding and supportive and since I only work part-time, my work schedule is ideal for me. I still feel some pain (it varies depending on the activities I do) and I'm still using the kinesio tape (I've been learning how to put it myself through trial and errors), but I've stopped using the painkiller in the form of gel since it only masks the pain. I've learnt that it's handy to use some painkiller when the pain is too much or it makes me unable to rest well during the nights, but when the pain has subsided, it may be dangerous to keep using it as it only makes me feel that I'm much better already, whereas in actual fact it's not true. 

I don't know how long it'll take until I feel no more pain from doing work/exercise. So far I've only done one shift and I had a little pain afterwards and the next day after I did some zumba (and the strengthening exercise routine), I felt more pain. I don't dare shovel the snow yet, so I feel bad for my husband since it's been snowing a lot again. But anyway, I feel more hopeful about healing after meeting the PTs.

Anyway, here are some photos I took during my walks (okay, the first photo is the exception LOL!). These days I rarely use my bulky camera to take photos as it's easier to take photos with my mobile he he...

 

Splendid Sodankylä

Was bored since I couldn't do anything much, so went for a walk along the river bank and took some photos and one video. I combined the video with the one from last Christmas and added a song and some quotes.

Inflammation

I have several reasons why I haven't been blogging, but the latest reason is that I've been having trouble with my wrist/hand/arm. First there was ganglion cyst, but it disappeared on its own after some rest and after I started wearing a thumb/wrist stabiliser at work. The stabiliser helped me at work, but apparently my wrist hasn't completely healed yet as the inflammation flared up again. So now I'm again banned from doing anything strenuous. Not sure how long it's going to take. I guess it's going to take as long as it takes. Definitely bad timing for me to have a long sick leave at work since it's near Christmas, but it's not that I want to experience something like this. 

The doc prescribed me a stronger dose of pain killer last Friday, but after taking two pills I had a allergic reaction to it, so I stopped taking it immediately. The pain has subsided a lot now, but I still don't dare do anything strenuous as the doc told me that I could only start gentle stretches in a week. 

This problem has made me realized just how often we rely on using our fingers/wrist/hand movements each day. And it also makes me feel awed at those people who've managed to live their lives with less limbs (or even without limbs). 

OK, time for me to rest up my hand again. I made this with an app on my mobile, so the quality of the photo was reduced a lot, but anyway, just want to show you a lovely pink sky that I saw sometime last week. This is a photo of semi-frozen river downtown.

 

3BT: Random Days

1. I finally succumbed to the temptation after having resisted it for at least three years. I bought myself a body pillow as an early birthday present for myself. You see, Indonesians use a kind of round body pillows all their lives and over here they've finally started selling body pillows (though they're longer and not in a round shape). Funnily enough, the first night I used it, I had a bit trouble adjusting myself as I hadn't been using it ever since I moved to Finland, but I'm getting more used to it now and I love it. :-D

2. Watching this video made me laugh.


3. This month it started snowing and just as I liked it, the temperature didn't go up too much, so there was no ice at all. The fresh snow may be a little slippery, but not as dangerous as the ice. Winter Wonderland, I love you! 

4. I ordered something for a Christmas gift and about a month later I realized that the price had gone up quite a lot. Feeling lucky that I got to pay the cheaper price! :-D

5. Experiencing a clarifying moment after having had a muddled brain for many days. 

6. I've been taking time away from FB for a while and it feels GREAT to have an FB vacation. :-) 

Oiling My Ears

Each year usually by the time November rolls around, I take out my SAD light box and sit in front of it regularly each morning. Otherwise I'll feel lethargic and uninspired and my brain goes foggy. If October is grey and rainy, though, I usually start using my SAD light box that month. This year was crazy in the way that I had to use this lamp already in July as this year's summer was so grey and rainy. We're now down to 6 hours of daylight and it's getting rapidly less and less as we're approaching Christmas. I noticed that a few people have already turned on their Christmas lamps when we drove around the other week LOL!!!

Ever since we got back from Malta, I had been dealing with sinus problems. The nurse prescribed me a stronger type of antihistamine and the doc prescribed me four bottles of nose spray that I could use long-term (though I prefer not to!). I only bought one bottle first and I'm now down to 4/5th of it and I had been trying to figure out a way to stop using it. You see, when I had my days off, I could get by without using it, but for work, I needed an optimal mental capacity so I could focus on work and communicating in Finnish, so I had been using the spray for work. I had also tried other means: Neti Pot, nose oil, steaming my face. The pressure between my eyebrows and along my upper teeth kept coming back. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

In the end I tried something else: oiling my ears. I took a Q-tip and oiled each end with baby oil and then just shoved it into my ears. The weird thing is that it has worked pretty well so far! I've been doing it for a week and I haven't had to resort to using the nose spray at all and the pressure is 90% gone. Strange but true, eh? :-D

It's been snowing again for the past few days. Yesterday was the first time I had to shovel the yard and today I'll have to do it again. It's good to be forced to get out and do something physical in winter. It was kinda heavy to shovel the snow as the temperature was 0'C and the snow was very wet. A thick pile of dry snow will be less heavy than a thin pile of wet snow.

