Missing A Friend

I've lost contact with one of my emailpals. He's the guy who went to Singapore with me in 2000. He's an Australian and he knew everything about my relationship with Arttu. He went to Japan in 2003 to be an English teacher there and then he met a girl there and fell in love. He came home to Aussie with the Japanese girl, then they got engaged and soon they were married. Now they've got a son already. He's probably around 3 years old now. He changed his last name to his wife's last name when they got married. He thought it was easier that way, especially since they're planning to go back to Japan someday to live there permanently. I think the last time I received news from him was a few years ago, just after he had his son. Then we lost contact as he got busy working and taking care of his family.

Here's the email he sent me right after I told him what had happened to me after I visited Arttu for the first time in 2004. If you read this email below, you'll know that he's a good friend of mine. It's only a part of his email. We used to send VERY long emails to each other he he he he he...

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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Heya Amz!

I really wanted to reply to the first email you wrote upon returning home from Finland but circumstances here meant I was unable to.

Anyway, I just want to say how happy I was for you when I read that first email. I think that maybe even I almost had a tear in my eye. Last night, when I was riding my bicycle home from the train station I was thinking about all the things I wanted to mention in my next email. Well, I don't know if I can remember all the things that popped into my head last night, or even if I can word them in the same way, but I will try.

As I said, I am really happy for you and Arttu. We all know that you are a very emotional person and that you sometimes wear your heart on your sleeve. Like most people, you have always longed to find your lifetime partner, and have always been prepared to travel to the edge of the world and back, if that is the requirement laid before you. You have sat back and watched patiently as some of your friends found their lifetime partners, or even got married. I think you longed for that too but I also believe that deep in your heart, you have always known that Arttu was the one for you and all this was completely confirmed in such emphatic fashion when you went to Finland. You put an enormous amount of planning/preparing and money saving to be able travel to the other side of the world and it was all worth it!

Amel, please don't doubt yourself. I believe that your feelings and plans for the future are definitely not spur of the moment things. Nor are they just you getting carried away in your emotions. You have known Arttu for many years and even at one stage tried to be a couple, but the realities (or maybe the non-realities) perhaps made it unworkable. However Ams, even after you and Arttu decided to remain just as friends, your friendship stayed strong, or perhaps even grew.

Your relationship with Arttu was like a jigsaw puzzle with just one piece missing. You had never met in real life. Your visit to Finland was just the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle, and not the whole puzzle itself. The piece that was missing for a long time, you searched and searched for it, wondering what it looked like. The picture was beautiful, but you could never know how beautiful or how complete the picture was until you could find that piece and slot it into the puzzle. When you went to Finland you found that piece and it fitted into the puzzle perfectly. The picture was now complete and as beautiful as you had dared imagine. I believe that what you are feeling is definitely not a spur of the moment thing. The jigsaw puzzle has been building for years and anyone who has tried to do a jigsaw puzzle knows the satisfaction of putting that last piece in and seeing the picture complete. But when that picture represents our life and your future, as it does for you Ams, I can only begin to imagine how happy you must be. And that is why I am so happy for you!

About Finland. Well we all know that Finland is far from Indonesia, that the climate is very different and that there are far fewer people. These are the obvious differences. They are there in front of you, in your face. They are easy to adapt to because they are so obvious. There are also the smaller, more subtle differences which are often harder to adapt to because they are not so obvious and thus harder to understand. These small differences are often what makes living in another country so interesting. These differences should not be feared (and I know that you don't fear them). They can only make you stronger, more aware and more open minded. Like what a wise old man once said "what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger". Somethings in Japan still confuse me, and even frustrate me. It is hard not knowing the language, not understanding the culture and all its little intricacies. I am not Japanese and I will never be Japanese. I am a result of my upbringing, my thoughts and beliefs, the people I have met, and the things I have seen. I cannot sell all my history and become completely Japanese in my outlook and thinking and even the Japanese wouldn't want me to do that. But I can learn from them and take from them what I believe will make me a better and more complete person.

Amel, you have always been prepared to do whatever it takes, travel to hell and back if it must be, to find true happiness. You have always been prepared to move long distance to find true love. Moving to a completely different place will have its difficulties, but these difficulties are minute compared to what you will gain. Being a Chinese Indonesian and a Christian Indonesian, you already know what it's like to be in the minority and I am sure this will help you adapt in Finland.

About learning Finnish. What I have heard (as you no doubt have heard too) is that Finnish is a very difficult language to learn, possibly one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn. The grammar is, apparently, dead-set complicated and the language is closer to Mongolian than the European languages.

That said, knowing how much of a determined person you are and seeing how well you have managed to master the English language, I am certain that you will be able to overcome the language barrier and that you will be able to learn the language. I guess it will take years to master but if you are not afraid to use it from day 1 you should be able to learn quickly. (Hmmmm, maybe I should take my own advice, I am still always scared speaking Japanese, hahahahaha!!!). Having Arttu there will be great too. Oh, I don't want this email to sound like a lecture, I am just relating my feelings. BUT, if I was to ask you one favour, Ams, that is to please not 'mix' the languages when talking to Arttu. I know a mixed couple here who now speak one week in English and the next week in Japanese. Many mixed couples (as the couple I just mentioned before) start to mix the languages and end up creating their own hodgepodge mixed language. e.g. "Kyou Amel wa feeling good deshou!!" which may sound cute and may be a cute way for a couple to talk in their very own derived language but their ability to communicate in their 2nd language outside of their relationship is worsened because they have gotten into the habit of speaking incorrectly.

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Well, I guess in this email I just want to say: I MISS you!!! I just wanna know how he's doing. Last known location: Melbourne. That said, I should probably try sending more emails to his email address he he he...

Update: I've found him again through Facebook. :-D