Regional Language: Sundanese

While Indonesian language is Indonesia's official national language, but Indonesians have so many regional languages spoken in different areas. While I was a child, I learnt not only Indonesian but also Sundanese by immersion. Sundanese was also taught to us from Elementary School until Junior High School. I don't know how it's like nowadays at schools (not sure if they still teach Sundanese at schools), but if you come to my hometown, Bandung, you'll hear Sundanese spoken all over the place. 

As an nation that consists of lots of islands, it's no wonder that people from different islands (and even areas) had their own regional languages (this link says that there are over 300 regional/native languages in Indonsia). And even if you live in the same island, there are still differences dialects, though I guess this is a normal case for other languages in the world as well.

However, basically speaking Sundanese and Indonesian language are two different set of languages. Even if you understand Indonesian language, but if you hear me speak only in Sundanese, you would probably not have a clue what I'm saying (or maybe at the most you'll understand just a few words). If I hear someone use Javanese language or Makassarean language or Balinese language, I won't understand almost all of the words either.

Here's what it's said in Wikipedia: Sundanese Language.

Sundanese has two different forms: the "normal" form (the rather crude form) and the "polite" form. The polite form is really tough to learn (the vocabulary for the polite form is different than the normal form) and most people use the less polite form (or combining the polite and less polite form). If I talk to someone much older than me and they talk to me in Sundanese, I'd feel safer using Indonesian language rather than use the "normal" form of Sundanese. However, it's fine to use the normal form of Sundanese to speak to people your own age or younger than yourselves. 


I must tell you, though, that there are so many lovely, expressive words/phrases in Sundanese that are irreplaceable because there are no equivalents of those words/phrases in Indonesian language, so many times when I speak with my friends or Mom, I use a hodgepodge of Indonesian with Sundanese words in between - simply because those Sundanese words can explain what I'm trying to say better than any other words in Indonesian.

One friend of mine spent her childhood in the USA for a few years during childhood because her Dad continued his education there. That also resulted in the loss of those years learning Sundanese by immersion. Even though she did end up learning some Sundanese at school until Junior High, even until now she gets confused if we use too much Sundanese in our emails. Or it'd take her longer time to understand the Sundanese texts compared to Indonesian. 

Oh yeah, one more thing about Sundanese - the Sundanese scale comprises of "da-mi-na-ti-la-da" instead of "do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do". Before you get all confused, let me introduce you to some Sundanese songs then he he he he he... 
  
First song in two versions (the traditional one and the modern one) called "Mojang Priangan". Mojang = girl (if I still remember correctly it usually refers to an unmarried young woman). Priangan = the area that covers Bandung, West Bandung, Subang, Garut, Purwakarta, and Sumedang.

And another song in two versions as well: the traditional one and a more modern one (with Japanese influence and Japanese words). It's called "Es Lilin". Click here to find out a pic of es lilin.

Malware Scare

The other day I had a malware scare. The problematic link was Blogarama and when I went to the site, there was a notice that the site had been hacked by someone and that it had been used to spread malware. BIG THANKS to Elena who informed me about it, I deleted the link from my blog homepage, but after that I couldn't view my blogger homepage anymore nor leave comments on other people's blogs, either. When I tried to refresh the page, there was a notice saying that I should check my Firefox settings to find out if it had blocked the page.

At first I thought blogger was down, so I let it be, but yesterday after work when I tried logging in again, I still couldn't do it, so I asked R2 to check Firefox settings and he unblocked blogger. Phew! I was seriously starting to get depressed already, thinking I couldn't blog or leave any comments on other people's blogs, because blogging has been an important sanctuary to me, my link to sanity. :-D





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Anyway, update on MIL: she's started walking using two walking sticks, but her leg is still swollen and bruised. Not sure when she's coming back home, but maybe sometime next week, I suppose. We shall see. At least everything's gone well so far, even though she said this time it hurt more than the other operations (she'd had two similar operations in the past if I'm not mistaken). But they've given her pain killers to help her deal with the pain and the doctor has specifically told her to ask for the pain killer ASAP because if she lets the pain become too much before she asks for the pill, it's not going to help her 'coz the pain will get even stronger. Anyway, I'll probably go visit her again tomorrow after work. 