Here are some Winter Wonderland photos I took when I walked back from work:

Here's also a video clip of downtown Sodankylä taken by Samuli Korvanen:

3BT: Random Days

1. Went aurora chasing two days after the previous post's big aurora, but that time the aurora wasn't as strong, so I couldn't capture the photos too well even though I had my camera and small tripod with me. However, I did manage to see reddish colour and I could see the progression of when the aurora started dancing right above the horizon before it moved further up to above my head. Here's a collage of the not-so-good photos (but at least you can see the crazy shapes the aurora can make).

2. Hubby managed to take a day off, so we went for a weekend trip to Levi and had a relaxing time there.

3. I've booked a massage for preparation to go back to work. Work is going to be super hectic during the first two weeks of the store being re-opened after the renovation, so I feel that I need a fit body for that.

4. I'm planning to send my mom to Finland next year for a visit and this thought is really exciting for me. The only thing we both need to secure first is a permission from our bosses to have the holiday at the same time as my mom's visit he he he...since she can't handle the cold, it has to be in summer.

5. Finding ginger candies at a supermarket in Levi. They're exactly like the ones I like from Indo, so even though they're expensive, I bought two packs of them HA HA HA HA...

P.S. Here's another one of the aurora photos taken with my camera (I don't have any wide lens, so can only capture bits and pieces).

 

My First Big Aurora

Two nights ago as I was going to turn off my computer and go to sleep, I noticed several aurora notifications from the local meteorologist site (I'm subscribed to get the notifications). When I noticed the high numbers, I realized that the Northern Lights must have been strong ones, so I ran outside and yep, despite the fact that our place was surrounded by street lights here and there (that dampened the colour and brilliance of the dancing lights), I could see their movements very clearly across the sky. I had seen them a few times before, but they were much weaker and then they were gone in a few minutes, so I never tried taking photos of them. So I ran back inside and grabbed my mobile phone as I wouldn't know how long they would last. Unfortunately my camera's battery hadn't been recharged, so I had to be happy with my mobile camera, though I doubted that it would be able to take any decent photos at all.

I tried taking photos using different modes. Fireworks: nope, night mode without tripod: nope, videotaping: nope. Just black, black, black. So I did the only thing I could do: automatic mode with flash. The first few photos were blurry, but I could see some green, so I learnt to hold my mobile more steadily and in between the photo taking session, I had to learn to hold my breath as well. You see, if I had breathed out when I held my mobile upward to the sky, my cold breath would go up and cover the camera LOL!!! If I had breathed in, my hand would shake a little. But I must say it was worth all the holding back of my breath HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...

The Northern Lights kept on dancing around the whole sky for hours, though I only stayed there for about half an hour. Amazing, though I couldn't see the green that clearly (more like very pale green/whitish) due to the many street lights around me. I didn't want to bother going farther away to find a darker place as I didn't want to miss it at all. My neck was sore after coming back as I had to look up the whole time I was out. They say that tonight there will be another strong show and I'm recharging my regular camera at the moment, wishing that it won't be cloudy tonight. We shall see how it goes.

In the meantime, here's a collage I made of the few decent photos I managed to take with my mobile. They aren't good enough to be printed, but at least you can see how they keep moving around and changing shapes. FYI, the ones on the second row are vertical photos. 

 
Here's one vertical photo in its original size (notice the street light below as a guide to let you know just how long the aurora is):

If you want to see other more amazing photos from across Finland, here's the link (click on each photo to see a bigger version): Aurora.

Two Separate Paths

Time and time again I've felt stumped when people say to me that they'll pray for us to have children or that they hope that we'll get a miracle pregnancy. Even when I've told them that I've considered our family complete, they'd insist, "But you WILL be happy if you get pregnant". I know they mean well, but they just don't understand that this path we've been walking on for the past few years is a separate path than the still-hoping path. There's only one person so far that I've talked to that understands that they're two very separate paths and how getting pregnant means a total redirection of life and the birth of (pun intended) mixed feelings.

