Thursday, October 04, 2007

Amidst a Battle

Recently I found out that I still held too much expectations from my loved ones. I grew disappointed when I felt I wasn't heard as much. I still have a VERY VERY LONG way to go to learn to love unconditionally. I wonder how some people are successful in doing it. I've been crying out to God to help me out and to burn my ego into ashes. It's tiring to feel needy. I don't want to feel needy. I find it SO hard to let go of ALL my expectations. I find it SO hard to do the right thing just for the sake of doing the right thing. I find it hard to "be a friend that loveth at all times" when I'm drained 'coz I feel that I'm not given as much attention as I deserve or need.

Maybe parents know best how to love unconditionally. I certainly don't know yet how to do it. I've been trying to banish my expectations, but it's going on a snail's pace. I'm not giving up on myself, though. I know that once I conquer this battle, I'll have learnt SO MANY things along the way. The process is painful, but I know I will get there someday. I don't know if I will face a similar problem in the future or if I'll deal with this over and over again. I simply believe that once I get through this, it's gonna be easier for me to deal with it later on IF it should appear again.

I find myself torn between my needs and doing what's right. My principle has always been this: if I'm not sincere in doing or saying anything, I'll do my best not to do or say it. I know that in some cases, I can't be too idealistic, but I still feel like clinging to this principle. Maybe it's wrong to grab on to this principle, 'coz it won't do anybody any good. After all, just like when you force yourself to smile, you'll instantly feel better, then maybe if I force myself to love someone even when I don't feel that much love, I'll begin to love that person more. Besides, love is an action, not just a feeling. I can't rely only on my feelings as feelings fluctuate so much.

Okay, then, I guess I'll try my best to love despite my feelings and let's see how far I can go. I'll try my best to "love at all times". May God help me!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAMBATTE KUDASAIIIIII!!!! (as the Japanese say it HE HE HE HE HE HE...)


  1. Don't worry, you'll learn. When I was younger, I used to have alot of expectations and would feel so disappointed if things don't turn out the way I want.

    But over time, especially after being trained by the kids, I have learned to live with everything, whether good or bad. Maybe you're feeling frustrated and needy because you feel that you're all alone in a new place. It's normal to feel that way in the beginning but you'll fit right in soon.

  2. Blur Ting: THANKS SO MUCH for your encouragement and for sharing. I'm SOOOO glad to know this he he he he...It makes me feel that it's not as tough as I thought. ;-D


    He has, also, translated into Portuguese the Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith.

    He has been awarded several prizes.

    Don't forget the name of this great author, you'll be hearing of him soon.

    Thank you for spending time in Universal Culture.

    Thanks for visiting.

  4. Hi Amel
    Dont worry about it.
    When I came heer I expected things to continue like normal back home but it just seemed like life went on and I was not included.
    So I have learnt to keep my expectations low when it comes to others!

  5. Frasypoo: THANKS for your encouragement. Yeah, it's just my stubborn brain refuses to accept the fact even though I've known this already for a while he he he...Oh well, one snail's pace at a time, but I know I'll get there someday. ;-D

  6. You make a good point -- that through this journey you will learn so much along the way.

    Also, I can't wait for you to have your first child. You will immediately and permanently understand unconditional love as well as "love at first sight!"

  7. Kathy: Yes, I do want my own child one day and yes, it's gonna make me learn SO MUCH more. ;-D

  8. I saw that you liked poems so I thought you may like this one and it my help you.

    God's Love
    Beverly J. Anderson

    How matchless is God's
    wonderous love.
    It's higher than the
    sky above,
    It's deeper than the deepest sea
    and lasts through all eternity.

    No limitations has
    God's love,
    So full His storehouse
    up above.
    God's love can span
    a boundless chart,
    And yet I hold it in my heart.

  9. You're not alone, Amel. I'm still 'searching' and 'learning', too and it is painful to get 'there'...I guess we all are facing the same situation, but the only thing different is how we handle it...Sometimes, I lost but regain my control immediately. I don't want to say anything further that doesn't sound right to you, but I honestly do understand how and what you are going through!!

    All the best!! :)

  10. Sindi: THANKS for visiting and leaving a poem. I LOVE it! ;-D

    Choc Mint Girl: ALL THE BEST to you, too, Crystal!!! It's good to know that somebody's out there is experiencing a similar thing. It's even better knowing that other people've conquered it. ;-D

  11. Hi Amel,

    It's is noble of you to wish to strive for Unconditional Love. A path of constant slaining of our inner ego.

    It is try, it is very easy to take people around us for granted or ask too much from them.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It inspires me to learn this important lesson in human relations as well!

    Good Weekend, Amel!

  12. Water Learner: I have to learn this lesson, otherwise I'll be burnt by my own ego he he he...

    Glad you enjoyed reading it, Karen. :-))))