Latest update on MIL: She just sent me an SMS, saying she'd go back home already on Monday. YAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!! Hope the rest of the recovery period goes well. :-D

Foreign Language Learning

In my younger days, English was taught to students when they entered Junior High School (these days they're even daycare centres that uses English for kids as young as 1,5 years old). Junior High School = 13-15 years of age. However, I had become interested in learning English from a much younger age, so at first my parents tried to teach me some simple words with the help of some basic English books, but then they decided to send me to an English course at the age of 10.

In the course, I wasn't taught "grammar" per se. In fact, the teachers weren't allowed to teach us grammar and to tell us why certain words change whereas others stayed the same. They wanted us to absorb the "grammatical patterns" on our own. I spent about 1,5 years studying in this course (twice a week, don't remember anymore how many hours per session but it couldn't have been longer than 1,5 hours).

Each class had to present a kind of play or they could just sing a song after the semester was done and in the end all of us students would sing together. If I remember correctly, after the first semester was done, all we did was sang a song because we didn't know enough vocabulary yet in order to produce a play. Then after the second semester we had a short play and after the third one, we had a longer play for the audience (mostly the kids' parents and family members). For the third one, I had quite long texts that I had to remember by heart, but that was really fun! :-D





Anyway, then I entered Junior High School and only then I started to learn grammar properly, but I didn't learn it "enough" to be able to teach anyone else because the tests were done in such a way that we only had to choose/write down the right answers.

Only after I entered High School did I learn how to understand grammar in a more complicated way. You see, our English teacher wanted us to be able to explain why we chose a certain form for a certain word. She made the tests such that if we only gave her the correct form WITHOUT giving her the right explanation, she'd reduce our points. I was SO SO SO frustrated by this approach because in the past, I always got excellent marks whereas in High School, I still got good enough grades in English but I couldn't reach the "excellent" level that I longed to reach. Why did I bother so much? Because I cared.





In Junior High School, I could get excellent marks at English tests simply by using my "instinct", but in High School I could no longer do that. So in Junior High School if a friend asked me why I wrote A instead of B, I didn't know how to explain it to her (it did happen a few times). Little did I know that what my High School English teacher did would really help pave my way into the future. Only after I graduated and started tutoring English to little kids, I realized how much I owed what I could do then to my High School English teacher. I kept all her notes (very very thorough notes that she wrote down on the blackboard for us) during the years that I tutor English to kids. Of course the education and lovely lecturers that I got at the university helped me, too, but my High School English teacher was the first one that made such a deep impact towards the way I learnt a foreign language.

Anyhow, thankfully enough a few years back I found her through Facebook and I had a chance to thank her personally for what she'd done, even though at that time I felt as though she were "torturing" me he he he he...

Doomed to Love

This conversation happened in sauna yesterday. It hasn't been warm these days outside (plenty of rain and cloudy days), so it was really nice to be able to have sauna together and warm ourselves up. 

Me: (coming closer to R2's face, joking) I think you must be infected by something.
R2: What do you mean?
Me: Well, your eyes are red.
R2: Ah, well, I'm infected by you.
Me: Me? What kind of infection is that? (bracing myself to hear him tease me back)
R2: Doomed to love you.
Me: (nicely surprised) Really? I like the sound of that.
R2: Yeah, I'm doomed to love you.
Me: (grin) Hey, that means I should infect you even more with that virus.
R2: Yeah.
 

IF Glasses

I have to tell you one weird thing about IF (infertility). It's like ever since I joined the club, I have an added layer to the lens of view towards the world. As if I owned an IF glasses. Why did I say I "joined" the club? Because some people have wondered (esp. in the beginning) why I used the term "infertile" for myself. One practical reason for that is that it helps me connect with other people who're in the same boat and they've been helping me SO MUCH in making me feel SANE. 

Anyway...ever since I have this kind of glasses, I've been subconsciously trying to seek parallel stories that would relate to the infertility part in myself. Another weird thing about IF is that I can't help but feel that every time I bring up this subject, some people would roll their eyes and say, "Poor dear. Here she goes again." But I can't help it. I own the IF glasses, after all. And I don't want to help it 'coz I've learnt so many things because I have these glasses anyway he he...

