Saturday, May 26, 2007

Healing Myself

As a follow-up to my other blog entitled "Evil", I'm almost 100% healed. Basically I just took time off from the world and be totally selfish. And I did ask for more attention from my beloved, so that helped, too. :-))) I realize now that the problem actually consisted of tiny incidents that I thought didn't bother me THAT much. As usual, once you disregard such incidents, they build up and suddenly you explode in a way that baffle yourself. I started to think of one single reason as to why I felt like shit the other day. I couldn't find it. I kept on going circles and circles. And now after I took time off from most people, I'm at peace with myself again. The road to healing has been opened and I'm now walking on it. It IS tough to accept yourself just as you are sometimes, especially when you look at your surroundings and you feel SO small. It IS tough to try to understand other people when you FEEL that they've simply considered you as an "invisible" person. The questions that bothered me so much were these, "Do I even matter? Does everything I've ever said or done or given matter at all in the long run?"

Then I stumbled upon this quotation:

The success of love is in the loving - it is NOT in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.
- Mother Teresa

And I also read her speech here: Mother Teresa's Speech - Oslo 1979.

The quotation and her speech REALLY moved me and comforted me. It hurts to think that what I've done would be "forgotten" or "unappreciated", but I have to do it as though I were doing it to God himself. It won't be easy, but I know God'll understand whenever I feel like shit. I know that at least He would understand. And when I started talking to my hubby about this topic, it also comforted me because he understood the feeling. And THANKS to Michelle, as well, who comforted me by commenting on that particular blog. It also helped me feel better. God bless you!


  1. Great quote, Amel, and one to take to heart. If we constantly seek a return for our love, we end up focusing on that, and in turn, become selfish and less loving. This doesn't mean we should give up on ourselves, but it means we invest in ourselves BY loving. There is nothing like loving to make you feel like a whole human being.

  2. THX, luxurious choices, for the comment and the encouragement! :-))))

  3. I watched her being interviewed in South Africa years ago. She was awesome. Such gentle wisdom.

  4. Yes, indeed, she's a VERY WONDERFUL woman. :-)))) I think everybody loves her. Who wouldn't???