You see, even though technically speaking I can still get pregnant as I'm still young enough (though I  never did get pregnant when we were seriously trying), this path we've been walking on is more similar to the path of those people who've had enough kids and the kids are already in Junior High/High School, so their focus in life is totally different. Will they be happy if the wife suddenly gets (miraculously) pregnant? I'm not saying she wouldn't, but it's not going to be the same as when the couple were seriously trying to get pregnant when they were younger (when they felt that their family wasn't complete yet). That's where we are at - well, minus the kids.

We're content. We no longer feel like we're missing something. And believe me, it's not easy to get to this stage when the world won't let us forget how rewarding and fulfilling parenthood can be and how those who are non-parents just don't get it. Just look at how people have judged the non-parents who are in politics, even writers***. I remember years back a famous female writer died and in the comment section of an article on her death and books, some people argued that she wasn't such a good writer because she wasn't a mother. This was one of the things that made me feel that I was seriously lacking something as a woman back then when I was still dying to join the Motherhood Club. The battle with the questions "Am I less than a woman because I'm not a mother? Don't I know what true/conditional love is because I'm not a mother?" was harsh.

In the letter I wrote to my mom almost two years ago when she suddenly started sending me messages about praying for us to have children, I explained to her that those kinds of prayers weren't helpful at all. In fact, it only made me feel like our family wasn't complete and that we were still missing something. Her prayers also made me feel like she was pitying us and it wasn't helpful, either. After all the time and effort it took us to finally reach this point when we're at peace with what we don't have and after all the time and grief work it took us to finally feel whole again as human beings, well-meaning (hopeful) words about a miracle pregnancy don't do us any good.  

What's funny about dealing with people who still insist on praying for us to have children is that they can be defensive when I ask them to pray for something else instead. In my mind, what's the use of praying for something when the person himself/herself isn't even trying to get it and the person himself/herself doesn't even put any efforts to get it? Isn't it absurd? Why is it with people that they keep trying to fix someone else's (assumed) problem when the other party doesn't even feel it is a problem (anymore)? 

Yes, we both have a hole in our hearts due to infertility and childlessness, but other people's prayers/hope for a miracle pregnancy only make us feel as though they were pointing to our hearts and say, "But look, there's a hole in your hearts! I want you to have children so that the hole in your hearts can be filled." What they don't realize is that we don't consider the hole to be something that has to be filled anymore. The hole has shaped us in unique ways and taught us important lessons in life, just like parenthood has shaped and taught parents in different ways. The hole doesn't feel like a curse anymore. In fact, we are now able to be thankful for the lessons given by the hole, and for that, I think other people should be glad for us.

I'm going to end this post with Brene Brown's animation on Empathy. 


*** P.S. I'm well-aware that even parents judge other parents. I suppose as long as there are humans on earth, people (sadly) won't stop judging other people no matter what, but from where I'm standing, sometimes it does feel like parents hold a trump card whenever I read comments like that. After all, how many times have you heard/read people start a sentence with "as a parent" or "as a mom"?

Pure Alexia

Remember the book on sale that I bought a while back? Well, the English title is The Mind's Eye by Oliver Sacks. It's a fascinating book full of real life stories of people who've suffered from different health problems. I haven't finished reading yet, but what I've read so far really fascinates me and it's about pure alexia. Click on the link to read more information on it, but basically speaking, Oliver has met some patients who have lost the ability to read letter and/or musical notes and/or the ability to recognize daily items, yet they still retain their ability to write (although they're not able to read what they've written).

They have found ways to navigate life with their disabilities. It's heartbreaking to read one story where the woman's condition gets worse as time goes by despite her best efforts to navigate life with her disabilities, but in another story it's truly encouraging to read how another woman manages to live a full life despite her disabilities. In fact, she even manages to use her experience to help out similar patients deal with their challenges. It's fascinating to read how a musician who has lost the ability to read musical notes can rely on her/his muscle memory and his/her ears to play a piece of music. It's heartwarming to read how other people around the patient have helped them navigate life.


But seriously, imagine for a while that you've lost the ability to recognize daily items. You go to a supermarket and then suddenly you realize you can't read the labels anymore and you can't even be sure if what you're looking at is an apple or an orange. You pick up the newspaper and you feel that what you see is written in Martian language. How would you feel? What would you do? 

All in all, even though I haven't finished reading the book, I HIGHLY recommend it. 

The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

I found The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by accident and I'm loving it already. I also love the videos that have been made so artistically. 

For example, I'm often guilty of jouska. Click on the link to read the description and let me know if you've done a similar thing. I definitely do that A LOT ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Here's one video. When I was watching it, I felt like pumping my fist to the air and shouting, "YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! This is the kind of thing I love so much!" 

Ahem...okay, let me just calm down and let you see what I mean.