The other day I watched "At First Sight" and I was really into it, because I could see myself substituting the word "blind" with "infertile". OK, from this point onward, I'm gonna start telling you about the movie that may contain spoilers, so SPOILER ALERT. STOP READING if you haven't watched the movie and yet you want to go watch it later. 




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Here's the link to the movie anyway: At First Sight. 

What I didn't know about it before watching was that it was loosely based on a real person, but I love the fact that the movie did depict crucial point in the blind person's life well. Here's the link to the article concerning what the real person experienced: Almost A Sight for Sore Eyes.

OK, so now let me start talking about the movie. The movie tells the story about Virgil (Val Kilmer), a blind masseur who works in a resort/hotel and Amy (Mira Sorvino), who is having a holiday in the resort and then they end up falling in love with each other. 

Once they start thinking of a future together, though, Amy finds some articles about the latest treatment for the blind (by way of surgery) to help them regain sight. Amy tries to encourage Virgil to try out the surgery and at first Virgil is really upset and he just feels that she's not accepting him just as he is (because he's lived his life until then by accepting his condition). And he's sick and tired of being prodded and examined by different doctors during his childhood to help him "get better" - with no result.

Now I can JUST visualise a similar situation for the infertile. How many times have people tried to induce the infertile to be hopeful about the future? About "the latest treatment/procedure/herbal/doctor"? How many times have the infertile hear "It'll happen when it happens" or "You still have time" or "Miracle pregnancies do happen, you know. I know a couple who had a miracle pregnancy just after they (adopted, gave up, stopped trying anymore, tried Chinese herbals, etc.)"

But you see, I'm like Virgil. In the past I did want to have a child/children SO badly, but now I'm used to the thought that me and R2 = a complete family, just like Virgil who's used to managing life in a blind state. I know both conditions are different, but the point I'm trying to make is OUR (mine and R2's) state of mind. We've moved on from that road. Sometimes I regretted telling people that we did want children so badly at one point in time 'coz then it's hard for THEM to stop visualising us with kids.

A few months ago my MIL said in passing about this neighbour couple who did get a miracle pregnancy. And a few weeks ago my own Mom said in passing about another couple who did get the same miracle pregnancy. I think because in life, there are more pregnancies happening than non-pregnancies, it is EASIER for people to believe that "it'll happen". And I've heard some strangers say to me, "It'll happen when it happens."


What they don't understand is that after accepting life without children, we feel that our life isn't lacking anymore in that department. So whenever they infuse us with stories about miracle pregnancies, nowadays instead of feeling encouraged, I personally feel like they're telling us that our marriage is lacking something. I guess that's a dichotomy in the life of an infertile like myself (who once felt that way herself - that there was a hole in our lives due to the lack of children), but I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. And don't get me wrong. I KNOW they all mean well, esp. for those who knew that we did want kids so much at one point - just like Amy who only tries her best to help Virgil have a chance to see the world.

But like Virgil who's been prodded and examined during his childhood by various doctors, we don't want to go through all the disappointment that we went through month after month after month when we were trying to have a baby, because it took a hell of a journey to get to the point where we are now: to have peace with what we don't have and to believe that me + R2 = a complete family. 




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For those who have kids, try to erase your kids from your lives and try to think of you and your hubby as a complete family. Can you view yourselves as a complete family without your kids?

I know it's a crazy thing to ask for and I can hear some people protesting already by saying, "But you've never had kids. You wouldn't know how it feels like." Yes, that's true, but you've experienced all the joys and lovely memories with your kids, whereas I experienced (at least when we were trying) the deaths of the dream of having a kid, of being able to hold him/her in my arms and I had to bury that dream over and over and over again. 


But anyway, the point of the exercise is to try to make you understand that we're IF survivors here and that the road to accepting that we're a complete family is not an easy one. And that you should CELEBRATE this with us instead!!! :-D :-D :-D






P.S. I can only speak from my own experience, but I know some people who've told me directly about a similar case - of how they just want people to stop infusing hope because they've surrendered to life without kids. And that's the awareness I'd like to raise here in this post.

Do You Get Tired? Part Two

I've had a jumble of messy thoughts after writing my post yesterday. I feel that I was too generic in writing that post yesterday and let me try to untangle some of my thoughts, which would be too long to write in the comment section (though I did try to write some of them already).

OK, first of all I think blogging is a different platform altogether. I write for myself and my audience in my blogs (depending on the topic, sometimes it's more for the audience, sometimes it's more for me, sometimes it's 50-50) and because I don't allow anonymous commenters anymore, I find that those who do comment mostly do want to say something to me about my post or they want to build a connection or they feel that they can relate to my post or something like that.

Facebook is a different platform altogether. What I find to be tiring about Facebook is also because of my fault, I suppose. I have a jumble of different people in my Facebook friends' list, but I don't want to bother separating them 'coz then I'll have more accounts to take care of. Back in the beginning before I was active at all in Facebook, I didn't really know "that world". Now I have semi strangers in my blog as well as close friends and relatives and ex school friends, blogging friends and those in between (friends of friends).



 


Here are some things that I find tiring about Facebook in a nutshell (let me try to remember my thoughts from last night):

1. Facebook resembles so much like the real world in a twisted way.

So much like the real world, because unlike blogging where some people use pseudonyms, they mostly use their real names. And the interaction happens in a much faster speed. Twisted because you can be half a world apart from the other person, yet you can still feel things just like the feeling you may get from a face-to-face conversation.

An easy example: I once commented on someone's photo, and the person's response struck the wrong chord in myself. While reading the response, I got so angry and upset that I just wanted to lash out at that person. My initial reaction was to "slap back" (for lack of a better phrase). Thankfully I managed to calm myself down before typing down and publishing something I'd regret, withdrew myself from my computer, and did other things to calm myself down. Only after I did that then I replied to that person in a more civilised manner. That, I suppose, is a good thing about an online platform compared to the real world - it's easier to just withdraw and take a step back before reacting (in the real world this may be more tricky to do).

I've also felt a few times when someone comments on my posts, "Oh no...not again!" because the person is the kind that pushes my button, but once that person comments on any of my posts, it's "rude" if I don't respond back (especially if then I do respond to other commenters after and before that one).

I know that whatever I write can be subjected to any interpretation by anyone and that anyone is free to speak up their minds, but still it does resemble real life in a way. Sometimes you just want to get away from all of those feelings and people. But the problem with deactivating a platform like Facebook is that I feel that I'll "be left behind" because there are people in the site whose lives matter to me, whose photos I want to see, who I really want to connect regularly, whose interests match mine, etc. etc. etc. 

2. And because so many people are active in that platform, I feel that it's getting harder and harder to just disconnect there. And that's also one source of the fatigue. 

The feeling of not wanting to miss important things, but then again I do need to disconnect completely sometimes...but disconnecting completely means that when I get back online again there'll be so much to sift through in order to find out which is more important and which is not...

3. Due to the nature of a platform like Facebook, I feel that the temptation to show off is much greater than in blogging for example. Because I blog also for myself, I don't necessarily feel the need to show off because I mostly want to write down a kind of journal for myself - which I hope will entertain people or will help people connect with me or will help people learn from my mistakes, etc. 

However, in Facebook, many times when I want to post something, I have to think twice, "Am I posting this to share or to show off?" This is especially true for holiday pictures, but this doesn't cover all of the issues that may make me feel this way. For holiday pictures, I've resorted to sharing them with only a certain group of people.

4. Another part of the problem I experience with this kind of platform I've written down in the other post (and in the comment section): about wondering whether or not to comment, about the feeling of voyeurism (funnily enough I don't really feel this way with blogging - maybe because in Facebook there is a bigger opportunity to really check out those people whom I may know by name already in real life and that takes it to a whole different level), about whether my silence is better than saying anything (because a silence can also be deadly), etc.

Additional reason (added on Jan 17, 2013): I also feel that it's hard to control what you see in Facebook. Even though you can limit what you see in your Newsfeed, if your friend posts something that you don't really want to see, you're bound to glimpse through it and when it's something disturbing, then I feel disturbed and it doesn't really help me calm my inner world. 





Another part of the fatigue is due to a different platform. I've written about Whatsapp application before in this post: Whaddup. Anyway, that kind of platform allows you to chat with anyone in your guestbook (or phonebook) constantly if you're both online 24/7 with your mobile phone or iphone or smartphone. A few close friends have started using WhatsApp application to chat with one another and I did try it using the free version for PC during its trial period.

What made me tired was the thought of more and more people interacting this way - through that kind of platform and that, again, makes me feel left behind. I don't care about people I don't know, but I do feel left behind when it comes to my close friends, because you don't exactly "chat" that way via emails. When people use WhatsApp application, they can chat with one another during their breaks or when they're on the way to a place or when they're waiting for an appointment or whenever. In emails, you formulate your ideas in a more controlled manner, but when you're chatting with people live, you can talk about ANYTHING at all that comes in your mind. And it's hard to transfer that kind of chat file to an email-based world. And when you're not connected to them in that way, it feels as though they've gone for a quick coffee break to have fun without you.

Connecting through that kind of platform is VERY tiring because of time difference among other things. I go to sleep and when I wake up, I can see that some of them have left hundreds of messages already and I need to sift through the messages to find out if there's anything I need to respond to - but still even if I do respond to some of the (already old) messages, I feel that the conversation has moved on already. This is something new that feels weird for me and I don't necessarily like the feeling.

When you're on a holiday for a few weeks and you don't check your mailbox for a while and realize that your close friends have written dozens of emails, you feel overwhelmed in a way, but at least with emails it's (for me personally) still easier to catch up on because it's more structured so to speak. When it comes to following old chat messages (even if it's just a few hours old), it just feels so random, fragmented, confusing, and daunting.

So all of the above contribute to my feeling tired about this online world because I have to set my boundaries, but in a way I also don't want to "lose the connection" (especially with those I care about) by setting too tight boundaries/limits, but it gets harder to sift through the mess. OK, I think I've said what I really want to say, so enough about this for now.

Do You Get Tired?

I don't mean tired physically, but mentally and by mentally, I mean the kind of fatigue related to the online world. Sometimes with all the many things going on in this online world, such as Facebook, twitter, blogging, Yahoo Messenger, emails, and whatever else you're using to "be connected" to the world, I find myself wanting to shut everything down every now and then and just be in this present moment, be DISCONNECTED to everything else and everyone else except those in the present moment. This is one reason I LOVE going to the cabin in Kelujärvi 'coz there's no electricity there, so we can really disconnect.

I don't know if it's because I'm basically introverted or what, but that's how I've been feeling lately. Sometimes I'm confused whether or not I should comment on something, you know? Especially if the person's on my friends' list. Let's say that you see someone on your friends' list having a birthday today. You don't really know that person, so do you say happy birthday or not? Is it OK if you just say it "because it's the right thing to do", not because you actually care about that person's birthday because without the reminder in your social calendar, you won't even know/remember it? 

I know that it's fine even if I don't comment, but sometimes once you've read something and you don't comment on it, you feel like you've dropped by into someone's personal space without even saying "hi" (though the person doesn't necessarily even know that I've dropped by into his/her personal space). Is it just me or do you sometimes feel that way, too? Boy, that sentence sounded like being a stalker, actually ha ha...Or am I just thinking too much?

It feels sometimes as though the "rules of engagement" is really vague in this online world and that it's really tough to learn to limit yourself. I wonder how youngsters these days manage to handle both real world and online world, because many of them have been born surrounded with the internet and gadgets that help you connect to the world 24/7. Some articles have stated that one of the problems for kids nowadays is the lack of ability to focus. I'm getting to understand why. It's so easy to get distracted when reading an ebook using my PC for example when suddenly I can see an email notification coming up or an FB notification popping in my screen. Then I get tempted to stop reading to check the email/FB/whatever else is going on.

It's easier to focus reading a real book without being in front of the computer, but while reading Finnish books, it's much easier to use online dictionaries to find tough words so that I can read the book(s) faster. Anyhow, I should go back to reading ebooks now he he...before my holiday is over!!! Now let me just go get some hot tea first 'coz it's only 8'C outside!


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Curse of the Golden Flower

Saw "Curse of the Golden Flower" last night with hubby. The visuals and the attention to details were amazing. I was suddenly pulled into a life that was really rigid and so full of rituals. I enjoyed the movie because of the visuals and the built-up tension it showed. I felt like sitting on the edge of my sofa, anticipating the climax...wondering where the story would take me.

I wonder, though, why are there so many movies with this kind of ending? The ending reminds me of my feeling when I watched "Hero" and "Raise the Red Lantern", and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." All of these movies are Zhang Yimou's movies, btw.

Here's the trailer of "Curse of the Golden Flower":

Some of the visual beauties in "Curse of the Golden Flower" reminded me of some scenes in "Hero", just like in this one (the fight scene starts at 1:00):

Whenever I check out movies in imdb site, I always like clicking on trivia part. Do you know how long it takes to shoot the above fighting scene?

Here's the answer: 

"The lake scenes took almost three weeks to film because the director insisted that the lake's surface had to be perfectly still and mirror-like during filming. Due to the natural currents, this occurred every day for only two hours starting at 10am. To adjust to this phenomenon, the filmmakers arose at 5am each day to begin five hours of preparation and set-up."

And I bet many people still remember the lovely fight scene among bamboo trees in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon":

And while reading this trivia page, I chuckled upon finding these sentences:

"Concerned that Western audiences would not be able to tell Andy Lau and Takeshi Kaneshiro apart in the beginning of the film as they are dressed similarly, Yimou Zhang had Kaneshiro's character eat peanuts throughout many of the opening scenes to distinguish them." 

That paragraph describes R2's feelings whenever he watches this kind of martial arts movies. He says that he enjoys watching Asian martial arts movies, but sometimes in movies that are fast-paced, he loses track on the characters he he he he he...

Anyway, I think among those four movies, I still enjoy "Curse of the Golden Flower" more than the others, but for some reason "Raise the Red Lantern" has left the deepest mark in my heart.

3BT: Random Days

1. Finally having time to change my blog's template and lo and behold, it was MUCH easier than in the past. In the past, when I uploaded a new xml file, if the uploaded blog template doesn't offer as many sidebar widgets, I had to make sure to save every one of them and then adding them one by one manually. Nowadays all I had to do was click on "keep all widgets" and I could rearrange them easily by dragging and dropping them. THANK YOU, Blogger!

2. The new-and-improved reply button right below the commenter's post. It makes things much easier! :-D

3. It's a hot day today, so I went to the supermarket to buy some stuff and I didn't even have to put on any jacket. WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!



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4. Having 30+ free English e-books in my Kindle reader for PC. I'll be adding more later on ha ha ha ha ha...Mind you that here in Sodankylä there's only a small bookstore with very limited choice of English books and ordering some from the internet would cost more due to shipping cost.

5. LOVE the features in Kindle reader for PC (best of all, the reader is FREE!!!). I can make the font size bigger, change the background colour, add a note, even find meanings of words easily (simply by blocking the word) or bookmark certain pages.

6. Waking up to a very clean kitchen (hubby had cleared up the dirty dishes and just tidied everything up) HA HA HA HA HA...

7. A week full of bliss 'coz I don't have to work (my first batch of summer holiday). YIIIIHAAAAAAAA!!!

Midsummer Eve BBQ

Yesterday wasn't actually a particularly warm day and it even showered a little near midday. We had planned a BBQ in our yard with the family. MIL came at around 4.30 pm and then R2 started to prepare the chairs and grill outside. She brought flowers for me (bless her!) and we talked for a while. Temperature was around 13-14'C at that time and it was cloudy. It got a little sunny after 5 pm, but it wasn't warm at all. The temperature only rose 1 degree at the most and it dropped to 9'C after 2.30 am.

BIL and SIL came over at around 6.30 pm, long after R2, MIL, and I had finished eating ha ha ha ha...I prepared pork satay, salad, chips, two types of ice-cream, chips, and candies and I told them to bring whatever else they wanted to bring. MIL brought some sausages. BIL and SIL brought some sausages and hamburgers. MIL got inside already at around 5.30 pm 'coz she said it got too cold for her (she's feeling a little bit under the weather - runny nose and sore throat, you see).

She's going to have another knee cap operation next week, so if you're the praying type, please pray for her as well so that everything goes well, including recovery.

Before I share some pics, here are some links to some other Midsummer posts that I've written in the past:

First Midsummer in Finland
Midsummer Night's Dream

Now here are some random pics:

The pic before the last was BIL. He said to R2, "Come on and quickly take a pic of me. It's getting hard to breathe here, you know?" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...we had fun playing cards together. Went to bed at around 4 am ha ha ha ha ha...